Okay! *brightly* I'm back! Talked with mom for a few minutes, until she started in with hella-guilt-trippin' me over that not-ever-giving-her-any-grandkids-cuz-I-won't-have-sex-with-a-woman shit and I hadda hang up on her. I dunno why she won't just accept the fact that my kitties Lovely Chelsea and Darling Nikki are the best I'm gonna be able to do as far as grandchildren go! How many other grandkids does she have that can lick their entire bodies clean? Dee, honey, sometimes you don't know how lucky you are that you don't live in the same state as your mama...

Moving on, Bitchy Charlie introduces us to his sister Kelly, who is his best friend and his business partner... awww, I remember those days with my own sister, when we co-owned a bingo concession stand at Our Lady Of Perpetual Diarrhea and sold coffee and burnt hot dogs to old people rapidly spending their retirement income. Charlie says he misses his family, and that he's really happy to see her there. She looks like she'd be a real kick in the head and a lot of fun to hang out with...

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...I just bet she'd have some really awesomely amazing stories to tell about Bitchy Charlie growing up... (*whispering* Kelly-girl... call me!)

Lastly, Underdog Nicole introduces her mom (sweetly complimenting her by calling her her "older sister"... awww, the last time I tried that with my mom it totally backfired and people thought I was way older than I really am, so I don't do that any more). René brings us all back to reality as he says "I'm show yoo alll eggsided aboud the idea of giveeng yoo familee a new loog... howaiyvur, thass not whad thiss challens iz aboud (record-scratch)... Yoo weel eech giva new loog... to anozzer styliss familee maymbur!"

Ohhhhh, my, but that's goood. I mean, can you imagine the potential for the patented brands of bitchery these five could get up to with someone else's family member? Remember how that tatted-up asshole Jeffrey Sebelia made Angela Keslar's mother cry on Season 3 of Project Runway? This could be dangerous, and I am on the edge of my seat...

And the "special advantage" that Dallas Daniel won is the power to match up whose family member is going to be worked on by what stylestant... Über-Gay Paulo immediately goes for the Light-Speed Ass-Kiss™ as he calls out "I love you, Peaches!" René observes "Now day alll lige yoo!" For himself, Daniel chooses Underdog Nicole's mother because he "tends to gravitate towards blondes". Never mind what kind of hair she has, if it's blonde, he's there, and Nicole consoles her mother by telling her this... Daniel tries to switch it up for a moment and says "Ah ditent say ah wuz gonna do blonde!" referring to possible coloring choices and Nicole immediately bristles "You better do blonde!" and she interviews "You better keep her in the blonde family, honey, or she's gonna cry! She will crrrrry some tears!" Has the spirit of Jeffrey Sebelia entered Dallas Daniel? We'll soon see...

Next up, Daniel places his own beloved mother Sandra with Bitchy Charlie. Charlie interviews that he thinks Daniel placed his mother with him because "I think he thought that I would be the one that would not fuck up her hair!" but in reality Daniel interviews "Ah put mah mothurr wiyith Chorlie because when it comes t'her hayir she can be a beyitch... and so can he... so we'll see hayow Chorlie pulls thayat one ayowt..."

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...well well well, it took a while but Daniel's inner devious bitch is making it's way out... and I love it!...

Daniel places Paulo's cousin Carla with Lesbiana Dee, Bitchy Charlie's sister Kelly with Über-Gay Paulo, and Dee's mother Linda with Underdog Nicole... and here's how Nicole reacts to this pairing...

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...with confidence...

They're given their 90 minutes by René and a great big "GO SHAYGEDD!" and it's on like something that rhymes with "on"! Daniel's mom Sandra is happy to find out that Bitchy Charlie plans to keep her blonde, and she does that gay little clap that Daniel always does, it's so cute to see where he gets it... Charlie wants to warm up her color because he says of the current grayish-blonde "it's making her look very... sort of sick almost..." and this time around it's not Charlie being bitchy just for the sake of bitchiness...

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...seriously, Sandra does not look like a well woman here...

Charlie's gonna try and pull off some magical transformation and channel Sharon Stone... hopefully Sandra doesn't start spouting nonsensical shit about Chinese people deserving karmic earthquakes for being mean to the Dalai Lama.

Shear Genius: Chirruns & Kinfolks & Stylists & Chubs! (Part 2) Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (10)

skies:

Great recap...Will you be recapping any other program when this one is over?
I think they sent the wrong person home this week. Although, in my opinion, none of the hair styles were great,i.e.hair muffs,bad dye jobs, and helmets, the scalp job Nicole gave Linda was brutal. At least Paulo's style could be fixed without the palm tree effect. Poor Linda had no options.
I will miss Paulo and wish him all the best.

kizarny:

Yay, squircangles! I'm going to miss Paolo and, yeah, I think Nicole probably should have gone home but... onward! Who's next?!

You give great recap, J-Mo.

silver:

This is your best recap to date! Truly. Really and truly. Thank you for making the season of a mediocre show brilliant.

zbird:

"Whoa! How'd that soap-box get underneath me?"

LOL J-Mo. Your recaps slay me from start to finish. Dang, so now I'm going to have to start watching your two new Bravo shows? I'm in a time crunch here honey. You can only ask a girl to do so much!

XOXOXO
ZBird

mrsdaddytom:

j-mo, can we please go out drinking and hate on people who make poor clothing/hair/accessory choices with the acerbic wit that only comes with a martini-induced buzz? because i think i love you. only not in *that* way. that would be pretty useless to you and me both. but no more stories about your mexican boyfriends until i've had a few shots. ;o)

i'm. so. sad. paulo was my favorite. he seemed like such a *nice* uber-gay-bitchy! (you know. as opposed to, say, stabby.) not much else to say besides huge :o( sadface.

rubinia:

"Well, Kim, in that case you should really try and grow yourself a giant walrus mustache so you could cover up those busted-up half-deflated inner-tube lips of yours."

Hahahahahaha, nice!

Also LMAO at "elepants." J-Mo, you rock! Can't wait to read your recaps for other shows! :D

juddfan:

Thanks J-mo, not just hysterical, but each time we get a little peep into your world, as you know Dean and Babar are on my hit list--I've actually seen Dean on AI diaries, GF loves her some flat iron, but I'd have to say Babar looks like he would float my boat, tho, I've not seen part 2 yet--damn those olympics, it took till yesterday to even tape! I see nothing wrong with Wilford Brimley's pants but I guess I'll get a better look, and when I'm done, I'll give 'em back to ol Wil so he can get out of my closet . . . I know you all were wondering where's he's been since "Cocoon"

Well, that was severe butchery on Nicole's part, hard to believe she could look dykier than her daughter, but I for one have never liked the palm tree look, and if you lined up all the after photos of UGP's challenges, it's palm tree after palm tree!!!! I did learn to appreciate him, but I hate looking at "Bessies" I just can't see any reason to put a rein hook in my nostril!

Guess this show is teaching me to JUDGE your stylist by their own hair, coz it may just be what ends up on your head!

xoxoxo

detinha:

Great recap! I wish you got a star every time you make me laugh! :D
I love the pictures and your caps!
*Mwah* (lol)

mrsdaddytom:

p.s. forgot to tell you how ridiculously cute you were (are). love it, as always.

J-Mo:

skies... I'm gonna miss Über-Gay Paulo, too, he was always one to make me laugh with his gay eye-rolls... *sigh*... and yes, actually I will be recapping the upcoming Season Two of "Top Design" as well as the "Shear Genius" spin-off featuring fan favorite Tabatha called "Salon Takeover"... I may never sleep again, but I will be on duty... *gay eye-roll*

kizarny... if I had to pick whose going to be next to go, I'd say Nicole or possibly Daniel... and thank you, you give great comment, too... *squircanglies*

silver... awww, shucks, that is so sweet and kind of you, I am trying my hardest to give y'all my best, especially since I can't do hair to save my life, but I sure like to make fun of people who do! *smoochies*

zbird... honey, don't sweat it, I promise you won't have to watch the new shows, I'll do the best I can to give you the best of them without having to actually sit down and view them... it's quite likely that the recaps won't have to be so long since I won't have to post 73,204,172 pictures in each one... besides, I think sometimes MY version of the show is more fun... of course, that's a matter of opinion... :) *kissies*

mrsdaddytom... sweetheart, you made my day, and I think I love you, too... although I would NEVER go out in public and make catty remarks where people might actually HEAR me... I really only say terrible things behind people's backs because I was raised right (it's called "manners")... but we could crouch at a dim table in the back near the kitchen somewhere and giggle and point from behind our menus while gorging on wings and stuff... and I apologize about the hairball comment, I probably went a little too far there... (I suspect you were disturbed because you may have had a similar experience, I sympathize). *huggles*

rubinia... you are such a sweetie, I hope the other shows provide me as much material to make fun of as "SG" has... I'll do my best not to disappoint (oh, and just so you know, I had a pair of 'elepants' myself, which is why I hate to see them on others, I know their pain)... *air-kiss*

juddfan... I just *knew* you were feeling me on the SexyDean and David Babar, and isn't it weird that an advert for chubby gay dating showed up under the ads on Part 1? The system must read something in whatever the hell it is that I'm writing and post ads accordingly... also, you read my mind, I WAS gonna do a side-by-side of a bunch of Paulo's work to show he did the same thing a bunch of times, but I ran out of time and energy (pulled an all-nighter and finished the recaps at 5am on Sunday)... lastly, I agree about judging a stylist sometimes by their own hair, but where would that leave Bitchy Charlie??? *chubbles*

detinha... the kiss was good enough for me, and I think every time a Gasmii reader laughs, a Gayngel gets their wings! You're a sweetheart... *MUAH BACK*

mrsdaddytom... p.s. that's EXTREMELY kind of you (although I disagree, but that's just my way)... *criggles* (I'm running out of terms of affection to end these with)

and last...

fire@will... I apologize if I was offensive, it was never my intent, and I edited accordingly. If anyone ever has a question or concern, they CAN send me a private message on this site, I have a profile set up under J-Mo.... and I'm going to leave it at that.

love to everybody...

J-Mo :)

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