I bet he gets rrrreeeeeaaaallllyyyy tired of having the little brats ask for a ponyhawk. Dallas Daniel says "Ah howpe he hayas a family-pay policy or else he's doin' a lawwwwwt of fray hayir!" Hell, I hope Dean's got a high tolerance for all the gross things kids wind up with in their hair... anyhow, the lovely shiny and sanitized 6-year-olds on today's show are getting ready for their first day of first grade and they must look their best...
This is making me a little bitter, because on my first day of first grade, this is what *I* looked like...
...if you think my bangs are choppy, just wait a few minutes...
Granted, it was 1976 and that Lee Majors Leisure Suit™ was actually in fashion in Topeka, Kansas, but I wished that my mama hadn't used her pinking shears on my hair (freehand, no bowl as a guide), there's something quite depressing about a gay six-year old who's hair is already going dishwater blonde and has a bad bowl cut... ah, hell, I need a minute here... I need some of the sweet Paxil-substitute that I like to call "Doritos" to make me feel better...
Anyhow *munch* today's Short Cut Challenge (entitled "First Grade Cuts") requires the stylestants to give their clients a "kid-friendly" look that will make a great first impression.... cuz everybody knows that if you show up to first grade with pee-stained tights and a booger hanging out your nose, it's allll downhill from there. Take it from me. Underdog Nicole says that the only experience she has with cutting children's hair is her two nephews and that it mostly consists of her holding them down and buzz-cutting their heads. Yeah! My kind of children's styling! Full-Contact Flat-Tops! Smartly, Nicole says "I definitely don't think the whole 'headlock and buzzing' technique is gonna work today..."
...Nicole's client looks as though she expects to be restrained and sheared...
Maybe you shouldn'ta said that within earshot of this poor girl, Nicole. But enough of Nicole's aggressive styling techniques, they all disperse to their stations and it's time to start the clock ticking! Dallas Daniel's client Veronica immediately has fallen in love with Jaclyn Smith and her fabulous hair, and says she wants it to look just like hers...
...oh Little Veronica, this is not a sentiment that Daniel can relate to... but I'm sure Dee can...
Meanwhile, Lesbiana Dee is donning her red-leather stylists tool-belt (!!!) and telling her client that she's going to have shiny and straight hair with bangs... the little girl looks pretty non-committal to this, but I'm guessing that her permission is neither required nor desired in DeeWorld... or maybe the girl has just been scared mute. I think it's the toolbelt.
On the other end of the spectrum, Bitchy Charlie's client is quite talkative and clear about what she wants to have done and exactly where she wants her bangs cut, down to the millimeter... she's cute as a button, and I'm sure she has a real name but I'm going to call her Carol Ann.
Über-Gay Paulo is getting a tad jittery as he relates how much kids do not love to sit still and have their hair cut (unless properly medicated) and the chances for ear- or eye-loss is quite high. Personally, I would make the little boogers sit still by threatening that, but that's just how I work...
SexyDean is checking in with Nicole's client Claire (who I thought looked very grave because of Nicole's comments about doing bondage-style hairstyling, but apparently this little girl just looks very serious all the time) and asking what they're going to do. Nicole says that she's going to give her some curls and put it back with some bobby pins. Claire says nothing and looks constipated.
...Claire is concerned by the current state of recession...
Nicole is still talking, saying something about how you have to keep in mind that kid's faces are smaller than adult faces, but I really can't concentrate on anything coming out of her mouth because I'm so distracted by SexyDean...
...he's making my heart go pitter-pat, even if he is wearing an awful lot of guyliner...
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Comments (3)
hey fire@will, the post was edited. j-mo didn't mean it that way! when i republished it reset comments. sorry about that! -flip
1 of 3 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 17, 2008 2:23 PM
No problem. I never thought J meant it "that way"... but I didn't feel I was doing anyone any favors not to let him know how it came across (to me).
I only wish I could have sent him a non-public comment (my preference for negative comments).
You g-cappers all rock (and are underpaid). Making funny is very hard to do without hurting someone's feelings.
2 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 18, 2008 10:28 AM
Omg, hilarious recap. Doritos as a prozac substitute, LOVE it. Lol.
Never watched this show before but I'm looking forward to the new episode tonight :)
3 of 3 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 20, 2008 4:55 PM