SexyDean moves on to Über-Gay Paulo and his client Katie, who wants a bob (how does a six-year old who isn't a gay boy know what a "bob" even is?) and Dean asks her "Why did you choose Paulo to have your hair done?" and she says to Paulo "Because you look like it's good to have you do my hair 'cuz then it'll look good!" Awww, that's so sweet! Paulo swoons. "I just love you... I'm gonna keep you forever, is that okay? Can I take you home with me?" and the girl giggles nervously and says "No, my mom will miss me, she'll say 'Where's Katie?'" Yes, and then she'll call in an Amber Alert. Don't underestimate the protectiveness of Mother Hens these days, Paulo, you don't wanna find out the hard way.
Now it's time to check in with Bitchy Charlie and Carol Ann. He's given her a ponytail and he's putting some curly-curls in it because that's what Carol Ann and her 47 Attendant Ghosts like as well. He interviews "If you just blow-dry a kid's hair and just throw a few curls in it it's gonna look like a ragamuffin in about five minutes when they go on the playground... they won't even look good through for their first morning recess!" True dat! Most of the six-year-olds I know look like a hot mess after first recess and their hair never stands up to playing four-square or hopscotch (unless their mom is a "night dancer" and then they usually wind up sauntering up at the playground with a head full of wet-look mousse and smoking Capris). Anyhow SexyDean is asking Carol Ann if she likes ponytails, and she says she does but her mom usually doesn't allow them because they are Scientologists. Kidding, it's because her hair slips out of rubber bands easily. But they could still be Scientologists....
Charlie's taking no chances with this as he says "I did the double ponytail and pinned it so it's like four times as strong as putting it in one ponytail!" It's so cute, I'm giggling, right up until the point where Carol Ann says that her favorite celebrity is Paris Hilton and then I'm gagging on a half-eaten mouthful of Cool Ranch Doritos... Ugh, no wonder people think it's a Sign of Armageddon™ when a six-year-old idolizes a rich bimbo as something to aspire to... except, well, that's kind of always been my dream job, so I guess go on and reach for the stars Carol Ann (who says she wants to be the "long haired version of Paris Hilton!")... I think Bitchy Charlie may feel similarly as he lets loose with a big "God help us!" when she says this. SexyDean tells Carol Ann she's gonna look really good, and she cracks me up as she just says "Yeah!" in a tone like "Duh, I'm lookin' good already, and I know it, I don't need you to tell me that!" Although, this girl is pretty damned cute and precocious, I'm wondering if there isn't a stage-mom in the background somewhere telling Carol Ann she'll get more screen time if she name-drops silly celebrities...
...sorry Carol Ann, you're already too smart-looking to be the next Paris Mini Hilton...
Which brings us around to Lesbiana Dee as SexyDean comes and asks her terrified client what kind of style she's going for, and darting her eyes fearfully at Dee she says "Ummmm, I want... it to be... layered?..." and when he asks her about her bangs she says she wants those to be cut, too... and here's where I notice that every single thing every single person says is repeated back exactly by SexyDean in the form of a question. If you said "I'm giving her a razor-feather-cut with a chignon." he'd come back with "So you're giving her a razor-feather-cut with a chignon?" or if you said "Today we're going to work on highlighting and maybe some mid-tones to give her a fuller, warmer look." he'd say "Today you're going to work on highlighting and maybe some mid-tones to give her a fuller, warmer look?" or if you said "I'm going to ***CENSORED*** in that broom closet over there while I give you a ***CENSORED***." he'd say "What time?"
Ennywho, Dee realizes that with only 8 minutes left she's going to have to hump ass to get this child's bangs finished off, and it isn't helping that the little girl is quivering in terror as Dee jabs sharp scissors near her eyes...
...quit squirming if you value your depth-perception at all little girl...
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Comments (3)
hey fire@will, the post was edited. j-mo didn't mean it that way! when i republished it reset comments. sorry about that! -flip
1 of 3 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 17, 2008 2:23 PM
No problem. I never thought J meant it "that way"... but I didn't feel I was doing anyone any favors not to let him know how it came across (to me).
I only wish I could have sent him a non-public comment (my preference for negative comments).
You g-cappers all rock (and are underpaid). Making funny is very hard to do without hurting someone's feelings.
2 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 18, 2008 10:28 AM
Omg, hilarious recap. Doritos as a prozac substitute, LOVE it. Lol.
Never watched this show before but I'm looking forward to the new episode tonight :)
3 of 3 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 20, 2008 4:55 PM