Now it's time to talk about who sucked and who shone... and in the bottom today is Über-Gay Paulo (natch)... and Lesbiana Dee! *clutches pearls* This just broke Dee's bragging rights of having never been in the bottom on a challenge! Excuse me for a moment...
BWAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *urp*
Okay, I'm back... Paulo says "I seem to be very comfortable in the bottom... I'm gettin' to be a pro at that!" And the bottom joke just writes itself... and today, there is no one loser of the Short Cut Challenge, so I guess Paulo and Dee have to share that dishonor. I feel a little bad for both of them, actually, kid's hair is a pain in the ass... if I had been one of the stylestants in this challenge the first thing I woulda said to my kid would have been "Hey, have you ever heard of Sinead O'Connor?"...
And on top today is Dallas Daniel... and Bitchy Charlie! Yay for Dallas and Denver/Hell! Truthfully, they both did a pretty damn good job of making their little chicas look "special" and not in a retarded way. Daniel gets lovin' for making mini-Jaclyn so happy... and SexyDean goes as far as to call Charlie's DoubleTail style "indestructible" and says Carol Ann could "bust out a tap number and it's not gonna move!" Oh God, thank you Jesus, SexyDean is making me feel more and more masculine all the time...
...and today's winner of the Short Cut Challenge is Dallas Daniel! He is super-excited and says "How could I go wrong with a little Jaclyn??" and Jaclyn looks flattered. Über-Gay Paulo is thinking more along the lines of J-Mo-Ville as he cynically says "Welll, that's one way to impress the judges... the next time you see my model she's gonna look like Kim Vo!"
...notice how nobody says anything about making anybody look like Kelly Atterton...
Dallas Daniel will have an "advantage" in the next day's Elimination Challenge, which I'm kind of skeptical of, because some of these "advantages" have been rather lackluster (i.e. poor Paulo getting to choose his dog first last week without knowing that the human owner's hair was important, too). Mrs. Smith dismisses the children from the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon...
...Daniel and his new BFF...
Nighttime! Any you know that can mean only one thing...
...Kool-Aid and apple juice, right?...
Dallas Daniel is toasting the first graders and how "swaite'n'kyewt thaiy awrr an' were!" and Bitchy Charlie adds in "And Daniel you have kissed more ass in this competition than in a porn movie!", Underdog Nicole seconds that emotion with a heartfelt "Seriously!" and Daniel makes big kissy-smooch faces... I am dribbling cherry pie filling down my chin as I giggle hysterically at this (I didn't bother with actually making a whole pie this time, I was only prepared to commit to opening the can of pie filling).
Suddenly Underdog Nicole stops drinking and says "Guys, we should really do what we were gonna do..." My head snaps up and another cherry falls to the floor irreparably staining the carpet... that particular line (coming from the only heterosexual person left in the house) seems quite odd and I'm a little frightened, especially when someone offscreen says...
...but I needn't have worried because Dallas Daniel soothingly says that they all decided to put on a little "fashion show" in honor of some of their fallen stylestants... Fashion show? This ain't Project Runway!
We cut to Dallas Daniel speaking into an extremely phallic salt'n'pepper grinder and introducing the first victim... and it's Lesbiana Dee as OSHUN!!!
...wrong on so many levels, and yet also just right...
Daniel says that Dee makes a "wonderful cocky little black man" and giggle madly. I'm giggling madly, too as Dee comes swaggering out saying "W'suuuuuuup! You don't know da' Oshun until you dove into da' Oshun, what up?!?" and the editors flash back to the REAL Oshun attempting to impress the other stylestants with his Emmy-nominated Bag'O'Bullshit™ Underdog Nicole reminisces that Oshun was only there for one challenge but he burnt the memory of himself onto all of them and she gives him props for that...
..."Emmys!... and ackulades!"...
Next up Daniel introduces "one of mah fellow Dallas-ites..." Über-Gay Paulo as Straight Guy Matt!
...I dunno 'bout you, gasmii, but I don't miss this bitch (I mean the real Matt, not Paulo)...
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Comments (3)
hey fire@will, the post was edited. j-mo didn't mean it that way! when i republished it reset comments. sorry about that! -flip
1 of 3 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 17, 2008 2:23 PM
No problem. I never thought J meant it "that way"... but I didn't feel I was doing anyone any favors not to let him know how it came across (to me).
I only wish I could have sent him a non-public comment (my preference for negative comments).
You g-cappers all rock (and are underpaid). Making funny is very hard to do without hurting someone's feelings.
2 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 18, 2008 10:28 AM
Omg, hilarious recap. Doritos as a prozac substitute, LOVE it. Lol.
Never watched this show before but I'm looking forward to the new episode tonight :)
3 of 3 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 20, 2008 4:55 PM