Underdog Nicole effervesces "I think that hair really reflects your personality... I'm short and I'm sassy, and it doesn't get any better than that! *giggle*" That's cute, except what does it say about bald people?
...shorter and sassier, maybe?...
Nikki-honey, I think your logic is a tad flawed. But whatevs, it's time for the dreaded scissor-boxes (and still not one scissor-fight all season long, but I guess all the sociopaths have been cut already)...
...it'd be funny if the number meant how many inches of hair they could leave behind...
...cuz I'm sure these girls would trample each other to escape the salon...
Lesbiana Dee gets to go first... and she makes a lesbeeline right for the dark-haired beauty (who's showing a little bit of midriff and just a taaaaad of muffin-top) which prompts a sarcastic "Shocker!" out of Dallas Daniel who says "Ah feeyil lahk Dee is a li'l bit single-mahnded when it comes tew the clah-int, she awlways chewses the young pretty latina-looking girrul!" Yeah, cuz Daniel doesn't go right for a big blonde girrul every single time...
...Shocker!...
Bitchy Charlie picks the big-boobied blonde in the ill-fitting purpley blouse, and Underdog Nicole is stuck with a girl whom she says "had really long dark roots and white-blonde hair and had orange streaks in it and it was a mess!" I bet that girl is describing you as "short, white-blonde and bitchy" right about now, Nicole. Jaclyn gives them 90 minutes to complete the hairstyle and they're movin' and groovin'...
...and Bitchy Charlie's client says that she does "business during the week and then on the weekends I'm very adventurous!" This means she is a trampy ho. Charlie should give her a bright copper-red mullet... you know, "business in the front, party in the back"? No? Charlie is going to give her sunny-blonde with white-blonde streaks, instead. This sounds a bit better than my white-trashy idea. This is why Charlie is a professional hairstylist and I'm a big fat hairy blogger.
Lesbiana Dee's client "Jae" says that she works in "the motorcycle industry" and Dee gets an immediate nipple hard-on and gushes "Oh! So you're a Harley chick? All right, right on!" Well, maybe she's more like a "Vespa girl", Dee, would that make a difference? No matter, because Dee says the girl likes "the 80's rocker". Isn't it just amazing how every single person Dee gets in her chair winds up wanting an "edgy" "sexy" "rocker chick" look? I can't know. Dee's talking about doing a "peekaboo" color so it won't be "so obnoxious". *sigh* It's too bad we couldn't apply that to our dear Dee...
..."I'm getting tired of holding your Hershey bar for you, take a bite already!"...
Dallas Daniel is also treading familiar territory with his client as she claims to want to be an "entertainment reporter" when she grows up, so Daniel's going to utilize the Dallas Hayir Technique™ of bleaching her even blonder to keep that "brahtness arayownd the fayce!" that he's always blabbling about.
Moving on to Underdog Nicole, she's trying to get to know her client...
..."I glare and make crazy-eyes at people, why do you ask?"...
And it turns out that she's *gasp* a pop singer who idolizes Christina (we must assume Aguilera, since there can apparently be only one Christina in Miss Glarey CrazyEyes' world) and Paris Hilton. UGH, two episodes in a row where someone admits to idolizing that rich bitchslut... I gave little Carol Ann a pass last week because, well, she's only six, but dammit this woman is full-grown, she should really know better! She should idolize Britney and Madonna instead!
Eh, no matter, there are bigger and more snarled hairballs to contend with, because Jaclyn has strode (strided? stridden? stredaddled?) back into the Salon and calls for the all the stylestants' attention... "It seems we have a little problem... all of you have been double-booked! Your next clients are waiting for you in the back room..."
...I just love Dallas Daniel's array of crazy-faces...
...and with an "Ah'll be raht bayack, darlin'!" he and Underdog Nicole and Bitchy Charlie make their way to the back room where they are confronted with...
...the evil twin sisters, Ella, Allura, Cosmopolitana and Gertie!...
A chorus of "OhmyGod!"s is heard and Lesbiana Dee finally comes running, and when she rounds the corner and sees the identical twin of her client Jae, she daintily tells us she almost pissed in her pants (again?... girl, talk to your doctor about Detrol LA or something!) She says in a rather uneven voice "Double trouble is what it was!" Mmmmm, I'm guessing her thought-bubble was more along the lines of ménage à trois...
« Date My Ex: Not in My Water Feature! | Main | Making the Band: Must You Grab Your Crotch?! »
Comments (10)
Wow, what a bitch! Still, I would love to see them bring Grecco in much earlier. Aren't you the least bit curious about how Nikisa or Oshun would have handled that? Someone's head would have exploded at the very least.
Go Charlie!
1 of 10 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on August 23, 2008 12:03 PM
Thanks for the great recap!
I never noticed ManlyMat "Pull my Finger" pose! LOL
J-Mo, mah dahling, are you going soft on Bitchie Charlie? Please, don't! He can take it, I'm sure he can take!
I thought Dee's was worst than Daniel's. Grecco was horrible. I haven't heard of him before and hopefully never will again!
**anxiously waiting for the Salon Takeover recap!**
:D
Mwah!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 23, 2008 4:19 PM
I love Jaclyn, but her face reminds me of the Joan Rivers car insurance commercial... "Am I crying? I can't feel my face!" If it weren't for the hand gesture, wiping away the tears, you wouldn't know she was sad at all.
3 of 10 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 24, 2008 1:55 PM
I loved Linda's "village idiot" comment. Hilarious!
I will miss Dallas Daniel...what a cutie. Looking forward to the finale!
4 of 10 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 25, 2008 8:28 AM
Great recap. Based only on your comments, sounds like another arbitrary nightmare for the contestants. Not only do they have unequal models, but also different challenges (they could have at least all been trying to set up exactly the same photo). And people like Michael ruin it for everyone - they can be found in most professions.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 25, 2008 9:20 AM
¡Saludos desde España! Y muchas gracias por los buenos deseos from about 3-4 recaps ago, J-Mo. I had to post although my limited vacation wireless connection keeps finding all your screencaps too much and keeps cutting me off, so I hadn´t even gotten to the part where my favorite spiky gay-eye-roller was eliminated, and here´s another one! Ay, I´ll just have to catch up when I get back. Anyway, you would think that I wouldn´t have the time with all this beach and pool and beer and parties to miss my weekly dose of snark, but do I ever! Can I bring you along on my next vacation? Heck, can you move next door to me? And apologies to your boyfriend, but please do marry Chris March (re your PR post) and make my head explode from all that awesomeness... Oh, and I loved your photo (stop it with the chubby comments, you´re very cute, if I were a gay guy I´d totally go for you) and the video with the choreography. Like my kids like to say now, "whoop, whoop, yeah!"
6 of 10 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on August 25, 2008 3:23 PM
Hey J-mo!!! Just getting back to town and catching up! Sorry to see Daniel go, but happy to see Charlie jump up and down--don't know why that little tuck area is the sexiest part of a man, but hey, we've all got our things!!!
did you hear Billy Mays is going to have a reality show this season . . . . I'm sure it'll be the hit the Emeril never was . . . sigh . . .
Anyway, hate to see the show ending, but glad you've got the Tabby show to do . . . I hope to catch up soon!
Big Hugs!
7 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 26, 2008 4:38 PM
Did anyone else pick up on the fact that when the stylists walked into the photo shoot Nicole's dress was black as they walked through the door, then gray as the walked over to Rene, and then black again as he started talking??
8 of 10 | Posted by Kon4MIty | Posted on August 26, 2008 8:23 PM
kizarny... you are so totally right, it would have been interesting to watch Michael Gryuckko take apart Nekisa or Oshun (I'm totally sure Oshun would have pulled a Dr. Boogie and tried to tell Michael how to do the photo shoot since he's so experienced working in TV on "Passions")... Ackulades!
detinha... there is no way I could EVER go soft on Charlie (in fact, Charlie makes me EXTRA hard on him)... truth be told, if Charlie had put forth any fug I would have totally clocked it, but he won these last two weeks because he really did the best job (I think). You're right, he can take a jab or two (he HAS had to live with Lesbiana Dee, for Chrissakes!)...
bongofl... yes, Lady Jaclyn didn't look quite so plasticky last year, but time gets to all of us... at least we know she still has tear ducts!
rubinia... I'm gonna miss Dallas Daniel, too, it's too bad they didn't have a drag queen challenge like they did on Project Runway, because "Dallas Hayir" would SO have been the perfect way to go for that! :(
fire@will... thanks for the kind compliment! I agree, it wasn't exactly fair that they wet down only one model's hair, but then again, they had only one with that snow shit, and only one jumping on a trampoline and only one doing the swingy-thing... i guess they figured those were level-enough playing fields... I hope I meet Michael someday, I'd like to tell him how glad I am he's BEHIND the camera most of the time!
sayhuh... LOL, enjoy your vacation, TVgasm will be here when you get back and then you can see all the fabuliciousness. Thanks for the compliments (I am going to tell my boyfriend that Chris March has to be our third lover or something) and I'm so happy you've been enjoying my work (on several artistic fronts)... have a safe trip home!
juddfan... I totally KNEW you were gonna love that screen-cap... yeah I don't know what it is about underbelly, but I like it... and if Billy Mays is gonna have a reality show, then I want to have a chance to put some Oxi-Clean on his beard to get some of that damned blacky-inky dye out of it and see what his REAL hair color is...
Kon4Mity... Oh. My. God. I did NOT notice/pick up on that (and I had to watch that scene about six times in a row) but you are totally right, there is a major continuity error there... Nicole walks through the door in a black dress... the behind and above POV shot she is suddenly in a gray dress... the next shot from the front the gray dress has 4 black buttons in a square on the bodice... they cut to Rene Fris... when they cut back she's in the black dress again... OMG! Good catch and sharp eyes! WEird!
Thanks everyone for your positive support, we're almost at the end now... :(
love, J-Mo :)
xoxoxo
9 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 27, 2008 8:40 PM
Dear, sweet J-mo, just as I knew you would screen grab it when I watched that scene!!! So nice to have a sistah here, and I love, love, love the term underbelly!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
10 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 29, 2008 11:08 AM