Hey y'all, it's me, J-Mo, back again to wade through the clouds of hairspray and styling mousse... wait, does anybody even use "styling mousse" any more?... like, do you remember in the 80's they used to have this totally awesome Clairol product called "Pazazz" and it was this super rad hair mousse that had tiny color crystals in it (a.k.a. "glitter") that would wash out after one use? You could choose one of four colors from "glittery gold", "beautiful bronze", "ravishing rose" and "cheap whore". I used to buy that shit by the caseload and not only use it on my long, luxurious blonde hair, but sometimes rub it on my skin, too, so I'd have color crystals everywhere. My bedroom became one giant glittery mess, and I loved it. Why oh why do they always take these fabulous products off the market? *sigh*
...no longer available due to toxic glitter overload in gay teens with long, luxurious blonde hair...
Anyhow, this week's episode of Shear Genius brought out the Crabby Ugly Nasty Twit in Straight Guy Matthew, gave Bitchy Charlie a near case of apoplexy and made me continue to question Drag Queen Meredith's gender identity. The deets are after the jump.
...this is almost exactly what I looked like in the 80's... only more feminine...
So Jaclyn reminds us that we're down to ten stylestants (I never get tired of watching Oshun stomp out the door) and goes over the prizes ($100,000.00 in prize money, apprenticeship, Allure photo shoot, title of "Shear Genius", yattata yattata yattata). My boyfriend helpfully pointed out to me last week that I am kind of out of touch because Canadian dollars are apparently now worth more than U.S. dollars. It's a sign of the Last Times™, I'm sure. Thanks for correcting me, sweetie, I thought I told you never to do that in public ever again. If someone keeps up these kind of shenanigans, someone is likely to find a wad of pubic hair in their breakfast yogurt real soon.
I also feel that I should address my calling out of bullshit on Oshun's claims to an Emmy nod... because according to generous Gasmii member serjen: "the Creative Arts Emmys (the ones that are not broadcast on T.V.) has a "hairstyling" category and he was nominated in that category for his work on Passions. It's not like he was specifically named or anything, but since he was one of the people who worked on the Hairstyling for that stupid show, he was automatically part of the nom. And they didn't win. " Thank you for the inside info, sugarplum! Following Oshun's rather tenuous logic, I think I'm going to start saying that I was nominated for Some Kind Of Hoity-Toity Critics Award™ because I have watched several Oscar-winning films and made highly critical comments about them.
At any rate, this time I notice in the opening credits how Daniel is pantomiming singing into his round brush... three guesses who he's pretending to be? I'd say a.) Madonna b.) Cher or most likely...
...c.) Linda Lovelace...
The hair-hoppers mosey on back into the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon, where a beaming Jaclyn welcomes them, and tells Bitchy Charlie that as the winner of last week's Insane Bitches Of Orange County Challenge, his work has made it to the prestigious "Allure Wall Of Fame"! He also gets immunity from being eliminated this week! You go, girl! *snap* *snap* *snap*
...I'd watch out if I were you, Charlie... something tells me Nekisa and Paulo don't have your back as much as they're visualizing stabbing you in it...
Bitchy Charlie chirps "It feels great! She looks rilly pretty!", which causes Meredith to make a face that is NOT so pretty...
...facial expressions Meredith should never ever make again, Volume 27...
Jaclyn takes a moment to congratulate Charlie, and asks him who he thinks is struggling. Charlie says that he thinks Emo Gail's work has been really bad because she's "out of her element". Jaclyn gives Gail equal time to respond, and publicly Gail says that she's a fighter (ooh, just like Christina Aguilera, do your thang, honey!) but privately she says something about not being used to being on the bottom... or maybe it was that she's not used to being A bottom. Trust me, girl, it takes us all some getting used to... but once that initial pain fades away, it'll feel really good and you'll start to like it a lot! Or so I'm told.
« Big Brother Countdown: ZERO!!! | Main | Shear Genius: (Part 2) Everything In The Universe Reminds Me Of Matthew's Wife »
Comments (7)
Is it just me or where is the rest of the recap?
1 of 7 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on July 13, 2008 12:12 PM
Hated most of the hair styles this week. And I lost count of the times I yelled for Matt to shut up. Loved your recap but what happened to the rest of it?
2 of 7 | Posted by skies | Posted on July 13, 2008 1:47 PM
Hey Gasmii! Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed... my recap was actually TOO LONG for the publishing platform and the last part got cut off! However, do not fret, because I have just completed the remaining portion and it should be showing up quite soon. Sorry about that!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 13, 2008 2:00 PM
OK, I'm only on page three and I'm already in pain from laughing so hard... I started about the time I was reading about the Pazzaz mousse (did it!) and I'm only up to the ping pong balls comment and I'm actually in pain.
J-Mo, you rock. :D
4 of 7 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 13, 2008 3:44 PM
Typo sorry - I was on page 4, and now I'm up to the 'head wider than it is tall' comment. .... dayum, J-Mo, you are the genius!
5 of 7 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 13, 2008 3:51 PM
teri00: But I'm NOT "Shear Genius"... only Charlie, Matthew, Dee & Daniel are so far!
But thank you just the same, I'm glad you're likin' it (and I'm also glad you got the ping-pong balls reference, I was afraid that one might be too obscure).
love,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
6 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 14, 2008 9:26 AM
"Here dey aaaa!"
Thanks for making me shoot Diet Dr. Pepper out of my nose at work! Your transcriptions of Rene are the best! You might just be my favorite recapper of all time, J-Mo!
7 of 7 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 15, 2008 10:30 AM