Testimonials

Let me take a moment to point out here, that on Bravo's website they have "Photo Diaries" for all of the stylestants in which they have posted pictures of them at home, with friends, family, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, pets, co-workers and even crazy clients... all of them, that is, except for Matthew. There isn't a single picture in his photo diary, and I have to wonder why that is, since he's so proud of his "perfect 10" of a female wife? You would have thought there would have been 86 pictures of the two of them in flagrante delicto and boning in a vat of chocolate pudding and whipped cream or something. Between that and his insistence on bringing up his wife every five seconds, something just seems really, shall we say, forced and fake about the whole thing? And did you know that Parker was straight, too, Christian Siriano hairdo or no? I don't remember him feeling the need to defend or declare his sexuality every seventeen seconds like Matthew does. I think that's because, you know, maybe Parker is secure about it in a way that Matt just can't pull off.

Anyhow, Bitchy Charlie is a little nervous because he really wants to have a pretty dress to work with, and he suspects he's not going to be chosen towards the top of the order that good ol' Straight Guy Matthew is going to pick. He's right, because Matthew calls the order as follows: Über-Gay Paulo, who picks a blue dress... then Emo Gail, who goes with a slut-red number... and it appears that sucking up paid off, because he chooses Drag Queen Meredith to go next (yay for sucking up!) and she chooses an oddly caucasian-colored frock. Then it's on to Lesbiana Dee, who picks the aluminum foil outfit, then Dallas Daniel, who goes with a little black dress that has a lot of "woven work in the bodice". He picks Bitchy Charlie to go next, and Charlie swishes his way over and snags a black velvety-looking number. Exotic Nekisa is given the nod next, and she grabs a sea-foam green thing. Second to last is Underdog Nicole, who goes with a navy blue concoction, and last up is Matt's nemesis, Female Glenn. René flat-out asks him why Glenn is the last one to go, and Matthew flat-out lies and says "It was, uh, random selection!" Sure it was. Glenn isn't fooled, and neither are we. She's been stuck with a shit-brown dress, and Matt admits that he likes Glenn the least out of all the rest of them, and he goes on to say he wouldn't care at all if she left! I think the feeling is mutual, Matthew...

...ohhhhh, Matt, yew are such an ayass-howulllll...

Now that everyone has their dress, René brings out their clients, gives them two hours and admonishes them to shake it, and they're off!... Über-Gay Paulo immediately starts talking about wanting to have a wild and messy look that's over the top for his girl. This sounds ominous. Meanwhile, Straight Guy Matthew is asking his client how well her hair curls and she quite honestly and forthrightly tells him...

...I mean, it's not as if she would actually know her own hair, would she?...

Matthew says he chose an all-black simple dress "Which would look best on MY WIFE!" (pleasepleasepleaseshutupshutupshutup) and in a stunning display of obstinacy he tells his client that they "need to tell the hair what to do, not ask it what to do, you know?" Apparently Matthew has forgotten that he's holding just a curling iron, and not a magic wand of some sort. Über-Gay Paulo chimes in "You have to always take into consideration what your client says, I mean, if the girl tells you that her curls won't hold, do not do curls, tease the living shit out of it, and spray it up and twist it up!" Wow, Paulo actually has a salient point here! Yay for salient points!

Meanwhile, Bitchy Charlie's strategy is not to go with the obvious up-do, he's going to shoot more for a "Screen Goddess Blonde" instead, and starts adding highlights, lowlights and additional coloring to his client's hair. Dallas Daniel says he's nervous because he thinks they're going to meet another celebrity today and he says "Y'all saw mah reaction with the Housewahves for God sayikes, I actually wet mahsayilf a li'l bit when ah saow them!"

...lest we forget...

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Posted in Shear Genius , Shear Genius by J-Mo at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: rubinia on Jul 15, 2008 10:30 AM.