As if the humiliating (and really, it should also be rather humbling) experience of being the first "stylestant" axed from Season Two of Shear Genius wasn't bad enough for Mr. Oshun (of the Motion Lotion Potion), I discovered his awesome exit interviews on BravoTV.com are filled with incredulity, incoherence, and a big side-order of incompetence...
"It's not faaaaaaaaaaaair!"
...mix in a generous portion of self-delusion (he truly is Cleopatra, Queen of Denial) and you won't believe some of the amazing and magical things he said about his being ousted first! See my (attempt) at transcription after the jump.
"I do not deserve to lose, HELL no, I didn't deserve to lose in no form, shape or fashion because, like I said, there were other stylists out their work was far off base than mine was, so, no, I didn't deserve and I don't know why I'm going home but I'm gonna deal with it."
So, basically you're saying that you didn't deserve to be sent home, not because you were better, but because other stylists were much more suckier than you, huh? And you're dealing with it by bitching about it...
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"When, um, the judges made their, uhhh, final decision, I'm like, man, they gotta be crazy, man, I mean, if you look at overall looks, my look was fluent and, you know, but that's what the judges want and that's fine."
Yes, Oshun, your look was certainly "fluent"... in the language of craptacular...
"Being the great stylist that I am, it's just opinion of the judges. I just came in a season that they didn't see what I saw. There was five other stylists that had immunity that I know they didn't follow NONE of the criteria, their hair was garbage, so I'm like, what w-what was the judges thinkin' about?"
I'm guessing they were thinking that you misunderstood the "criteria" was not to make that poor girl's face look wider....
"Blah, blahdy, blah, the judges are all stupidy-doopity-heads!"
"The person I know that shoulda went home was Gail, Paulo and Meredith. If you look at their total work, I believe it was just not... has no symmetry, no... no movement, didn't have any direction and it got, they got immunity, I just couldn't understand it."
Hmmmm, I don't remember seeing a stylestant called GailPauloandMeredith...
"I was like, 'Kim, are you blind?!? What do you mean unpolished?', you didn't see any flyaways, you've seen smoothness, you've seen variations of the hair, you've seen it move like figure-eights, I'm like 'What do you mean undone and polished, you know?' I put, man I laid that hair to the side... laid it, dyed it, fried it to the side, so I don't know what he's talking about, so what Kim was saying, it was just his opinion so it didn't matter to me. It's just life."
Kim Vo may be a lot of things (I'm beginning to suspect he might be of an alien race of gay pixies, or gayxies, if you prefer, that flit around the world judging hairstyling reality TV shows) but he certainly seems to have full use of both his eyes (and those freakishly smooth lips)! And, as Daddy Tom Colicchio recently said to one of the ass-munch cheftestants on Top Chef Season 4 "Unfortunately, my opinion is the one that counts!"
"You all can just fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge off!"
"I didn't think I was in the bottom six at all, really, tell you the truth, I was like 'What the hell is going on, man?' I'm like, I should be in... I should be having immunity SERIOUSLY, so I... I couldn't really fathom that I was gonna be in the bottom six again!"
Fathom it, sweetie... you should be used to that, because fathoms are a part of OSHUNS!
"And I don't think nobody in that whole room could've cut that hair no better than I could, being that she wanted that short and her hair was midriff to her back, so I'm like, hey, I'm cool, I can live with, I can hold my head up high, 'cuz I'm telling you, I am the best. I'm at the top of my game, I'm not even worried, I am the best genius... SHEAR genius!"
Yes, and that's how this show Best Genius works... they send the best stylestants home first!
"Asphinctersayswhaaaaaaaaaaaa??"
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Comments (10)
Thank God he's gone!!!! "Fathom it, sweetie... you should be used to that, because fathoms are a part of OSHUNS!" was the best line ever. Your recap rocked!! I cannot stand when someone feels the need to speak in the third person about themselves. It makes me nuts and I wouldn't have been able to watch him for another episode. Usually when you have to tell everyone how freaking awesome you are, you usually are not!! I'm surprised his big fat head fit through the door. I can't wait for your next recap from the episode with the real housewives. If Tamara said she was the hottest housewife one more time I was going to smack her right through the TV. Ugh.
1 of 10 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on July 3, 2008 11:12 AM
J-mo, I agree with featherhead, fathom's are a part of OSHUNS was tooo funny, lots of good one's in there, but I'm in pain from his yelling and denial and can't go there again . . . glad you got to laugh your hairy belly off tho! ; )
2 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:17 PM
Wow, J-Mo! Mr. Oshun, with his motion potion lotion sounds like a handful. A little less prima donna and little more humility and TALENT would preferable.
3 of 10 | Posted by BD081098 | Posted on July 4, 2008 6:20 AM
Didn't see this (thank you, Jebus!) but your take on it was truly hee-larry-ous.
Sounds like an example of how BS can only take you so far.
4 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 4, 2008 8:35 AM
Oooooh, this was so funny... From gayxies to fathoms (after all, would Oshuns be DEEP without fathoms?), it was sheer, not shear, genius. But my vote goes to the photo with "A Emmy! No, TWO Emmys!!! And ackulades!!!" Tons of ackulades to you, J-Mo!!!!!
5 of 10 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 4, 2008 7:42 PM
Awww, shucks, you guys are so great to me, thank you so very much for all the kind ackulades. I hope I can get nominated for a Emmy soon!
love, J-Mo :)
6 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 4, 2008 9:05 PM
Your recaps are great, J-MO, so glad you are doing this show!
And about his emmy nomination, the Creative Arts Emmys (the ones that are not broadcast on T.V.) has a "hairstyling" category and he was nominated in that category for his work on Passions. It's not like he was specifically named or anything, but since he was one of the people who worked on the Hairstyling for that stupid show, he was automatically part of the nom. And they didn't win.
7 of 10 | Posted by serjen | Posted on July 5, 2008 4:24 AM
Well if we had Gasmii awards I'd nominate this recap for a Golden Gasmii.
Well done J-mo - keep the laughs coming!
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on July 5, 2008 11:26 AM
LOL! You can always blame it on global warming, Oshun!
9 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on July 5, 2008 7:39 PM
love it love it love it j-mo.
I agree that "Fathom it, sweetie... you should be used to that, because fathoms are a part of OSHUNS!" was one of the funniest things I've read in awhile.
10 of 10 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on July 7, 2008 11:51 AM