"When I saw my client coming down the runway, I was like 'Man, I had a hard challenge and I pulled it off!', and she loved it, when she got in front of the judges she said the same thing, and see, the bottom line is what the client wants, what they like."
That is hysterical, because when I saw your client coming down the runway, I was like "Man, she looks like a hot pile of steaming country dumpage!" and if the client wants to look like Mrs. Soon-To-Be-Divorced-Potato-Head, you should certainly put that dream within reach...
"I wish I could have picked a different model with different texture of hair and I probably should have did my model a little more simpler, you know, more.. more uhh,.. just more low-maintenance, not try to give her no flair, 'cuz I think that people that did get immunity, they didn't really put a lot of oomph in it, it was only just about color, and it wasn't about the whole overall look of the hair, you know?"
Oh, so now it's the model's fault??!? Her absolute insistence on flairiness and oomphiness was what handicapped you? (Re: He wishes he didn't get stuck with a big fat girl)
...This is the expression after some fantasy nut-punching on my part...
"I be like, cool, I'm in the bottom three, but I'm gonna have another time to really shine and, uh, quit playing around basically, because you know I felt my strategy was to, you know, fend people off, you know, let 'em think I was the weakest link, and then just blow and just win all the rest of the challenges, but they caught me, you know, I... they caught me quick, so , hey, what can I say, I got nipped!"
Yup, you blew all right. And got nipped. And caught. And pwned.
"I didn't learn anything from what the judges said because, like I said, I'm a professional! I've been doing this over 18 years, and I don't think nothing they could have told me could have even swayed my judgment, my movements, the way I, uh, tackle my projects, cuz like I said, I done made it to the top, I've been nominated for a Emmy, I've got all kind of ackulades (seriously, he said the word as "ackulades" so I felt to be true to his intent I should spell it phonetically... J-Mo) so I mean really, it's just opinion to me, it's not nothing I'm gonna take to heart!"
Way to learn from the experience, there, Oshun... that's why Kim Vo is a master colorist, and you're working on "Passions" and lying about awards (unless... can anybody in L.A. confirm for me what in the name of Jeebus he's talking about being nominated for an Emmy for a hairstyle?... I am stumped by this!)
"A Emmy! No, TWO Emmys!!! And ackulades!!!"
"The playing field wasn't as, uhh, fair as I wanted it to be, you know I got the last uh, I got axe on the first challenge, you know I got the baaaad set of... I mean the hair was not in great shape, so you know, you can only do what you can do, I'm not a musician, you know, I don't do magic, you know, I'm a hair stylist!"
Ahhh, I see, now it's the poor hair's fault... well, I imagine that most musicians do find it quite hard to do magic... (my big hairy belly still hurts from busting out laughing when I heard that clip the first time, I had to listen to it at least 73 more times before I began to tire of it... owie!)...
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Comments (10)
Thank God he's gone!!!! "Fathom it, sweetie... you should be used to that, because fathoms are a part of OSHUNS!" was the best line ever. Your recap rocked!! I cannot stand when someone feels the need to speak in the third person about themselves. It makes me nuts and I wouldn't have been able to watch him for another episode. Usually when you have to tell everyone how freaking awesome you are, you usually are not!! I'm surprised his big fat head fit through the door. I can't wait for your next recap from the episode with the real housewives. If Tamara said she was the hottest housewife one more time I was going to smack her right through the TV. Ugh.
1 of 10 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on July 3, 2008 11:12 AM
J-mo, I agree with featherhead, fathom's are a part of OSHUNS was tooo funny, lots of good one's in there, but I'm in pain from his yelling and denial and can't go there again . . . glad you got to laugh your hairy belly off tho! ; )
2 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:17 PM
Wow, J-Mo! Mr. Oshun, with his motion potion lotion sounds like a handful. A little less prima donna and little more humility and TALENT would preferable.
3 of 10 | Posted by BD081098 | Posted on July 4, 2008 6:20 AM
Didn't see this (thank you, Jebus!) but your take on it was truly hee-larry-ous.
Sounds like an example of how BS can only take you so far.
4 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 4, 2008 8:35 AM
Oooooh, this was so funny... From gayxies to fathoms (after all, would Oshuns be DEEP without fathoms?), it was sheer, not shear, genius. But my vote goes to the photo with "A Emmy! No, TWO Emmys!!! And ackulades!!!" Tons of ackulades to you, J-Mo!!!!!
5 of 10 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 4, 2008 7:42 PM
Awww, shucks, you guys are so great to me, thank you so very much for all the kind ackulades. I hope I can get nominated for a Emmy soon!
love, J-Mo :)
6 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 4, 2008 9:05 PM
Your recaps are great, J-MO, so glad you are doing this show!
And about his emmy nomination, the Creative Arts Emmys (the ones that are not broadcast on T.V.) has a "hairstyling" category and he was nominated in that category for his work on Passions. It's not like he was specifically named or anything, but since he was one of the people who worked on the Hairstyling for that stupid show, he was automatically part of the nom. And they didn't win.
7 of 10 | Posted by serjen | Posted on July 5, 2008 4:24 AM
Well if we had Gasmii awards I'd nominate this recap for a Golden Gasmii.
Well done J-mo - keep the laughs coming!
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on July 5, 2008 11:26 AM
LOL! You can always blame it on global warming, Oshun!
9 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on July 5, 2008 7:39 PM
love it love it love it j-mo.
I agree that "Fathom it, sweetie... you should be used to that, because fathoms are a part of OSHUNS!" was one of the funniest things I've read in awhile.
10 of 10 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on July 7, 2008 11:51 AM