Linda says she doesn't want to torture Underdog Nicole with these photos any further (I think she likes torture just a little bit, though) and advises Nicole she needs to start paying attention to hairstyles in magazines (such as, oh, I don't know.... Allure, maybe??) and trying to duplicate them, and that she also needs to become more comfortable working with extensions because, as Linda puts it (without a trace of irony): "Extensions are a big part of hair right now!" True dat! And Nicole is dismissed...
...next to come skipping in is Bitchy Charlie. When Linda asks him what his greatest strengths are, he answers "High fashion.... and polished things..." and for weaknesses he mentions losing focus when he's not interested in the challenge and bluntly admits he may have a bit of a giant chip on his shoulder. This brutal honesty makes Linda widen her eyes a little and say "At least you have insight...."
...the first signs of botoxerexia...
...and goes on to say that Charlie will have to recognize that he can't be the "grand diva" of every shoot, and brings up the dog-styling challenge (we flash back to Miz Matronly'N'Crazy from a couple of weeks ago) which makes Bitchy Charlie break out in gay eye-rolls. Linda basically tells him he needs to step back a bit and learn how to take some direction without worrying about his ego. Hmmmmm, this doesn't sound like mega-ultra-super-helpful "advice", at least not on the level of actual hair-styling goes. Linda seems to be giving Bitchy Charlie the kind of gentle rebuke that people are forced to give when witnesses others are around. Trust, if it had just been the two of them in there with no cameras or production staff, I think there would have been another pair of bloody undies to add to Charlie's collection.
Last up is Lesbiana Dee. Right away Linda tells her she needs to learn how to have a great variety of work, and wants to know if she feels that she has that range? Kinda sidestepping the question, Dee says her strong points are cut and color, but admits that she is not so good at updo hairstyling... yeah, I'd say so based on her remarkably similar body of work...
...Dée-jà Vu...over and over and over again...
When Linda asks Dee what she feels her "signature look" is, we get a lot more of the same old blather about "edginess" and "funky colors" (I'm surprised she didn't throw in "sexy" and "rocker-chick" and "vaginal" as well, just for fun) and Linda tells her she needs to be careful not to overdo it on the longer-in-front-looks. And that's it. Wow, Linda sure was a veritable Oshun of Knowledge, wasn't she? That was five minutes I could have spent inhaling that box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls my boyfriend tried to hide from me by cleverly putting them in the last place I'd ever look (with the tools). Basically she could have just said "Get better." and it would have only taken about 4 seconds to interview each of them, and we'd have been spared those lousy color-drained flashback clips.
Oh well, no matter... we're back with René Fris, who looks super-serious (like he just found out Queer Eye got cancelled) as he darkly intones "Styless, I hobe yoo meeding wain wail wi Leenda an yoo god somm vairey goodavaize fwom her... so naow, time fo da final challenche..."
...*sigh*... I'm gonna miss you, too, SexyDaneRené!...
"Aaa yoo eggsidett?" René asks with a lusty twinkle in his eye, "Goot. Yoo reelly gowin to neet to usse yoo imatchinaychin fo thiss wan... Tomowwow eeth off yoo must tella stowwy ov wan womann throo her haiyr... Yoo will tella stowwy of her laiyfe throo her diffren haiyrstyless thad she maight wear ad agess 18, 30, 45 and 60!" Wow. That's a lot of work. This Elimination Challenge (called "Through The Years", which reminds me of an incredibly sappy song by Kenny Rogers that I hate) is gonna be a bitchybitchbitch! They have to cut, color and style the hair of all four clients... within three hours! Yup, it's like throwing four Short-Cut Challenges at them at the same time, with only 45 minutes for each client. The darkened wet patches over the stylestants' crotches spread further and take on the acidic tang of abject fear. Charlie has this to say...
...he offers René a toothy BJ (René is kinky like that) but no dice...
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Comments (14)
J-Mo your recaps are hilarious. When you mentioned the Catshit lady I snorted I was laughing so hard.
I can't wait to read your Top Design recaps (last season was a giant bucket of crazy, so here's hoping Bravo got some more nutjobs) and I love the Salon Takeover ones.
I also got pissed that Dee won but she did a much better job on this particular challenge than Charlie. He can style hair wonderfully but his styles didn't seem to fit what they were supposed to be doing. He gave them movie set hair, not hair they would wear off the set (except for the oldest woman who I thought looked fantastic).
1 of 14 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on August 30, 2008 12:26 AM
J-Mo;
Another great recap! However, I think that Dee's 60 year old should be named Mama Crackles instead. That bat-shit crazy squirrel has to be the spawn of this gal.
Overall, I think Charlie was definately the best hairdresser and I am disappointed that he didn't win, but perhaps it's for the best. Just like American Idol, sometimes the almosts ultimately do much better than the winners.
I also very much enjoyed your Taking Over recap. Tabatha is just the SHIT and I love watching her kick ass. I thought she should have went much farther last season, but it looks like she got a much better "ultimate prize" than the $100 G's. Do her justice!!
Looking forward to reading your covers of Top Design as well. Judging by last year, there should be much fodder for your recaps.
Lots O' Love!
2 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 30, 2008 8:15 AM
did anyone notice that dee was wearing the same outfit in the elimination that 12 pack from i love money wore at HIS elimination this week!!!
3 of 14 | Posted by aman | Posted on August 30, 2008 10:38 AM
Your recaps were the real SHEAR GENIUS.
Charlie was robbed.
4 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 30, 2008 11:12 AM
Thanks for the great recap, J-mo!
I'm happy Dee won, at least she'll do something nice with her money.
Looking forward for the Salon TakeOver recap!
xoxoxo
5 of 14 | Posted by Detinha | Posted on August 30, 2008 5:47 PM
Loved the recap.
I think shows like this should take past winnings into consideration. Dee sucked most of the time while Charlie(I think)had the most wins.
The misspelling of Avant Garde was too funny...Spell check anyone?
Is it just me or does Rene pose like a cheerleader ready for her routine? Hands on hips, ready, go!!
6 of 14 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 31, 2008 12:08 PM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
7 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
8 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
hm, methinks i waited a while to read this because i'm that depressed that it (and your supersnarky recaps) are over. sob!
super-cute points for:
-a tom collicchio mention. mmmm, rawr.
-the convo between rene fris and dee. amazing.
-being the cutest thing ever. always.
and now, on to tabatha's takeover! :o) thanks for the great season, love!
9 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:51 PM
p.s. i agree, charlie was robbed. ROBBED.
10 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:52 PM
Boooo! I was hoping Charlie would have won. This season was way more entertaining than last year. And J-Mo, your recaps are awesome. The longer the better. Ahem.
Holy crap, Dee and 12 Pack DID have the same outfit on! I did not catch that.
My favorite part of this episode was Rene explaining to the styliss, "You have thwee hours for this challenge. Wead my lips. Thwee hours." If only we could read those lips, Rene. I will miss good ol Rene. Maybe he could be a very special guest star on Salon Takeover? One can only hope.
11 of 14 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 3, 2008 11:06 AM
Sob, I'll miss these recaps, Jmo!!!! sniff, but I'll be tuning in for the others--I'm glad you got me watching the show, as it was fun, esp since bitchy charlie stayed bitchy. I did think his final styles where pretty wonk, sadly, they all looked old world old, you know how Doris Day was probably 20 but she looks like a 40 year old from today, same for men, like a Cary Grant . . . maybe just the styles, but alas, I did feel for LD when she was crying how it wasn't going how she planned, and I liked Cackles the Clown, she seemed a hoot, esp with the gentle prodding, "but I have roots, um they're going to show"--I was ready for her to say, hand me that dye!!!! Honestly, 3 hours . . . ahem . . . I'd really rather see them get a proper amount of time and then fail because they suck and not coz they were rushed.
Gwen Stephanie my ass, that was prom photo circa 1940's . . . and the Scarlet one, altho a big improvement, still didn't look good.
As for D--the 30 year old music star looked like Amy Grant in the 80's, and the girl crying about the length . . . should'a saved them fightin' words for the bangs . . . Great catch on the Cher cover!!!
Much love and many kisses!!!!
12 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 3, 2008 1:55 PM
Huh? Wha? Dee? Or is it my jet lag playing tricks with my mind? No matter, I guess after Drag Queen Meredith, Paulo and Daniel left, I didn't care who won. Not that I liked their hairstyles (actually, I don't think I liked that many hairstyles in the entire run of the show), I just liked them. So of course they wouldn't have won the fan favorite award, either, I guess. Man, I have so much to catch up on. I just watched the one where Nekisa got booted! Yay! Anyway, J-Mo, thanks for all your hilarious recaps and sweet comments to all your fans. I am really looking forward to the Top Design recaps, and I enjoyed reading the Salon Takeover with Albino Ferret-Face recap. Catch you next week!
13 of 14 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on September 4, 2008 8:40 PM
Wow, thank all you guys for all your comments this season, it's been so much fun, and I really hope they start to do "Shear Genius" with the regularity that they're doing "Top Chef" and "Project Runway", it's hard to wait 18 months in between shows...
BTW, guys, keep your eyes open later for my special Q&A with Charlie Price... coming soon!
love always,
J-Mo :)
14 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 5, 2008 11:02 AM