LesbiDee says her game plan is to "work fast". Duh. Her biggest problem isn't time, it's having clients who are scissor-phobic. She's talking to her 30-year-old about what she wants to do, and the woman whines about wanting to keep the length. Where do they get these people? Doesn't it mention anywhere in the casting notice that you're gonna be on a hairstyling reality show, and that at some point you might have to get your hair cut? For the 45-year-old Dee mentions bringing the length up to around her shoulders... this is the reaction she gets...
...or maybe Miss Thing is afraid because she still thinks lesbianism is contagious...
Not another one! Poor Lesbiana Dee, you've got the wussiest clients so far. She is totally getting pissed and shitting thumbtacks at the same time. Well, you did tell the woman that she was a twice-divorced bitter mother of three, and perhaps this is her little way of saying "thanks" for that, hm?
Well, we're back in the salon and René goes ahead and gives them their three hours and tells them to "GO SHAYGEDD!!!" (last time this season, thank GAWD) Pandemonium erupts as the three Dervishes are whizzing about the salon, mixing colors, making game plans and stylin' hair for JAYzus! *snap* *head-roll*
Underdog Nicole is also running into some resistance with one of her clients not wanting a lot of length cut off. She takes a very crafty approach and says to her client "Do you want me to be honest?" The client's eyes widen and she nods mutely. "I feel like your length is making you look olde-..." and before Nicole has even finished speaking the second syllable of "der" the woman agrees to let Nicole cut it to any length she wants, including completely off. Ah HA, so that's the secret to getting women (and gay men) to do what you want!! I should try that at work next week, I could march right in to my bosses' office and say "You know, me making so much less money than you is making you look older..."
I love how while the stylestants are all spinning around like electrons, the clients all sit there looking bored out of their minds, like this is the least exciting thing they've ever seen....
..."When do we get lunch?"...
Maybe they're still pissed about the bait-and-switch tactics that were used to get them there in the first place and they're holding out for Tom Colicchio and Padma Lakshmi to appear and liven things up.
René Fris is coming around again to stir shit up and he zeroes in on Lesbiana Dee. They have a fun exchange that goes like this:
RF: "Dee, mai girl!"
LD: "Yes... (working like mad) yes yes yes..."
RF: "Wee aaa deailing witha lodda redheads heair!"
LD: "Yes, I am!"
RF: "An yoo aaa meggin thaim mowah redd!"
LD: "Yes!"
RF: "ORanche!"
LD: "Yes!"
RF: "On fiyah!"
LD: "Yes!"
RF: "We haff fowah cliends on fiyah!"
LD: "Yes!"
RF: "Tell me!"
LD: "Well I'm going to punch you in the penis if you don't get out of my fucking workspace!"
RF: "Ogay!"
Okay, she doesn't dick-jab him, but instead tells him that the colors are going to tie in because they all have different textures, and she points to Granny Cackles' Bozo Mop as an example...
..."Mirrah, mirrah, owon the woall, ya betta say what I wuanna heah if ya know what's good f'ya!"...
René starts to cry like a little girl and runs away. Lesbiana Dee takes this opportunity to wheedle and whine at her client some more about letting her take more length off. Awww, the stick-in-the-mud-lady finally relented, so Dee gets to take a full two inches off! Yay for Dee! And whining! (Shoulda told her that her length made her ass look old, honey, you'd have had those two inches half an hour ago!)
Moving on to Bitchy Charlie, he's cutting the crap out of his 60 year old's hair, the back of her head looks about like mine, but he insists to René that the upper lengths are going to come down and cover it all up so you won't see that. I'm dubious about this, I'm afraid she's going to look like all the rest of the helmet-heads out in Sun City Retirement Community (they all seem to get the same bubble-tastic bulletproof Q-Tip hairstyling, I don't get it) but we'll have to wait and see. René asks if Charlie is going to do any up-do's and he points to two of his models and says that one is going to get a French Twist and the other a 40's up-do. Okay, girl, I guess we gotta trust you know what you're doing.
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Comments (14)
J-Mo your recaps are hilarious. When you mentioned the Catshit lady I snorted I was laughing so hard.
I can't wait to read your Top Design recaps (last season was a giant bucket of crazy, so here's hoping Bravo got some more nutjobs) and I love the Salon Takeover ones.
I also got pissed that Dee won but she did a much better job on this particular challenge than Charlie. He can style hair wonderfully but his styles didn't seem to fit what they were supposed to be doing. He gave them movie set hair, not hair they would wear off the set (except for the oldest woman who I thought looked fantastic).
1 of 14 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on August 30, 2008 12:26 AM
J-Mo;
Another great recap! However, I think that Dee's 60 year old should be named Mama Crackles instead. That bat-shit crazy squirrel has to be the spawn of this gal.
Overall, I think Charlie was definately the best hairdresser and I am disappointed that he didn't win, but perhaps it's for the best. Just like American Idol, sometimes the almosts ultimately do much better than the winners.
I also very much enjoyed your Taking Over recap. Tabatha is just the SHIT and I love watching her kick ass. I thought she should have went much farther last season, but it looks like she got a much better "ultimate prize" than the $100 G's. Do her justice!!
Looking forward to reading your covers of Top Design as well. Judging by last year, there should be much fodder for your recaps.
Lots O' Love!
2 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 30, 2008 8:15 AM
did anyone notice that dee was wearing the same outfit in the elimination that 12 pack from i love money wore at HIS elimination this week!!!
3 of 14 | Posted by aman | Posted on August 30, 2008 10:38 AM
Your recaps were the real SHEAR GENIUS.
Charlie was robbed.
4 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 30, 2008 11:12 AM
Thanks for the great recap, J-mo!
I'm happy Dee won, at least she'll do something nice with her money.
Looking forward for the Salon TakeOver recap!
xoxoxo
5 of 14 | Posted by Detinha | Posted on August 30, 2008 5:47 PM
Loved the recap.
I think shows like this should take past winnings into consideration. Dee sucked most of the time while Charlie(I think)had the most wins.
The misspelling of Avant Garde was too funny...Spell check anyone?
Is it just me or does Rene pose like a cheerleader ready for her routine? Hands on hips, ready, go!!
6 of 14 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 31, 2008 12:08 PM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
7 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
8 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
hm, methinks i waited a while to read this because i'm that depressed that it (and your supersnarky recaps) are over. sob!
super-cute points for:
-a tom collicchio mention. mmmm, rawr.
-the convo between rene fris and dee. amazing.
-being the cutest thing ever. always.
and now, on to tabatha's takeover! :o) thanks for the great season, love!
9 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:51 PM
p.s. i agree, charlie was robbed. ROBBED.
10 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:52 PM
Boooo! I was hoping Charlie would have won. This season was way more entertaining than last year. And J-Mo, your recaps are awesome. The longer the better. Ahem.
Holy crap, Dee and 12 Pack DID have the same outfit on! I did not catch that.
My favorite part of this episode was Rene explaining to the styliss, "You have thwee hours for this challenge. Wead my lips. Thwee hours." If only we could read those lips, Rene. I will miss good ol Rene. Maybe he could be a very special guest star on Salon Takeover? One can only hope.
11 of 14 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 3, 2008 11:06 AM
Sob, I'll miss these recaps, Jmo!!!! sniff, but I'll be tuning in for the others--I'm glad you got me watching the show, as it was fun, esp since bitchy charlie stayed bitchy. I did think his final styles where pretty wonk, sadly, they all looked old world old, you know how Doris Day was probably 20 but she looks like a 40 year old from today, same for men, like a Cary Grant . . . maybe just the styles, but alas, I did feel for LD when she was crying how it wasn't going how she planned, and I liked Cackles the Clown, she seemed a hoot, esp with the gentle prodding, "but I have roots, um they're going to show"--I was ready for her to say, hand me that dye!!!! Honestly, 3 hours . . . ahem . . . I'd really rather see them get a proper amount of time and then fail because they suck and not coz they were rushed.
Gwen Stephanie my ass, that was prom photo circa 1940's . . . and the Scarlet one, altho a big improvement, still didn't look good.
As for D--the 30 year old music star looked like Amy Grant in the 80's, and the girl crying about the length . . . should'a saved them fightin' words for the bangs . . . Great catch on the Cher cover!!!
Much love and many kisses!!!!
12 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 3, 2008 1:55 PM
Huh? Wha? Dee? Or is it my jet lag playing tricks with my mind? No matter, I guess after Drag Queen Meredith, Paulo and Daniel left, I didn't care who won. Not that I liked their hairstyles (actually, I don't think I liked that many hairstyles in the entire run of the show), I just liked them. So of course they wouldn't have won the fan favorite award, either, I guess. Man, I have so much to catch up on. I just watched the one where Nekisa got booted! Yay! Anyway, J-Mo, thanks for all your hilarious recaps and sweet comments to all your fans. I am really looking forward to the Top Design recaps, and I enjoyed reading the Salon Takeover with Albino Ferret-Face recap. Catch you next week!
13 of 14 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on September 4, 2008 8:40 PM
Wow, thank all you guys for all your comments this season, it's been so much fun, and I really hope they start to do "Shear Genius" with the regularity that they're doing "Top Chef" and "Project Runway", it's hard to wait 18 months in between shows...
BTW, guys, keep your eyes open later for my special Q&A with Charlie Price... coming soon!
love always,
J-Mo :)
14 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 5, 2008 11:02 AM