Charlie deftly parries by invoking the image of Gwen Stefani and all the little "tornados" she has in her hairstyling. Kim wrinkles his nose (as much as his botoxerexia will allow anyhow) and says it's very daring, but says it's "very soft-serve". HEY! Now Kim Vo is ganking shit from my recaps! You nasty little bitch, I should get an Ex-ACT-O knife and return your lips to their normal size! Charlie takes the "soft-serve" as a compliment, which prompts a super-bitchy "Good!" out of Kim Ho. Linda Wells delivers a harder blow when she says that while the technical proficiency is clear, all of Bitchy Charlie's models look old. Damn! That was what he was afraid of. She waters it down somewhat by admitting that Scarlett Johanssen and Gwen Stefani do go for that retro-look, so she gets what he was going after. Sally Hershberger says Charlie can do any kind of hair, his styling is really strong, and Jaclyn pipes up with "I think iconic styles are always difficult technically... and you always accomplish it!" Yay for Jacci Praise™! That's much better!
Last up is Underdog Nicole...
She talks about her 18-year-old as being the "it" girl with her perfect hair that was long, blunt and shiny. She doesn't really do much of anything, but sit there and be an "it" girl. I have always hated "it" girls. Mostly because I could never be one. Thanks for bringing back those sparkling high-school memories, Nikki.... bitch.
Now we're in the 80's, Nicole says, and her 30-year-old is "crazy", her hair is "nuts" with all the curly pieces and the straight pieces, and at work she meets the man of her dreams (I wonder if "work" was Le Girl Nude Revue down by the airport and the "man of her dreams" kind of made her his girlfriend without really asking her how she felt about it... Underdog Nicole fails to elaborate, so I have to do it for her.) Snore.
So the Pimpmaster and Stripperella decide to settle down and have kids, and now she's 47 (the client really appreciated being swiftly aged by two more years I'm sure) and Nicole thinks that at this age women all cut their hair off and lighten it in order to "remain classy" for as long as possible. I think it's because they get tired of fucking around with complicated hairstyles...
And finally, at "about 58" she just lets the hair go to it's natural state... frizzy (but at least this client's age got cut down by 2 years, and she gazes lovingly at Underdog Nicole) and she lets it go darker because she's "not so young any more", but she's had a great life. Barf. Seriously. Puke-O-Rama!
Get ready to vomit some more, because Jaclyn (who seems to have been prompted by a producer or someone else off camera) says "That's a great story, Nicole! Is that someone you know?" and Underdog Nicole goes right for the misty-eyed sentimentality as she says it's based on her mom. Awwww, that's so sweet. Too bad these styles are gonna make everyone think your mom is hideous (and before anyone flames me, I'm sure her mom is very nice-looking, but the hairstyles are uggo). Nicole and Jaclyn share a tear and I lose most of my gummi worms and about half the pizza.
Kim Vo says he loves the shine with every one of them. HUH? With the exception of the dishwater blonde, I couldn't find any flatter, duller hair coloring on that stage! Linda Wells nails Nicole on her 60-year-old's hair looking totally unfinished. At least Underdog Nicole admits to this. Sally Hershberger says her cutting skills are quite good and asks how old she is. When Nicole says she's only 24, Sally says "Oh yeah... she's major!" OMG, I canNOT believe that someone just used fucking Victoria Beckham's lame-ass "catch-phrase" on this show! Shame on you, Sally!
Now it's time for the judges to send everybody away and do their private ripping-to-shreds (this is where I would so be such a totally great judge on this show!)...
...Mean Girls 2008...
For some reason, all of Jaclyn Smith's lines have been overdubbed during this part of the show. Someone musta spilled their Starbucks on the final edit or something. It sounds really weird and fake to keep hearing her breaking in and doing voice-overs while the camera never shows her face, therefore eliminating the need for any synchronizing work. Weird.
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Comments (14)
J-Mo your recaps are hilarious. When you mentioned the Catshit lady I snorted I was laughing so hard.
I can't wait to read your Top Design recaps (last season was a giant bucket of crazy, so here's hoping Bravo got some more nutjobs) and I love the Salon Takeover ones.
I also got pissed that Dee won but she did a much better job on this particular challenge than Charlie. He can style hair wonderfully but his styles didn't seem to fit what they were supposed to be doing. He gave them movie set hair, not hair they would wear off the set (except for the oldest woman who I thought looked fantastic).
1 of 14 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on August 30, 2008 12:26 AM
J-Mo;
Another great recap! However, I think that Dee's 60 year old should be named Mama Crackles instead. That bat-shit crazy squirrel has to be the spawn of this gal.
Overall, I think Charlie was definately the best hairdresser and I am disappointed that he didn't win, but perhaps it's for the best. Just like American Idol, sometimes the almosts ultimately do much better than the winners.
I also very much enjoyed your Taking Over recap. Tabatha is just the SHIT and I love watching her kick ass. I thought she should have went much farther last season, but it looks like she got a much better "ultimate prize" than the $100 G's. Do her justice!!
Looking forward to reading your covers of Top Design as well. Judging by last year, there should be much fodder for your recaps.
Lots O' Love!
2 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 30, 2008 8:15 AM
did anyone notice that dee was wearing the same outfit in the elimination that 12 pack from i love money wore at HIS elimination this week!!!
3 of 14 | Posted by aman | Posted on August 30, 2008 10:38 AM
Your recaps were the real SHEAR GENIUS.
Charlie was robbed.
4 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 30, 2008 11:12 AM
Thanks for the great recap, J-mo!
I'm happy Dee won, at least she'll do something nice with her money.
Looking forward for the Salon TakeOver recap!
xoxoxo
5 of 14 | Posted by Detinha | Posted on August 30, 2008 5:47 PM
Loved the recap.
I think shows like this should take past winnings into consideration. Dee sucked most of the time while Charlie(I think)had the most wins.
The misspelling of Avant Garde was too funny...Spell check anyone?
Is it just me or does Rene pose like a cheerleader ready for her routine? Hands on hips, ready, go!!
6 of 14 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 31, 2008 12:08 PM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
7 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
aman:
By sheer luck (hmm ... good or bad?) I happened to see 12-pack getting eliminated and thought he looked stoopid in the black shirt, white tie and red jacket - and totally noticed that Dee wore the exact same combo. I guess we know what other show SHE likes to watch and take her fashion inspiration from! LOL!
8 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 1, 2008 9:09 AM
hm, methinks i waited a while to read this because i'm that depressed that it (and your supersnarky recaps) are over. sob!
super-cute points for:
-a tom collicchio mention. mmmm, rawr.
-the convo between rene fris and dee. amazing.
-being the cutest thing ever. always.
and now, on to tabatha's takeover! :o) thanks for the great season, love!
9 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:51 PM
p.s. i agree, charlie was robbed. ROBBED.
10 of 14 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 12:52 PM
Boooo! I was hoping Charlie would have won. This season was way more entertaining than last year. And J-Mo, your recaps are awesome. The longer the better. Ahem.
Holy crap, Dee and 12 Pack DID have the same outfit on! I did not catch that.
My favorite part of this episode was Rene explaining to the styliss, "You have thwee hours for this challenge. Wead my lips. Thwee hours." If only we could read those lips, Rene. I will miss good ol Rene. Maybe he could be a very special guest star on Salon Takeover? One can only hope.
11 of 14 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 3, 2008 11:06 AM
Sob, I'll miss these recaps, Jmo!!!! sniff, but I'll be tuning in for the others--I'm glad you got me watching the show, as it was fun, esp since bitchy charlie stayed bitchy. I did think his final styles where pretty wonk, sadly, they all looked old world old, you know how Doris Day was probably 20 but she looks like a 40 year old from today, same for men, like a Cary Grant . . . maybe just the styles, but alas, I did feel for LD when she was crying how it wasn't going how she planned, and I liked Cackles the Clown, she seemed a hoot, esp with the gentle prodding, "but I have roots, um they're going to show"--I was ready for her to say, hand me that dye!!!! Honestly, 3 hours . . . ahem . . . I'd really rather see them get a proper amount of time and then fail because they suck and not coz they were rushed.
Gwen Stephanie my ass, that was prom photo circa 1940's . . . and the Scarlet one, altho a big improvement, still didn't look good.
As for D--the 30 year old music star looked like Amy Grant in the 80's, and the girl crying about the length . . . should'a saved them fightin' words for the bangs . . . Great catch on the Cher cover!!!
Much love and many kisses!!!!
12 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 3, 2008 1:55 PM
Huh? Wha? Dee? Or is it my jet lag playing tricks with my mind? No matter, I guess after Drag Queen Meredith, Paulo and Daniel left, I didn't care who won. Not that I liked their hairstyles (actually, I don't think I liked that many hairstyles in the entire run of the show), I just liked them. So of course they wouldn't have won the fan favorite award, either, I guess. Man, I have so much to catch up on. I just watched the one where Nekisa got booted! Yay! Anyway, J-Mo, thanks for all your hilarious recaps and sweet comments to all your fans. I am really looking forward to the Top Design recaps, and I enjoyed reading the Salon Takeover with Albino Ferret-Face recap. Catch you next week!
13 of 14 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on September 4, 2008 8:40 PM
Wow, thank all you guys for all your comments this season, it's been so much fun, and I really hope they start to do "Shear Genius" with the regularity that they're doing "Top Chef" and "Project Runway", it's hard to wait 18 months in between shows...
BTW, guys, keep your eyes open later for my special Q&A with Charlie Price... coming soon!
love always,
J-Mo :)
14 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 5, 2008 11:02 AM