...and has worked with some of Hollywood's "top A-list celebrities, including Teri Hatcher, Kate Hudson... and Jenny McCarthy!" I was like WTF?!?? Since when is Jenny McCarthy considered "A-list"? Her last movie was that fucking Larry The Cable Guy's Witless Protection, wasn't it? Oh, well, I guess since she's banging Jim Carrey she sorta A-list, although he hasn't exactly had a hit on his hands lately, either (the Number 23... ooooooooweeeeeeoooooooooo!). Anyhow, back to Kim Vo... he (in my opinion anyhow) seems to be an oddly disturbing mix between Carson Kressley and Michael Jackson...
...very strange, but he has a cute pixieish smile, and it seems like he's not afraid to be bitchy or mean (although I had to wonder why a "master colorist" would have had such a boring shade of blonde for his own hair color, but, eh, I guess maybe he's not above having a Feria moment from time to time). I like him already, and Jaclyn gushes that he has salons in Beverly Hills (ooh!), West Hollywood (ahh!) and Las Vegas (ohh!).
Now, with Kim being a male and having a rather feminine name, we come to our stylestant Glenn, who is a woman with a masculine name...
...Glenn is from Decatur, AL and is the one you might have seen in the promos saying "Ah kin make ya feel better'n'a bottle of Prozac!" Yes, anothere Southerne Belle! Glenn is all a-twitter at being in the presence of Kim Vo and chirps "Ah'm very exSAHt'd to hayiv Kim owun the shaiow... color is Kim's niche and thayat's mahn also!" I believe her, too, because she's got the exact same boring shade of blonde in her hair as well!
Jaclyn asks the stylestants which of them thinks they can win, and of course they all raise their hands (ha ha ha, like the promo says... eleven of them are wrong!). Which brings us to our next stylestant, who I noticed right away was wearing his sunglasses indoors and has a memorable name...
...of Oshun (pronounced O-shun). He is an L.A. boy and right away kinda sets my teeth on edge when he says "What makes me unique is Oshun got the potion for the motion... When I touch your hair and I do the flair... 'Cuz I'm Oshun and I'm deep!" Yup, he's a poet and he don't know-et (well, I guess he does know it, but it seems to me that Muhammad Ali and Jesse Jackson always had a better grasp on their rhyming sing-songy speeches... and at least they made sense most of the time... I'm still trying to figure out what a "potion for the motion" is... maybe he's talking about that new K-Y stuff?). Anyhow, Oshun says he's been doing this for over 18 years! Since he's only 31, that means he started touching hair and doing flair at the tender age of 13! He also helpfully adds that he's been nominated for an Emmy! I tried to look it up and see if there was such a thing as an Emmy for Best Hair In A Drama Or Comedy and I couldn't find one (only Best and Worst Red Carpet Hairstyles AT the Emmy Awards).... I'm starting to catch the pungent scent of bullshit whenever Oshun opens his mouth...
We move on to Charlie, who is the one you've seen in the promos saying "It's gonna be a beauty... bloodbath!!!"
...Charlie seems to be angling to be "the bitchy one" when he says "The other stylists should be worried about me for one simple reason... I don't give a fuck if they like me or not!" Interesting. So, I guess being bitchy somehow amps up your talent for styling hair? Charlie goes on to say that he's "technically from Hell" but that he resides in Denver, CO. Ha ha. They're in the same zip code, stupid. Jaclyn asks Charlie why he thinks he can win and he hisses "Because I have an eye like no one else, and I'm ruthless!!!" Jaclyn and Kim Vo exchange an amused glance and echo "Ruthless?" which prompts Jaclyn to say "This is scary!" to which Charlie helpfully responds "I'm not scary, just bitchy..." Oh, okay, I get it, you're bitchy and ruthless and the other stylists should all be worried about you because you don't give a fuck if they like you or not, but you're not trying to be scary. Okay, Mary. (Damn you, Oshun, now you've got me doing it, too!)
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Comments (11)
This recap was f-ing hilarious!!! I laughed my p*ssy off. BTW - I hate Oshun and was glad to see his punk ass booted the first time. Arrogance is not usually rewarded on reality tv. I guess he didn't have the cock to match those enormous balls he kept trotting out. Oh the wells!
1 of 11 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 2, 2008 1:17 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo and welcome to TVGasm! I haven't even watched this show, but I was bored so I read your recap -- and laughed my arse off! Too many funny lines to quote!
2 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:30 PM
J-Mo, you rock! This shit is just too funny! Keep up the good work!
3 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:43 PM
Good job, J-Mo--I'm guilty of boredom too, as I've not seen the show, but I'm curious to see the awkward face movements!!! Very funny and thorough recap--great intro's to character's even for the uninitiated!!!!
All I can say though, is, c'mon Charlie, for reals--you think someone would wear their hair like that on an occasion other than Halloween!!! Ohshun, sorry, annoying even in abreviated recap!!!!
4 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:59 PM
Awww, shucks everybody... for my first posting here on the fabulous TVgasm, you're showing me lots of love and kissy-smooches, and I'm so very happy you're enjoying it...
Reese, honey, please go find your p*ssy, you're gonna need it someday, and I don't want you to be mad at me if you laughed it off somewhere (seriously, thank you luv) Zbird, likewise, I hope you get your arse back (*mwah*). ArizonaTom, you're like paper when you cover me, and you're the scissors I break.. much love to you. Juddfan, I'm glad you enjoyed the detail I went into... I hope to narrow things down a little bit as they get rid of some of these people...
Thanks everybody, I'm excited to be here and looking forward to navigating this second season of snarky stylings!
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 2, 2008 8:45 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo! I missed this show but now I'll make a point to watch it, just to read your recaps later and giggle.
6 of 11 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:03 AM
Loved the phonetic dialect quotes, esp. Rene's! LMAO
7 of 11 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 3, 2008 10:54 AM
Hey, add me to the list of people who's looking for a missing body part after laughing so hard. I liked your Danny Does Dallas phonetic transcripts... Thank you for adding photos of the stylists, because as soon as the show was over, I had already forgotten what half of them looked like and their names. And you're not that far off the mark comparing Kim Vo to Michael Jackson, since he is Vietnamese, and it would never have occurred to me if I hadn't read it. I just knew he looked weird (although rather cutely weird!) However, if I picture him with black hair, he doesn't look that strange anymore - just heavily botoxed, maybe. Picture Michael Jackson with any other hair style/color, well... he's still a yucky alien.
8 of 11 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 3, 2008 4:57 PM
Your recap was more entertaining than the episode! You are hilarious and so dead-on with your observations. Can't wait to read your next week's recap!
9 of 11 | Posted by pokerplayer | Posted on July 3, 2008 7:57 PM
Didn't catch up on the show til this weekend so I only just finished your recap. And what a great recap it was. You are going to be a terrific addition to the gasm.
I can't wait to read what you thought of the Real Housewives episode.
And I am eagerly anticipating the cutting of the crazy long hair.
Keep up the great work!
10 of 11 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on July 5, 2008 11:17 AM
Awesome recap! Toooo funny. Your impression of Rene is spot on. Ugh! I cannot stand him. He ruins the show for me. Every time I see him appear, I get as annoyed as the contestants seem to get.
11 of 11 | Posted by SomeBunnyHatesYou | Posted on August 8, 2008 8:27 PM