Female Glenn says that she's actually seen Charlie "perform on stage" before and that he has an amazing creativity... (I wasn't aware that there were actual hair stage shows, but then they show a clip of Charlie wearing a pop-star's headset and doing hair on a stage somewhere... and then they cut to this awfully limp blonde-over-black asymmetrical hair-don't that he has amazingly created... I begin to think that Charlie is going to be a lot of fun to watch, bitchy or no).
We move on to Parker, who is from West Palm Beach, FL and is totally original in his aping of Christian Siriano's hairstyle...
...Jaclyn asks Parker what makes him think he can win, and he haughtily replies "Everything my scissors touches is like superfly TNT (huh?!?)... what I do is so brilliant that I'm for shore going to win this competition!" Jaclyn and Kim share another amused glance... "They're so confident!" she observes.
Jaclyn explains that each week there will be two challenges... the first is a "Short Cut Challenge" (which I guess would correspond to the "Quick Fire Challenge" on Top Chef) and an Elimination Challenge (which I guess would correspond to the "Elimination Challenge" on Top Chef) and then Kim Vo takes over and says their first challenge starts NOW...
...and we see all these women come out of the back of the salon, and they're all wearing safety goggles. I was hoping maybe they'd all get in a scissors-throwing fight, but I was wrong. Female Glenn is worried and says "OMG, you NAYvur cut a client's haiyur with GLAYses owun!" She was "mortified" by it. Huh? These women just walking out while wearing safety goggles "mortified" you? I think Miss Alabama Ding Dong is gonna crack under the pressure pretty quickly, bottles of Prozac or no!
Sure enough, this Short Cut Challenge is called "In The Dark" and the stylists will have to cut their clients hair... while wearing blindfolds! Oooooohh, double snap-eroo!!! Paulo immediately panics and says "Fuck me, we're gonna cut hair blindfolded?!??!?" No, Paulo, I won't, and yes, apparently, you are. This brings us to Nekisa from Concord, CA...
...who says "I always tell my stylists 'Close your eyes and just check and make sure that the cut is even using the feel of your hands'..." Interesting approach. I would think using your eyes would be faster and more accurate. Still, I like Nekisa, she seems like she'd be a fun girl to hang out and get drunk with. Plus she has an exotic name.
Kim Vo says he will be judging their cuts and ranking them, and Jaclyn says they can go get set up. Parker jumps back in with "I joke all the time that I could do it blindfolded... this will be me proving myself right!" I don't like Parker, he seems like a bit of a prick, and not only does he remind me of Christian Siriano, but also that hack David Cook (a.k.a. Smirky McSmugMug, the new *cough* American Idol *urp*). We move on from him to his female twin/drag alter-ego, Gail, from Columbus, OH...
...Gail seems to like looking all emo and wearing a lot of leopard print. All of her clients tend to look very emo, too. She's another styling prodigy who started out at age 12! Can someone please tell me which salons are hiring 12- and 13-year-olds to be stylists? Because I want to make sure never to go there. Gail says "I always start out at the bottom and end up at the top!" Me too, honey... me too! Gail is desperately trying to convince her client to go with an asymmetrical cut because she won't be able to see. She's scared because "You have steel razor blades in one hand, and soft flesh in the other..." What is she holding onto, the client's neck? I think Gail is a bit of a drama-queen.
Now we meet this season's Totally Obvious Lesbiana™ Dee, of Miami, FL...
« Flipping Out: Rollin' With the Punches and Plaster | Main | Last Comic Standing: Semifinals, Part the First »
Comments (11)
This recap was f-ing hilarious!!! I laughed my p*ssy off. BTW - I hate Oshun and was glad to see his punk ass booted the first time. Arrogance is not usually rewarded on reality tv. I guess he didn't have the cock to match those enormous balls he kept trotting out. Oh the wells!
1 of 11 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 2, 2008 1:17 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo and welcome to TVGasm! I haven't even watched this show, but I was bored so I read your recap -- and laughed my arse off! Too many funny lines to quote!
2 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:30 PM
J-Mo, you rock! This shit is just too funny! Keep up the good work!
3 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:43 PM
Good job, J-Mo--I'm guilty of boredom too, as I've not seen the show, but I'm curious to see the awkward face movements!!! Very funny and thorough recap--great intro's to character's even for the uninitiated!!!!
All I can say though, is, c'mon Charlie, for reals--you think someone would wear their hair like that on an occasion other than Halloween!!! Ohshun, sorry, annoying even in abreviated recap!!!!
4 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:59 PM
Awww, shucks everybody... for my first posting here on the fabulous TVgasm, you're showing me lots of love and kissy-smooches, and I'm so very happy you're enjoying it...
Reese, honey, please go find your p*ssy, you're gonna need it someday, and I don't want you to be mad at me if you laughed it off somewhere (seriously, thank you luv) Zbird, likewise, I hope you get your arse back (*mwah*). ArizonaTom, you're like paper when you cover me, and you're the scissors I break.. much love to you. Juddfan, I'm glad you enjoyed the detail I went into... I hope to narrow things down a little bit as they get rid of some of these people...
Thanks everybody, I'm excited to be here and looking forward to navigating this second season of snarky stylings!
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 2, 2008 8:45 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo! I missed this show but now I'll make a point to watch it, just to read your recaps later and giggle.
6 of 11 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:03 AM
Loved the phonetic dialect quotes, esp. Rene's! LMAO
7 of 11 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 3, 2008 10:54 AM
Hey, add me to the list of people who's looking for a missing body part after laughing so hard. I liked your Danny Does Dallas phonetic transcripts... Thank you for adding photos of the stylists, because as soon as the show was over, I had already forgotten what half of them looked like and their names. And you're not that far off the mark comparing Kim Vo to Michael Jackson, since he is Vietnamese, and it would never have occurred to me if I hadn't read it. I just knew he looked weird (although rather cutely weird!) However, if I picture him with black hair, he doesn't look that strange anymore - just heavily botoxed, maybe. Picture Michael Jackson with any other hair style/color, well... he's still a yucky alien.
8 of 11 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 3, 2008 4:57 PM
Your recap was more entertaining than the episode! You are hilarious and so dead-on with your observations. Can't wait to read your next week's recap!
9 of 11 | Posted by pokerplayer | Posted on July 3, 2008 7:57 PM
Didn't catch up on the show til this weekend so I only just finished your recap. And what a great recap it was. You are going to be a terrific addition to the gasm.
I can't wait to read what you thought of the Real Housewives episode.
And I am eagerly anticipating the cutting of the crazy long hair.
Keep up the great work!
10 of 11 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on July 5, 2008 11:17 AM
Awesome recap! Toooo funny. Your impression of Rene is spot on. Ugh! I cannot stand him. He ruins the show for me. Every time I see him appear, I get as annoyed as the contestants seem to get.
11 of 11 | Posted by SomeBunnyHatesYou | Posted on August 8, 2008 8:27 PM