Back at Matthew's station, not being satisfied with just injuring his client, he has now managed to actually cut his own finger... he sounds concerned when his client/victim tells him he is bleeding and quickly assures her "I promise I don't have anything..." Yeah, how about stopping and getting a Band-Aid on there, huh Edward Scissorhands?
Kim Vo has moved on to bother Oshun, and asks him how he's feeling. Oshun booms in a too-loud voice that he doesn't know what he's doing (surprise!) and that he's feeling hair (bigger surprise!). Eventually the 45 minutes they were given to complete their blind cuts runs out and Kim Vo starts judging...
He immediately jumps on Parker's cut, asking him if he truly was satisfied with it... Parker insists he is. When Kim asks the client, I couldn't hear what her answer was... My guess it was in a small voice "ihateitpleasefixthemessthisassholedidtomyhead."
Next up is Female Glenn who says she did a very hard precision cut to show she wasn't afraid to take risks. Kim looks less than impressed.
When he gets to Danny Dallas' client he immediately clocks the tackiness... "I see some tease in here... are you from Dallas?" and Danny beams and drawls "Even blahnd-folded!" like backteasing hair is such precision work and he's just been complimented. To tell you the truth, it didn't look all that different to me from what the woman walked in with.
Kim asks Lesbiana Dee what was the best part of doing the cut, and she says when she got to use the feathering razor (see? I toldja the bitch likes to cut!) Kim looks a little taken aback and says incredulously "You weren't scared to use a razor on her while blindfolded?" and Dee says nope. Her client looks no-so-sanguine about the experience, but grateful not to be spouting blood from anywhere.
Charlie isn't trod upon too harshly by Kim, which prompts him to say in an interview, "Then again, I thought they all looked like shit..." So far, I kinda have to agree with him.... at least he included himself in the bunch.
I can't even remember if Kim had any critique for Gail's cut at all. It was kinda non-descript, but I'm guessing Gail was itching to dye it black and make big long bangs to cover the girl's face...
Meredith also seemed to escape mostly unscathed (or my notes are illegible)... Kim just kind of looked and moved on...
Now Paulo certainly wasn't about to take any critique for his chop-job from fellow queen Kim Vo without making some kind of smart remark, even if it was only in his private interview where he exploded "Dude... I'm blindfolded! It ain't gonna be a perfect haircut!! You're lucky that she still has her ears and her eyeballs intact!!! (gay eye-roll)" To Kim's face, Paulo was like "Wow, cutting blindfolded was a trip!"
By the time Kim got around to Nekisa's client, Oshun seemed to feel that he, too, was qualified to judge her skills... "Nekisa's cut was real lopsided, it had no symmetry, no movement..." Luckily he stopped short of saying "It had no motion of the Oshun, 'cuz I'm deep!" Kim seemed less than happy with Nekisa's job, too.
And then Kim brought the karma wheel and rolled right over Oshun's toes with it! He frowned heavily and quite pointedly asked "Where was your guideline here?" as he pulled his fingers through Oshun's client's hair... "It's right on top there..." Oshun said uncertainly, and Kim, who was clearly unable to find any such 'guideline', gave out a small "Hmmm..." before moving on. The other stylestants looked like their thought-bubbles were all going "Oooooooh, I'm glad that ain't me!"
Kim moved on to Straight Guy Matthew, and commisserated with him on his injured hands before pretty much saying his cut was ugly. Like a little salt for those cuts, Matthew?
Lastly, Kim took several minutes to go over Our Little Underdog Nicole's work... Nicole said that Asian hair is very hard to work with because it is so pin-straight, you cannot hide mistakes in it. Kim seems impressed with what she did (and she was the one who said she couldn't even walk straight!!!).
« Flipping Out: Rollin' With the Punches and Plaster | Main | Last Comic Standing: Semifinals, Part the First »
Comments (11)
This recap was f-ing hilarious!!! I laughed my p*ssy off. BTW - I hate Oshun and was glad to see his punk ass booted the first time. Arrogance is not usually rewarded on reality tv. I guess he didn't have the cock to match those enormous balls he kept trotting out. Oh the wells!
1 of 11 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 2, 2008 1:17 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo and welcome to TVGasm! I haven't even watched this show, but I was bored so I read your recap -- and laughed my arse off! Too many funny lines to quote!
2 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:30 PM
J-Mo, you rock! This shit is just too funny! Keep up the good work!
3 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:43 PM
Good job, J-Mo--I'm guilty of boredom too, as I've not seen the show, but I'm curious to see the awkward face movements!!! Very funny and thorough recap--great intro's to character's even for the uninitiated!!!!
All I can say though, is, c'mon Charlie, for reals--you think someone would wear their hair like that on an occasion other than Halloween!!! Ohshun, sorry, annoying even in abreviated recap!!!!
4 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 2, 2008 5:59 PM
Awww, shucks everybody... for my first posting here on the fabulous TVgasm, you're showing me lots of love and kissy-smooches, and I'm so very happy you're enjoying it...
Reese, honey, please go find your p*ssy, you're gonna need it someday, and I don't want you to be mad at me if you laughed it off somewhere (seriously, thank you luv) Zbird, likewise, I hope you get your arse back (*mwah*). ArizonaTom, you're like paper when you cover me, and you're the scissors I break.. much love to you. Juddfan, I'm glad you enjoyed the detail I went into... I hope to narrow things down a little bit as they get rid of some of these people...
Thanks everybody, I'm excited to be here and looking forward to navigating this second season of snarky stylings!
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 2, 2008 8:45 PM
Awesome recap J-Mo! I missed this show but now I'll make a point to watch it, just to read your recaps later and giggle.
6 of 11 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:03 AM
Loved the phonetic dialect quotes, esp. Rene's! LMAO
7 of 11 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 3, 2008 10:54 AM
Hey, add me to the list of people who's looking for a missing body part after laughing so hard. I liked your Danny Does Dallas phonetic transcripts... Thank you for adding photos of the stylists, because as soon as the show was over, I had already forgotten what half of them looked like and their names. And you're not that far off the mark comparing Kim Vo to Michael Jackson, since he is Vietnamese, and it would never have occurred to me if I hadn't read it. I just knew he looked weird (although rather cutely weird!) However, if I picture him with black hair, he doesn't look that strange anymore - just heavily botoxed, maybe. Picture Michael Jackson with any other hair style/color, well... he's still a yucky alien.
8 of 11 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 3, 2008 4:57 PM
Your recap was more entertaining than the episode! You are hilarious and so dead-on with your observations. Can't wait to read your next week's recap!
9 of 11 | Posted by pokerplayer | Posted on July 3, 2008 7:57 PM
Didn't catch up on the show til this weekend so I only just finished your recap. And what a great recap it was. You are going to be a terrific addition to the gasm.
I can't wait to read what you thought of the Real Housewives episode.
And I am eagerly anticipating the cutting of the crazy long hair.
Keep up the great work!
10 of 11 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on July 5, 2008 11:17 AM
Awesome recap! Toooo funny. Your impression of Rene is spot on. Ugh! I cannot stand him. He ruins the show for me. Every time I see him appear, I get as annoyed as the contestants seem to get.
11 of 11 | Posted by SomeBunnyHatesYou | Posted on August 8, 2008 8:27 PM