Kim tells them that this is his favorite challenge, because he's done color on everybody from Fergie to Britney, and yes, he actually admits to making Perez Hilton's head that faboo shade of bloo! And all this time I thought it was just that Perez is really a Smurf, but, okay, Kim colored his hair Toilet Cleaner Blue™. Hey, it takes inner strength to admit your mistakes out loud, so you go, Kim Vo!
Anyhow, they all go to choose scissor-boxes... instead of numbers, though, each box contains a colored comb like the ones everybody used to keep in their back pockets in the late 70's/early 80's when we wanted to make sure our feathered hair stayed ultra-feathered (and parted right down the middle) and plus it was easier to spread lice that way. Each of today's desperate females has a corresponding comb to pair up with their stylestants.
Jaclyn says they are looking for "extreme color transformation" so in order to allow for full color processing, they are being given four hours for this Short Cut Challenge! Mmmmm, I bet it's fun to be inhaling the carcinogens in Chinese Red Dye #938 for four hours... hope you ladies don't need your lungs after today. This news makes Über-Gay Paulo so happy he starts doing that weird air-humping thing again...
...something tells me that this is pretty damn close to Paulo's actual sex-face...
Even better, the winner will receive immunity in the next Elimination Challenge! Paulo's still so happy about the four hours that he fails to notice he just got screwed over again... oh well, you take your joy wherever you can I guess. Ah, but Jaclyn wasn't finished... the winner will also help "determine the outcome" of the Elimination Challenge as well. This news is giving Dallas Daniel a major case of the Vapors... but then again, so do schlubby rich-bitches on TV, so I'm not paying much attention to his histrionics.
And they're off! Exotic Nekisa immediately starts trying to figure out how she can best screw the pooch by talking about making some kind of giant reddish-purple flower on the side of her client's head. Her client's reaction to this is priceless...
...ohh my god, you really have no fucking clue, do you...
Amen, sister, but you're the one stuck with the big-boobed bottom-dweller. I just hope your hair will grow back after whatever radioactive mess she pulls on it. Maybe they still have a few HairUWear wigs lying around from last week... better keep a couple on hand just in case (but don't let Nekisa style those, either). Nekisa is also having to remove the coloring her client has already put in her hair before she can really move forward with her plans to fuck up this challenge.
Lesbiana Dee's client is thinking of "fire-head". I'm thinking Dee would really like to give her "fire-crotch" instead. She's talking about blending warm yellow into red. It sounds pretty much like Yoplait Bananas'N'Strawberries Yogurt™ to me. I say go for it.
Über-Gay Paulo says he's planning on doing his client's cut first, and that he's not worried about color. Ummm, this sounds kinda bad... didn't Jaclyn and Kim say, oh, about FIFTY TIMES that this whole challenge was alllll about color??!??!? Dear Paulo: you're getting more lovable by the day, but this whole bonehead thing you keep doing is a huge turn-off. Stop it. love, J-Mo
Kim Vo comes to check in with our Bitchy Charlie, who says that his idea for his client's coloring is "Flamessssssssssssss". Only with about 70 more S's. Kim nods, wipes the spittle off his face and moves on to.Lesbiana Dee, who is now going to put Birds Of Paradise in her client's hair. Interesting that she'd choose such a, oh, shall we say labial flower to emulate?
..."and then I'm gonna do a Georgia O'Keefe vulvular G-Spot on her forehead...
There's only one hour left and Über-Gay Paulo must be hearing the dramatic music they're playing as he says "You know, you look around and everybody's got some sort of vibrant color, I mean, a lot of it looks like, you know, the rainbow exploded over somebody's head! You look at mine and I wanted more of a Smurf, sort of, blue color... and I ended up getting what Papa Smurf shit all over her whole head! The color that I chose to put on was just way too dark and it really didn't give me that contrast that I was looking for..."
...Papa Smurf's Smurfarrhea...
« Big Brother: May the Best Boobs Win | Main | Baby Borrowers: Everything Old is Really Old Again...to Teens »
Comments (11)
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
1 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
2 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
I heart Kate Jackson!
Great recap!!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:24 AM
Hilarious recap, J-Mo! God, how is Nekisa still there??!?
4 of 11 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:29 AM
IMO Nekisa remains because she makes better TV than the ones who go.
Based on your screen caps, IMO Kate and Jaclyn both look fabulous.
Don't watch it, but your recaps are priceless! Thanks!
5 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 2, 2008 9:08 AM
Funny, funny recap. The quotes under the pics are priceless...Dairy Queen hairstyle..LOL. You took no prisoners this week.
Our Nekisa is the cockroach of the Shear Genius war. It's the only explaination to why she's still there.
6 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:53 PM
oh j-mo...
when you say things like, "you cross-eyed pint-sized hard-faced poonhound," and "My mouth just dropped open, so I had to put another beer in there," you make me laugh so hard that i get nervous looks from my colleagues and quickly have to minimize the tvgasm window so i look like i'm actually just incredibly amused by my work.
fire@will--totally agree. nekisa is there because they are hoping she will continue to say ridiculous, unfounded things about how it's everybody/thing's fault except for hers that she blows fat cock.
did anyone else think that both nekisa and charlie were slurring a pretty ridiculous amount during that whole fight? i mean honestly how many drinks had they consumed at that point? it was like watching a couple of completely cracked out bitches in a backwoods bar fight over a man who's already snuck out the back door.
now, this episode deals with an issue i take with pretty much every bravo show i've ever watched: the fact that they do not look at a contestant's entire body of work, but just the work on that episode, when deciding who goes home. i feel like there should be more attention paid to continuing suckage. after last season's top chef, i've named this "the lisa conundrum." if someone is ALWAYS in the bottom, please just get rid of them. please. it hurts, it really does.
this is why tabatha should be a regular judge. she never would have stood for this crap. ooh let's have her takeover nekisa's salon!!!
7 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 4, 2008 11:14 AM
Thanks for the awesome comments you guys! As always, I love to see what you think, and I'm excited for this week's show tomorrow night...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex... (déjà vu!)
silver... I heart tvgasm readers along with Kate Jackson...
LeeH... thank you for the kind compliment, and I believe that Nekisa is also benefitting from the Power Of Lesbiana Protection... since the producers have a partial hand in who goes and who stays I'm guessing they're all afraid Dee's gonna cut 'em!
fire@will... Yes, Nekisa does give us somebody to hate on (I thought that role was going to be Charlie's but he's turning out to be a chunky bald angel who's just kinda bitchy sometimes). I also agree with you that Jaclyn and Kate both look pretty damn good... it's kinda sad that Farrah is so busted-looking nowadays (and I KNOW she has cancer, but she's had no excuse for her pre-cancer days... well, at least not one you could publish without getting sued over). As always, I am willing to watch and help guide so you don't have to if you don't want to... kissy-smoochies!
skies... yes, I probably seemed a tad bitter this week (hence no prisoners) but I really get tired of overbearing lesbianas on TV telling everybody what to do all the time (*cough*oprah*cough*). At least when Daniel, or Paulo, or Charlie is gonna say something not so kind about someone else, they give it a healthy dash of bitchy, cutting humor... Dee just sounds pissed off whenever things don't go her way. She will probably come find me and kill me if she ever finds these recaps. I may be living on borrowed time. Excuse me while I go get drunk for a bit...
mrsdaddytom... you are too kind! I laugh a lot at tvgasm.com, too, and sometimes I have had the same reaction from coworkers as well. I'm glad it's not just me (spread the word to your friends, the world needs more laughter) and if you can pull it off where your work can be construed as amusing that is amazing! I have a rougher time with that as MY work consists of claims adjudication for Medicare D. Yeah. Not so amusing. Damn!
I did find it interesting how drunk both Nekisa and Charlie seemed to be while they were fighting, which could explain why he seemed so blasé about her attacks... I know when *I* get a good buzz going I don't really care about much (other than wondering "did I just pee myself???... Hmmmmm.")
And yes, I agree sometimes I think they should take previous work into account... at least on certain challenges... I think these awful people who hang on week after week because someone sucks a little bit more than they do gives them some kind of false impression of their skills... I know Lisa seemed to think she was a hot-shit chef after she made it to the finals, ignoring all the other horrid garbagey food she served in the preceding 13 weeks. Nekisa probably thinks she's a bad-ass hair-burner after surviving to be in the top 6 (out of 12!!!! GAWD that's depressing!).
Thank all of you for your comments, I love it love it love it!
lovin' it,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:24 AM
Thanks for the recap, J-mo!!!! I for one thought all the wacky colors were ridonk, except the vaginal bird of paradise . . . is it the lesbian in me? Charlie's was a soft serve yogurt with swirls of flavors--just a wrong style for sporty bright colors . . . His winning was like a fix, I totally think he's in the producers pocket, and probably knows why they keep Excusa!!! Don't get me wrong, I think Charlie's one of us, except he says it out loud.
Funny to see Jaclyn soooo disappointed, and Kate was completely useless, but a hoot none the less, with no opinion on anything, not even cleverly disguised as a Nina Garcia "no comment"
Call me crazy, as usual, but I did not think Jaclyn or Kate's hair on Angels was iconic . . . at all, esp. not Kate's!!! But I do feel for her getting all the botched bobs as interpretation!!! Her hair looks lovely now, and more modern than Jaclyn . . . and J-mo, I think the reason Farrah looks all washed up is she waited to long to do a little maintainence, so by the time she got to pulling there was just too much to tug . . . just an opinion!!!!
HEARTS, DIAMONDS, STARS and CLOVERS!!!!
9 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:08 PM
I had to stop mid-recap to comment because I was cracking up! When Dallas Daniel says they're going to take down anyone in the room that has a vagina and then he leans in to his client and whispers "not you" that kind of made my entire day. I laughed so hard- if I'm having a bad day, I think of that scene and I start laughing all over again. And I think the elephant in the room (obviously the worst stylist, considering she's been in the bottom how many times?) should really just leave- they should have booted her off because of her consistent failure. I'd rather keep someone who made a teeny error in judgment than someone who sucks nonstop.
10 of 11 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on August 5, 2008 1:24 PM
Sorry, J-MO, but I had to stop reading after you conjured up the image of Charlie getting freaky in the bedroom. I'll be back to read the rest of the recap after a few glasses of wine have eradicated said image from my subconscious....
11 of 11 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:35 PM