Ruh-roh! The drains in the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon must be all fulla hair, because suddenly the wash basins are not draining and Exotic Nekisa is panicking and claiming that because of that, the leftover blue color she had in the bowl and on the back of her client's head went and attacked the other portions of her client's head in order to turn them blue, too. Evil Smurfaliciousness! Kim Vo comes along and asks Nekisa if this is the color she was going for (in a tone that unmistakably says "really, is this the shit you were planning to show me?") and she lies and says that yes it is, but then goes on to give her Excuse #954 of the day, which is saying that because her client's hair sat in the backed up blue water, the fuschia got mad and moved out and let the blue move in and that's why the color job sucks. It's not her fault. Except for the whole "leaving the hair in the blue water" thing.
Bitch, if you know this shit is gonna make everything blue, wouldn't you have hauled ass to find another working sink the very second it started happening so you could avoid this very scenario that you seemed so knowledgable about?? Or at least pull the bitch's head out of the evil blue water? Or, you know, use some of the pre-colored extensions they have had sitting on the coloring table the entire time (and that you used to demonstrate your color idea to the client)! Nope, it's just easier to blame other people and things for stuff going wrong, you know?
Guess who agrees with J-Mo? Bitchy Charlie, who says "Of course Nekisa had some tired-ass excuse about how the sink was backing up and that fucked up her color, I was like 'Um, somehow I don't think it was the sink...'"
...Bitch, puh-LEEZE!...
Dallas Daniel says that he thinks Dee's color job looks horrible and makes a big pukey face. Oh Daniel, you just knew I'd have to get a screen shot, didn't you??
...In Day-llas a lay-dee doesn't swaller, she spits instayd...
Pukey or not, it's time for the judging to begin! Let me get my sunglasses on first! And take a sip of my mimosa! Just kidding! I'm doing beer bongs instead...
First up is Exotic Excuses Nekisa...
This girl looks exactly like every single female Tower Records employee I ever worked with. I wonder if she still has a pair of faerie wings she wears to Tori Amos concerts. Exotic Nekisa claims that she meant for it to look like it does (like shit) and that she left the styling down to "show off the vibrancy". Kim Vo takes one look and says "I don't see too much vibrancy here..." Nekisa trots out her Evil Blue Water Excuse again and Kim just smiles. I think he's layin' for ya, girl... you best gird up your loins now... and Kim strikes hard by asking why she didn't go use some of the SOCAP USA™ color extensions they had there for them (oh snap!). Nekisa claims lack of time and insists that she wanted to show off the vibrancy the client DOES have in her hair. Keeping in mind, they had only four hours. And once again, she's insisting something is there that the judges insist actually isn't (said "vibrancy"). Bitch, you just suck, admit it and let's move on!
Next up is Lesbiana Dee and her Brilliant Menstrual Cervix Of Paradise!!!...
Kim claims he sees Bird Of Paradise, but all I'm seeing is used Maxi-Pad, the kind with "wings" that always lands sticky-side down in the wastebasket. Dee says her client is a singer in a rock band (cool, so she's, like, totally rock'n'roll?) and that she used five different colors. Well, it may be searing my retinas, but it sure is vibrant, and that was the challenge, so I guess a kudo goes to Dee. Just one, though, let's not get carried away.
Moving right along, here's Underdog Nicole's client...
Ho-leee shit! Did I say Dee's client's hair looked red? I take it alll back. Well, most of it, because Nicole's client's head looks like one giant blood clot (and iron-poor blood at that). She goes into the fact that her client had a bunch of coloring on her hair she had to remove first. Kim Vo nails her with his observation that she was really only successful on the top of the head, not all over. It's okay Nicole, you can punch him in the face, he won't even feel it.
And boy oh boy, here is Female Glenn's client...
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Comments (11)
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
1 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
2 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
I heart Kate Jackson!
Great recap!!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:24 AM
Hilarious recap, J-Mo! God, how is Nekisa still there??!?
4 of 11 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:29 AM
IMO Nekisa remains because she makes better TV than the ones who go.
Based on your screen caps, IMO Kate and Jaclyn both look fabulous.
Don't watch it, but your recaps are priceless! Thanks!
5 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 2, 2008 9:08 AM
Funny, funny recap. The quotes under the pics are priceless...Dairy Queen hairstyle..LOL. You took no prisoners this week.
Our Nekisa is the cockroach of the Shear Genius war. It's the only explaination to why she's still there.
6 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:53 PM
oh j-mo...
when you say things like, "you cross-eyed pint-sized hard-faced poonhound," and "My mouth just dropped open, so I had to put another beer in there," you make me laugh so hard that i get nervous looks from my colleagues and quickly have to minimize the tvgasm window so i look like i'm actually just incredibly amused by my work.
fire@will--totally agree. nekisa is there because they are hoping she will continue to say ridiculous, unfounded things about how it's everybody/thing's fault except for hers that she blows fat cock.
did anyone else think that both nekisa and charlie were slurring a pretty ridiculous amount during that whole fight? i mean honestly how many drinks had they consumed at that point? it was like watching a couple of completely cracked out bitches in a backwoods bar fight over a man who's already snuck out the back door.
now, this episode deals with an issue i take with pretty much every bravo show i've ever watched: the fact that they do not look at a contestant's entire body of work, but just the work on that episode, when deciding who goes home. i feel like there should be more attention paid to continuing suckage. after last season's top chef, i've named this "the lisa conundrum." if someone is ALWAYS in the bottom, please just get rid of them. please. it hurts, it really does.
this is why tabatha should be a regular judge. she never would have stood for this crap. ooh let's have her takeover nekisa's salon!!!
7 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 4, 2008 11:14 AM
Thanks for the awesome comments you guys! As always, I love to see what you think, and I'm excited for this week's show tomorrow night...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex... (déjà vu!)
silver... I heart tvgasm readers along with Kate Jackson...
LeeH... thank you for the kind compliment, and I believe that Nekisa is also benefitting from the Power Of Lesbiana Protection... since the producers have a partial hand in who goes and who stays I'm guessing they're all afraid Dee's gonna cut 'em!
fire@will... Yes, Nekisa does give us somebody to hate on (I thought that role was going to be Charlie's but he's turning out to be a chunky bald angel who's just kinda bitchy sometimes). I also agree with you that Jaclyn and Kate both look pretty damn good... it's kinda sad that Farrah is so busted-looking nowadays (and I KNOW she has cancer, but she's had no excuse for her pre-cancer days... well, at least not one you could publish without getting sued over). As always, I am willing to watch and help guide so you don't have to if you don't want to... kissy-smoochies!
skies... yes, I probably seemed a tad bitter this week (hence no prisoners) but I really get tired of overbearing lesbianas on TV telling everybody what to do all the time (*cough*oprah*cough*). At least when Daniel, or Paulo, or Charlie is gonna say something not so kind about someone else, they give it a healthy dash of bitchy, cutting humor... Dee just sounds pissed off whenever things don't go her way. She will probably come find me and kill me if she ever finds these recaps. I may be living on borrowed time. Excuse me while I go get drunk for a bit...
mrsdaddytom... you are too kind! I laugh a lot at tvgasm.com, too, and sometimes I have had the same reaction from coworkers as well. I'm glad it's not just me (spread the word to your friends, the world needs more laughter) and if you can pull it off where your work can be construed as amusing that is amazing! I have a rougher time with that as MY work consists of claims adjudication for Medicare D. Yeah. Not so amusing. Damn!
I did find it interesting how drunk both Nekisa and Charlie seemed to be while they were fighting, which could explain why he seemed so blasé about her attacks... I know when *I* get a good buzz going I don't really care about much (other than wondering "did I just pee myself???... Hmmmmm.")
And yes, I agree sometimes I think they should take previous work into account... at least on certain challenges... I think these awful people who hang on week after week because someone sucks a little bit more than they do gives them some kind of false impression of their skills... I know Lisa seemed to think she was a hot-shit chef after she made it to the finals, ignoring all the other horrid garbagey food she served in the preceding 13 weeks. Nekisa probably thinks she's a bad-ass hair-burner after surviving to be in the top 6 (out of 12!!!! GAWD that's depressing!).
Thank all of you for your comments, I love it love it love it!
lovin' it,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:24 AM
Thanks for the recap, J-mo!!!! I for one thought all the wacky colors were ridonk, except the vaginal bird of paradise . . . is it the lesbian in me? Charlie's was a soft serve yogurt with swirls of flavors--just a wrong style for sporty bright colors . . . His winning was like a fix, I totally think he's in the producers pocket, and probably knows why they keep Excusa!!! Don't get me wrong, I think Charlie's one of us, except he says it out loud.
Funny to see Jaclyn soooo disappointed, and Kate was completely useless, but a hoot none the less, with no opinion on anything, not even cleverly disguised as a Nina Garcia "no comment"
Call me crazy, as usual, but I did not think Jaclyn or Kate's hair on Angels was iconic . . . at all, esp. not Kate's!!! But I do feel for her getting all the botched bobs as interpretation!!! Her hair looks lovely now, and more modern than Jaclyn . . . and J-mo, I think the reason Farrah looks all washed up is she waited to long to do a little maintainence, so by the time she got to pulling there was just too much to tug . . . just an opinion!!!!
HEARTS, DIAMONDS, STARS and CLOVERS!!!!
9 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:08 PM
I had to stop mid-recap to comment because I was cracking up! When Dallas Daniel says they're going to take down anyone in the room that has a vagina and then he leans in to his client and whispers "not you" that kind of made my entire day. I laughed so hard- if I'm having a bad day, I think of that scene and I start laughing all over again. And I think the elephant in the room (obviously the worst stylist, considering she's been in the bottom how many times?) should really just leave- they should have booted her off because of her consistent failure. I'd rather keep someone who made a teeny error in judgment than someone who sucks nonstop.
10 of 11 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on August 5, 2008 1:24 PM
Sorry, J-MO, but I had to stop reading after you conjured up the image of Charlie getting freaky in the bedroom. I'll be back to read the rest of the recap after a few glasses of wine have eradicated said image from my subconscious....
11 of 11 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:35 PM