Now she turned her client into a multi-flavored popsicle (with strawberry, bananaberry and grapelberry allll within a lick of one another). Kim Vo likes the bananaberry part, but is not so keen on the strawberry or grapelberry flavorings, he says Glenn's client reminds him of a match-stick. Ooooooh, triple-snap with a twist and side order of onion rings, girl, you been served! Plus, on a personal note, what the fuck is up with that styling? It doesn't even look natural enough to be a wig, more like some bizarre clown-shop hair-hat got shoved down on her head!
Trudging along to Über-Gay Paulo's client...
..."I got fucked royally, didn't I? Spiky boob."...
Paulo starts laughing the second Kim moves within range of his client, because he knows he's screwed up bad. Kim says that Paulo "over-processed" the hair, and that's why it turned darker instead of taking on the color Paulo wanted. Not much more to say about that, other than someone better check up on this girl later, she looks like a cutter to me....
And here's Bitchy Charlie's client...
I saw a lot of vivid up-dos like this one last weekend... and not one of them was being worn by a biological female. Charlie reminds us he was going to do "Flaaaamesssssssssssss" but then they changed their minds and decided to do "Carousel Horse". Way to compliment your lady-friend there, Charllie... are you going to have her answer math questions by stamping her feet now? Anyhow, Charlie worked that color, he's got red, purple, black, warm brown and golden streaks. It's hideous and wild and very dragalicious... and Kim Vo loves it!
Last up is Dallas Daniel's client...
Apparently this does not fall within the boundaries of "Dallas Hayir" because Daniel says he was not excited to do this, but now he loves it and thinks it's great that someone in Dallas is going to be wearing that hair. Kim says Dallas may not be ready for hair like that. Ouch! That is a slam, cuz Dallas has some tacky bitches roaming the streets, and if Kim thinks they're not ready for it... still, he got off easier than Nekisa or Paulo did.
And now it's time to reveal the loozahs of this Short Cut Challenge... and it's Über-Gay Paulo, for giving his client a faint purple haze when she wanted Papa Smurf Blue... and Exotic Nekisa who immediately does a great big gay eye-roll and whines "Oh my gawwwwwd!"...
..."But I already tole youuuuu, it was the sink's faaaault!"...
Even less attractive, Nekisa thinks she should argue Kim's decision and backsasses, "Seriously, her color is VIBRANT! I just think that's totally unfair!" Kim gets poetic on her ass when he retorts "I hear you singing the blues... I don't see it in the hair... it was about vibrancy... I don't think you can blame it on the sink, we all had the same sinks..." Oh snap! You want some Bactine, 'Kisa-girl? You just got burned! She refuses my kind offer and resorts to sulky pouting, saying "Put me in the bottom again... I'm used to it!"
And you know what, Nekisa? Your bitching was all for nothing anyhow, cuz Über-Gay Paulo is the actual loser of the challenge! You're just second-suckiest this time around. Does Paulo get all pissed-off and high-school girl on us? No, he shrugs and says "Well, one week you're up... and another week you go down..." Nekisa looks ashamed of herself for her outburst. She should, too. Bitch.
Now for the much happier news of the top two... which are Lesbiana Dee's Vaginal Orchid... and Bitchy Charlie's Priscilla Queen Of The Desert... Kim raves about Charlie's 'do, and praises him for pushing the envelope, and also gives kudos to Dee for enhancing her client's hairstyle... and the winner is... Bitchy Charlie!
This instantly sends Dee into Lesbionic RAGE, as she interviews "That was some bullSHIT! I was definitely first on that one, man! I don't know what kind of crack Kim Vo is smoking but that looked like a frickin' drag queen, yo, I'm serious!"... Jeez, Dee, you say that like it's a bad thing...
...Bitter, party of one? Yes sir, your table is ready...
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Comments (11)
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
1 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
2 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
I heart Kate Jackson!
Great recap!!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:24 AM
Hilarious recap, J-Mo! God, how is Nekisa still there??!?
4 of 11 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:29 AM
IMO Nekisa remains because she makes better TV than the ones who go.
Based on your screen caps, IMO Kate and Jaclyn both look fabulous.
Don't watch it, but your recaps are priceless! Thanks!
5 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 2, 2008 9:08 AM
Funny, funny recap. The quotes under the pics are priceless...Dairy Queen hairstyle..LOL. You took no prisoners this week.
Our Nekisa is the cockroach of the Shear Genius war. It's the only explaination to why she's still there.
6 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:53 PM
oh j-mo...
when you say things like, "you cross-eyed pint-sized hard-faced poonhound," and "My mouth just dropped open, so I had to put another beer in there," you make me laugh so hard that i get nervous looks from my colleagues and quickly have to minimize the tvgasm window so i look like i'm actually just incredibly amused by my work.
fire@will--totally agree. nekisa is there because they are hoping she will continue to say ridiculous, unfounded things about how it's everybody/thing's fault except for hers that she blows fat cock.
did anyone else think that both nekisa and charlie were slurring a pretty ridiculous amount during that whole fight? i mean honestly how many drinks had they consumed at that point? it was like watching a couple of completely cracked out bitches in a backwoods bar fight over a man who's already snuck out the back door.
now, this episode deals with an issue i take with pretty much every bravo show i've ever watched: the fact that they do not look at a contestant's entire body of work, but just the work on that episode, when deciding who goes home. i feel like there should be more attention paid to continuing suckage. after last season's top chef, i've named this "the lisa conundrum." if someone is ALWAYS in the bottom, please just get rid of them. please. it hurts, it really does.
this is why tabatha should be a regular judge. she never would have stood for this crap. ooh let's have her takeover nekisa's salon!!!
7 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 4, 2008 11:14 AM
Thanks for the awesome comments you guys! As always, I love to see what you think, and I'm excited for this week's show tomorrow night...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex... (déjà vu!)
silver... I heart tvgasm readers along with Kate Jackson...
LeeH... thank you for the kind compliment, and I believe that Nekisa is also benefitting from the Power Of Lesbiana Protection... since the producers have a partial hand in who goes and who stays I'm guessing they're all afraid Dee's gonna cut 'em!
fire@will... Yes, Nekisa does give us somebody to hate on (I thought that role was going to be Charlie's but he's turning out to be a chunky bald angel who's just kinda bitchy sometimes). I also agree with you that Jaclyn and Kate both look pretty damn good... it's kinda sad that Farrah is so busted-looking nowadays (and I KNOW she has cancer, but she's had no excuse for her pre-cancer days... well, at least not one you could publish without getting sued over). As always, I am willing to watch and help guide so you don't have to if you don't want to... kissy-smoochies!
skies... yes, I probably seemed a tad bitter this week (hence no prisoners) but I really get tired of overbearing lesbianas on TV telling everybody what to do all the time (*cough*oprah*cough*). At least when Daniel, or Paulo, or Charlie is gonna say something not so kind about someone else, they give it a healthy dash of bitchy, cutting humor... Dee just sounds pissed off whenever things don't go her way. She will probably come find me and kill me if she ever finds these recaps. I may be living on borrowed time. Excuse me while I go get drunk for a bit...
mrsdaddytom... you are too kind! I laugh a lot at tvgasm.com, too, and sometimes I have had the same reaction from coworkers as well. I'm glad it's not just me (spread the word to your friends, the world needs more laughter) and if you can pull it off where your work can be construed as amusing that is amazing! I have a rougher time with that as MY work consists of claims adjudication for Medicare D. Yeah. Not so amusing. Damn!
I did find it interesting how drunk both Nekisa and Charlie seemed to be while they were fighting, which could explain why he seemed so blasé about her attacks... I know when *I* get a good buzz going I don't really care about much (other than wondering "did I just pee myself???... Hmmmmm.")
And yes, I agree sometimes I think they should take previous work into account... at least on certain challenges... I think these awful people who hang on week after week because someone sucks a little bit more than they do gives them some kind of false impression of their skills... I know Lisa seemed to think she was a hot-shit chef after she made it to the finals, ignoring all the other horrid garbagey food she served in the preceding 13 weeks. Nekisa probably thinks she's a bad-ass hair-burner after surviving to be in the top 6 (out of 12!!!! GAWD that's depressing!).
Thank all of you for your comments, I love it love it love it!
lovin' it,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:24 AM
Thanks for the recap, J-mo!!!! I for one thought all the wacky colors were ridonk, except the vaginal bird of paradise . . . is it the lesbian in me? Charlie's was a soft serve yogurt with swirls of flavors--just a wrong style for sporty bright colors . . . His winning was like a fix, I totally think he's in the producers pocket, and probably knows why they keep Excusa!!! Don't get me wrong, I think Charlie's one of us, except he says it out loud.
Funny to see Jaclyn soooo disappointed, and Kate was completely useless, but a hoot none the less, with no opinion on anything, not even cleverly disguised as a Nina Garcia "no comment"
Call me crazy, as usual, but I did not think Jaclyn or Kate's hair on Angels was iconic . . . at all, esp. not Kate's!!! But I do feel for her getting all the botched bobs as interpretation!!! Her hair looks lovely now, and more modern than Jaclyn . . . and J-mo, I think the reason Farrah looks all washed up is she waited to long to do a little maintainence, so by the time she got to pulling there was just too much to tug . . . just an opinion!!!!
HEARTS, DIAMONDS, STARS and CLOVERS!!!!
9 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:08 PM
I had to stop mid-recap to comment because I was cracking up! When Dallas Daniel says they're going to take down anyone in the room that has a vagina and then he leans in to his client and whispers "not you" that kind of made my entire day. I laughed so hard- if I'm having a bad day, I think of that scene and I start laughing all over again. And I think the elephant in the room (obviously the worst stylist, considering she's been in the bottom how many times?) should really just leave- they should have booted her off because of her consistent failure. I'd rather keep someone who made a teeny error in judgment than someone who sucks nonstop.
10 of 11 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on August 5, 2008 1:24 PM
Sorry, J-MO, but I had to stop reading after you conjured up the image of Charlie getting freaky in the bedroom. I'll be back to read the rest of the recap after a few glasses of wine have eradicated said image from my subconscious....
11 of 11 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:35 PM