She goes on to explain that they are going to work in teams of two, and each team will have a set of three women to work with, each representing the three original Charlie's Angels (sorry Cheryl Ladd, Shelley Hack and Tanya Roberts, you three just aren't iconic enough, even if one of you was on the show longer than Farrah was and played her younger sister!)...
The challenge is going to be for each of the teams to "reinvent the signature hairstyles" from the show, and although they are working in teams, they are going to be judged as individuals (which probably makes Tabatha bitter to hear that since she went home on a team challenge last season, but what does she care? Bitch has a spinoff coming up!) and guess who gets to decide who is on what team? Yup, Bitchy Charlie does! Über-Gay Paulo opines that "Charlie having that advantage is like Satan having your soul... It's not gonna be good!" Oh Paulo, what are you worried about, you know he's not gonna fuck with you at all.
Jaclyn goes on to tell Bitchy Charlie that he will not be participating in this challenge as an active team member, but more as a "roving stylist" (like Zorro or something) and he cannot win or lose this challenge. All right Charlie! That sounds like an awesome spot to be in, sit back, play with some hair and just bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch and annoy Nekisa and Dee. I'm down with that!
To start off, Charlie makes Lesbiana Dee's wettest, sloppiest dreams come true by pairing her with none other than Exotic Mucosa... I mean, Nekisa! And the face Dallas Daniel makes upon this announcement is fabulous...
..."Oh no he DI-ent! Ooh, Nekisa ah fear for yowur payanties, girrul!"...
But Charlie's not being entirely good to either of them as he notes "Dee and Nekisa get along out of the salon, but Nekisa does not like to be told what to do and she's very stubborn! Dee likes to control everything, so I think that they will really clash!" Charlie is a slickster.... but I think he's also gotten it dead-right on these two.
Next up, Charlie pairs up mortal enemies Underdog Nicole and Female Glenn, and the look these two give immediately upon hearing this is also trés fabuloso...
...but they turn towards each other and give each other a desultory high-ish five whilst each of them is imagining the better part of the other's face under her fingernails.
For the third team, Charlie calls them "The Golden Girls" of Über-Gay Paulo and Dallas Daniel! Yay, Gay-boys versus The Lesbianas (Nekisa included, you know she's a boxed-wine kind of lesbiana) versus the Blondes! Lesbiana Dee is completely in shock over the pairings as she says she thinks Charlie chose people who can work well together, and says "Who would have thought that Charlie would do something so nice?" Well, I did, but I'll tell you who wouldn't have been so nice... Lesbiana Dee! And with that, they bring on today's gluttons for torture...
...The Retro-70's Masochistic Hair Club For Women...
And after divvying up the ladies with the three teams, why here's René Fris in person! Someone might have to explain to Underdog Nicole that he wasn't inside that tiny little box after all. René gives them only two hours to complete all three styles before telling them to GO SHAYGEDD!
Exotic Mucosa... I mean Nekisa... says her strategy for today is to have all three of the ladies looking phenomenal AND to get Dee to understand her vision! *snort* Good luck there, Nekisa, you ain't been the bottom bitch in a diesel dyke relationship yet, and you're about to find out that about the only thing you can get Dee to understand is when you're hungry and when you have to go pee-pee... everything else, she will see your lips moving, but all she will hear is "na-ba-da-ba-da-ba-dah!"
Meanwhile Dallas Daniel is saying "Ah was KWAHT exSAHTed when ah reuhlahzed we were gonna do a Chorlie's Ayngels b'cuz ah lahk a vayree full 1970's Southern Caylifornia stahl hayir!" while Über-Gay Paulo worries "My biggest fear going into it with Daniel is he's a Texas hairdresser, so he does BIG hair, he does a lot of round-brushing and all that! (gay eye-roll)"
...the subtleties of Texas Hayir™...
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Comments (11)
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
1 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.
2 of 11 | Posted by tsl | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:10 AM
I heart Kate Jackson!
Great recap!!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:24 AM
Hilarious recap, J-Mo! God, how is Nekisa still there??!?
4 of 11 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:29 AM
IMO Nekisa remains because she makes better TV than the ones who go.
Based on your screen caps, IMO Kate and Jaclyn both look fabulous.
Don't watch it, but your recaps are priceless! Thanks!
5 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 2, 2008 9:08 AM
Funny, funny recap. The quotes under the pics are priceless...Dairy Queen hairstyle..LOL. You took no prisoners this week.
Our Nekisa is the cockroach of the Shear Genius war. It's the only explaination to why she's still there.
6 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 2, 2008 8:53 PM
oh j-mo...
when you say things like, "you cross-eyed pint-sized hard-faced poonhound," and "My mouth just dropped open, so I had to put another beer in there," you make me laugh so hard that i get nervous looks from my colleagues and quickly have to minimize the tvgasm window so i look like i'm actually just incredibly amused by my work.
fire@will--totally agree. nekisa is there because they are hoping she will continue to say ridiculous, unfounded things about how it's everybody/thing's fault except for hers that she blows fat cock.
did anyone else think that both nekisa and charlie were slurring a pretty ridiculous amount during that whole fight? i mean honestly how many drinks had they consumed at that point? it was like watching a couple of completely cracked out bitches in a backwoods bar fight over a man who's already snuck out the back door.
now, this episode deals with an issue i take with pretty much every bravo show i've ever watched: the fact that they do not look at a contestant's entire body of work, but just the work on that episode, when deciding who goes home. i feel like there should be more attention paid to continuing suckage. after last season's top chef, i've named this "the lisa conundrum." if someone is ALWAYS in the bottom, please just get rid of them. please. it hurts, it really does.
this is why tabatha should be a regular judge. she never would have stood for this crap. ooh let's have her takeover nekisa's salon!!!
7 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 4, 2008 11:14 AM
Thanks for the awesome comments you guys! As always, I love to see what you think, and I'm excited for this week's show tomorrow night...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex...
tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex... (déjà vu!)
silver... I heart tvgasm readers along with Kate Jackson...
LeeH... thank you for the kind compliment, and I believe that Nekisa is also benefitting from the Power Of Lesbiana Protection... since the producers have a partial hand in who goes and who stays I'm guessing they're all afraid Dee's gonna cut 'em!
fire@will... Yes, Nekisa does give us somebody to hate on (I thought that role was going to be Charlie's but he's turning out to be a chunky bald angel who's just kinda bitchy sometimes). I also agree with you that Jaclyn and Kate both look pretty damn good... it's kinda sad that Farrah is so busted-looking nowadays (and I KNOW she has cancer, but she's had no excuse for her pre-cancer days... well, at least not one you could publish without getting sued over). As always, I am willing to watch and help guide so you don't have to if you don't want to... kissy-smoochies!
skies... yes, I probably seemed a tad bitter this week (hence no prisoners) but I really get tired of overbearing lesbianas on TV telling everybody what to do all the time (*cough*oprah*cough*). At least when Daniel, or Paulo, or Charlie is gonna say something not so kind about someone else, they give it a healthy dash of bitchy, cutting humor... Dee just sounds pissed off whenever things don't go her way. She will probably come find me and kill me if she ever finds these recaps. I may be living on borrowed time. Excuse me while I go get drunk for a bit...
mrsdaddytom... you are too kind! I laugh a lot at tvgasm.com, too, and sometimes I have had the same reaction from coworkers as well. I'm glad it's not just me (spread the word to your friends, the world needs more laughter) and if you can pull it off where your work can be construed as amusing that is amazing! I have a rougher time with that as MY work consists of claims adjudication for Medicare D. Yeah. Not so amusing. Damn!
I did find it interesting how drunk both Nekisa and Charlie seemed to be while they were fighting, which could explain why he seemed so blasé about her attacks... I know when *I* get a good buzz going I don't really care about much (other than wondering "did I just pee myself???... Hmmmmm.")
And yes, I agree sometimes I think they should take previous work into account... at least on certain challenges... I think these awful people who hang on week after week because someone sucks a little bit more than they do gives them some kind of false impression of their skills... I know Lisa seemed to think she was a hot-shit chef after she made it to the finals, ignoring all the other horrid garbagey food she served in the preceding 13 weeks. Nekisa probably thinks she's a bad-ass hair-burner after surviving to be in the top 6 (out of 12!!!! GAWD that's depressing!).
Thank all of you for your comments, I love it love it love it!
lovin' it,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:24 AM
Thanks for the recap, J-mo!!!! I for one thought all the wacky colors were ridonk, except the vaginal bird of paradise . . . is it the lesbian in me? Charlie's was a soft serve yogurt with swirls of flavors--just a wrong style for sporty bright colors . . . His winning was like a fix, I totally think he's in the producers pocket, and probably knows why they keep Excusa!!! Don't get me wrong, I think Charlie's one of us, except he says it out loud.
Funny to see Jaclyn soooo disappointed, and Kate was completely useless, but a hoot none the less, with no opinion on anything, not even cleverly disguised as a Nina Garcia "no comment"
Call me crazy, as usual, but I did not think Jaclyn or Kate's hair on Angels was iconic . . . at all, esp. not Kate's!!! But I do feel for her getting all the botched bobs as interpretation!!! Her hair looks lovely now, and more modern than Jaclyn . . . and J-mo, I think the reason Farrah looks all washed up is she waited to long to do a little maintainence, so by the time she got to pulling there was just too much to tug . . . just an opinion!!!!
HEARTS, DIAMONDS, STARS and CLOVERS!!!!
9 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:08 PM
I had to stop mid-recap to comment because I was cracking up! When Dallas Daniel says they're going to take down anyone in the room that has a vagina and then he leans in to his client and whispers "not you" that kind of made my entire day. I laughed so hard- if I'm having a bad day, I think of that scene and I start laughing all over again. And I think the elephant in the room (obviously the worst stylist, considering she's been in the bottom how many times?) should really just leave- they should have booted her off because of her consistent failure. I'd rather keep someone who made a teeny error in judgment than someone who sucks nonstop.
10 of 11 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on August 5, 2008 1:24 PM
Sorry, J-MO, but I had to stop reading after you conjured up the image of Charlie getting freaky in the bedroom. I'll be back to read the rest of the recap after a few glasses of wine have eradicated said image from my subconscious....
11 of 11 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:35 PM