Sorry, but Female Glenn's and Underdog Nicole's version of Kate Jackson looks like J-Lo if she were a white Bible-Belt Housewife with Chicken-Neck. Not cute and not modern at all (unless you consider "modern" to be "anything after 1975"). I wonder if Female Glenn is responsible for this mess?

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And is it possible that their Jaclyn could be worse? Oh yes, it is! Wasn't the wig challenge last week? Did she fall in the pool? Where is my next beer bong? This just looks like Homeless meets Electrocution. Double-ugh.

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Wow, I didn't realize that Nicole Richie was so bored with her new baby that she's doing real-ality TV on Bravo... she looks great, although I think we've all seen that hair a zillion times before... in her mugshot!

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Bwahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, next up for execution is Über-Gay Paulo and Dallas Daniel...

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I dunno who picked out these clothes, but she looks like a grade-school Librarian Aide who might secretly be having an affair with Mr. Anderson the fat P.E. Teacher just cuz she's bored... in 1987! The hair looks like a severe and harsh bob straight out of the "Father Figure" video...

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I bet Kate Jackson is feeling pretty pissed off at Jaclyn for convincing her to come on this goddamn show, all these people apparently still think of her as "The Ugly Angel Who Never Gets Any".

And now it's Jaclyn's turn to get pissed!

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Honey, I don't get an ounce of Jaclyn out of this lame-ass hair, but I do get several unnecessary pounds of Jo De La Rosa, the uneven-faced "star" of "Date My Ex: Jo And That Turd Who Doesn't Care That His Son Is Dying Of Brain Cancer Because Real-Ality TV Is Much More Fun." Hell, this girl could be a co-worker of mine, and believe me when I say I don't work with a single one of Charlie's Angels... *sigh*, they're all boning it, and boning it hard...

And let's see what they did to Farrah....

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Well, they got the vapid stare down correctly... oh wait, that's the client! Well, I can't say tooo much bad about this, because it is very Farrah-like, but is it modern? Are 8-Track Tapes? Shag Carpeting? "Love, American Style"? *sigh* I don't think so, but in Daniel's defense, there are probably more than a few girls walking around Dallas who look like this (but with cowgirl hats on) so I will give him a half-a-pass on this mess.

Last up to go is the Incredible Power Couple of Lesbiana Dee and Exotic Mucosa.. -er Nekisa!

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I've got two words: "helmet" and "head". It looks like Kate Jackson's got two words, too...

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...and I bet they rhyme with "truck" and "poo", cuz that's what this representation of her hair looks like, a girl who got run over by a sanitation vehicle. Dee is already distancing herself from this abomination... Great, everybody gave ugly Kate Jacksons today. Do you bitches know this woman has beat breast cancer? Twice? And she's been financially robbed by two out of three ex-husbands? Well, according to Wikipedia she has! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Ugh, let's move on...

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Well, this is nice enough, I guess, but again, I don't really get a sense of Jaclyn Smith out of it. She's even more well known for her current hairstyles from this show, why didn't anyone go that route? (that should have been an obvious choice and would have given each of the three teams an easy positive review on at least ONE of their girls). This just looks like Random Mall Girl.

Well, let's see how Nekisa fared with her Farrah...

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Seriously? She should just go home now. That looks like so much used-Whataburger vomit-soaked drag-wig to me. I have no clue how Nekisa even thinks this is something anyone would want to go down the street wearing, unless they were already arrested and in the back of a squad car.

It's time to judge, and Jaclyn asks Kate what she thinks of Dee and Nekisa's looks. Kate pauses and says "Umm.... you know, it was back 30 years, I don't have a thought in my head!" Not a good sign. Jaclyn picks up on this and gives Dee a chance to explain how they arrived at this mess. Dee immediately starts saying how she was responsible for the Jaclyn, and she "let" Nekisa do the Farrah... and almost immediately she realizes that was kind of a Power-Lesbionic mistake, because Kim Vo picks right up on it and says "I'm hearing a lot of 'I let..', 'I did..', 'I', 'I', 'I'... let's pull her up!" and they bring forth Nekisa's hideous Farrah....

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..."Nekisa, you in danger girl!"...

Shear Genius: Rainbows & Angels (a.k.a. Gaybos vs. Lesbos) Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (11)

tsl:

Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.

tsl:

Great Recap! This is turning out just like Top Chef where somehow Lisa made it all the way to the final after being in the bottom every week.

silver:

I heart Kate Jackson!

Great recap!!!!!

LeeH:

Hilarious recap, J-Mo! God, how is Nekisa still there??!?

fire@will:

IMO Nekisa remains because she makes better TV than the ones who go.

Based on your screen caps, IMO Kate and Jaclyn both look fabulous.

Don't watch it, but your recaps are priceless! Thanks!

skies:

Funny, funny recap. The quotes under the pics are priceless...Dairy Queen hairstyle..LOL. You took no prisoners this week.
Our Nekisa is the cockroach of the Shear Genius war. It's the only explaination to why she's still there.

mrsdaddytom:

oh j-mo...

when you say things like, "you cross-eyed pint-sized hard-faced poonhound," and "My mouth just dropped open, so I had to put another beer in there," you make me laugh so hard that i get nervous looks from my colleagues and quickly have to minimize the tvgasm window so i look like i'm actually just incredibly amused by my work.

fire@will--totally agree. nekisa is there because they are hoping she will continue to say ridiculous, unfounded things about how it's everybody/thing's fault except for hers that she blows fat cock.

did anyone else think that both nekisa and charlie were slurring a pretty ridiculous amount during that whole fight? i mean honestly how many drinks had they consumed at that point? it was like watching a couple of completely cracked out bitches in a backwoods bar fight over a man who's already snuck out the back door.

now, this episode deals with an issue i take with pretty much every bravo show i've ever watched: the fact that they do not look at a contestant's entire body of work, but just the work on that episode, when deciding who goes home. i feel like there should be more attention paid to continuing suckage. after last season's top chef, i've named this "the lisa conundrum." if someone is ALWAYS in the bottom, please just get rid of them. please. it hurts, it really does.

this is why tabatha should be a regular judge. she never would have stood for this crap. ooh let's have her takeover nekisa's salon!!!

J-Mo:

Thanks for the awesome comments you guys! As always, I love to see what you think, and I'm excited for this week's show tomorrow night...

tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex...

tsl... I totally agree with you, Nekisa is the booger on the finger of "Shear Genius", the show shakes and it shakes, but she just won't fly free and be gone... I'm gonna go look for some kleenex... (déjà vu!)

silver... I heart tvgasm readers along with Kate Jackson...

LeeH... thank you for the kind compliment, and I believe that Nekisa is also benefitting from the Power Of Lesbiana Protection... since the producers have a partial hand in who goes and who stays I'm guessing they're all afraid Dee's gonna cut 'em!

fire@will... Yes, Nekisa does give us somebody to hate on (I thought that role was going to be Charlie's but he's turning out to be a chunky bald angel who's just kinda bitchy sometimes). I also agree with you that Jaclyn and Kate both look pretty damn good... it's kinda sad that Farrah is so busted-looking nowadays (and I KNOW she has cancer, but she's had no excuse for her pre-cancer days... well, at least not one you could publish without getting sued over). As always, I am willing to watch and help guide so you don't have to if you don't want to... kissy-smoochies!

skies... yes, I probably seemed a tad bitter this week (hence no prisoners) but I really get tired of overbearing lesbianas on TV telling everybody what to do all the time (*cough*oprah*cough*). At least when Daniel, or Paulo, or Charlie is gonna say something not so kind about someone else, they give it a healthy dash of bitchy, cutting humor... Dee just sounds pissed off whenever things don't go her way. She will probably come find me and kill me if she ever finds these recaps. I may be living on borrowed time. Excuse me while I go get drunk for a bit...

mrsdaddytom... you are too kind! I laugh a lot at tvgasm.com, too, and sometimes I have had the same reaction from coworkers as well. I'm glad it's not just me (spread the word to your friends, the world needs more laughter) and if you can pull it off where your work can be construed as amusing that is amazing! I have a rougher time with that as MY work consists of claims adjudication for Medicare D. Yeah. Not so amusing. Damn!

I did find it interesting how drunk both Nekisa and Charlie seemed to be while they were fighting, which could explain why he seemed so blasé about her attacks... I know when *I* get a good buzz going I don't really care about much (other than wondering "did I just pee myself???... Hmmmmm.")

And yes, I agree sometimes I think they should take previous work into account... at least on certain challenges... I think these awful people who hang on week after week because someone sucks a little bit more than they do gives them some kind of false impression of their skills... I know Lisa seemed to think she was a hot-shit chef after she made it to the finals, ignoring all the other horrid garbagey food she served in the preceding 13 weeks. Nekisa probably thinks she's a bad-ass hair-burner after surviving to be in the top 6 (out of 12!!!! GAWD that's depressing!).

Thank all of you for your comments, I love it love it love it!

lovin' it,
xoxox

J-Mo :)

juddfan:

Thanks for the recap, J-mo!!!! I for one thought all the wacky colors were ridonk, except the vaginal bird of paradise . . . is it the lesbian in me? Charlie's was a soft serve yogurt with swirls of flavors--just a wrong style for sporty bright colors . . . His winning was like a fix, I totally think he's in the producers pocket, and probably knows why they keep Excusa!!! Don't get me wrong, I think Charlie's one of us, except he says it out loud.

Funny to see Jaclyn soooo disappointed, and Kate was completely useless, but a hoot none the less, with no opinion on anything, not even cleverly disguised as a Nina Garcia "no comment"

Call me crazy, as usual, but I did not think Jaclyn or Kate's hair on Angels was iconic . . . at all, esp. not Kate's!!! But I do feel for her getting all the botched bobs as interpretation!!! Her hair looks lovely now, and more modern than Jaclyn . . . and J-mo, I think the reason Farrah looks all washed up is she waited to long to do a little maintainence, so by the time she got to pulling there was just too much to tug . . . just an opinion!!!!

HEARTS, DIAMONDS, STARS and CLOVERS!!!!

xpedestrianx:

I had to stop mid-recap to comment because I was cracking up! When Dallas Daniel says they're going to take down anyone in the room that has a vagina and then he leans in to his client and whispers "not you" that kind of made my entire day. I laughed so hard- if I'm having a bad day, I think of that scene and I start laughing all over again. And I think the elephant in the room (obviously the worst stylist, considering she's been in the bottom how many times?) should really just leave- they should have booted her off because of her consistent failure. I'd rather keep someone who made a teeny error in judgment than someone who sucks nonstop.

mamatl:

Sorry, J-MO, but I had to stop reading after you conjured up the image of Charlie getting freaky in the bedroom. I'll be back to read the rest of the recap after a few glasses of wine have eradicated said image from my subconscious....

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