Well, well, well, here we are again... when we last left our fearless stylestants of Shear Genius, a fight had broken out between Lesbiana Dee and Bitchy Charlie over whether or not the Short Cut Challenge called "Nexxus Salon Swap" had truly showcased their talents... Lesbiana Dee was of the opinion that she had won by skill whereas Charlie seemed to believe she got lucky and that her client's hair had been the least likely to cause Jaclyn Smith and VampiRoy Teeluck to explosively vomit all over each other. And speaking of pukey, I almost forgot to mention that at this point in private interview, Bitchy Charlie had this interesting nugget to impart... "Everybody's always running around, like "We're friends, we all get along!", well that's a fucking lie, we do not like each other, and I am the only one that tells the truth! I have three faces, the two I use during the day... and the one I use to stab you in the back!"
...Charlie's "stabby face" and Meredith's "drunk and ready to pass out face"...
They were both effectively silenced when Drag Queen Meredith reminded them they were being assholes. And with that, we continue after the jump!
The sun also rises, and the hung-over stylestants slouch their way back into the Shear Genius Salon where they are greeted by the Unholy Twisted Sisters that are René Fris ("Hi hi stywestants!") and VampiRoy Teeluck ("I vant to dreenk you blood!")...
...Gay Man Of Blue Steel and The Dark Oily Knight...
René hacks away at the English Language some more, as he says "Wailcome to you fourth eliminaytion challenge... you haff arready mait owa gayst jodge Woy Teelock!" Dear GOD, but VampiRoy really has some jacked up teefs! Anyhow, René continues: "Todaiy is the Naixxus Salon Loook elimiNAYtion challenge. You will haff to geeve you cliends a style that look gweat inde salon, and will conteenue to look juz as good... ad home!" Um, isn't that kind of the whole point of going to get your hair did? "Yo cliend needz to be able to mayntayn thad 'jess lefzesalon look' wizzout you hailp!" Boy, this week is full of the Unfair Challenges... if I had any fucking clue how to make my hair have that "jess lefzesalon look" don't you think I would? This is gonna suck, big time.
VampiRoy chimes in with "A classic mistake most stylists make is giving their client a style that they can never replicate at home on their own! The key to today's challenge is to listen to your client..." Unlike yesterday where Lesbian Dee was praised for bulldyki- er, I mean bulldozing her client into doing what she wanted. Well, she makes shit happen. Or she stirs it up. Whichever. Meanwhile Exotic Nekisa is back to attempting to use her extensive knowledge of "The Secret" to try and crawl out of being a bottom-dweller as she says "If I'm gonna win any challenge, it's gotta be this one! I do this in the salon all the time..." Shut up, Nekisa, you and your bitchy bag of big-boobed bullshit should just stop talking until you drag your sorry ass out of the Bottom Two...
...Nekisa, Queen Of Wishful Thinking...
René beams and says "Sooo guyss, leds bwing oud you cliendz! Dee, sinze you won yaistadaiy Showt Cot Challenge you getta chewse you cliend fuhst! You also getta assaiyn evwybody else's cliend!" Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuck, Charlie-honey, you are so screeeeeeewed!
...clearly feeling she is now in the same league as power-lesbians Rosie, Ellen and Oprah...
Über-Gay Paulo hits the bobby-pin on the head when he observes, "After a few fights between Dee and Charlie, I think Dee's pissed off and angry!" No shit Skunklocks! Bitchy Charlie, while clearly shitting his pants isn't kidding himself, either, "If there was ever a time to have immunity, it's right now." *gulp* Anyhow, Lesbiana Dee immediately power-stomps her way over to the clients and starts feeling them up. I mean their hair, she starts feeling their hair. She finds a woman with very thick hair who has also dyed it Midnight Offerings Black™ and this is making Über-Gay Paulo very nervous as he says "This lady looked like she had about, like, 4 tons of hair... Dee, I've been nice to you, so don't give me that head of hair to work with..." Oh Paulo, girl, you ain't got nothin' to worry about... there's only one gay guy that Dee's a-gunnin' for...
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Comments (12)
Excellent recap as usual. I can't stand Nekisa and don't understand why she's still there unless the producers are hoping for a romance between Dee and her. Nekisa has an attractive outer shell but she's seems dark and a user to the core.
Have a great trip.
1 of 12 | Posted by skies | Posted on July 20, 2008 8:55 AM
Hate to be a party pooper, but the pictures of the stylist's did hair and the client's did hair are the same picture.
2 of 12 | Posted by jenday | Posted on July 20, 2008 2:02 PM
Thank God you said that, I was looking at the "stylist hair" and the "client hair" and going, "God, I think they all did a pretty great job!"
3 of 12 | Posted by robotti | Posted on July 21, 2008 6:27 AM
Nekisa SUCKS.
But this recap was awesome :)
4 of 12 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 21, 2008 7:50 AM
Sorry guys, you are right, they are the same, I did not realize that when I borrowed them from Bravo's website, and by the time the horror of this hit me, I had already published and I honestly did not have the strength to go back and take screen grabs of the runway hair to shove in there (plus I was already starting to run late on my publishing deadline). I apologize, I have to admit I was also a little depressed that Nekisa got to stay like a booger stuck to the end of your finger and Meredith got sent home.
Please forgive, I promise to do better next week, okay?
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 12 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 21, 2008 7:55 AM
J-Mo....forget the self-styled haircut photos...I want pictures from the Drag-Queen of the Year competition. Pretty please??!!??
BTW LOVE your recaps.
6 of 12 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 21, 2008 9:22 AM
Thanks to you, ultimate Princess of Power J-mora!!! Another rockin recap with lovely naughty thought bubbles . . . my gawd, oooo, my back, I could use a massage . . . LAME!!! And frankly, isn't it her inner thighs that need a rub!? I'm just sayin'
Perhaps it's like the model show with the bromance, and that BB'd Nekisa is going to keep sliding by on the hopes and dreams of the lesbians tuned in, tho I was sorry to see our fave DQ bite it this time--it did look like a squid . . . and that Kim, hello, if you want to wear lipstick, I'd use a shade like Nicole's instead of Glamour Mauve or whatever color that is . . . can't stop staring at it whenever she's on screen!
I like that Rene is good humored, despite the accent, and call me crazy twice, but me thinks Charlie was getting too frontrunner too early, so they told girl to cool her jets and ride a few weeks to keep us all in our suspense, I could be wrong, but since I believe in conspiracy's of all kinds, this is not a stretch!
I hope you sooo enjoy the Pageant--I'm sure a lot of us would love to share the photos, and best of luck to your friend!!!
xoxo
7 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 21, 2008 3:27 PM
skies, jenday, robotti, rubinia, marishka and, of course, beloved juddfan (I finally saw the Judd-man, he IS cute, damn!) thank you guys for your comments, I appreciate all the feedback, it makes my week fly by, and I can't wait to get cracking at next week's show when I get back...
If any of you REALLY want to see what our group production number looks like, you can find pictures on my blog at blog-dot-myspace-dot-com / jman987654 (I'd post a link, but comments doesn't allow URLs) and you have to wade back to an entry from Sunday, May 04, 2008 that is entitled "...it was lovely (with a capital ’LICIOUS!)... " and scroll down a ways till you come to the guys in red pimp suits and that's us. My friend who is competing is the one in the silver dress. There is ALSO even a video of our production number that we're taking to Louisville!
Have a great week, and thanks again you guys!
xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 12 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 22, 2008 8:55 AM
Can't wait to see the link! Should we plan a field trip to Mr. Judd's hotel and have him open the door for us! heehee!
Really, best of luck, we'll be pulling for you!
9 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 22, 2008 10:33 AM
I got to part deux a little late. Please, please, please, don't ever apologize (at least to me). You are performing such a tremendous service to us... ("...being judgmental with your BFFs is totally fun!" - YES!) My BFFs are scattered all over and many of them -gasp- don't watch Bravo, so this is the next best thing! When I posted my comment in part one I was feeling a little guilty because I figured the second part was late because you were probably working at some insane hours. And you were! Honey, from now on, forget about us and keep those insane hours for either sleep or wild debauchery.
I so badly want to know someone with your talent for transcribing weird accents that can Rene Fris-ize me. When my husband pokes fun at my accent, he can never seem to come up with anything other than the old "keek" instead of "kick". Yawn. I want the full "go shaggead" treatment!
Bravo so exploited the Bronnie thing in that lamest of their reality competitions, I am betting they are salivating for a Deekisa. Bet one of the producers has already told Nekisa that if she loosens up and leads Dee on a little more, she can stay for a while longer... That would suck in so many ways.
A few parting thoughts: 1) Nicole is turning out to be the stone cold bitch Charlie imagines himself to be; 2) what the heck is that dead wolverine doing hanging on to Nekisa's hair in the "I hate all of you bitches" photo?; 3) you're right in your Meredith-Nekisa at a bar comparison; and 4) I hope your friend is by now Gay Entertainer of the Year and that you had a blast!
10 of 12 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 23, 2008 2:08 PM
Dear sayhuh,
Hmmm, I don't know what you sound like, or what kind of accent you have... where do they say "keek" for kick? Are you Australian? Point me to a YouTube video and I'll do my best to Fris-ize your accent (although sometimes it doesn't always work so well... my Alabaman looks a lot like my Texan, dunnit?).
If there is a "showmance" on this season, they are SO going to be called "Dickesa". If Nekisa would go that far to win a reality TV show... well, but then again, you clocked that terrible fall she stuck on the back of her head (hello, did your hair grow an extra 27 inches between Thursday and Friday?) so it appears she'll do anything. Bitch has a wardrobe, though, I haven't seen her wear the same thing twice.
And I think you're right, Underdog Nicole seems to be turning out to be kind of like a Frosted Ball Of Benadryl... it's sweet on the outside, but the inside is bitter and will put you to sleep.
I'm leaving for Kentucky in less than 24 hours, will be back on Monday, have a great weekend everyone!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 12 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 23, 2008 4:02 PM
Awwwwwwww, that's so sweet... It's Spain, actually. Hopefully I sound more like Antonio Banderas (without the sexy man voice) and less like Penélope Cruz (who sounds perfectly lovely and normal in Spanish and utterly retarded in English). Unfortunately, my household is firmly entrenched in the 20th century (seriously, my OS is Windows 98) so - YouTube? What's that? Really, we are one box of matches and a set of silverware away from the Stone Age. But maybe in 10 years or so, when I start catching up to 2008, I'll take you up on your wonderful offer!
Lots of love,
Sayhuh (or ¿Queeeeee? in my native Spanish...)
12 of 12 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 25, 2008 6:06 PM