Hello hair-hoppers! You know, there is an old saying in drag-queen circles that says "Never let 'em see your penis... unless they pay extra, in cash, up front!"... and that really is an apropos statement in regards to tonight's episode of Shear Genius, because there is so much genitalia exposed, you might think you've turned gay. If you're still watching this show after three episodes, you probably already are.
...introducing Miss Man Hands 2008...
In tonight's episode we learn that Drag Queen Meredith has huh-yooge balls, we see Bitchy Charlie almost completely lose his, and Lesbiana Dee tries to show everybody just how big her dick really is.... oh, and Über-Gay Paulo cries (almost forgot). Get ready to become an armchair gynecologist after the jump!
Tonight we begin with the ever-so-satisfying scenes of Straight Guy Matthew being booted from the show, and back into the loving arms of his gorgeous, girly, womanly, female, feminine "perfect 10" of a WIFE, Tania! Thanks to lovely gasmii member murphena, I was able to go to Matthew's website and see an actual picture of his WIFE, and here she is!
..."My husband is not gay. We have sex. A lot. With strap-ons."...
You know what? I think she's actually quite pretty... I don't know why he wouldn't have wanted this glamour shot of her to be posted under his photo diary at BravoTV.com so everyone could see he had a WIFE instead of him having to mention it 5,430 times.... and then I saw a picture of the interior of his salon...
...nope, still doesn't look gay to me...
...and it's Barbie Pink™ so I'm right back on Suspicion Street where I started out with him.
Anyhow, enough about him, Jaclyn is reminding us of the fabulous prizes you can get if you survive the beauty bloodbath ($100,000.00, internship, photo shoot, title, possible spin-off show on Bravo) and we're off! This week, I notice something new about Exotic Nekisa in the opening sequence...
...she apparently has the ability to fellate a flat-iron...
Unfortunately, this is not a skill that is ever going to help her in the hair industry, and besides, most of her male co-workers can probably shove much larger objects into their various orifices, so she just looks like an amateur. This week Exotic Nekisa managed to obliterate the warm fuzzy sympathetic nugget I was building with her name on it by turning nasty and conniving, and it came back to bite her in the ass (almost literally, you'll see what I mean later on).
Ahh, back again at the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon, and Jaclyn greets the 9 remaining stylestants, giving congratulations to Bitchy Charlie (who apparently got contact lenses or RK surgery since last week) for his win, and showcasing his awesome Red Carpet Hair on the fabulous "Allure Wall Of Fame" for the second week in a row! Of course, he gets immunity from being eliminated this week as well, and honey, he's gonna need it!
This is where Exotic Nekisa pops up to say yet again how annoying it was that Bitchy Charlie won a second time and that she didn't think that you could win immunity twice... I don't know where she got that stupid idea (probably in NekisaDoesn'tSuckWorld) but yeah, you can, and yeah, he did.
...the face that soured a thousand grapes...
Jaclyn introduces us to this week's guest judge, the "Editorial Director For Nexxus", Roy Teeluck. I am convinced that Roy has got the greasiest hair this side of a Burger King employee at the fry station. It's too bad he couldn't have a job where he had access to fabulous hair-care products that would, you know, alleviate that...
...I think even Suave or White Rain would take care of that...
Roy does those silly Nexxus "how-to" commercials where they show you how you can look really extra slutty for the office, or daycare, or church, and there's just something oogy and weird about him that I can't quite put my finger on (and if I did, I'd have to scrape all of my skin off)...
...maybe it's 'cuz I think he might also be a vampire...
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Comments (5)
good recap again! But I have to say, I'm definitely not feeling the recap being broken up into 2 seperate parts. AT ALL. I prefer to read about it all at once.
1 of 5 | Posted by serjen | Posted on July 19, 2008 9:24 AM
Boo hoo, I wanted both parts of the recap to be up at the same time (I know, I know, it's all want, want, want, and what have I done for you lately?)
It was hilarious. THANK YOU for the Paulo reaction shot to Dee's comment. Loved it!
Bubblehead-isa reminds me too much of Hilda Suarez. Hilda has the redeeming quality that she's a FICTIONAL character. Nekisa... well. I picture this as her inner monologue: "(crickets chirping)...(crickets chirping) I'm pretty! (crickets chirping) I have a husband! (crickets chirping)"
I will miss Meredith. I liked her dry humor. I wish Nekisa was gone. And hell, NO, who could miss Oshun and Matthew???????
2 of 5 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 19, 2008 6:03 PM
OMG, I am so sorry guys, I promise next time I will publish both parts at the same time, seriously, it was almost 5:00am and I just couldn't do any more... please forgive!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 20, 2008 12:36 AM
I have to agree with Dee on the message, but not necessarily the delivery. If you have a client, and you've discussed what is going to happen with her hair, when you pass her off to another stylist you communicate that plan so it doesn't come out a f'ed up mess. Much like most of the clients in this challenge. In the end, whether you finish the style or not, because you consulted and developed a plan, she is your client. You own up to it and follow up on it.
That being said, does anyone else thing the length of time they give on some of these challenges is messed up? These could be some of the most talented stylists in the nation, but the time limits can be unrealistic. 1.5 hours to consult, color, cut and style? Not in the real world. Sure they, should be able to work fast, but when you factor in nerves and pressure, it's too much to accomplish. The producers should realize that when success in a challenge is the exception, not the norm.
4 of 5 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 21, 2008 9:04 AM
J-Mo, dont you sweat the 2 part recap... you are hilarious as always and no-one should stay up past 5am unless they're getting laid or paid....xoxoxo
5 of 5 | Posted by BlueBee | Posted on July 22, 2008 8:51 AM