Since Drag Queen Meredith was the last to choose, she got stuck with a girl that Dallas Daniel immediately clocks as having some "color is-SHEWS" and he ruminates that it's going to be interesting to see what DQ Meredith does with her (i.e. he hopes she crashes and burns horribly and that he doesn't wind up with this bleached blonderexic nightmare in his chair). They get 90 minutes for this challenge (which is actually called "Nexxus Salon Swap"... God, could the NEXXUS product placeNEXXUSment be any NEXXUS more NEXXUS obviNEXXUSous? Heyyyyy, stop that, Nexxus!) and it turns out that they must color during the first round (cue the stylestants all looking as if someone just twisted their nipples off). This is really causing Über-Gay Paulo to stress as he hisses, "I just hope that whoever ends in my chair does not have, like, a bazillion foils I gotta finish, cuz I just don't do that crap!"...
..."Don't give me no damn foils, bitch, cuz mama Paulo don't know what t'do widdem!"...
To make things even worse, Jaclyn tells them they will not know how many rounds there are, nor will they know how long each round will last... but they will actually be told when they are on the final round (more looks of disbelief and Paulo pantomimes committing seppuku). Now, truthfully, if I were a stylestant on this show I would be popping Xanax like Pez at this point, because even on short hair like mine, coloring takes at least a good 45 minutes, and I can only afford crappy boxed colors (that are usually on clearance due to being dangerously toxic and cancer-causing) so I'm sure that there are some disasters about to play out, and I am so glad I am safe at home on my couch wiping my Lays Potato Chip Greasy Hands™ on my T-shirt and laaaaaughing maniacally.
The one who is really beginning to crack is Emo Gail, whose voice is literally quavering in fear as she unsteadily blurts, "This challenge is extremely... ridiculous and crazy? I think just... being positive and having fun is gonna be the best way to get through it?... We'll see what happens..." (and yes, she speaks this blather in the form of questions, like she's trying to convince herself that what she's saying isn't half a degree from State Mental Hospital).
The clock starts up, and heeeeere we go! Underdog Nicole is talking about putting lowlights in her client's hair, which is making Dallas Daniel feel like shitting a Texas-sized brick, because he says "Nicole is VAYry green... she's not KWAHT thayir yet with colur, sew ah'm hopin' thayat the clahyent doesn't hafta move from her t'me, b'cuz ah'm gonna hafta DEFINITELY finish up her colur!" Um, Danny, this is kinda why they're doing it this way, you southern-fried chickenshit! Grow a pair! Or untuck the ones you've got! Or stuff two of those moldy oranges you saved from the Housewives Challenge down your undies! Butch it up, girl!
Meanwhile, Exotic Nekisa is convincing her client to cut her hair, and in reflecting on her completely dismal performance so far she posits, "Bad things come in threes, and I've already been in the bottom the last three Short Cut Challenges, so, fourth time is a charm!"
..."Or fifth. Or sixth?"...
Have another cocktail, girlfriend. In other salon chairs, Über-Gay Paulo's wild and crazy and willing to do anything client is showing distressing signs as he's mixing the color... he asks her if she's excited, and she says "I can't imagine my hair having any color other than brown!" Ruh-roh. This sounds like one of those bitches who might pull out that "Just because I said that's what I wanted doesn't mean that's what I wanted!.... and just because I wanted it doesn't mean I'm ready for it!" bullshit. You better siddown, baby, and get out the UMbrella... 'cuz there's gonna be a storm toNIGHT!
And Miss Drag Queen Meredith is happily tottering down the path to slow painful death as she declares, "Iyit's s'posed to be a dramyatic look for my cliyent, ayand I thiynk she could just look AYABsolutley speyicTAYACKulur with RED. INTEYENSE. COPPER!
..."Let's see... where doo they kyeep the Nucular Dyes Of Dyeath???"...
...and she proceeds to spackle what looks like cheap dollar-store strawberry cake frosting into this blonde girl's hair, which brings forth a horrified exclamation from Bitchy Charlie, "Ohmigod, you're doing red??!? Ohmigod, I hope I don't get you next... please... GOD!" I don't blame him, that shit looks like it was made in China with a full lead content and possibly a smidge of uranium, it's glowing that hard...
...导致红色染料的癌症™ (or Cancer-Causing Red #85™)...
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Comments (5)
good recap again! But I have to say, I'm definitely not feeling the recap being broken up into 2 seperate parts. AT ALL. I prefer to read about it all at once.
1 of 5 | Posted by serjen | Posted on July 19, 2008 9:24 AM
Boo hoo, I wanted both parts of the recap to be up at the same time (I know, I know, it's all want, want, want, and what have I done for you lately?)
It was hilarious. THANK YOU for the Paulo reaction shot to Dee's comment. Loved it!
Bubblehead-isa reminds me too much of Hilda Suarez. Hilda has the redeeming quality that she's a FICTIONAL character. Nekisa... well. I picture this as her inner monologue: "(crickets chirping)...(crickets chirping) I'm pretty! (crickets chirping) I have a husband! (crickets chirping)"
I will miss Meredith. I liked her dry humor. I wish Nekisa was gone. And hell, NO, who could miss Oshun and Matthew???????
2 of 5 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 19, 2008 6:03 PM
OMG, I am so sorry guys, I promise next time I will publish both parts at the same time, seriously, it was almost 5:00am and I just couldn't do any more... please forgive!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 20, 2008 12:36 AM
I have to agree with Dee on the message, but not necessarily the delivery. If you have a client, and you've discussed what is going to happen with her hair, when you pass her off to another stylist you communicate that plan so it doesn't come out a f'ed up mess. Much like most of the clients in this challenge. In the end, whether you finish the style or not, because you consulted and developed a plan, she is your client. You own up to it and follow up on it.
That being said, does anyone else thing the length of time they give on some of these challenges is messed up? These could be some of the most talented stylists in the nation, but the time limits can be unrealistic. 1.5 hours to consult, color, cut and style? Not in the real world. Sure they, should be able to work fast, but when you factor in nerves and pressure, it's too much to accomplish. The producers should realize that when success in a challenge is the exception, not the norm.
4 of 5 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 21, 2008 9:04 AM
J-Mo, dont you sweat the 2 part recap... you are hilarious as always and no-one should stay up past 5am unless they're getting laid or paid....xoxoxo
5 of 5 | Posted by BlueBee | Posted on July 22, 2008 8:51 AM