Testimonials

Bahia is a 37 year-old woman from France. She tells the camera that nobody knows her background or what she used to look like, but she was never thin and recently lost 35 pounds. Whatevs, she's drop dead gorgeous now.

Beauty without botox

She's got sort of a Penelope Cruz, Ralph Loren thing going on. Our fearless leader asks her to pull her hair back and frowns at her. After a moment of concentrated silence, he announces that he loves her and the other judges agree. They tell her that they don't need to ask her any questions, that's it, she's passing. You go girl. I have absolutely no sense of your personality, but there's no doubt that you're a beautiful woman.

Finally, we get an older woman with wrinkles who's awesome and, at least from first appearances, sane. Sharon is a 58 year-old African American woman who has lost her husband in the last couple of years. She tells the judges that her husband had always told her that she could be a model. But, she was nervous when she came down to the audition and saw all the young pretty girls outside and she almost didn't park her car. The little General asks her what her husband would say to her and Sharon promptly channels her husband saying, "Chicky Davis (his pet name for her) I'm so proud of you and they would be crazy not to take you." Our leader is touched and says that he couldn't be any more inspired than he is right now.

The General's new muse.

They love her. I love her. And, she passes on to the next round. This uplifting moment is followed by a montage of unreal boobs, no votes from the judges, and generally unsuitable women.

When Karin comes out looking all tall, thin and model-like, it's a little bit of a relief, even if she does have a bad hairstyle. And, of course, our resident stylist, Robbie, is all over the hair issue asking, "Why the mullet?" Karin tells him that she cuts it herself and Roberts all like, "Really? I couldn't tell."

I usually poke myself in the eyes before I cut my hair.

Then, Sean mentions that her fly is partly unzipped. I have to say that Karin is taking it pretty well. I would have come completely unglued if the General caught me with my fly down and would probably have run screaming from the stage. The judges all agree that Karin is a natural beauty and so much prettier than her hair style allows her to be and she's a pass to the semi-finals.

A seriously butch looking African American woman named Paula is up next and the first thing I notice is that she walks like John Wayne when he's in a gunfight.

Hey there little lady, thought I'd just mosey on over to say howdy.

When the General asks her for her age, Paul tells him "thirty...long hesitating pause...six." I don't know, it really sounded like she was going to say 34. Anyway, Paula tells the judges that she believes that she's the evolution of women; a little androgyny and a little mystique. And, that it doesn't take six-inch stiletto heels and your boobs popping out to be sexy. Of course, she does that lift and shove movement with her hands when she mentions boobs popping out. Robbie comes right out and asks if she's straight. Paula answers that nothing about her is straight. The General likes her confidence and Paula goes on to the next round. Once out of the audition, Paula has a crying, praying, thanking sweet Jesus, breakdown, because she made it muscles, tattoos and all. Meanwhile, the General is pleased with his choice and holds up his palms for a high five from his co-judges. Robbie's on the ball and smartly smacks his hand, but Bev doesn't notice and high fives herself.

It's not good to leave the little General hanging.

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Posted in She's Got The Look by YentaPatrol at 2:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: juddfan on Jun 11, 2008 11:38 AM.