Yes, I know. I am a jerk because I am not cranking out these Smallville posts in a timely fashion. I thank all of you for your e-mails asking me when the next one was coming out, and I appreciate that your e-mails were all polite, even when I said the recap would be up by Sunday at the latest. Although there was no new episode of The OC to contend with, the numbers for the premiere were solid. What we were left with at the end of the episode was Kal-el without his powers, and the beginning of a new life for Clark Kent, which includes a new start for him and Lana. There has really never been any question as to whom Clark's heart yearns for. Despite a brief moment in time when we thought that Chloe and Clark would be together, and the constant faux-hatred flirtation Clark and Lois enjoy, it has always been about Clark and Lana. Part of the burden of Clark's powers was that he had to be careful who knew because knowing his secret often came at a great price, and it drove Pete out of Smallville (well, that and he was a big pussy and pretty uninteresting). Without his abilities, there was nothing to hide from Lana, and he wouldn't have to hide anything from her for her safety. It's a scenario that works for everybody, don't you think?
Not that I think there is ever going to be an episode of Smallville where Clark doesn't have to save somebody or something from complete death and destruction, but when the opening of the show is coming straight from Belle Reve, you know there is going to be trouble. Belle Reve is the Arkham Asylum of Smallville, Kansas. For those of you who are completely lost with that Batman reference, it means that it is a mental institution where almost all of the most dangerous criminals reside. Lex Luthor once spent time in Belle Reve, having been put there by his father after he came back to civilization when his plane crashed. Now it was Lionel's turn to spend some time in the loony bin. I was wondering what had happened to Lionel after he was possessed and his eyes became glazed over like a reptile's and he started spouting off about the Disciples of Zod. Contrary to what we were led to believe last episode, he didn't just leave and go about his business. His son must have found him, found it quite odd that he was alive, and placed him in his own wing at Belle Reve.
But Lionel is not really a threat to anybody these days. He can't see, and nobody is taking him seriously. He doesn't have any money, and has no role in Luthorcorp. That's not to say that there aren't other dangerous people in Belle Reve, and as Lex is walking out of the facility, he bumps into such a character. He doesn't know it at the time, but it probably wasn't a good idea. As Lex walked away, the inmate, Lee, who had been cuffed with an electronic device and was being transported somewhere, was released, and knocked out a bunch of the guards, because as it turns out, Lee can create electricity and shoot it with his bare hands. OK, check that, Lee can only take electricity from another source, but that's still pretty dangerous, no? If you were transporting this type of guy, wouldn't it be wise to put him in a straightjacket or something? And imagine that at the same time you were transporting these two brothers who could put their hands together and make a force field strong enough to stop bullets. Wouldn't you try to keep the force field boys apart so they couldn't do any shit? Who has that kind of pull to make that happen?
Lee gets out of his handcuffs and breaks his friends' shackles as well. They break out of Belle Reve, and where do you think they are headed? Smallville, of course! You do have to wonder if they are going to get what they are expecting. The only real reason for them to go to Smallville would be to get at Clark Kent. He's responsible for putting half of the "guests" of Belle Reve there in the first place, so it makes sense that Lee and the twins want to exact some revenge. When they get to Smallville, they might be shocked to see that Clark Kent is human and that he now needs the help of others if he is going to do little things like raise a barn.
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Comments (13)
Lana a virgin??? She must give a good beej b/c Jason hung in there a bit too long!
1 of 13 | Posted by Krista | Posted on October 12, 2005 2:06 PM
WHile I can beleive Lana is the big V since shes such a cold bitch, I know Clark aint no virgin. He banged that crazy teleporter chick he married last year when he was all whcked out on red Kryptomite.
Man, I know way too much about this show.
2 of 13 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on October 12, 2005 2:18 PM
Ed,
Actually, in the episode where Alicia takes Clark to vegas, they stop right before they have sex. She wanted to make sure the real Clark wanted her, and not hopped up Clark. she took off the bracelet and he went back to his non-fornicating self.
3 of 13 | Posted by J-Unit | Posted on October 12, 2005 2:30 PM
Nerd fight! Nerd fight!
4 of 13 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on October 12, 2005 3:07 PM
i love the review and its still hard to believe lana is a virgin her and jason were together for a while its hard to believe he didnt tap that
5 of 13 | Posted by lupe | Posted on October 12, 2005 3:44 PM
Clark and Chloe forever!
6 of 13 | Posted by Victoria | Posted on October 12, 2005 8:23 PM
It was shocking at first but I love how Clark took advantage of his mortality to really vent on Lex instead of just yelling at him.
7 of 13 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on October 13, 2005 8:06 AM
Clark can have Lana. I'll take Chloe's perky boobs and quick wit anyday.
8 of 13 | Posted by MODULUS | Posted on October 13, 2005 8:45 AM
Do you remember that sex scene with Alicia? That was HOT! I went right out and bought a white garter belt and thong. This one was pretty lame. I just think Lana's too much of a bore, and I don't see a lot of chemistry between the two of them. I bet Chloe would do some kinky sh*t for Clark if she had the chance. Oh right, I forgot this is a WB show, not porn.
9 of 13 | Posted by flymotha | Posted on October 13, 2005 9:30 AM
DUde you know Chloe would give it up fast. And she'd be into anything. Cincinnati bowtie, angry pirate, you name it. Lana just actslike her shit don't stink. I heard in real life shes a stuck up bitch on the set too.
10 of 13 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on October 13, 2005 8:19 PM
Clark had sex when he went all Red Kryptonite and took off to Metropolis for the summer. Robbing ATM's, partying at bars all hours, his sweet bachelor pad etc..
11 of 13 | Posted by JMAN | Posted on October 15, 2005 10:34 PM
Yeah, Lana definitely was a virgin but her mouth ain't; considering jason, Adam, and Whitney as her ex'es.
12 of 13 | Posted by DIRTYSANCHEZ | Posted on October 18, 2005 8:42 AM
lmao edhill, where exactly did you hear that kristin kreuk is a stuck up bitch on set too? the same place you hear that clark and alicia banged?
13 of 13 | Posted by disguy | Posted on October 22, 2005 12:08 AM