There was a time on Smallville when Clark Kent was content to live life on the sidelines. He was strung up like a scarecrow in a freshman hazing not a week after he arrived to Smallville High. Instead of joining the football or basketball team, he decided that his time would be best spent writing for the school newspaper. But you could always see there was a part of Clark that wanted to rebel from his geeky lifestyle and save the world side job. Every now and then (usually about once a year, just in time for sweeps) he would rebel against his normal lifestyle for something some would consider a little more selfish. Now a senior, it seems like Clark may have found a happy medium. His parents have let him play football, he has promised not to use his powers, and popularity is sure to follow.
Although we all know that Clark has the greatest athletic prowess on the team, he still must earn his spot on the field. Since he is a backup quarterback with no experience going up against popular senior who has been on the team for four years, he has his work cut out for him. Barring some catastrophe, it looks like there isn't going to be much play for Clark at all this year. Luckily for Clark, there is a group of people out there that are sick of seeing their boys beat their heads in on the field, and spend all of their time with their teammates off of the field. Yes, I am talking about the cheerleaders. Not content with cheering all day and having nothing to show for it besides some messy hair and a messy back seat, the cheerleaders have decided to do something to make sure their guys would always be as devoted as possible.
The first test of this new method is Danny, the quarterback of Smallville High, and the only person ahead of Clark on the depth chart. After Danny tells his girlfriend Mandy that he will be spending Saturday Night with the guys instead of her, she decides to do a little manipulation with the laws of attraction and slips him a drink of what looks to be any benign sports drink, but is instead some sort of kryptonite concoction that instantly transforms you into but a mere slave for the affections of your significant other. For Danny, it means that not only is he going to ignore the guys on Saturday night, but he is going to blow off football practice entirely, just so he can go shopping with Mandy. Jason, who the producers would like to have us believe is only an assistant coach yet remains the only coach we ever see, tells Danny he can't leave practice or he won't play the game that week. Danny is obviously too horny to heed his words, so Clark becomes the quarterback.
No harm, no foul, right? Well, not exactly. The problem with this new green potion (which now fills the water coolers of the football team and sports bottles everywhere else) is that sometimes the devotion it illicits goes a little too far. I know what many of you are saying out there. Didn't they do this a year or two back? Yes, they did have an episode where people lost their inhibitions after inhaling a krypton-laced flower. The idea isn't entirely new, but last time we got to see Lana dripping wet in some lingerie, so we don't complain about these things. In this edition, Danny feels that Coach Teague is trying to get in between he and his girl and comes after him with a shotgun. Clark is there to save Jason just before some buck shot is about to take him down. Clark uses his heat vision on the gun to stop Danny from getting off any more shots.
As you can imagine, there is quite a bit of commotion about the whole thing the next day. This is the type of story that the people at the Torch usually eat up, but it looks like Chloe is a little short staffed. Lois is constantly trying to get out of high school, and Clark informs her that he will be spending more time with the football team. Chloe always had a thing for Clark and never really lost it, even after all of the issues with Lana. Through all of it, she was at least able to know he was always going to be a good friend and they spent a lot of time together at the Torch fighting crime and whatnot. Losing Clark to the football team after seeing him at least semi-hot for Lois was just another kick in the stomach.
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Comments (4)
Clark would probably have an easier time as QB if his brother Antwaan Randle-El were at WR.
1 of 4 | Posted by b-side | Posted on October 14, 2004 3:44 PM
b-side. . .i can't believe you indirectly diss your boy, hines, by invoking randle-el as clark's go-to receiver.
ricky williams wouldn't do that.
2 of 4 | Posted by dartnok | Posted on October 14, 2004 9:29 PM
High School Teenager Remark:
"Clark is so gay."
3 of 4 | Posted by TVgasm Junior | Posted on October 14, 2004 10:05 PM
Dartnok - I would never, NEVER dis Hines in such a rude way. But because I did read in this very column just a few weeks ago that Superman's alter ego was Jor-El or Kal-El or El-Al, I figured that it would only be appropriate to bring in another member of the El family.
Besides, I'm sure Hines is playing with the much cooler Batman team (with Ahman, of course).
4 of 4 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on October 15, 2004 12:06 AM