They begin their dance and it's definitely one of the most passionate and sexual dances I've seen them do. It was very flowing and beautiful. I could tell that they fucked up a few moves but in general I thought it was one of their best dances yet - although one dance move did make me nervous...
"Hold real still...I promise it'll just hurt for a sec!" "NOOOOOO!!!!!"
Nigel says, (Hold you're breath - this is gonna sting) "I would have like to have seen another couple dance that routine." OOOUUUUCH! WHAT THE FUCK!!??? That was soooo RUDE!!! Everyone boos and Nigel says "I know - I want to boo myself but it's how I feel." EW. There is no need for the judges to say shit like that. I guess constructive criticism has completely left the building. Thayne should have said "I know how you feel - I wish Simon Cowell was here in your set every night".
Mary didn't like it either. Of course on the plus side this means she's not screaming. Mia's Tourette's works in reverse this time. She tells Comfort "You can only fake it for so long" and then tells Thayne he's "Brilliant". Can't Comfort make my day and scream "I'll cut you bitch!!!" just once?!
Up next - Jessica and Will are back performing everyone's least favorite to dance (and watch) - the Quick Step! They'll be under the direction of Tony and Melanie - everyone's favorite ambiguously gay duo!
Tony and Melanie tell us why the Quick Step is so notorious. Apparently "the timing needs to be perfect - one wrong up when the other is going down - ohh - disaster!" Ooooh - the drama! Somehow that neeeeever translates to the stage with this dance.
Will compares learning the dance to being in Kindergarten and being taught Calculus. He could have been more relevant and said "It's like teaching Chelsea to spell."
I love how Tony and Melanie are like old-school stereotypes of themselves: Tony: "People spend a LIFETIME learning to do this!!" Melanie: "A lifetime!!!" Any minute you expect them to yell "You gotta WANT it! Need it! Live it! Dance it! A 5, 6, 7, 8!"
Tony and Melanie work so well together. Hey Melanie - how do you keep Tony so happy all the time!?
Ahhh yes. I figured.
Will and Jessica's dance starts off with a bang. Will does 5 backward flips across the stage! And then Jessica comes out and... does... one... slow flip. Work in progress folks!
The dance seems to be going well. But honestly the only thing I know about Quick Step is that the feet move fast. I see fast feet. So... it's good? I hate this dance.
I'm sure the judges are gonna say "FABULOUS CHOREOGRAPHY! But you guys sucked ass." However, I didn't think the choreography was that great at all. Pretty boring. And what the fuck was the deal with Will's last move where he drags his lifeless legs across the stage?
He looked like that that scene from "Misery" where James Caan falls out of his wheelchair and is trying to escape from Kathy Bates. Maybe this means he'll throw a typewriter at Mia at one point?
Nigel thought everything was "great!" but the actual "quickstep" was lacking. Mary says if the Fashion Police were present they'd give Will a ticket for his jacket. THIS COMING FROM THE MOUTH OF A LADY WEARING A DRESS THAT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS STOLEN FROM THE SET OF ZORRO IN 1957. She then goes into an explanation of why this jacket was bad for Will. Who the fuck cares Mary?! HE didn't pick it out! Why doesn't anyone ever say "Uhhh - I didn't pick it!" when the judges say shit like this?!
And then came Mia. Mia starts by saying "Oh my God I was so excited for the first number because I thought Jessica finally got it... BUT..." Oh shit Jessica - better prepare yourself...
Yup. There we go. Ok - continue on Mia...
Mia: "You went back to that insecure place... it didn't work at all...Will, you look tired from carrying her - you've been carrying her this entire time - and you need a new partner." OHHH MYYYY GOD! Those, ladies and gentlemen, was the MEANEST thing EVER said on this show! I'm speechless. I don't give a crap how bad Jessica might have been - that was uncalled for. I officially just jumped off the Mia train. That was RIDICULOUS!
« Big Brother: What Would Nixon Do? | Main | Real World Hollywood: Say Goodbye To Hollywood »


Comments (26)
The still of poor Jessica from the end of the quickstep...just before she was ripped to shreds by rabid Mia...made me laugh for a good five minutes. Then I felt sad for her. They really have humiliated that poor girl in so MANY ways.
Gev and Courtney are incredibly over-rated. Their cha-cha was more disco than anything else.
And Twitchington's second number was the victim of bad choreography.
You're right on the money about the double standards. It's like some weeks they dismiss people because of a bad solo (when dancing for their lives) and other weeks they give a pass on a bad solo "based on their body of work." Yeah. Right. Different rules for different dancers.
I loved the Bollywood number, but I think it's "sleeping deer" not "dear."
I commend you for you fortitude in recapping this show. I can't imagine having to listen to Mia, Mary, and Nigel closely enough to actually quote them.
1 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:31 PM
Jessica did not deserve the treatment that she got. She did not do as bad as the judges say. Kherington and Comfort are worst than Jessica. I think the judges and the show have an agenda and want one of the black guys to win, esp Will, since he is Debbie's student. Mia is a complete B*TCH. She needs to stick to dance and not judge ever again.
Gev/Courtney are totally overrated.
I think Jessica left on her own (seeing that the judges just didn't like her). I think they made up this injury.I just find it all too convenient for her to get injury right as she got to top 10. I am happy she decided to go and how she finds success somewhere else where they are more supportive.
2 of 26 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:40 PM
Poor Jessica...but I'm sure they'll just let Will continue as a solo act. After all, the attitude is he's too wonderful to be anyone's partner anyway.
3 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:51 PM
Mia was a complete bitch to Jessica, that was totally uncalled for. I wouldn't be suprised if Jessica left because she was tired of those damn judges.
I agree with the first 2 comments, Gev/Courtney are overrated, that first dance was not a real cha-cha, it felt like a joke to me and I still have the Twitch itch.
4 of 26 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:23 PM
will someone tell me how to do this please? im an idiot. im new and am trying to figure out how to subscribe to a few of the recaps. please help!!!
this was the funniest recap i have ever read. i laughed out loud a ton. i do not know how jessica keeps it together with those a**holes. complete crap! shes better than courtney who is cuter. courtney is annoying!!!
5 of 26 | Posted by e777 | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:28 PM
Okay. I just can't take it. I finally have to say something.
The judges have been ridiculously hard on Jessica this ENTIRE season...
You know what? She may not be PERFECT, but she is far from the atrocity Mia makes her out to be.
After Tweedle-Dum (the wife from the "hip hop" team) said that she was bringing Will down after that AMAZING Heart performance, I have been worried for our poor Jessica. She took it with grace and a smile, and so I've been on Team Jessica ever since.
When the judges told Kerrington, that they would just ignore the last part of her routine, I literally jumped up off the couch and screamed "Would they *#@!-ing say that to Jessica?" The answer is no!
After Mia did say so melodramatically, "Will, you're tired...etc." I noticed that Nigel and Mary both had their heads down, as if wanting to distance themselves from Mia's insanity.
On the results show, I was proud of our bedazzled Mary for saying that she was going to fight for Jessica. I think that was in direct response to Mia's comment.
Finally, on one of the results shows, I noticed that Jessica had a bandage on her ankle, so maybe it was a legit injury. However, who is going to be pay for all the therapy bills she is going to need?
Is it going to come from Mia's weekly weed and food bills? I think not.
K, I'm done. By the way, I love your recaps. I laugh every time!
6 of 26 | Posted by jenday | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:39 PM
I actually thought that Comfort and Thayne's hip hop routine was pretty good. No, it didn't look like they wanted to bone each other up there, but maybe it shouldn't always look like that.
Also, I thought when Will slid across the stage he looked like Jessie, the old crippled dog on Family Guy.
Lastly, the judges comments were horrible this week. From Nigel sexually harrassing everyone, to Mary making up weird equations, to Mia just being a downright C*NT. I wish they just showed the dances and then Cat gave the numbers to call. That way, the judges wouldn't be influencing America one way or the other.
7 of 26 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:44 PM
I think that if Mia could get away with it, she would murder Mary. I'm pretty sure she's not a fan. Everytime Mary screamed, Mia hunched down and pulled her hat as far down on her head as she could.
8 of 26 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:50 PM
I absolutely hate Mia. I can only hope that the show got a bunch of people emailing/writing/calling after that rude comment from her to Jessica. Completely uncalled for.
And I loved the shout out to Mrs. Swan! Yea! Mad TV!
Great recap!!
9 of 26 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:55 PM
It's hard to get a lot of dish going on these recaps, as good as they are, when they're not posted til the morning of next week's show... plus we all know the outcome of last week's results show. Sorry to say it out loud. I know it must be hard to get through these things. But last year it was kind of uproarious and fun in the comments. This year there's no time.
10 of 26 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on July 16, 2008 2:48 PM
Since Jessica had to withdraw, the producers put Comfort back in the lineup.
Do they really think Comfort will be able to keep up with the awesome and mighty gift to dance and to this earth, Will? Poor Comfort. If she thought the criticism was harsh with her last two partners, she hasn't begun to feel pain and scorn yet.
And why hasn't Wade Robson been on the judges' panel yet?
11 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 2:55 PM
I think Mia's comment was quite possibly the meanest thing that I've heard anyone say out loud. The fact that she said it to Will rather than during Jessica's "critique" was just an extra slap in the face.
12 of 26 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on July 16, 2008 4:51 PM
I hate to say, when Nigel said "I wish someone else had danced it" to Comfort and Thayne, that is exactly the same thought I had during that routine...
Also, is Courtney stupid or something? Gev is from KAZAKHSTAN, which is NOT RUSSIA. She's been his partner for over a month now, shouldn't she know where he comes from? I mean, I know where he comes from and I've never met him... Would Courtney like it if someone called her British because she happens to speak English? WTF?
I thought Mia's treatment of Jessica was totally uncalled for as well. I really want to know what she did to make the judges hate her so. I would also like to see her win.
And I also wanted to beat the shit out of Nigel for ignoring Twitchington's last 16 bars just because he wants to bone her.
13 of 26 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 16, 2008 5:15 PM
every week you, my dear columnist, consistently hit every nail on the head from this show. I actually watched last week going, "I can't wait to read the column after this... there's so much to make fun of!" Nigel's poo face, Mia's hat... thank you.
Speaking of the dog, MIA SHOULD BE STRICKEN FROM JUDGESHIP. She adds nothing, her routines make no sense anyway, why give her a chair from which to spew her venom? She's a vindictive, snobby, L.A. bitch. Fine if judges/dancers love her choreography, let her do that but for God's sake keep her "hot mess" off the stage. Jessica doesn't deserve it. And oh how God works in mysterious ways... sparing her from any further crucifixion more like!! And FUCK YOU to the judges now for ripping her every week... she had broken ribs people!!! I hope she heals in more ways than one.
You're right on with the double standards thing and I am very disappointed in the judges, but it is a FOX reality show and they are just doing "America's favorite dancer" not something more formal or technical so it all boils down to entertainment, and the talent is so insane on this show that I am entertained every week. Even if Mary's cries sound like one of the flying Nazgul from Lord of the Rings!
14 of 26 | Posted by mmtv | Posted on July 16, 2008 6:10 PM
Haha, thanks for the shout out.
God, why is Mia such a bitch? I'd like to see her and Janice Dickinson duke it out or something. Like, Collision of the Megabitches.
I'm on Team Jessica after this episode. She's really not as horrible as she's made out to be.
P.S. Gev should be renamed Leery...the town peeper.
15 of 26 | Posted by ElliotJ | Posted on July 16, 2008 9:17 PM
Looved the recap!!
But for all of you who said Courtney and Gev are overrated obviously you arent dancers because they are actually really good dancers! They have nailed everything thrown at them and have great presence and performance. Not to mention Gev is a b boy and is able to do all the other dance styles. And actually Kazakhstan used to be part of Russia and the Soviet Union so yes Gev technically is Russian and most people there speak Russian
And yes Mia and all the judges are wayy harsh on Jessica. She is a good dancer and does not deserve to be treated as she has.
Kherinton is so overrated she needs to leave!
16 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:42 PM
Finally!!! The recap is here!! ever since Mia said what she said, I've been wondering what you were gonna say about it!
When she said that, I was like "na aaah, no you di'in't!!" Can you say bitchy? Where does she get off saying stuff like that?
I'm glad Jessica left.. a) because I honestly think she's not as good a dance as the other girls, b) she doesn't have to put up with that shit from the judges.
I thought they were gonna vote her off the next night and was surprised when they kicked Comfort to the curb..
Ok, enough about them.
Mark and Chelsi are still my faves, followed by Joshua and Katee (What up, Bollywood!!)
I thought Twitchington's Krump routine was awesome! although, I couldn't have watched it happily with just Twitch. When he jumped on stage and pounded over to the edge, it was awesome! You could actually hear the stomping! I thought it was really good. Kton held her own, but Twitch just wiped the floor with her...
Awesome recap! don't take so long next time! some of us depend on these recaps to get us through our workday! :P
17 of 26 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:51 PM
Yeah, Kazakhstan USED to be a part of Soviet Union, which fell almost 20 years ago, so no, he is not techincally Russian. He is techincally Kazakhstani. WTF? People in the Philippines speak English. They're not English.
I also meant to say that during the contemporary number, although I thought it would've been much better danced by another couple, I thought Thayne was amazing, and Comfort made me cringe.
18 of 26 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:54 PM
Um Rock Star sorry but I think his partner would know not you and seriously not that big of a deal wow.
19 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:02 PM
Seriously not that big of a deal and if you read Gev's bio he was BORN in Kazakhstan but he's Armenian/RUSSIAN.
20 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:05 PM
Oops did not mean to post twice the first one seemed rude.
21 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:07 PM
Quit wasting time on your three paying jobs and get these recaps out quicker, please! (But, um, give us the same incredible high quality entertainment.)
Having gotten into the habit of FF'g certain of the judges, this was the first I knew of the most recent rude comments to Jessica. I totally agree with a ban on Mia ever being a judge (but usually love her choreography).
Will take awhile to adjust to some of the partner switches. It's sort of like coming back from vacation and finding that all of my married friends have divorced and remarried. (Hmm. This could really happen in Hollywood.)
22 of 26 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 17, 2008 7:43 AM
Okay, I'm a little late on commenting, but where is the recap for the Top 14 results show? Am I missing something?
Don't mean to sound bitchy or anything (I mean, results shows aren't exactly thrilling) but I am just wondering.
23 of 26 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on July 20, 2008 6:06 PM
Hey Gasmii!
Just so you all don't put a "hit" out on me - I was away for the past 4 days in NY and just got back - I'll whack out the recap tomorrow (Monday) and have it to you all by the end of the day.
Thanks for your patience!
bBitz
24 of 26 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on July 20, 2008 9:41 PM
where is it? =(
25 of 26 | Posted by chibby | Posted on July 26, 2008 12:23 PM
BBitz???? where ru??? Pleeez come back.....missing your recaps like my daily coffee (and thats sying something-ask anyone around me-hehe)...anywayz hope all is well with you
26 of 26 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on July 27, 2008 1:50 PM