Will is ever the gentlemen and says that he's glad Jessica came out of her shell tonight (referring to the first dance). Ouch. This was ROUGH. Jessica gets a "Hillary Clinton" award for smiling through that fuckfest.
Up next - Courtney and Gev are doing a contemporary routine with Mandy Moore. It all revolves around being lost and using a map. At one point Gev kicks Courtney in the head. Apparently the Russians woo their women a little differently.
The dance begins and Gev is dressed like Indiana Jones - sans the hairy chest. The routine is interesting but there's not much too it. And really it's only because all the other dances try to pack so much thought and meaning in. This one is just about a couple arguing over directions and a map. Turns out dance isn't that extraordinary when it's an interpretation of an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode.
Although an especially delightful moment came...
When Courtney threw Gev over her back. HIIIIYA! I think Mandy taught her this move for when Gev finally loses it and goes for the gold.
Nigel thought it was fun but not much substance. (I agree - scary!) Mary thought it was great - "rough and raw and just livin' it up there!" Was she watching the same routine everyone else was?! How the fuck can a dance about a map be "raw"?! Maybe she's thinking about how she likes her steak or something.
Mia says "Both pieces were great tonight!" and "You guys are one of my top couples!" Maybe Gev sends a bottle of Stoli to the judge's room every night.
Up next - Twitchington - and they're doing a tango with Jean-Marc. This routine is supposed to be like "Mr. & Mrs. Smith". So apparently it will destroy a marriage and culminate with twins.
Their tango begins and it's interesting - it's not as fun and crazy as I hoped it would be though. Kton does a great job with the lines and the turns but aside from that - it just doesn't have the passion and urgency that a Tango should have. And I hate it when you can see a "big move" coming before it happens.
"Onnneeee, twwoooo...." Good Lord. This is a dance competition! Not 4th grade gymnastics! Nail the flip and move on! Shit!
Nigel tells Twitch that "it wasn't honest" for him. In general he said it wasn't as good as he thought Twitch could be. And you know how sometimes it feels like the judges totally cooked up something to say before they even saw the dance? Well... "Kherington," Nigel says, "This is based on assassins - but you murdered the dance routine tonight - not each other." UGH! That was tooootally planned. Nice job PAULA.
Mary says the beginning and the ending were phenomenal but she has problems with the whole middle. Gee Mary - why don't you just "forget" about the part you didn't like then?! It's what you did with their LAST routine! HA!
Mia says "Dance is powerful and magical... because of personality" and then drops the "BUT IT WASN'T HERE" bomb.
I thought Cat was hysterical here because she just looked at the camera and scratched her head after all of this and said, "Well... it's up to you guys at home". Kind of like "I stopped giving a shit after Mia soul-fucked Jessica on national TV."
Up next - and last (CAN IT BE?!?! I'VE ALMOST MADE IT!!!!) is Katee and Joshua! We see the clip of them picking the dance out of the hat and I have 2 questions:
1. What the hell is Joshua doing? Pouting? 2. What the hell is Cat wearing?! Is that a necklace from ancient Egypt paired with a red Muu Muu?! Gee - I wonder why this outfit didn't make it to a show!
The good news is that one of our fav couples got "Bollywood"! Oohh! A lil' something different. I'm glad they got this. I really can't see any of the other couples doing it.
Bollywood is a dance-style from India. There's lots of different hand movements and at one point, instead of making "sleeping dear" Joshua makes a gesture which, Nakul the choreographer, tells us "would offend half the world". Half the world's Indian? Maybe he was including those who know sign language too. Ask Mia - I'm sure she uses it when she drives.
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Comments (26)
The still of poor Jessica from the end of the quickstep...just before she was ripped to shreds by rabid Mia...made me laugh for a good five minutes. Then I felt sad for her. They really have humiliated that poor girl in so MANY ways.
Gev and Courtney are incredibly over-rated. Their cha-cha was more disco than anything else.
And Twitchington's second number was the victim of bad choreography.
You're right on the money about the double standards. It's like some weeks they dismiss people because of a bad solo (when dancing for their lives) and other weeks they give a pass on a bad solo "based on their body of work." Yeah. Right. Different rules for different dancers.
I loved the Bollywood number, but I think it's "sleeping deer" not "dear."
I commend you for you fortitude in recapping this show. I can't imagine having to listen to Mia, Mary, and Nigel closely enough to actually quote them.
1 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:31 PM
Jessica did not deserve the treatment that she got. She did not do as bad as the judges say. Kherington and Comfort are worst than Jessica. I think the judges and the show have an agenda and want one of the black guys to win, esp Will, since he is Debbie's student. Mia is a complete B*TCH. She needs to stick to dance and not judge ever again.
Gev/Courtney are totally overrated.
I think Jessica left on her own (seeing that the judges just didn't like her). I think they made up this injury.I just find it all too convenient for her to get injury right as she got to top 10. I am happy she decided to go and how she finds success somewhere else where they are more supportive.
2 of 26 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:40 PM
Poor Jessica...but I'm sure they'll just let Will continue as a solo act. After all, the attitude is he's too wonderful to be anyone's partner anyway.
3 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 12:51 PM
Mia was a complete bitch to Jessica, that was totally uncalled for. I wouldn't be suprised if Jessica left because she was tired of those damn judges.
I agree with the first 2 comments, Gev/Courtney are overrated, that first dance was not a real cha-cha, it felt like a joke to me and I still have the Twitch itch.
4 of 26 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:23 PM
will someone tell me how to do this please? im an idiot. im new and am trying to figure out how to subscribe to a few of the recaps. please help!!!
this was the funniest recap i have ever read. i laughed out loud a ton. i do not know how jessica keeps it together with those a**holes. complete crap! shes better than courtney who is cuter. courtney is annoying!!!
5 of 26 | Posted by e777 | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:28 PM
Okay. I just can't take it. I finally have to say something.
The judges have been ridiculously hard on Jessica this ENTIRE season...
You know what? She may not be PERFECT, but she is far from the atrocity Mia makes her out to be.
After Tweedle-Dum (the wife from the "hip hop" team) said that she was bringing Will down after that AMAZING Heart performance, I have been worried for our poor Jessica. She took it with grace and a smile, and so I've been on Team Jessica ever since.
When the judges told Kerrington, that they would just ignore the last part of her routine, I literally jumped up off the couch and screamed "Would they *#@!-ing say that to Jessica?" The answer is no!
After Mia did say so melodramatically, "Will, you're tired...etc." I noticed that Nigel and Mary both had their heads down, as if wanting to distance themselves from Mia's insanity.
On the results show, I was proud of our bedazzled Mary for saying that she was going to fight for Jessica. I think that was in direct response to Mia's comment.
Finally, on one of the results shows, I noticed that Jessica had a bandage on her ankle, so maybe it was a legit injury. However, who is going to be pay for all the therapy bills she is going to need?
Is it going to come from Mia's weekly weed and food bills? I think not.
K, I'm done. By the way, I love your recaps. I laugh every time!
6 of 26 | Posted by jenday | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:39 PM
I actually thought that Comfort and Thayne's hip hop routine was pretty good. No, it didn't look like they wanted to bone each other up there, but maybe it shouldn't always look like that.
Also, I thought when Will slid across the stage he looked like Jessie, the old crippled dog on Family Guy.
Lastly, the judges comments were horrible this week. From Nigel sexually harrassing everyone, to Mary making up weird equations, to Mia just being a downright C*NT. I wish they just showed the dances and then Cat gave the numbers to call. That way, the judges wouldn't be influencing America one way or the other.
7 of 26 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:44 PM
I think that if Mia could get away with it, she would murder Mary. I'm pretty sure she's not a fan. Everytime Mary screamed, Mia hunched down and pulled her hat as far down on her head as she could.
8 of 26 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:50 PM
I absolutely hate Mia. I can only hope that the show got a bunch of people emailing/writing/calling after that rude comment from her to Jessica. Completely uncalled for.
And I loved the shout out to Mrs. Swan! Yea! Mad TV!
Great recap!!
9 of 26 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:55 PM
It's hard to get a lot of dish going on these recaps, as good as they are, when they're not posted til the morning of next week's show... plus we all know the outcome of last week's results show. Sorry to say it out loud. I know it must be hard to get through these things. But last year it was kind of uproarious and fun in the comments. This year there's no time.
10 of 26 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on July 16, 2008 2:48 PM
Since Jessica had to withdraw, the producers put Comfort back in the lineup.
Do they really think Comfort will be able to keep up with the awesome and mighty gift to dance and to this earth, Will? Poor Comfort. If she thought the criticism was harsh with her last two partners, she hasn't begun to feel pain and scorn yet.
And why hasn't Wade Robson been on the judges' panel yet?
11 of 26 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 2:55 PM
I think Mia's comment was quite possibly the meanest thing that I've heard anyone say out loud. The fact that she said it to Will rather than during Jessica's "critique" was just an extra slap in the face.
12 of 26 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on July 16, 2008 4:51 PM
I hate to say, when Nigel said "I wish someone else had danced it" to Comfort and Thayne, that is exactly the same thought I had during that routine...
Also, is Courtney stupid or something? Gev is from KAZAKHSTAN, which is NOT RUSSIA. She's been his partner for over a month now, shouldn't she know where he comes from? I mean, I know where he comes from and I've never met him... Would Courtney like it if someone called her British because she happens to speak English? WTF?
I thought Mia's treatment of Jessica was totally uncalled for as well. I really want to know what she did to make the judges hate her so. I would also like to see her win.
And I also wanted to beat the shit out of Nigel for ignoring Twitchington's last 16 bars just because he wants to bone her.
13 of 26 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 16, 2008 5:15 PM
every week you, my dear columnist, consistently hit every nail on the head from this show. I actually watched last week going, "I can't wait to read the column after this... there's so much to make fun of!" Nigel's poo face, Mia's hat... thank you.
Speaking of the dog, MIA SHOULD BE STRICKEN FROM JUDGESHIP. She adds nothing, her routines make no sense anyway, why give her a chair from which to spew her venom? She's a vindictive, snobby, L.A. bitch. Fine if judges/dancers love her choreography, let her do that but for God's sake keep her "hot mess" off the stage. Jessica doesn't deserve it. And oh how God works in mysterious ways... sparing her from any further crucifixion more like!! And FUCK YOU to the judges now for ripping her every week... she had broken ribs people!!! I hope she heals in more ways than one.
You're right on with the double standards thing and I am very disappointed in the judges, but it is a FOX reality show and they are just doing "America's favorite dancer" not something more formal or technical so it all boils down to entertainment, and the talent is so insane on this show that I am entertained every week. Even if Mary's cries sound like one of the flying Nazgul from Lord of the Rings!
14 of 26 | Posted by mmtv | Posted on July 16, 2008 6:10 PM
Haha, thanks for the shout out.
God, why is Mia such a bitch? I'd like to see her and Janice Dickinson duke it out or something. Like, Collision of the Megabitches.
I'm on Team Jessica after this episode. She's really not as horrible as she's made out to be.
P.S. Gev should be renamed Leery...the town peeper.
15 of 26 | Posted by ElliotJ | Posted on July 16, 2008 9:17 PM
Looved the recap!!
But for all of you who said Courtney and Gev are overrated obviously you arent dancers because they are actually really good dancers! They have nailed everything thrown at them and have great presence and performance. Not to mention Gev is a b boy and is able to do all the other dance styles. And actually Kazakhstan used to be part of Russia and the Soviet Union so yes Gev technically is Russian and most people there speak Russian
And yes Mia and all the judges are wayy harsh on Jessica. She is a good dancer and does not deserve to be treated as she has.
Kherinton is so overrated she needs to leave!
16 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:42 PM
Finally!!! The recap is here!! ever since Mia said what she said, I've been wondering what you were gonna say about it!
When she said that, I was like "na aaah, no you di'in't!!" Can you say bitchy? Where does she get off saying stuff like that?
I'm glad Jessica left.. a) because I honestly think she's not as good a dance as the other girls, b) she doesn't have to put up with that shit from the judges.
I thought they were gonna vote her off the next night and was surprised when they kicked Comfort to the curb..
Ok, enough about them.
Mark and Chelsi are still my faves, followed by Joshua and Katee (What up, Bollywood!!)
I thought Twitchington's Krump routine was awesome! although, I couldn't have watched it happily with just Twitch. When he jumped on stage and pounded over to the edge, it was awesome! You could actually hear the stomping! I thought it was really good. Kton held her own, but Twitch just wiped the floor with her...
Awesome recap! don't take so long next time! some of us depend on these recaps to get us through our workday! :P
17 of 26 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:51 PM
Yeah, Kazakhstan USED to be a part of Soviet Union, which fell almost 20 years ago, so no, he is not techincally Russian. He is techincally Kazakhstani. WTF? People in the Philippines speak English. They're not English.
I also meant to say that during the contemporary number, although I thought it would've been much better danced by another couple, I thought Thayne was amazing, and Comfort made me cringe.
18 of 26 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:54 PM
Um Rock Star sorry but I think his partner would know not you and seriously not that big of a deal wow.
19 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:02 PM
Seriously not that big of a deal and if you read Gev's bio he was BORN in Kazakhstan but he's Armenian/RUSSIAN.
20 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:05 PM
Oops did not mean to post twice the first one seemed rude.
21 of 26 | Posted by Lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:07 PM
Quit wasting time on your three paying jobs and get these recaps out quicker, please! (But, um, give us the same incredible high quality entertainment.)
Having gotten into the habit of FF'g certain of the judges, this was the first I knew of the most recent rude comments to Jessica. I totally agree with a ban on Mia ever being a judge (but usually love her choreography).
Will take awhile to adjust to some of the partner switches. It's sort of like coming back from vacation and finding that all of my married friends have divorced and remarried. (Hmm. This could really happen in Hollywood.)
22 of 26 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 17, 2008 7:43 AM
Okay, I'm a little late on commenting, but where is the recap for the Top 14 results show? Am I missing something?
Don't mean to sound bitchy or anything (I mean, results shows aren't exactly thrilling) but I am just wondering.
23 of 26 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on July 20, 2008 6:06 PM
Hey Gasmii!
Just so you all don't put a "hit" out on me - I was away for the past 4 days in NY and just got back - I'll whack out the recap tomorrow (Monday) and have it to you all by the end of the day.
Thanks for your patience!
bBitz
24 of 26 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on July 20, 2008 9:41 PM
where is it? =(
25 of 26 | Posted by chibby | Posted on July 26, 2008 12:23 PM
BBitz???? where ru??? Pleeez come back.....missing your recaps like my daily coffee (and thats sying something-ask anyone around me-hehe)...anywayz hope all is well with you
26 of 26 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on July 27, 2008 1:50 PM