So here's the thing about Nastypants. He's not horrible. He's not great, either. Sort of mediocre I guess. But then he just stops. He runs out of gas. Mia asks what happened. He says he ran out of energy. He used to be able to go for ten hours but now he's looking for about a power five minutes and that's it. Nigel says he probably didn't even do two minutes there. Nick is a total asshole you guys. He says to Nigel, "I think you're correct and I think we both know that, but thank you for sharing that." Jackass.
Nigel asks him what do they do with that, and he goes into the I'm just happy to be here mode. This dude has so much attitude. Ugh. I hate that so much. Even if the person is really good, when they start getting attitude and talking back, it irritates the fuck out of me. Just shut up and stand there and listen to your critique. GOD. Nigel says he doesn't understand, and Nick wonders what there is to understand. He's not so worried about Nigel he wants to make the two ladies happy because they're nicer anyway.
Nigel tells him that that is so disrespectful, and he apologizes, but it's too late for that now. Mary tells him that he was a yes for her, but he has now talked himself into a no. Mia is with Mary on this one. She tells him if he's disrespecting the executive producer of the show what does that say about how he'll treat the choreographers and other dancers. Right on, Mia! Buh-Bye Nasty!
Up next is a 6'6" b-boy named Dmitrious Bistrevsky who was really confident until he videotaped himself and watched it. Inexplicably he has chosen to go ahead and audition anyway.

While he's dancing Mia says to Mary that he makes her nervous. "He's going to hurt himself." It is not good at all. Which is a shame because he seems like a decent kid. Mary asks how long he's been breaking. Three months. Dude. It shows. Mia says she couldn't even enjoy it because she was scared for him and the music sounded like it was beating the shit out of him. Nigel says he doesn't think you can say shit on television. And then they all say shit a bunch of times. Yawn. It's a no from all of them, but Mia would like to encourage him to keep going. Nigel adds that if he loves dancing he should not just stick to breaking, but try some other styles. He could lift girls with one finger!
Montage of crap performances along with a staged bit of all the judges pretending they are asleep, and then people cry.

This is only a fraction of the crap they show
Let's hope Kelsea Taylor can turn their frowns upside down. As she takes the stage Nigel starts begging her to please please please be good. She is.Halleluiah!

She's got great lines and musicality, and she's got some quirkiness, but not too much. Mia is uber intense watching her, so you know she's gonna love her. Nigel says Sonya would love her. Yeah, she'd probably assault the poor girl with sunflowers and rainbows. You know they really like her because she makes it through her entire audition and Nigel says he didn't want it to stop. Mary says, "First time today, I think." Nigel calls her zany and slightly crazy, but he means it in a good way. Mary loves her musicality; she wanted her to keep on going. Mia says she thinks Kelsea is a beautiful disastrous weirdo.

You would know!
I'm actually surprised that they send her to choreography rather than sending her straight through. Shit, with the way auditions seem to be going, she may be the only one in that round. Oh. She's not. Twenty three people made it to choreography, but only four people make it through to Vegas. That has to be an all time low. You may be happy to learn that Kelsea is one of the four. I know I am.
Time for the last days of auditions. Phew! I gotta say I'm happy about that. Nigel starts out by telling today's auditioners how terrible everyone was yesterday. Great pep talk Nigel!
First up is Kuponohi'ipou Aweau. He tells Cat he'll give her three chances to pronounce his name correctly. She doesn't do it, and adorably calls her efforts rubbish. He says in Hawaiian culture you're given a name whose meaning you are supposed to live. His name means "child of cherished honesty". Ummm, good for you?

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Comments (19)
Page 3, chick in the blue top with the scarf that they showed a snippet off (and her with a ticket).... i believe she made it to vegas last year as well and remember her being quite good. anyways, i was expecting more out of this episode since it's the last of the auditions. (remember last year they had the "best of the best" that they taked on at the end and that's how we met Katee and her roommate?) early favorite is still Brandon who lost out to Gev last year, but then again I really wanted him last year too, so maybe I'm slightly biased. Glad to see so many familiar faces and glad that there will be a fall season as well.
1 of 19 | Posted by cansnuts | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:02 PM
I share your love of Adam Shankman. His natural effervesence even made the young woman he was partnering a better dancer. Plus everything about him is natural and spontaneous...unlike the Mia and Sex crap later in the show.
By the way...why did Mia dye Adam Lambert's hair blond? It doesn't look good on either of them.
Nathan the 17 year-old is spectacular, but will benefit from better choreography (his was repetative.)
Mr. Nasty needs a psychiatrist and some meds. He obviously has a personality disorder...and probably beats his girlfriend if she looks at him "wrong."
As for Sex...Sex isn't something that should make people sick, so I think that creep needs to be forced via court injunction from using the word as his name.
I remember Nigel last year berating said creep for showing up year after year and taking up valuable time. But Nigel once again took up the viewers' valuable time showing us this delusional idiot. And now I have to keep my promise...which was if they showed the creep again, I would stop watching.
So, I'll be relying on your expert recaps for the rest of this season.
And Hugh Jackman makes me feel better, too. Hotness...thy name is Hugh.
2 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:08 PM
Adam was so great this episode! He made me lol so many times. The best part (which I can't believe you missed!) was when they showed his info on the bottom of the screen as they do with most dancers. His age was "21ish" Rotflol.
My favorites this episode were Sammy and Phillip, with Phillip as my top pick.
I agree with you all on Sex, except that I loved him getting sent to choreography (feel bad for his partner though). I thought it was a great, much-needed wake-up call. Hopefully, he won't be back next year.
Great Recap
3 of 19 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:29 PM
Love your recaps...Hugh Jackman is the icing on the cake!
4 of 19 | Posted by aniglo | Posted on June 1, 2009 2:23 PM
PottyMouth -- this was soooo bad it made me laugh hysterically: " That bitch stole my moooooooves"
Nastypants! Sounds like my long-lost brother!
Your recaps are absolutely hilarious! I read this one before watching the show and now I've got to go watch it. I wonder if they focus on the idiots just to lure in more audience? Kind of like how I love to watch American Idol's idiots but the show itself is just kind of meh for me.
Gotta go get my dance (dance dance) on!
5 of 19 | Posted by FancyPants | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:02 PM
Anyone else think Mia's been going to the same hairstylist as that crazy loon from Jon & Kate Plus 8 (or is it Joe & Kate? Cheater & Loon Plus Eleventy?)
6 of 19 | Posted by FancyPants | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:06 PM
Thanks for another great recap.
I pretty much liked the same people you did, but didn't always share your dislikes (at least not to the same degree). Some of those people need couseling... but the main blame for them getting so much air time is the producers (who are simply trying to attract the greatest numbers of viewersviewers?) Sad, but that is the way it is.
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:10 PM
hey- Sex's partner got a ticket to Vegas (I checked for her, since I thought it was totally unfair for them to saddle anyone with him as a partner).
I also have a small burning rage for Mia left over from last year, since she was such a huge bitch to what'shername that the poor girl quit the show. I'm not much of a fan any more.
8 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on June 1, 2009 4:11 PM
Great recap again. I think "Sex" has a mental deficiency of some sort. Even the creepy Ukranian seemed more on the ball, and why else would a 35-year-old guy have to drag his mother everywhere? That said, I agree: why, oh why, give airtime to him? It's just cruel.
And thanks, here4beer, for reminding me why, in spite of her talent, I am not a Mia fan either.
9 of 19 | Posted by Allison | Posted on June 1, 2009 4:58 PM
I've told you before and I'll tell you again Pottymouth: Your recaps always echo my exact sentiments, only about a million times funnier. I kid you not -- I have almost the exact same reaction to every dancer as you do. I love, love, love and get misty eyed at times (because really, in my heart of hearts, I'm a softy and so are you!) I hate hate hate and get annoyed right along with you too -- including he who must not be named and his enabling mother. Ugh. He gives sex a bad name.
Thanks again for taking 1 (hundred) for the team and recapping this!
10 of 19 | Posted by zbird | Posted on June 1, 2009 9:22 PM
here4beer-Mia didn't make her quit, she had 2 broken ribs. Also, all the judges were so fucking mean to her.
Does anyone else think there are so many "so close to making it last year" people that they may not even pick a single new auditionee to be in the top 20?
11 of 19 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on June 1, 2009 9:25 PM
I agree with zbird. PottyMouth, it's like you read my mind.
Except, I thought that the Sex/Leo battle was hysterical - I laughed so hard I almost cried. I know that Sex is an idiot and I do wish that the producers would just ban him and show us more of the good dancers. But, they didn't, so I just took it for what it's worth and cackled like a hyena.
Also, Mark was my absolute favorite last year, so I was super happy about Pono - he reminds me so much of Mark, with his quirkiness and his musicality. He also wore a low v-neck t-shirt, which Mark wore last year and he hails from Hawaii, just like Mark. I also saw a slight similarity in the hair and facial features, but perhaps I'm just delusional.
Can't wait for Vegas!
12 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 1, 2009 10:43 PM
Also, I love love LOVE Adam Shankman, Tyce is a douche, Mia's bitchy and Mary and Nigel are still super annoying.
That is all.
13 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 1, 2009 10:44 PM
"Sex" wouldn't be there without the producer's (ie Nigel's) approval. IIRC, the upper age limit is 30 and he is 35 - so he should be refused an audition based on his age alone, not to mention his complete lack of talent! So he is exploiting them as much as they are him.
I love Mia, Adam, Sonya and Lil C, find Nigel creepy and think Mary is very knowledgable but hard on the ears.
I am really looking forward to this years shows but your recaps are the icing on the cake!
14 of 19 | Posted by Pikey578 | Posted on June 2, 2009 3:28 AM
You're doing an excellent job with these recaps, Potty Mouth! You have just the right of amount of sarcasm mixed with love.
15 of 19 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on June 2, 2009 12:20 PM
@ Rock Star- you're right, Mia didn't "make" her quit, and all the judges WERE complete assholes to her (wish I could remember her name!). But whatever Mia said took it to the next level. It was something along the lines of (to the girl's partner),
"Too bad you were saddled with such an awful partner, because she's just bringing you down. I wish people could see you without this GIANT PIECE OF DANCING DOODOO standing next to you."
I'm paraphrasing a bit.
16 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on June 2, 2009 4:41 PM
her name is Jessica King...and she didn't deserve the hate and nastiness they heaped on her week after week.
17 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 2, 2009 5:26 PM
She certainly didn't. While I wasn't a huge fan of hers, I was totally disgusted at the amount of shit that she got dumped on her last season, while they creamed their pants repeatedly over Will, who actually bored me to tears.
Poor Jessica. She was a great dancer, she just became cannon fodder. Idol does that, I find (ahem, never giving Allison/Anoop/Matt proper accolades) but SYTYCD started doing that last year. It's wrong and disgusting.
18 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 3, 2009 11:00 PM
cansnuts: I’m biased about Brandon too. I really wanted him to make it last year and was annoyed when he didn’t get through.
cattyfan: LMAO @ Mia with Hambert’s hair! I wish I had thought of that first!
tv freak: I can’t believe I tuned out the 21ish!! I got lost in enjoying him I guess.
aniglo: Thanks!
FancyPants: I couldn’t resist it. I have a weird love for bad jokes.
fire@will: Yeah, I have a tendency to have strong feelings and opinions (I know I hide it well). Completely agree that the producers are mostly to blame. I just wish they’d refrain and show more of the good people. It would make people realize just how tough some of those decisions must be. (Now stepping down from my soapbox)
here4beer: Phew! Thanks for being on the lookout for that! More on Mia soon!
Allison: I absolutely agree.
zbird: Thanks so much. And I am NOT a softy. Nope. Not me. Uh uh.
Rock Star: There are definitely a ton of people coming back. It will be interesting to see how many familiar faces we see in the top twenty.
georgiababe: I think if I could have gotten past my blinding rage I may have been able to see the humor in it, but I was soooooo mad. Fifteen minutes they wasted on that crap! They could have shown a ton of good auditions in that time. Oops! There I go again!
Pikey578: I completely agree. Listen, I think the guy has mental problems, but my bigger issue is with the producers wasting time on him and similar crap. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I don’t enjoy watching the psychos released on a day pass from the asylum.
angiemarie: Thank you so much! I do love the show and I’m glad that shows.
here4beer, cattyfan, georgiababe: I’m not going to add too much – you guys have covered this well. I will add an amen and say it never sat right with me how the judges (Mia was the worst, but they all did it) would bash Jessica while verbally fellating Will. She wasn’t my favorite, but there is a difference between constructive criticism and abuse.
I have MUCH more to say a bout Mia coming soon. You guys rock! I love reading your comments; you make my day. I’m working on the next recaps and will have them up as soon as I can.
SWAK, PottyMouth
19 of 19 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 5, 2009 3:33 AM