He's not bad. I think I'd like him better if he wasn't using that chair as a prop. If you're going to use a chair, use it well. He doesn't. When he's done, Nigel asks him to pronounce his name. He does. Nigel asks if he has a nickname. Pono. It sounds like Nigel pronounces the nickname as Porno. Porno is leaving Mary on the fence. She thinks a lot of it was very strong, but there were also a lot of things that were off-putting to her and very feminine. Mia likes Porno. She has faith in him. There's some stuff there. Someone please throw some water on Mia.

You are made from the best stuff on Earth
Nigel says Porno reminds him of Mark. I guess I can see that in the quirkiness, but I think that Mark was a better dancer. Of course my entire memory of Mark is tinged with my love of "Bleeding Love." Oh. Now I have to go watch it again. They send Porno through to choreography.
Time for another montage of good dancers that we don't get to see enough of. Because why should we waste time on good dancers who've been working their asses off to get to the level they're at when we can take time for this idiot instead?

WHY?????????????
Some idiot yells out that Sex is his hero and I think that dude's mother should give him a good whack upside the head. David refers to himself as a local celebrity. I can't believe they're showing him again. Quick question. Does anyone else think his mom looks like she smells like cat pee?

She's right, Mom. You do.
But it's not time for Sex yet. There's another loser we have to see first. His name is Leonid Knyshov from Kiev, Ukraine. He goes by Wise Leo. His day job is recovering data from damaged hard drives. He says a lot of his job consists of grief counseling because losing data is a very traumatic experience for many people. But I thought he said he recovered data? He's just really slimy and gross looking.

He tells us he also runs a number of websites. Raise your hand if you instantly thought "kiddie porn"!

Me too
He's terrible. Apparently he wrote down on his paper that the style is called indescribable. Nigel says it's not indescribable, he can think of quite a few words to call it. He wants Leonid to break down the style for him. He starts by telling Nigel he made this up (NO!!). He's here to see how far he can get with their help. "So let's here what you have to say." Nigel's at a loss for words. It's like he's at a rave party. "Yes." Mary says it reminds her of when three and four year olds are out in the back yard playing and twirling and jumping around. Mia wants to see a battle between him and Sex. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?
After getting permission from his mom, Sex heads up to do battle. And I refuse to recap this part of the show. This is such a crock of shit I think it gave me a mini stroke I'm so fucking mad. Why? Someone explain to me why we have to sit through this crap rather than seeing people who are actually good and might have a shot at making it to the top twenty. I am so sick of them giving this whack job and his mother airtime every year. Didn't Nigel tell him to not come back again? If you don't want him to come back, why do you keep giving him the attention he so desperately craves?!?!?!? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
And then. After that complete ridiculousness Nigel decides to send him through to choreography. WHAT? Nigel says it's to give him a reality check. Whatever. In the real world if you suck they tell you to go home. Mary says she'll enter the twilight zone and votes yes with Nigel. Mia says for once in her life she is staying in reality and voting no. Thank you Mia.
You and I both know that this idiot won't be able to keep up with choreography, and lo and behold. He can't. I really hope that the poor girl that was forced to dance with him at least got a ticket to Vegas. Obviously Sex doesn't. Porno does however.
I am so fucking pissed that this is how they ended this episode. Ugh. Now I'll be annoyed for the rest of the night! Thanks a lot NIGEL. I wonder if there's anything that could make me feel better.

That works!
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Comments (19)
Page 3, chick in the blue top with the scarf that they showed a snippet off (and her with a ticket).... i believe she made it to vegas last year as well and remember her being quite good. anyways, i was expecting more out of this episode since it's the last of the auditions. (remember last year they had the "best of the best" that they taked on at the end and that's how we met Katee and her roommate?) early favorite is still Brandon who lost out to Gev last year, but then again I really wanted him last year too, so maybe I'm slightly biased. Glad to see so many familiar faces and glad that there will be a fall season as well.
1 of 19 | Posted by cansnuts | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:02 PM
I share your love of Adam Shankman. His natural effervesence even made the young woman he was partnering a better dancer. Plus everything about him is natural and spontaneous...unlike the Mia and Sex crap later in the show.
By the way...why did Mia dye Adam Lambert's hair blond? It doesn't look good on either of them.
Nathan the 17 year-old is spectacular, but will benefit from better choreography (his was repetative.)
Mr. Nasty needs a psychiatrist and some meds. He obviously has a personality disorder...and probably beats his girlfriend if she looks at him "wrong."
As for Sex...Sex isn't something that should make people sick, so I think that creep needs to be forced via court injunction from using the word as his name.
I remember Nigel last year berating said creep for showing up year after year and taking up valuable time. But Nigel once again took up the viewers' valuable time showing us this delusional idiot. And now I have to keep my promise...which was if they showed the creep again, I would stop watching.
So, I'll be relying on your expert recaps for the rest of this season.
And Hugh Jackman makes me feel better, too. Hotness...thy name is Hugh.
2 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:08 PM
Adam was so great this episode! He made me lol so many times. The best part (which I can't believe you missed!) was when they showed his info on the bottom of the screen as they do with most dancers. His age was "21ish" Rotflol.
My favorites this episode were Sammy and Phillip, with Phillip as my top pick.
I agree with you all on Sex, except that I loved him getting sent to choreography (feel bad for his partner though). I thought it was a great, much-needed wake-up call. Hopefully, he won't be back next year.
Great Recap
3 of 19 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 1, 2009 1:29 PM
Love your recaps...Hugh Jackman is the icing on the cake!
4 of 19 | Posted by aniglo | Posted on June 1, 2009 2:23 PM
PottyMouth -- this was soooo bad it made me laugh hysterically: " That bitch stole my moooooooves"
Nastypants! Sounds like my long-lost brother!
Your recaps are absolutely hilarious! I read this one before watching the show and now I've got to go watch it. I wonder if they focus on the idiots just to lure in more audience? Kind of like how I love to watch American Idol's idiots but the show itself is just kind of meh for me.
Gotta go get my dance (dance dance) on!
5 of 19 | Posted by FancyPants | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:02 PM
Anyone else think Mia's been going to the same hairstylist as that crazy loon from Jon & Kate Plus 8 (or is it Joe & Kate? Cheater & Loon Plus Eleventy?)
6 of 19 | Posted by FancyPants | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:06 PM
Thanks for another great recap.
I pretty much liked the same people you did, but didn't always share your dislikes (at least not to the same degree). Some of those people need couseling... but the main blame for them getting so much air time is the producers (who are simply trying to attract the greatest numbers of viewersviewers?) Sad, but that is the way it is.
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 1, 2009 3:10 PM
hey- Sex's partner got a ticket to Vegas (I checked for her, since I thought it was totally unfair for them to saddle anyone with him as a partner).
I also have a small burning rage for Mia left over from last year, since she was such a huge bitch to what'shername that the poor girl quit the show. I'm not much of a fan any more.
8 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on June 1, 2009 4:11 PM
Great recap again. I think "Sex" has a mental deficiency of some sort. Even the creepy Ukranian seemed more on the ball, and why else would a 35-year-old guy have to drag his mother everywhere? That said, I agree: why, oh why, give airtime to him? It's just cruel.
And thanks, here4beer, for reminding me why, in spite of her talent, I am not a Mia fan either.
9 of 19 | Posted by Allison | Posted on June 1, 2009 4:58 PM
I've told you before and I'll tell you again Pottymouth: Your recaps always echo my exact sentiments, only about a million times funnier. I kid you not -- I have almost the exact same reaction to every dancer as you do. I love, love, love and get misty eyed at times (because really, in my heart of hearts, I'm a softy and so are you!) I hate hate hate and get annoyed right along with you too -- including he who must not be named and his enabling mother. Ugh. He gives sex a bad name.
Thanks again for taking 1 (hundred) for the team and recapping this!
10 of 19 | Posted by zbird | Posted on June 1, 2009 9:22 PM
here4beer-Mia didn't make her quit, she had 2 broken ribs. Also, all the judges were so fucking mean to her.
Does anyone else think there are so many "so close to making it last year" people that they may not even pick a single new auditionee to be in the top 20?
11 of 19 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on June 1, 2009 9:25 PM
I agree with zbird. PottyMouth, it's like you read my mind.
Except, I thought that the Sex/Leo battle was hysterical - I laughed so hard I almost cried. I know that Sex is an idiot and I do wish that the producers would just ban him and show us more of the good dancers. But, they didn't, so I just took it for what it's worth and cackled like a hyena.
Also, Mark was my absolute favorite last year, so I was super happy about Pono - he reminds me so much of Mark, with his quirkiness and his musicality. He also wore a low v-neck t-shirt, which Mark wore last year and he hails from Hawaii, just like Mark. I also saw a slight similarity in the hair and facial features, but perhaps I'm just delusional.
Can't wait for Vegas!
12 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 1, 2009 10:43 PM
Also, I love love LOVE Adam Shankman, Tyce is a douche, Mia's bitchy and Mary and Nigel are still super annoying.
That is all.
13 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 1, 2009 10:44 PM
"Sex" wouldn't be there without the producer's (ie Nigel's) approval. IIRC, the upper age limit is 30 and he is 35 - so he should be refused an audition based on his age alone, not to mention his complete lack of talent! So he is exploiting them as much as they are him.
I love Mia, Adam, Sonya and Lil C, find Nigel creepy and think Mary is very knowledgable but hard on the ears.
I am really looking forward to this years shows but your recaps are the icing on the cake!
14 of 19 | Posted by Pikey578 | Posted on June 2, 2009 3:28 AM
You're doing an excellent job with these recaps, Potty Mouth! You have just the right of amount of sarcasm mixed with love.
15 of 19 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on June 2, 2009 12:20 PM
@ Rock Star- you're right, Mia didn't "make" her quit, and all the judges WERE complete assholes to her (wish I could remember her name!). But whatever Mia said took it to the next level. It was something along the lines of (to the girl's partner),
"Too bad you were saddled with such an awful partner, because she's just bringing you down. I wish people could see you without this GIANT PIECE OF DANCING DOODOO standing next to you."
I'm paraphrasing a bit.
16 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on June 2, 2009 4:41 PM
her name is Jessica King...and she didn't deserve the hate and nastiness they heaped on her week after week.
17 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 2, 2009 5:26 PM
She certainly didn't. While I wasn't a huge fan of hers, I was totally disgusted at the amount of shit that she got dumped on her last season, while they creamed their pants repeatedly over Will, who actually bored me to tears.
Poor Jessica. She was a great dancer, she just became cannon fodder. Idol does that, I find (ahem, never giving Allison/Anoop/Matt proper accolades) but SYTYCD started doing that last year. It's wrong and disgusting.
18 of 19 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 3, 2009 11:00 PM
cansnuts: I’m biased about Brandon too. I really wanted him to make it last year and was annoyed when he didn’t get through.
cattyfan: LMAO @ Mia with Hambert’s hair! I wish I had thought of that first!
tv freak: I can’t believe I tuned out the 21ish!! I got lost in enjoying him I guess.
aniglo: Thanks!
FancyPants: I couldn’t resist it. I have a weird love for bad jokes.
fire@will: Yeah, I have a tendency to have strong feelings and opinions (I know I hide it well). Completely agree that the producers are mostly to blame. I just wish they’d refrain and show more of the good people. It would make people realize just how tough some of those decisions must be. (Now stepping down from my soapbox)
here4beer: Phew! Thanks for being on the lookout for that! More on Mia soon!
Allison: I absolutely agree.
zbird: Thanks so much. And I am NOT a softy. Nope. Not me. Uh uh.
Rock Star: There are definitely a ton of people coming back. It will be interesting to see how many familiar faces we see in the top twenty.
georgiababe: I think if I could have gotten past my blinding rage I may have been able to see the humor in it, but I was soooooo mad. Fifteen minutes they wasted on that crap! They could have shown a ton of good auditions in that time. Oops! There I go again!
Pikey578: I completely agree. Listen, I think the guy has mental problems, but my bigger issue is with the producers wasting time on him and similar crap. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I don’t enjoy watching the psychos released on a day pass from the asylum.
angiemarie: Thank you so much! I do love the show and I’m glad that shows.
here4beer, cattyfan, georgiababe: I’m not going to add too much – you guys have covered this well. I will add an amen and say it never sat right with me how the judges (Mia was the worst, but they all did it) would bash Jessica while verbally fellating Will. She wasn’t my favorite, but there is a difference between constructive criticism and abuse.
I have MUCH more to say a bout Mia coming soon. You guys rock! I love reading your comments; you make my day. I’m working on the next recaps and will have them up as soon as I can.
SWAK, PottyMouth
19 of 19 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 5, 2009 3:33 AM