The best part is at the end...
When they all curl up in the fetal position when Mia sits at the judge's table.
Cat comes out and I swear she went to tickle Gev's nuts while he was in that "Y" position - but she just goes for the side... chicken.
Our judges are back from the night before - including Mia Michaels...
Who compliments her butch hair cut with a lumber jack's shirt.
And Mary Murphy...
Who apparently raided FOX's vault of costumes from "Cleopatra".
And of course, Nigel, who's wearing a boring old suit as usual. We get right into it tonight as the first three couples are brought to the stage.
First up - Katee and Joshua who fantastically performed a Broadway number. If they're in the bottom 3 I'll be nice to Mia this whole recap. And they're SAFE! WHEW! That would've been horrifically difficult.
Next - Kherington and Twitch who danced the tear-jerker Jean-Marc routine about his daughter. I find it VERY INTERESTING that in the clips they show there's NO mention of Mia making a big shit stink over Kton "smiling too much". Nigel probably handed her ass to her after the show. Although he's not walking like he threw his back out - so maybe not.
Thayne and Chelsea are also up there. They got ripped out over there fluffy royal jazz piece. Although I love them I'd have to agree. BTW - one of you gasmi wrote about how you thought Thayne looks like Benji - TOTALLY! He does - BUT - so far I like Thayne better. And he's cuter. Benji got on my nerves.
Cat reveals that Thayne and Chelsea are the ones in the bottom 3 (Kton and Twitch are safe!). Mia of course has to add "America got it right - sorry my little dumplings". GOD. If I was one of the dancers I'd be so tempted to say "Awww - fuck you very much Mia!"
Up next - Mark and Chelsie who danced the AMAZING tango - COMPLETELY my favorite dance of the night. I would totally learn it if it didn't involve me breaking bones to make it happen. I could wear the suit and eat Argentinean food though! And be moody! I'd be so good at it!
Of course they're safe - the audience goes crazy - and what's this I see in the audience?!
Is that Benji's Dad holding the friggin' LED screen?! You're kidding me. Is it?! I can't tell. Apparently he likes Chelsie though. If she's related to Benji I'm over her. That family is like the Bush's of Dance.
Next up - Matt and Kourtni who had a light, jazzy number. It got mixed reviews. At least poor Matt didn't get railed on for his personality again. I bet if he takes off his shirt everyone will stop bitching about it.
Also on the chopping block - Jessica and Will. They had an OK Hip-Hop routine. According to the judges - Will was sent by the Gods and Jessica eats shit sandwiches. It's only a matter of time they break her and she ends up clubbing Will's knee.
Cat reads the results... and Matt and Kourtni are SAFE - whhhhaaaa? Oh wait - Jessica and Will are too! Oh Cat - you sassy trickster! That would've been great if Will turned to Jessica in that small in-between moment and said "You stupid bitch - you're ruining my life!" Either that or Debbie Allen would've marched up there and tore her up.
Next up - Susie de Miami and Marquis de Sade. In a clip from before their dance, Susie and Marquis ask us how we like our Salsa - spicy or hot?!
Neither. Both give me stomach cramps. Much like your Salsa did.
The judges went crazy on their ass - pretty much calling it a big pile of no-chemistry poop. Cat then reveals that they are in the bottom three. Poor bastards. Mary tries to back track and says they just had a difficult dance and she looks forward to their solos. Yeah - she can't wait to tear into them yet again.
Up next - Chris and Comfort. They krumped their way into krap reviews from the judges. Although Mia thought Chris pulled it off - Mary and Nigel made fun of him for not being tough enough. Yeah - he should follow Mia around for a day and watch her beat orphans and club baby seals. Lesson learned!
Also on the block - Gev and Courtney. They performed a very romantic modern dance. The judges thought the technique was there but the emotion wasn't. Mary screamed about it in general. But I think she just does that when she can't read the teleprompter.
Cat reveals that Chris and Comfort are in the bottom 3. Awww - Vanilla and Ms. Sass better step it up!
While the dancers all run backstage to prepare for their solos and start panic-shitting, previous contender Tino Munez comes on out to perform a flamenco routine. And it's MUY CALIENTE!!! Ummmm - why has he never been on the show?!?
HOLY HOTNESS! Can we please kick an extra guy off tonight and put this one in his place?!?
Seriously - this guy has what at least half of this season's boys are missing - presence and confidence. Wow. With any luck they'll use him to replace that stupid fucking snuggle bear.
Speaking of which - here's a segment with the pushy lil' fucker. As much fun as I make of him - at least he bring us fantastic "dancers-on-the-street" moments like this:
It's nice to see Big Al from Country Bear Jamboree finally found love.
First up for solo dance - Chelsea T. I think it's probably her most passionate dance yet. Usually she's a bit more aggressive but tonight I thought it was beautiful. Possibly a bit too simple though.
Thayne (Bizarro-Benji) is up now and he does something similar - passionate and subtle. I don't know if that's going to help or hurt them.
Now Susie - who does alot of hip-shakin' Shakira-style dancin'. It doesn't really do anything for me. She dances too much like a stripper and all that I can think of is that she's a school teacher and her students are watching this. Can you imagine?!? My highschool would've had a riot.
As a side not - I think the time they're given is WAY to short for a solo! Give them more time Nigel. THEY'RE DANCING FOR THEIR LIVES!!!
Next up is Marquis who REALLY seems like he's trying. You can tell he pulled every little trick he had out of his spin and flip hat. And he actually looks like he's enjoying himself for the first time this season.
Last girl up is Comfort who busts out a hip-hop routine. It's very quick and snappy.
Mrs. Fantastic.
Finally, Chris is the last one to dance. It's alright - kind of mediocre to be honest. I was expecting a little more. He kept leaping in the air to do what I thought was something special but would only do like a "twitter" thing.
Nah - more like a bush.
It's then time for the judges to head backstage and deliberate. I totally wish we could hear what that sounds like! I'm sure at one point Mia says:
"Well - what if we just kicked off another girl instead of a guy? And did you see what Cat was wearing tonight?! Stupid! She's so dirty it makes me banoodle in my pants. Speaking of - I have to remember to pick up my flannel pants from the laundry-mat. They be stank."
Next up we have "Flo Rida" who, according to Cat and her cue cards, is one of the top producers and artists in the world.
Apparently so - I think he wears the medal for this around his neck.
There's a lot of "Throw your hands in the air!" Which I never appreciate when at a concert. If I'm having a good time and you're doing a good job, my hands should already be in the air. But you telling me to do it - oh no - I paid good money for these tickets - YOU put your hands in the air. And get me a diet coke while you're at it.
Does anyone else get a laugh out of where the judges have their big deliberations?
A stairwell backstage?! Was the dumpster in the alley already taken? This is important shit!! Shouldn't they be in a conference room with power point presentations and graphs?! (At least this afforded us the chance to see the horror that is Mary's complete outfit.)
Up first on the block - the ladies! But first - Nigel goes into a 3 minute monologue about what a great player Kobe Bryant is. No really. Honestly Nigel - a basketball analogy?! Wrrrong crowd. Figure skating, maybe. But not basketball. Anything but basketball! (Or football, hockey, and wrestling for that matter.)
Anyways - he just wanted them to know if they lose tonight - they're still a great dancer. Just like Kobe Bryant. You should see him plie.
Nigel lets Chelsea off the hook first - she's SAFE! And rightfully so - she's definitely the best one up there. Next he tells Susie that she's lost that spark that brought here hear. Ouch. That's gotta hurt. He should have just told her she's not as good as they thought she was. Seemed to work wonders with Jean-Marc.
Next he tells Comfort that he knows it's difficult because she hurt herself and that she hasn't had the chance to find her potential - but they saw a glimmer of it tonight in the Shane Spark's routine - so... they're KEEPING HER!
And she pays them back with a respectable amount of stank face.
So our little HTM, Susie is headed back to Mee-ah-mee. Don't worry Charo - there's plenty of poles to make a career on back home.
Finally - the guys! I'm almost positive Marquis has already wet himself. The writing's on the wall. If i was him I totally would've brought a suitcase out on stage with me.
All three boys are contemporary. Hmmm - looks like America's old-fashioned then? Nigel nails Marquis for using too many "tricks" and sends little Marquis de "Thanks for sealing my fate Charo" home. It's especially sad during his "piss off" montage he says "Dance to me means an opportunity and a future." EEK. Not so much today kid. Cat's like "You do have a future! (under her breath) Just not on this stage - there ya go love - off to the cupboard with you now."
And that's it! What does everyone think?!?! I know this is a bit late but I'll be making it up to you with an early (for me anyways) recap of this Wednesday's show. Until then - let me know your thoughts - this show's kinda wacked this season huh?! DISH IT!
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Comments (13)
I think there's lots of good dancers this season.
I can't stand Mia. Part of me agreed with her about Kherington smiling too much. But the way she said it was so bitchy.
I think the final two will be Twitch & Joshua
Love reading your recaps!! I always miss some of the show with my daughter's bedtime routine.
1 of 13 | Posted by rt12345 | Posted on June 26, 2008 10:13 AM
Way to go, Nigel. Hold up an alleged rapist, who can't work and play well with others, and who LOST the NBA finals as an icon. Brilliant.
I don't believe for one minute the judges are seated on those steps actually discussing who gets the boot. They're debating which restaurant to head to when the show is done.
I won't miss Marquis or Susie Of The Bad Bleach Job. I wish they would take Mia Michaels (and her old lady hair) with 'em.
2 of 13 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 26, 2008 11:14 AM
There is no way that will is not in the final two. The judges have been blowing smoke up his ass since day one. He is great though. Also I was watching Hairspray with my children the other night and saw Twitch in the whole second half of the movie as a prominent back up dancer. Pretty cool I thought. My six year old daughter said " Daddy I want Twitches autograph. He's in like two things Hairspray and So you think you can dance." I thought that was cute that that was the mark of fame to her being on more than one thing on t.v.
3 of 13 | Posted by cwhaley78 | Posted on June 26, 2008 12:39 PM
I think Marquis and Susie were goners even before they did their solos although I was prepared to see Chris leave. I think Marquis had more potential than Chris but we'll never know now we'll we.
To clarify on Benji's ridiculous dad holding up that sign for Chelsie, Chelsie trained with Benji's mother. Thank god Chelsie's not related to the Schwimmer family because if she would've she would've been cut off in my book.
4 of 13 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on June 26, 2008 3:25 PM
What? When was Tino Munez a contender for the show? Like, he auditioned? When????
I don't understand why Susie was on the show in the first place. I kind of felt bad for Marquis because every time he was on the screen, I was like "wait, who is this?" That's kind of the producer's fault for not giving him any screen time before the show began. Plus, he was placed with a partner who shouldn't have been on the show. I mean, I know we only saw Susie's first audition, but based on that, I don't even get why she made it through to choreography, and how she managed to make it through EVERY ROUND, and then beat out some of the top girls. The comments about her being a stripper piss me off though. Just because someone is a dancer and has (horrible) bleached-blond hair means that she is a "slut" that's not fit to teach high school students? That's just ridiculous, and more than a little sexist.
5 of 13 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on June 26, 2008 9:51 PM
Rockstar -
I'll clarify - I thought Susie's style of dancing is "promiscuous" (as dancing can be) and that's what stuck out about her. She also looked like a wreck. Which is fine - just out of the realm of what you might expect from someone being paid to be a role model for children. And I'm not sexist. I don't think Boy George, Matthew McConaughey, Colin Farrel or Tom Cruise would make good teachers either.
Cheers, bBitz
6 of 13 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on June 26, 2008 11:10 PM
Right, and are you saying that Boy George, Matthew McConaughey, Colin Farrell, and Tom Cruise would be bad teachers because of what they look like? Because that's what you're saying about Susie. Boy George, I'll give you. But we dont' know anything about susie's personal life. We know that Tom Cruise is insane and that MM and CF are promiscuous womanizers, which yeah, makes them bad role models. Susie has bleached blond hair and is a dancer. Not seeing the comparison.
7 of 13 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on June 27, 2008 5:35 AM
BBitz I thought you wrote a great recap. I also think it was really nice of you to take the time to respond to RockStar's whining.
And to RockStar, Bbitz is a recapper. You are a reader. You are not being charged for the pleasure of reading Bbitz's recaps. Discussing the show is one thing, kvetching about a recap that you are being treated to is akin to kvetching about dinner when you are being served as a guest. It is, in fact, poor manners.
Before you continue to kvetch, please take the time to sit down and attempt to recap one of these shows in a manner that is the least bit entertaining and, while you're at it, pray that you don't offend one of the multitudes of readers representing infinite paradigms of thought. Writing of any sort, is hard work and not for the faint hearted.
Don't abuse the privilege of reading Bbitz's work.
Yenta
8 of 13 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on June 27, 2008 11:41 AM
Ditto Yenta - plus keep in mind that recappers are not paid.
I thought Marquis should have been kept - based on what we were shown.
9 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 27, 2008 1:34 PM
Yenta,
First of all, I never even called bbitz out as the one who keeps ripping on Susie Garcia as a stripper. There are tons of readers that do it too. He just responded to it.
Secondly, thanks for calling my pointing out of sexism whining, because of course, I didn't have a valid point AT ALL, right? It's completely acceptable for people to say that she shouldn't be a teacher and she's a stripper because her hair is bleached blond.
Third, I've ALWAYS hated that defense. I know I'm not a recapper, because I didn't VOLUNTEER TO RECAP ANYTHING. And where in my post did I make a complaint about the recap? Nowhere. So, thanks for just assuming shit that I didn't say. And thank you for pointing out that writing is hard work. I didn't do ANY of that when I was in college, or have my own column now. So thanks for the information.
10 of 13 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on June 28, 2008 7:25 PM
Rock Star, I think you are confused. You want www.feministblogs.org. This is tvgasm, a site that pokes fun at reality and scripted television.
Bbitz, I love the comment about Mary screaming when she can't read the teleprompter, so funny. She really is insane.
11 of 13 | Posted by mrswigglesworth | Posted on June 29, 2008 10:48 PM
Holy crap! I didn't realize there was so much going on with the comments for this recap!
Rock Star - I respectfully disagree with you - let's leave it at that. Yes - I would discriminate against Susie for her looks in regards to being a school teacher. She doesn't have to dress like a school marm - but, as a student, I know I'd have trouble respecting someone a few years older than me who looked like Shakira. And as for being sexist - I don't care if it's a guy or a girl - I don't think a teacher should look like the kids they're teaching.
Anyways, it's true - although I don't get paid to write, I did volunteer and get myself into this - so I guess that means my writing is fair game for any opinions - one way or another. Just be warned - it seems as if my fans get protective. Thanks friends! :)
Whether you agree, disagree - or think I'm an asshole - I greatly appreciate all of you readers and the comments you leave!
Cheers, bBitz
12 of 13 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on June 30, 2008 12:03 AM
Can I chime in on the whole teacher debate? I actually AM a teacher (albeit one in Canada). From the day we start our training, we have it drummed into us standards of professional behaviour. One of the big reasons is that the students and their families have to feel safe with us, physically and emotionally. That's why predatory teachers are such big news; not only are these crimes against children (including teenagers) but they also represent a massive breach of trust.
Now I am in NO WAY suggesting that Susie Stripey Hair was some sort of latter-day Mary Kay LeTourneau. But Susie should have known that she was going into some tricky ethical territory here. Plus, her personality strikes me as a little needy, so that exacerbates the situation. It is one thing for a teacher to happen to be sexy -- no one says we aren't human! But it is quite another thing for a teacher to consciously work at being sexy and to try to really showcase that sexiness as a major feature of her presence. This includes skimpy outfits and dancing suggestively with men only a couple of years out of high school themselves.
If Susie really wants to pursue both a dance and a teaching career, maybe she could look into dance styles that emphasize subtler emotions?
13 of 13 | Posted by mcat | Posted on July 7, 2008 1:44 AM