Hola Gasmii--
I'm your recap artist, Leia LaBiblia. First off, I'm sorry about the lack of jokes on the screen-caps. I just wanted to introduce all the characters this time. Secondly, allow me to confess to never having seen one episode of the first Melrose Place. So I come to this juicy-looking new CW project with fresh, luminous brown eyes and a shameful lack of knowledge about the original characters. Old-school MP fans-- feel free to interject corrections, clarifications, perspective, outrage or disgust about it. I think it's great that the new MP is bringing back several key cast members, and from what I've gathered, will be weaving them in far more skillfully than 90210 services poor Jennie Garth & Shannen Doherty.
Soap operas are good for you. They stimulate the economy and the nervous system, encourage healthy masturbation, and contain no carbs, trans-fats (although the good ones feature both trannies and fatties) or pesky soul-deadening opioids.
But enough about my summer. Without further cute bullshit, let's pay our first of many visits to....
Dazzling stock shots of the Sunset Strip and Cahuenga Corridor edited to the beat of a douchey new song suck us into a world of clubs most of us probably wouldn't be admitted to, restaurant/bars we can't presently afford, and people too hot for most of us to ever possibly fuck. The prowling voyeur camera glides into a green-tinted hot spot hallway where a horny couple french and dry-hump as a cell phone beeps insistently. Horny Chick Extra (who has impossible-to-miss peach fuzz dusting her chin--
---damn you, Hi-Def!!!) tells Horny Dude David he better hadn't dare answer the call-- he sneaks a peek and reads the text: "In serious trouble. Come. Now!"
At the bar, Ice Blonde Young Ella:
...(Trish from Harper's Island -- please see TVGasm Archives for my in-depth analysis of that CBS slash & snooze suckfest) tells Nebbishy Young Agent his coke-whore young actress client needs Icy's publicist services. Brad Pitt- lookalike David...
...(played by A Bad Actor) approaches Icy and says "Sydney keeps text-bombing me-- I gotta go!" Ella grumbles something about Bad Pitt being on a leash and that he's Ella's ride. Bad Pitt tells her to "cab it" and hands her a hundy. Cool! Let's have shots!
Bad Pitt then approaches Intense Young Sous-Chef Augie...
busy plating a lobster creation:
...Bad Pitt implores Augie to accompany him to "the penthouse" to deal with needy, texty Sydney. But Augie can't leave the kitchen-- "Marcello's here tonight." BP: You're the only one who knows how to deal with her when she's like this. Augie grimaces and tells BP to go on ahead and that Augie will slip away ASAP.
Hospital. Young Gorgeous Doctor Lauren...
...gets a call from Bad Pitt in his car. Can Lauren stop by the penthouse when she gets off? Sydney's "in pretty bad shape". No can do-- Dr Lauren is working the graveyard shift. Proving they don't let just anyone into med school, she tells BP that if he can't wake Sydney up, or if her pupils won't dilate, call 911.
Bad Pitt enters a classic 1920's West Hollywood Spanish apartment building's swimming pool courtyard and heads up the stairs. A Red-Head watches through a window as he unlocks the door and starts calling for "Syd". He's miffed to find Red/Syd pouring herself a drink-- "You're fine!" "Not really," she murmurs, draping herself onto a handy fainting couch. She tells him she knows "this is the last place you wanna be right now", but she didn't know who else to call. My Australian model BF pops in to inform me that Sydney was a character from the first MP, is played by the same actress (Laura Leighton)...
...and is probably supposed to be the same character ten years later, but with all that botox who the fuck can be sure?
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Comments (3)
Yeah!!! I'm so happy to see you, Leia, recapping another one of my shows!!! Your commentary on attractive men is unparalleled.
So, I was pretty impressed with the new Melrose. And, I was a die-hard watcher of the original Melrose. I can't believe you didn't watch it - I feel sorry for anyone who missed the unbelievably poignant/demented/FANTASTIC moment that Kim Mancini (Marcia Cross) peeled off her "wig" to reveal a bald, scarred up head. It was amazing! And, Amanda Woodward (Heather Locklear) was the best tv bitch EVAH!! Cru Ella has some big shoes to fill.
One thing is for sure...the makers of this go around are no dummies - they are really making an almost mirror image of the original. Most of the characters are identical to PHers of the past. But, I like it...I am a gal who is all about nostalgia.
1 of 3 | Posted by msjacqmills | Posted on September 12, 2009 10:11 AM
Is there a reason why you are bolding so many words? It's really distracting and disrupts the flow of the sentece.
2 of 3 | Posted by CrazyTrain | Posted on September 12, 2009 4:03 PM
I watched the original MP, but certainly can't remember much..! Is David Michael and Jane's son??? How old is he supposed to be?
And I wanted to throw something at the TV when the guy turned down a 100K screenwriting deal. Dumas. If you have confidence in what you've written and shot, you take the deal when it comes.. Ugh. I'm sickened. If I were Riley, I'd be all, "You turned down what? I thought you were *serious* about this career choice.. Later.."
3 of 3 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on September 13, 2009 12:33 PM