We’re back in the RCA Dome following a commercial – I want another fumble. Let’s just do it over and over. Would the Colts quit if that happened for like 15 straight possessions? I would. I’d just be like, "hey coach, eff this man. We can’t hold onto the ball." Well, it doesn’t happen and Peyton Manning has the ball Edderengine James has the ball run run run ooof! the referee has the ball now peyton has the ball again edderengine has the ball ref has the ball peyton manning has the ball melvin harrison has the ball ooof! FIRST DOWN! John talks about Peyton’s wrist bands and it sounds pretty gay to me.
Here’s an ad for the Jake Gyllanhall (sp) and Jamie Foxx movie "Jarhead." I was supposed to go see a screening of this Sunday night and skipped it – I’ll never work in this town again, as they say. I still want to see it. I’m a sucker for strategic use of Kanye West music. My girlfriend uses it to get me to buy her things. Like last week it was to by her Kanye West tickets.
Diet Cherry Vanilla Doctor Pepper. That is horrible branding right there. Your product cannot be five words long. Shit, the game is back on. Fumble! Everyone is cheering! Al screams "touchdown mothafuckas!!!! J’yeah! J’yeah!"
St. Louis has the ball again, they score again, commerical again. I’m going to confess something – I thought the Colts were good, so I’m going to look at ESPN. Oh, they’re 5-0. That pretty good, so what wrong with them? I was ready for some football. Hey…and the Rams are 2-3! This is the biggest upset in the history of sports! One of the teams has the ball and there’s a penalty. The ref says "scribbly scribbly, mumblefeet, scribblybump." Everyone knows what that means. God, football has changed so much.
Indy lines up for a field goal, and god bless him, Mike Vanderjack misses the kick. Here’s a history lesson: Mike Vanderjack was raised in a small town in northern Canada. The other children teased Vanderjack, because his name sounded off-color when it was nothing of the sort. Because of this, he killed them with his bare hands (and a gun). His mother found this unacceptable, and kicked Mike oot of the hoose. The young Canadian traveled to America (or Amair-icka as he pronounced it at the time), and that’s the story of how Mike Vanderjack became a professional football player.
Rams back on the attack. Stephen Jackson has the ball again – I’m guessing the Pacers are pissed he’s playing football. I should call and tell on him. INTERCEPTION!!! by Kato Kailin! For whatever reason, a Kato Kailin search brings up news on this 700-mile area of Oregon with free wi-fi internet access. They keep teasing me to move there, damn them. Between that and the nothing else in Oregon I like, I’m almost ready to move. (Disclaimer: I’ve never been to Oregon.)
Edderengine loses the ball! There’s some disagreement over whose ball it is, as tends to happen in situations like this. Edderengine doesn’t seem to care – I think he was into my idea about the 15 straight fumbles. Commercial – I’m going to eat some tuna. Let me ask something, and maybe you can answer for me in the comments section. For like the last 10 years probably, I’ve been a dedicated tuna eater – like right out of the can. Probably four times a day I do this. Everyone I’ve ever lived with thinks it’s weird. Is it, or do I just choose to live with weirdos?
Ooh! My guests are here! Finished eating just in time. These are my friends from my book club:
Clockwise from the panda, that’s Muffy, Alf, the turkey is Ricky Davis, then A-Diddy, Cookie Chicken, Ralfie, and the pumpkin is Bubbles. We’re in the middle of The Sound and the Fury. They’re going to watch the game, which is now at the 7:53 mark of the second. Bob Barker’s kid Brian is kicking for the Rams, and he’s 41. 41 years old – not like #41. I thought something hilarious would come out of me for that, but I’ve got nothin’.
2:00 warniing and the Colts are closing in. Al gets analytical, theorizing that fans want to see a touchdown. Then he gets dirty and says that more than that they want to see "Manning to Harrison". Nice, Al. Way to spread rumors about Peyton Manning’s homo-erotic secret lifestyle with recently-divorced-from-Golden-Globe-winning-actress country music singer rumors.
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Comments (20)
fauxclassic.
1 of 20 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 18, 2005 9:55 PM
WTF??
2 of 20 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on October 19, 2005 5:57 AM
Awesome!!
3 of 20 | Posted by Murph | Posted on October 19, 2005 6:20 AM
great blog man! and i thought i was the only one who believed that kenny chesney was gay! maybe that was the fraud that renee was talking about the in the annulment papers!
4 of 20 | Posted by who_me? | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:34 AM
I AM CANADIAN and we have no guns here. We murder with bear traps. In fact, Canadians are unarmed Americans with Medicare...
So there.
Psssst !! Wanna buy cheap prescription drugs??
5 of 20 | Posted by Plumes | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:37 AM
oh fauxmichael, you never disappoint. loved the renee scrunchyface comment. i worked with a bunch of bodybuilders and they ate tuna constantly too. one of them would always put mustard or redhot or whatever random condiment was laying around on it, and that kind of grossed me out, but tuna in and of itself is okay. but i eat peanut butter like it's my job, so i don't know if i get a vote.
6 of 20 | Posted by ldini79 | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:39 AM
The ref says "scribbly scribbly, mumblefeet, scribblybump." Everyone knows what that means.
I always wondered what that meant, too. I never watch football and I was very surprised to see that someone would be recapping MNF on here. But after last week, and again this week, I will be a faithful reader. Nice job!
P.S. - The fact that you have any, much less that MANY, ALF dolls is a lesson in preservation. I am jealous.
7 of 20 | Posted by RealityTV4Me | Posted on October 19, 2005 9:01 AM
HAHA! Hilarious! I love the title: It's Raining Potentially Gay Quarterbacks! Hallelujah!
8 of 20 | Posted by jestur04 | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:04 AM
HAHA! Hilarious! Great title! Chesney is sooo gay...poor Renee Scrunchyface, she's too scrunchy to see how gay he is.
9 of 20 | Posted by jestur04 | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:06 AM
I personally think that Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw secretly have a "thing goin' on." They're just "too close" of friends, if yaknowwhatimean. Maybe Renee Scrunchyface and Faith Hill should team up.
10 of 20 | Posted by mac | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:32 AM
well first off KENNY CHESNEY is NOT GAY!!!!! why do you think his ex-fiance said he was a ladies man because he was cheating on her with another women and she found out about it hello! if you don't know what you are talking about maybe you shouldn't talk
11 of 20 | Posted by krista | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:47 AM
Your ignorance is outstanding. And I am now in love with Muffy, tell her she can email me and we can hook up (Al knows what that means).
I am so in love with Muffy, I stoleded her/his(?) picture and am using it on my MySpace profile. Thanks.
12 of 20 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:10 AM
And in regards to the Tuna out of the can, it is not weird. I do it too. We are either normal, or descended from dolphins (which would exlain our incredible intelligence.)
13 of 20 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:12 AM
I never thought that Kenny C was gay until her married the actress. As soon as she claimed fraud, I was convinced...
14 of 20 | Posted by shelly | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:31 AM
Lighten up, Krista! It's called snarkcasum.
Oh yeah, Faux, I forgot to mention that I, too, am a tuna-from-the-can person. I personally like mine with saltines,
15 of 20 | Posted by mac | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:38 AM
Why do people take the tuna out of the can? It comes in its own bowl people. Just add fork and your on your way to fishy yummsvile.
16 of 20 | Posted by MODULUS | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:13 PM
yeah but those other women were named peyton manning
17 of 20 | Posted by Rip | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:23 PM
Mullethead let me see that myspace lol
18 of 20 | Posted by Rip | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:26 PM
Could it be FauxMichael is masking his own ManCrush by picking on these studs.
The Gay are not happy, although we like your diet of tuna for our abs!
19 of 20 | Posted by Aj. | Posted on October 19, 2005 8:51 PM
OMG!!! I did not know that Kenney Chesney was gay! Poor Renee!!!
20 of 20 | Posted by Cheesey Chesney | Posted on October 20, 2005 2:04 PM