TOUCHDOWN INDY!!! Al says Tim McGraw will be telling us about football at halftime. 17-14 Rams, and they’re going to play with these last couple minutes and try to score. They’re doing a nice job; John says the offensive line can get after you. Al says "like-a like-a bag a chips, wat-wat-wat-ungh." He’s hosting an MTV awards show next year. FIELD GOAL RAMS!! 20-14 the STL. Their holder is named "Looker", which might be gold for the recap. Let’s go to NFL.com and take a gander.
Not what I was hoping for. Here
:
Now there’s the Looker I wanted to find. By the way, don’t ever, ever, ever go to the Colts website. Your eyes will never be the same again. Also, don’t ever, ever, ever ask me why I went to the Colts website to find a Rams player. Remember, I flunked out of college. That all took me forever, and here I find myself in the middle of the 3rd quarter. Cookie is mad – he says I’m not paying attention to the group. The score? I have absolutely no idea, and it’s a commercial.
Here we are: 20-17 Rams. John says Peyton was arguing with his offensive line. Over ass-grabbing or crotch grabbing? Al says he "kicked it with the Pey-town" once, and he doesn’t think he’s gay. John has a pretty convincing counter-argument, explaining that he’s actually had sex with Peyton before. It gets pretty quiet after that, until Al says something about Star Trek that I completely missed. You know what would be funny? If Al and John were blogging about me blogging about them. We could link to each other!
Hey, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs are at the game. When can I blog NBA basketball? I’d like to try that!
The offensive line coach is trying to calm Peyton down. It doesn’t seem to be working, and the Rams are marching down the field. The Rams get bored, so they give up and give the ball to the Colts, who do their own marching down of the field and shove Edderengine into the enderzone. Indy 24-20. Whoops, forgot my TOUCHDOWN COLTS!!! Rams get the ball back and Kato intercepts AGAIN. He is SO GOOD. I haven’t seen a player like him since last week. He’s making boisterous motions with his arms. The book club loves this guy – I’ve never seen Muffy so excited:
Hey – Muffy says you guys should all go check out her Muffy Blog. John and Al flirt with Sam Ryan down on the field, and I have to tell you, she looks good tonight, especially if I squint. John teases her about being a size zero. She teases back about him being the size of a 10-unit apartment building.
How do I miss every score? I swear to you I’m watching the game. Maybe I’m just looking at it. There’s a difference. Regardless, 31-20 Colts. The better team is now winning. It’s the fourth quarter. 11:52 left, and I’m almost done. Commerical.
Dakota Fanning and a horse. What a weird combo for a movie. There has been plenty said about young Dakota, but let me add my thoughts, and please don’t take offense to this, because I know for a fact it’s true – I heard it from one of my fancy Hollywood friends. Back about 10 years ago, Dakota Fanning actually invented self-tanner cream.
Well, that’s two weeks of MNF recaps and I’ve managed to alienate Peyton Manning fans, my book club, college professors, probably 75% of the gay readers, and the entire city of Pittsburgh. As they say in the Twin Cities, I’ll always have my boat-orgy websites. What? Oh, Indy won 45-28, and Peyton and Martin Lawrence set some record.
Then they made out.
On his days off from recapping MNF for TVgasm, FauxMichael goes by The Cavalier, and blogs about the NBA for YAYsports!. If you go there, you can hear A Musical Tribute to the Milwaukee Bucks.
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Comments (20)
fauxclassic.
1 of 20 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 18, 2005 9:55 PM
WTF??
2 of 20 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on October 19, 2005 5:57 AM
Awesome!!
3 of 20 | Posted by Murph | Posted on October 19, 2005 6:20 AM
great blog man! and i thought i was the only one who believed that kenny chesney was gay! maybe that was the fraud that renee was talking about the in the annulment papers!
4 of 20 | Posted by who_me? | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:34 AM
I AM CANADIAN and we have no guns here. We murder with bear traps. In fact, Canadians are unarmed Americans with Medicare...
So there.
Psssst !! Wanna buy cheap prescription drugs??
5 of 20 | Posted by Plumes | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:37 AM
oh fauxmichael, you never disappoint. loved the renee scrunchyface comment. i worked with a bunch of bodybuilders and they ate tuna constantly too. one of them would always put mustard or redhot or whatever random condiment was laying around on it, and that kind of grossed me out, but tuna in and of itself is okay. but i eat peanut butter like it's my job, so i don't know if i get a vote.
6 of 20 | Posted by ldini79 | Posted on October 19, 2005 7:39 AM
The ref says "scribbly scribbly, mumblefeet, scribblybump." Everyone knows what that means.
I always wondered what that meant, too. I never watch football and I was very surprised to see that someone would be recapping MNF on here. But after last week, and again this week, I will be a faithful reader. Nice job!
P.S. - The fact that you have any, much less that MANY, ALF dolls is a lesson in preservation. I am jealous.
7 of 20 | Posted by RealityTV4Me | Posted on October 19, 2005 9:01 AM
HAHA! Hilarious! I love the title: It's Raining Potentially Gay Quarterbacks! Hallelujah!
8 of 20 | Posted by jestur04 | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:04 AM
HAHA! Hilarious! Great title! Chesney is sooo gay...poor Renee Scrunchyface, she's too scrunchy to see how gay he is.
9 of 20 | Posted by jestur04 | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:06 AM
I personally think that Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw secretly have a "thing goin' on." They're just "too close" of friends, if yaknowwhatimean. Maybe Renee Scrunchyface and Faith Hill should team up.
10 of 20 | Posted by mac | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:32 AM
well first off KENNY CHESNEY is NOT GAY!!!!! why do you think his ex-fiance said he was a ladies man because he was cheating on her with another women and she found out about it hello! if you don't know what you are talking about maybe you shouldn't talk
11 of 20 | Posted by krista | Posted on October 19, 2005 10:47 AM
Your ignorance is outstanding. And I am now in love with Muffy, tell her she can email me and we can hook up (Al knows what that means).
I am so in love with Muffy, I stoleded her/his(?) picture and am using it on my MySpace profile. Thanks.
12 of 20 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:10 AM
And in regards to the Tuna out of the can, it is not weird. I do it too. We are either normal, or descended from dolphins (which would exlain our incredible intelligence.)
13 of 20 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:12 AM
I never thought that Kenny C was gay until her married the actress. As soon as she claimed fraud, I was convinced...
14 of 20 | Posted by shelly | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:31 AM
Lighten up, Krista! It's called snarkcasum.
Oh yeah, Faux, I forgot to mention that I, too, am a tuna-from-the-can person. I personally like mine with saltines,
15 of 20 | Posted by mac | Posted on October 19, 2005 11:38 AM
Why do people take the tuna out of the can? It comes in its own bowl people. Just add fork and your on your way to fishy yummsvile.
16 of 20 | Posted by MODULUS | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:13 PM
yeah but those other women were named peyton manning
17 of 20 | Posted by Rip | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:23 PM
Mullethead let me see that myspace lol
18 of 20 | Posted by Rip | Posted on October 19, 2005 2:26 PM
Could it be FauxMichael is masking his own ManCrush by picking on these studs.
The Gay are not happy, although we like your diet of tuna for our abs!
19 of 20 | Posted by Aj. | Posted on October 19, 2005 8:51 PM
OMG!!! I did not know that Kenney Chesney was gay! Poor Renee!!!
20 of 20 | Posted by Cheesey Chesney | Posted on October 20, 2005 2:04 PM