As the game winds down, the Patriots tack on three points with a field goal. We also watch footage of Teddy Bruschi running around the field prior to the game with his two little boys. Hearts across America melt as the two kids pounce on their father in a group hug. Sarcasm... dying.... maudlin sentiment... rising... Must... watch... PAX...
Perhaps stirred into action by the loving Bruschi clan, a pair of dolphins jump out of the water in yet another cutaway shot. Unfortunately, the dolphins come bearing no football and are therefore useless to America. They are later mysteriously killed in a fishing net after they threaten to out Charlie the Tuna. Meanwhile, on the field, Greg Lewis scores a touchdown for Philadelphia. Unfortunately for him though, the team took too long in the fourth quarter to make plays (what were they doing anyway? Discussing Paul McCartney's wonderful halftime show?) and the game ends 24-21, New England.
Afterwards, Terry Bradshaw presents the Vince Lombardi statue to Bob Kraft, the heavily inebriated owner of the Patriots. "The NFL is the great leverlrer" he slurs, trying to make some impromptu inspirational speech. When it is clear this booze hound has nothing to say, Bradshaw interviews Tom Brady and then Deion Branch, who as the Super Bowl MVP won the Cadillac of his choice. Now, I don't want to put words in his mouth, but here's what I'm thinking: Lamborghini doors on that Es-co-lade. Sorry, random enthusiasm over The Game.
Click on drunk Bob Kraft to play...
So all in all, this was a pretty exciting game stuck in a cesspool of Middle America-friendly entertainment. I suppose I shouldn't be annoyed because after all, without all the filler crap, I'd have nothing to write about. Here's to next year!
UPDATE: Sadly, I missed The OC Super Bowl skit which aired early in the afternoon. Luckily, KROQ-FM in Los Angeles re-aired it in its entirety this morning. I'm telling you, you haven't heard awkward until you've heard Mischa Barton try to recite lines about Bill Belichick...
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Comments (7)
Holy crap!
I didn't think *anyone* could make what I watched last night funny... but here you go proving me wrong.
I have said it before, I'll say it again: You folks have totally transformed my TV watching. You're like television "MSG" -- makes even the most bland TV pap palatable (after the fact).
I vaguely enjoyed the superbowl last night (Pat's fan) but now, well, I'm orgasmic over it!
Thanks!
1 of 7 | Posted by Elvis | Posted on February 7, 2005 7:05 AM
Ditto everything that Elvis said...well, except the orgasmic part.
2 of 7 | Posted by CaliGirlinGA | Posted on February 7, 2005 8:41 AM
Is Travolta in that Will Smith movie? Is Mcartney doing the soundtrack with Charlie Daniels? I am so confused.... NaNaNa Hey Hey Bye Bye !!
Thanks, the game suddenly became better.
3 of 7 | Posted by plumes_montreal | Posted on February 7, 2005 9:00 AM
Also, did anyong peep the suits Bill and George were wearing? Were they saving money to donate to the relief by wearing clothing from Marshalls?
Also, let's note that non funny guy's whose name I can't remember dressing up as the different sports casters. No boobs allowed, but blackface is? someone help us all.
4 of 7 | Posted by chettogirl | Posted on February 7, 2005 9:00 AM
He then adds "Because if it was, I'd like to say that that was a disgusting act by the dolphin, and it's unfortunate that we had that on our air live. That is disgusting by the dolphin."
That's where I lost it and completely cracked up. You are truly funny. As I stared aghast at an extremely fat Ben Franklin impersonator, and a Focus on the Family representative reading the Declaration of Independence, I could only hope that you lot were watching and preparing to level the appropriate snark.
5 of 7 | Posted by r | Posted on February 7, 2005 9:42 AM
Greeat recap, I also loved the "disgusting" dolphin line. I laughed out loud in my cubicle, and people looked at me akwardly.
Any thoughts on the patriots continual mockery of the eagles wing flap? I thought it was kind of funny , but very un-Patriots like for them to do that.
6 of 7 | Posted by IndianJones | Posted on February 7, 2005 2:37 PM
ZING! Love the Jillian Barberie description.
A whorish weather woman...The trampy lady with the probable yeast infection.
Awesome!
The dolphin thing? STUPID! Leave poor dolphins out of this!!!
I thought Bob Kraft was wasted. Especially when he started talking about "The NFL is the great leverlrer"
What do curtains have to do with football? Get it? Get it? :oP
7 of 7 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on February 10, 2005 11:03 AM