Breaking News: Broadway still flamingly gay
Reality gets turned on its head this week. Straight Men give better musical theatre action than the gay boys and Mean Gay isn't even the most annoying one in the house. What is happening on Step It Up and Dance? Nomi is either doing some voodoo with those eyes or those straight boys aren't as butch that they claim to be...Let's find out on Step It Up and Dance!
Good morning from the dancer lofts! A buddha has joined the competition this week, and he can feel free to jump in at any time, what with starting a world religion at all. Buddha can totally bust some awesome jazz hands.
To further understand human suffering, I decided to live with Mean Gay.
Straight Nick is totally missing Tovah Doe because now the feminine touch is so gone. Straight guys always need a woman to clean up after them! Did you know Straight Nick is straight? So straight in fact that he was also in a fraternity? Nothing says heterosexuality like going native with fifty dudes. He even taunts Italian with his heterosexuality, asking him if he's nervous to live with him and Star Cody.
Their Pride Parade float easily took first that year.
Interrupting this special montage is Mean Gay, who blabbers on about being excited to have immunity. Now he's actually been given a reason to gloat and feel superior to everyone else. Those magical $100,000 Timbalands!
Jer is meeting them at the theatre and announces that since there are only seven dancers left now the challenges are going to get tougher! How tough you ask? Well, let's just open the door and find out! And behind the closed door, seated at some fake bar on a swivel stool, turning around in slow motion is Jason Alexander from Seinfeld. How that directly translates to things getting "tougher" doesn't make much sense, but everyone loses themselves in applause and glee so I guess it doesn't matter much that Jason Alexander seems about as tough as a roll of toilet paper.
You can see me, but I can't see you!
Now I'll be honest. I have never seen one episode, not even one full minute of Seinfeld. So I can make no George Costanza jokes or be thrilled and nostalgic to find his chubby mug on my screen. I think I've seen maybe thirty seconds and thought the characters too wacky and antic-y and over-the-top for my humor, but maybe I caught the wrong thirty seconds, because I am a big fan of Larry David and Curb. But in all my ignorance of Seinfeld, I am not this dumb:
Guess who wants the prize this week to be an appearance on Seinfeld?
New show title suggestion: Shut Up and Only Dance.
I watch that clip about seven times, enjoying it more each time. The lead-in with "I've always wanted to be on an episode of Seinfeld". Followed by an ignorance of the show's end that could only mean she really couldn't give a rat's ass if she were ever on Seinfeld. Busted! Unless Frowny Dude is way confused by the notion of syndication on TBS. That's highly probable.
Jer now informs us that he and Jason have worked together on Broadway and brags on both of them. When Jer mentions Jason's Tony award win, Jason's chest puffs with pride and the minions clap. This week's challenge is musical theatre. Star Cody is stoked. He performed in Grease on Broadway. Another chubby is in town for the week, Lee Martino, and she'll be teaching them choreography from Damn Yankees and they'll be doing a dance number called "Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, MO". A dance in baseball uniforms called "Shoeless Joes"? Could musical theatre be any gayer? No wonder the gay boys lose their minds.
Keep your hands on your thighs. Don't lift 'em up. Don't even smile.
Here are some fun facts about Shoeless Joe!
*It was originally conceived as a hoe-down!
*But at Reprise! (of which Mr. Alexander is artistic director) it was re-conceived as an "80's funk number"!
*It must be taught so fast that dancers drop dead.
So now we find out that this is Italian's challenge. Why you ask? Because he was The Magical Mr. Mistoffelees in Cats. Could there be a more iconic character ever to grace the Broadway stage?
That's right, bitches. I am Broadway.
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Comments (5)
You've really never seen Seinfeld?
Ah, well.
Hilarious post!
1 of 5 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on May 5, 2008 2:54 PM
That was a painfully funny recap, you Magic Elf... but what did Nick do to you to deserve the drubbing over his (only once by my count) confirmed heterosexuality, come on?
Now I say we need similar confirmation from Cody. I thought I caught this vibe from him that he really really likes Mochi. Wasn't that hug at the end (sometime after he said she was really sexy) a tad tooooo long?
Broadway Nazi Jerry finally came alive in this episode for me, because so far he had just been McPlastickyBlandy.
I will miss Oscar, but Bi Mike and MG seemed to be in synch throughout, and Oscar was waaaaay out of step with them. Is that what they meant about his problem with "musicality"? What in the world does that word mean? Anybody?
And I have to chime in about Bi Mike's conversation with himself and yelleration at the others. When your blood sugar dips (and Ugly Miguel needs to shut his trap about "went down to 50, ugh, whatever..." because a BSL of 50 is heading down into danger zone) you can then get a counter-reaction that makes your blood sugar levels skyrocket. And I know a lot of people have this strange reaction to high ones (talking 300 and up) - it makes you really angry. I don't know why, but it affects your mood something terrible. When I find myself yelling at my kids over pretty stupid stuff, I know I should check my blood sugar. Although I don't know that there is a third phase to this where, like Mike with the judges, then you get whiny and bitchy.
Cody is certainly a great dancer, but his dancing so far to me has been a little like Christina Aguilera's singing, all muscle and screaming, to the point where you want to fall on your knees weeping and beg for some subtlety and softness...
And I wish that in his final dance Oscar had shown some of those jumps and soaring things he kept talking about, instead of a billion more fast twirls.
Jeez, I wish I had Hollywood Sucker's gift for keeping it short and simple. Sorry!!!
2 of 5 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on May 5, 2008 5:29 PM
sayhuh:
Musicality is a person's ability to really feel and interpret music, rather than just dance on top of it. You can tell which dancers have a good sense of what's coming next and how the rhythms and the melodies work with the dance steps, and which ones don't. Like when Janelle said her white girl came out? Her musicality was just weaker than she thought.
3 of 5 | Posted by rdj3b | Posted on May 6, 2008 4:38 PM
sayhuh:
Musicality is a person's ability to really feel and interpret music, rather than just dance on top of it. You can tell which dancers have a good sense of what's coming next and how the rhythms and the melodies work with the dance steps, and which ones don't. Like when Janelle said her white girl came out? Her musicality was just weaker than she thought.
4 of 5 | Posted by rdj3b | Posted on May 6, 2008 4:40 PM
rdj3b (you sound like C3PO's cousin :-))
Thank you very much for the explanation. It all makes a little more sense now.
5 of 5 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on May 6, 2008 4:47 PM