We continue. The group is divided into three groups of two. (Are we down to six already? This show is whipping right along.) Mochi and Mean Gay are a team, Frowny Dude and Bi Mike and Straight Nick and the Star Child. Mochi and Mean Gay are up first and the rest are sent to wait on a street corner.
Here's the conceit: they are a couple in love! They are buying their first mattress. They want to really find the right mattress for lurvemaking. "Hon-eee bay-beee!" says French Fabio and my heart skips a beat. I love this guy.
Mochi has to pretend to be in love with Mean Gay for two and a half minutes and that's a long time to have to pretend to be in love with Mean Gay. They are trying out mattresses to consummate their "love". Uh, I love the Mochi Ball, but an actor she is not. What makes it worse is that they talk their way through it.
Mean Gay thinks he's totally off-the-wall and avant garde. But is Bi Mike? I'd really like you to weigh in on that. Mean Gay makes the shocking confession that he's not used to being sexual with a woman. They make innuendo about things being "hard" and clothes come off and if you don't feel a little uncomfortable, then you probably are visually impaired in some way. Other than that, I think I can speak on behalf of everyone on the planet and say you just witnessed something you wish you never had.
All we need is some glitter confetti falling from the ceiling and a unicorn sheet on the mattress to complete THE GAYEST PICTURE EVER.
Up next are Bi Mike and Frowny Dude, who hasn't been frowning anymore, so I'd like to change her up to Cheerleader since she seems less of a dancer and more of a over-enthusiastic cheerer. They both come in all forced enthusiasm, especially when Bi Mike goes "I can't stand not knowing!" and it sounds really desperate. The Frenchman is not going to fall for such ass-kissing. I can tell.
Cheerleader is all "Ooooh" when she hears what that they're pretending to buy a mattress, like she totally gets it from all her previous mattress dancing experience. Bi Mike says that it's going to be out of his range. But they actually pull it off better than Mochi and Mean Gay. They don't talk as much so it already seems more like a dance. They seem more organic and fluid with their movements together. Bi Mike indeed misses the mark conceptually however by saying they tapped into their "inner children". I think French Fabio wants you to tap somethin' else, esse.
If your retinas weren't burned before, try this on for size.
And now for comic relief: Straight Nick has to pretend to be into Star Cody! OMG. He's straight though, people! If only they kept on their red shirts, they'd be so adorable. Of course Frenchie has to go on and on about how lovey-dovey they have to be just to really get 'em feeling awkward and it works. Straight Nick says he kept waiting for him to say it was a joke, but you know what? He didn't. Get to cornholin', boys!
They actually have dialogue that works though. They take on these fussy gay personas and their timing works well together. Jer is especially loving that. Cody at one point jumps on Nick into a 69 position and both of them are a little startled to suddenly find themselves each with a mouthful of peen. Frenchie, of course, is loving this.
No really, it's okay, brah. It totally takes me back to my frat house days.
Mouthful of peen. Oh, you are sooo funneeee, Laydee Sensation.
And now everyone just wants to know who won. First group: Mochi, Straight Nick and Star Cody. Second group: Mean Gay, Cheerleader and Bi Mike. But they won't find out who is up for elimination until tomorrow. But who thinks our wily little French puff pastry has just mixed and matched them and nobody is a winner? I do!
But who can think about such things when there's bitching to be done? Mean Gay thinks he's in the elimination group because he's with Bi Mike. And Star Cody is gonna be pissed if he's not in the winning group after taking a face full of manhood.
So they tromp on over to the theater where Frenchie is already waiting for them (how did that rascal get there so fast?) with a group of what appears to be humorless Romanian gymnasts. No doubt his Cirque du Soleil dancers.
They are diabetic, so Weeelly Wonka wouldn't take them.
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Comments (7)
Rami didn't win Project Runway, Christian did.
That is all :)
1 of 7 | Posted by serjen | Posted on May 13, 2008 9:34 AM
Thanks for playing, serjen, and pointing out the obvious. But IS never said Rami won PR. He just said he was a draping phenom. Save your snarky comment for another time when you can put it in the proper context.
2 of 7 | Posted by sushitime | Posted on May 13, 2008 11:56 AM
Hilarious post, IS. I'm new to this site (and addiction to Bravo-reality) and really enjoy your commentary.
And I don't think serjen was being snarky--I'm pretty sure IS originally wrote that Rami was the winner, then fixed it.
3 of 7 | Posted by WP1970 | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:47 PM
magical elves corrected the blight.
4 of 7 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on May 13, 2008 10:33 PM
why does everyone wear pretty much the same circle, hemp rope type of necklace? is this bravo's way of hiding a microphone, but letting the dancers have their own style and flair?
5 of 7 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 14, 2008 5:11 AM
I read a lot of recaps and blogs on Bravo reality shows, but this one has to be the most laugh-out-loud funniest I have seen recently. Great play off Miguel's dolphin and pig comments. You've added a lot to the entertainment value of the show --
6 of 7 | Posted by bfish | Posted on May 19, 2008 7:02 PM
Your recaps are hilarious and so on target. I am looking forward to reading your take on the Latin challenge.
7 of 7 | Posted by rddugan | Posted on May 21, 2008 5:27 AM