This song's fifteen minutes is lasting forever- ever- ever.
Welcome back to the week, gang! I hope you had a nice long Memorial Day weekend. I got to spend a little time this weekend with a former cast member of Melrose Place, and this was a highly special experience for me as I still think Melrose Place is possibly the best show of all time. But my celeb experience was nothing compared to that of our Step It Up and Dance contestants. What mythical icon did they meet, I hear you ask? No, it's not the above pop princess. They got to meet...Tina. Freaking. Landon. Yes, it's true. Tina. Freaking. Landon. If this means nothing to you either, please read on.
Good morning from Pegasus! And look at our little doll who's back. At least his antics are saving us from a Mean Gay Morning Bitchfest. Italian is doing whatever it takes to stick around this time. He's even cutting hair with regular scissors. And Cody is totally letting him. Downplaying that whole star thing. So Italian is a hairstylist, too, in addition to being a sought after esthetician? And he charges more than $20 for his services? What's he even doing dancing? He needs to open a day spa. And instead of having elevator, new age music playing, just have a loop of his greatest hits. "In your faaayyaaaace...." Literally!
And Stud Muff feels fantastic! He makes an elaborate sign as he says "fantastic" and I can only hope that it's some special sign language from the bizarre world he lives in.
Sign language for hearing impaired magical elves.
He asks Star Cody where he cuts his hair. Supercuts? Whatta burn. Cody agrees that dance comes before looking like an Italian Stud Muffin. Cody returns the joke by saying that his strategy is to give Stud Muffin carpal tunnel and Stud Muffin laughs politely, pretending he knows what that is.
Why are you making that faayaaace when I tell you I am going to wax you next?
Cheerleader is having a mental breakdown, which surprises me. I didn't know her mental faculties were up and running to begin with. She's sidekicking her boyfriend and boo-hooing like Mean Gay was last week. No wonder her and Mean Gay are friends. How DARE everyone be better than her? Mochi is good at everything and that's just "bullshit". I agree that anyone does anything I do is bullshit. It just doesn't even make sense to me. And listen to her litany of woes: She has to point her toe, hold her center, not be a fat ass. She's the only dancer to ever hear these awful, fascist orders. Look on the bright side! You always get to have your frowny dude face.
Funnier in Spanish. Thanks for playing.
Mean Gay wants to move on from the fight with Mochi. Despite the constant stream of aggro comments, he's actually not here to fight. They both are over it and she apparently loves him, too. But enough with the riveting interpersonal dynamics of our group. Their morning sidekick message tells them to not forget their sunglasses and hats. Or "hets" as Stud Muffin pronounces. Straight Nick is also too red-blooded American to understand them foreigners accents and asks Stud Muffin what a "het" is.
Sign language for everyone but magical elves and gay Italians.
And what's Straight Nick got to tell us this morning? He feels he's building steam at this point in the competition. He's done a little 180 from last week. His optimism has him suggesting that maybe this is maybe a day off. Yeah, right, says our Star Cody. They've been going everyday straight.
So...is this competition like a week long? Really I'm not getting the time relation here. I've always wondered that about shows. They always make it seem like the competition goes at this breakneck speed, so really are they all just two weeks?
And our dancers emerge from Pegasus to find a Hummer limo waiting for them. And everyone loses their minds. Mean Gay has never been in a limo all his life. Wha? He acts like he's such a badass and he's never been in a limo? It's not like you have to be a celebrity to ride in a limo. I once took a limo to a Jimmy Buffett concert in high school. I'm not kidding. Those were different times.
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Comments (2)
OK, miss, that was hilarious, as always. So I demoted you last recap for daring to have a life, but I gotta promote you this week to Queen Sensation... Next time my kids and I play Duck, Duck, Goose I am totally changing it to Codeee, Codeee, Wedgeee. Think of the possibilities. Jump, jump, pull.
Yay, Adorable Nick won this challenge, even if it made no sense after hearing the judges deliberate, because it sounded like Adorable Mochi was going to get it. Wooden STAH Cody was again the Christina Aguilera of dancing, making everything a little too much, even if he had my 7-year-old son going "oh my gosh!" when he made that jump. And I think Cheerleading Frowny Dude Face Leg Cutter Janelle should have been gone weeks ago, so I was really mad they kept her over Adorable Oscar. Not that his dancing was so great (enough with the pirouettes, buddy!) but - special gay Italian sign language? special jammy onesies? Can they bring him back a second time? Please?
1 of 2 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on May 27, 2008 10:20 AM
What an odd group of judges.
As uncomfortable as the ones from Make Me a Super Model.
Janelle simply sucks. She's been told not to scrunch up during the lifts and to trust her partner. So what does she do? Scrunches up during the lifts. Hello. Does not take direction. Does not do homework. Kinda basic to learning.
2 of 2 | Posted by dredge | Posted on May 28, 2008 9:18 AM