Now that we know the players, let's watch the game! Our team shows up for their first day at "Elle" magazine and is sent straight to the bull pin. I am shocked because the first thing we hear is nails on a chalkboard! Eeek! Make it stop! Oh wait, that's just the voice of Big Boobs McGee. "HiiiiIIiiIiiIi I'm KaTE! WhAt'S yOuR nAme!?" Her voice registers at the same octave as that awful beep that is "only a test from the emergency broadcasting system." Great. Now every time she opens her mouth, I'm going to be concerned that there's an air raid. Anyway, everyone mutters their names and glances in acknowledgment toward one another. But when Danielle says her name, there is no glance of acknowledgment. So she says her name again. Again, nothing. Then she asks everyone else's name. Nothing. Okay, we can see where this is going.
Megan decides that she should establish herself as Alpha Female by digging her nails into the self-esteems of the girls that she doesn't even know yet. And Devin is singled out as her first victim. "Where are you from?" she asks our be-hatted young friend. Devin squeaks that she's from Ohio but studying at NYU. Getting no ammunition, Megan pries further by asking her what she wants to do. Devin responds with a comment that is equivalent to, "Um, duh. Work at 'Elle,' obviously." When Megan discovers that Devin is only 19, she snarkily comments that must be why she has an attitude. More like Megan is projecting her attitude onto a harmless victim. This girl is going to be bad news, and she is totally the type of person you meet in real life and become committed to bringing them down a notch. She then tells Devin that she is going to call her "Hat Girl" from now on. Devin uncomfortably giggles and says "okay." It's true. Devin is wearing a hat that reminds me both of a Fruit of the Loom mascot grape cluster man thing and a funeral at the same time. But it actually looks like something that I'd imagine being sold at Megan's old school-looking boutique.
Scouring for her gay sidekick, Megan glidess her chair over toward Arnaldo and says, "I hate that girl" about Devin. Arnaldo does not take the bait. Instead, he implores her to explain how she can hate someone she just met. Interesting, because I am starting to hate someone who I don't even know at all. And her name is Megan. Fasten your seatbelt, Meggo, TVgasm is about to destroy you. We don't like bullies over here, so you've got an uphill battle to fight.
The next person to be sized up in Megan's evil cross-hairs is Kate. Poor Kate. Megan tells the camera that they aren't auditioning to become a sexy secretary, they are doing something that actually requires brains. She turns to DyShaun in another attempt to pinpoint her gay sidekick and tells him that anyone who has fake boobs has the word "insecurity" written across their forehead. Possibly. But anyone who makes fun of every single person for shallow reasons has the word "insecurity" TATTOOED ALL OVER THEIR ENTIRE BODY.
Tragically, DyShaun is the taker that Megan's been looking for. He giggles along with her joke and the Gay Sidekick is born. Lucky for us, we are saved by Brett Ramey, "Elle" photo director, and Malina Joseph, "Elle" fashion bookings editor.
Malina tells us that over the course of the next eight weeks, one of the contestants will win a highly coveted editorial position at "Elle." But they will all start at the bottom as assistants to Anne Slowey, who is an evil cow of a lady. And this lady will be arriving in exactly 40 minutes. Brett tells the gang that their first assistant task will be to prepare Anne's morning coffee and a healthy breakfast. But the challenge isn't just about breakfast. Fashion is all about style, so the presentation is just as important as what they pick to eat.
On their desks, there is an envelope with $40 inside and the address of a deli six blocks away. It's like Diddy's Cheesecake Challenge all over again. And our team is out the door! A time clock appears at the bottom of the screen, so we can monitor their time.
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Comments (19)
Great recap! This show is a total trainwreck. Also: "My friends and I always go into hipster neighborhoods and play a fun game called 'Gay or Euro?'" I've played that game (or a variation of it) many a time!
1 of 19 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:44 AM
Great recap - and if you hated Megan last week you're gonna wanna hire a hitman after last night. She really is just vile.
Oh and about the lovely British voiceover voice - that's none other than America's Top Model Judge Nigel Barker. The man is still sexy even when you can't see him. Purrrrrrr.
2 of 19 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:58 AM
Nigel Barker!? Oh I knew it sounded familiar! Makes sense too since this show is the brainchild of Tyra Banks and Ken Mok.
Anywho, I did see it last night and Megan WAS totally vile. I'll have that recap up soon, so check back in a day or two!
Smooches!
3 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:19 AM
This review was hilarious. I particularly enjoyed this tidbit: "They probably cast her because they needed their token Ugly Betty. Apparently, every fashion mag has one these days. It's this season's little black dress."
I'm pretty sure that because of this review I will NEVER ever watch this show. Thank you for sparing me such torture. And for providing us with a highly enjoyable, comprehensive review/recap of the show.
--Adela P.
acf-reviews.blogspot.com
4 of 19 | Posted by adela | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:46 AM
Hey MandaMo...
Awesome job! I'm must agree with you regarding your "L" and "M" categorizing... but it's so not surprising that TyraCo would be so unabashed about being giant copycats with this show... love your work, though, and you made it easy to follow AND captured the arche/stereotypes perfectly. I look forward to reading more about this ridiculous show!
love & hugs,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
5 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2008 9:05 AM
Bummer that I can't seem to get this one. iTunes isn't carrying it (though they carry most CW shows) and it isn't on the torrents either. Too bad because the recap made it sound trainwreckalicious!
6 of 19 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:45 AM
Snootchy Bootches:
Actually you can view entire episodes of "Stylista" at The CW's website: www.cwtv.com. Just go to the "videos" tab at the top and select "Stylista" from the column of shows on the lefthand side.
The only downfall is that they have been really late on posting them. Hopefully they'll be more prompt soon!
7 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on October 30, 2008 11:42 AM
mandamo, thanks for the recap, you called it just like I saw it, but watching, I got confused between the white girls, even tho clearly, Megan was uber bioth, she and boobs look so alike. Still a bit confused, actually, but this helped a lot!!!
I like Ashlee and Danielle so far. The GS was pretty ugly inside too! Joey Mac, I hope doesn't get too much screen time, as I think he'll start to annoy me, but I could be wrong. I was hoping Devin would be a bit better at the layout, given her backround, but HATE the hats!!!! HATE!!!
Anne reminds me of Madonna, it just wont go away. She doesn't scare me tho I'm not sure what I would have gotten her for breakfast, coz they were probably fresh out of dead babies at the deli--I kid . . .
Anyway, I'm not hooked, but I think Anne like Danielle too, so that might be satisfying to see her bulldoze over some of those un-spoiled stylista's.
Here's the worst part, I think I love ANTM, and PR, even though I absolutely hate what the fashion industry represents--can't we live in a world where everything is ok, and not last season, and not based on the whim of some coked out designer trying to show up his/her cohorts with their edgy-ness! I guess it's not fashion I hate as much, as using fashion knowledge as a way to put down everybody else, but that's just me. Go Dani!!!
8 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 30, 2008 2:10 PM
MandaMo, OMG, I am so loving this show. Thank you, thank you for recapping it. Now please beat the snot out of Megan for me. Kay?
Thanks much.
Hugs,
Yenta
9 of 19 | Posted by Yentapatrol | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:16 PM
I was wondering if anyone was going to recap this train wreck.
I worked with a crier and more times than not, I wanted to slap her and tell her to suck it up. Megan is an immature bitch that hasn't mentally graduated from high school.
And please someone teach Anne to walk in high heels instead of shlumping around.
Great recap, looking for more.
10 of 19 | Posted by skies | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:17 PM
Whoa I just watched the youtube preview of this show and it has the most inappropriate voiceover guy! Like from a Rob Schneider comedy or something, I kept waiting for him to say "This summer, get ready for the ride of a lifetime..."
cheers for the recap :D
11 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 30, 2008 8:29 PM
Skies, I noticed that too, when Anne exited her ride. She walked like a man wearing his wife's heels for the first time.
Loved the recap, MandaMo! Looking forward to the rest of the series!
12 of 19 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 31, 2008 10:37 AM
From the very beginning when Anne first came out of the limo and then when she was walking down the hall, she looked like she was wearing high heels for the first time! I thought it was just me, but I'm glad to see that other people noticed.
I like Danielle too but she really needs to be a bit more confident about her abilities (if not her looks). Chances are the others don't view her as a threat so that may be to her advantage.
13 of 19 | Posted by murphena | Posted on October 31, 2008 12:20 PM
ummmm so this is craaazy...i went to college with dyshaun--i GRADUATED with him!!!!
crazy right? okay now back to read the actual recap but holy fuck.
14 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 3, 2008 11:50 AM
okay now that i have read the recap, i have to agree and say dyshaun was definitely the g.s. in college who was always hanging around the pretty, bitchy girls because it made him feel special. or maybe because he wished he were a pretty, bitchy girl. not sure.
haha now i HAVE to watch this show. that was a fantastic recap. def had me rolling. loved the screengrabs, too! xoxox
15 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 3, 2008 12:27 PM
Nooo! Are you serious, aujew?! LOVE. IT.
16 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on November 4, 2008 10:45 AM
mandamo, totally and completely serious. in a graduating class of 480, so you can imagine i know what i'm talking about given it was a tiny mostly white school with lots of theater dorks (i was an english major, hahaha). can't even begin to describe how weird it is to see him on tv. hahaha i await your recaps with breath that is bated.
17 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 4, 2008 4:35 PM
I just finally got around to watching (you piqued my interest in this bitchfest), and you're right. Megan. Must. Go. She's possibly the most loathsome person on reality tv right now, which is really saying something.
18 of 19 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on November 8, 2008 5:07 PM
UGH! Megan is the meanest person! She is rude, snotty, and just a downright ugly person. From the very first episode she has done nothing but pretend she's better than everyone. And...umm...can someone get her Proactive and fix her hair?
19 of 19 | Posted by ann81 | Posted on November 12, 2008 10:27 PM