In a flash, our gang is on the street catching cabs. They jet across town and start ordering at the deli. I'm seeing an omelette and fruit theme. Kate is actually holding a pineapple, which I think is hilarious and hope to see her wrestle that thing into submission as she tries to dice it up into bite-size pieces. For some reason, Ashlie didn't get in a cab; she took off on foot and instantly became lost. I want to worry about her but am too busy not caring. Other contestants are already arriving back at the office and starting to work on presentation, but Ash is still jaunting around.
With eight minutes on the clock, Ashlie finishes shopping and heads back to the office. She makes it back with only two minutes left, so she throws everything onto to a tray. Time's up and Anne arrives.
Anne walks into the office and throws her coat on the reception desk, which I bet the producers told her to do. She slumps down the hall, and everyone grabs their trays and follow. Sitting at her desk, she doesn't even look up as they line up with their trays. Finally she stands and gives a disgusted look. Our contestants are so nervous that their trays are shaking. "Welcome to Elle. I'm Anne Slowey. And if you're going to live in my world, you either get it or you don't." Kinda reminds me of the Project Runway tagline: "In the fashion world, one day you're in and the next day you're out." I will file this under "L" for "Light Plagiarism."
Anne begins slowly inspecting all the trays. We discover that she only drinks iced coffee with a small straw. Some of the trays would make her fat. Candles and flowers are a sweet touch. She doesn't do wheat or almonds unless they're soaked over night. And melons should never be mixed with any other fruit. Apparently, this is more of a mind-reading contest than anything else because how could anyone possibly know about Anne's aversion to non-soaked nuts and normal-sized straws.
She stops in front of Joey Mac and asks what she's seeing. He starts to describe the breakfast, but she wants explanation of the outfit. She says he's very "Clockwork Orange." And then she clarifies that it was not a compliment. This gives us a little insight into her psyche. Whereas we see New Kids on the Block, she sees the same thing and thinks "creepy horror movie." It's like a Rorshach test, and we just learned that she's insane.
Anne compliments Danielle's glasses and tells Ashlie that she looks like a waitress in the black pants and white shirt. (Totes my exact uniform when I worked at the Olive Garden, btdubs!) Then she asks Arnaldo why there is a note pad on the breakfast tray. He claims that it's for morning ideas. Gotta love those pseudo-intellectuals! But something tells me that Anne is one of those people who can't fully function until they've had caffeine rivers coursing through their veins. So "breakfast ideas" are probably out of the question. However, if hung-over enough, Anne might consider eating the paper.
She ends up choosing Ashlie because of the simple presentation. In short, Ashlie had a minimalist candleholder, which Anne loves. So Ashlie wins the mind reading contest and all because she was running too behind to overthink and clutter up the tray. And here we were all SO worried about poor Ashlie, weren't we? Yeah, I know, me neither. I bet after they leave, Anne dumps all the trays into the trash and pulls a hidden donut out of her desk.
Anne tells everyone that personal style is important, and some of them look like they've just stepped out of a costume shop. They are off to meet with Joe Zee to learn Fashion 101. He's "Elle's" creative director and has been a stylist for some of the world's biggest celebrities. Like Pink, Mariah Carey, Sarah Jessica Parker and Justin Timberlake. Who knew that it actually takes a creative genius to make Mariah Carey look trampy. And here I thought she did that all on her own.
Joe shows up, introduces himself and then says he will be judging everyone on the following criteria:
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Comments (19)
Great recap! This show is a total trainwreck. Also: "My friends and I always go into hipster neighborhoods and play a fun game called 'Gay or Euro?'" I've played that game (or a variation of it) many a time!
1 of 19 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:44 AM
Great recap - and if you hated Megan last week you're gonna wanna hire a hitman after last night. She really is just vile.
Oh and about the lovely British voiceover voice - that's none other than America's Top Model Judge Nigel Barker. The man is still sexy even when you can't see him. Purrrrrrr.
2 of 19 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:58 AM
Nigel Barker!? Oh I knew it sounded familiar! Makes sense too since this show is the brainchild of Tyra Banks and Ken Mok.
Anywho, I did see it last night and Megan WAS totally vile. I'll have that recap up soon, so check back in a day or two!
Smooches!
3 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:19 AM
This review was hilarious. I particularly enjoyed this tidbit: "They probably cast her because they needed their token Ugly Betty. Apparently, every fashion mag has one these days. It's this season's little black dress."
I'm pretty sure that because of this review I will NEVER ever watch this show. Thank you for sparing me such torture. And for providing us with a highly enjoyable, comprehensive review/recap of the show.
--Adela P.
acf-reviews.blogspot.com
4 of 19 | Posted by adela | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:46 AM
Hey MandaMo...
Awesome job! I'm must agree with you regarding your "L" and "M" categorizing... but it's so not surprising that TyraCo would be so unabashed about being giant copycats with this show... love your work, though, and you made it easy to follow AND captured the arche/stereotypes perfectly. I look forward to reading more about this ridiculous show!
love & hugs,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
5 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2008 9:05 AM
Bummer that I can't seem to get this one. iTunes isn't carrying it (though they carry most CW shows) and it isn't on the torrents either. Too bad because the recap made it sound trainwreckalicious!
6 of 19 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:45 AM
Snootchy Bootches:
Actually you can view entire episodes of "Stylista" at The CW's website: www.cwtv.com. Just go to the "videos" tab at the top and select "Stylista" from the column of shows on the lefthand side.
The only downfall is that they have been really late on posting them. Hopefully they'll be more prompt soon!
7 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on October 30, 2008 11:42 AM
mandamo, thanks for the recap, you called it just like I saw it, but watching, I got confused between the white girls, even tho clearly, Megan was uber bioth, she and boobs look so alike. Still a bit confused, actually, but this helped a lot!!!
I like Ashlee and Danielle so far. The GS was pretty ugly inside too! Joey Mac, I hope doesn't get too much screen time, as I think he'll start to annoy me, but I could be wrong. I was hoping Devin would be a bit better at the layout, given her backround, but HATE the hats!!!! HATE!!!
Anne reminds me of Madonna, it just wont go away. She doesn't scare me tho I'm not sure what I would have gotten her for breakfast, coz they were probably fresh out of dead babies at the deli--I kid . . .
Anyway, I'm not hooked, but I think Anne like Danielle too, so that might be satisfying to see her bulldoze over some of those un-spoiled stylista's.
Here's the worst part, I think I love ANTM, and PR, even though I absolutely hate what the fashion industry represents--can't we live in a world where everything is ok, and not last season, and not based on the whim of some coked out designer trying to show up his/her cohorts with their edgy-ness! I guess it's not fashion I hate as much, as using fashion knowledge as a way to put down everybody else, but that's just me. Go Dani!!!
8 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 30, 2008 2:10 PM
MandaMo, OMG, I am so loving this show. Thank you, thank you for recapping it. Now please beat the snot out of Megan for me. Kay?
Thanks much.
Hugs,
Yenta
9 of 19 | Posted by Yentapatrol | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:16 PM
I was wondering if anyone was going to recap this train wreck.
I worked with a crier and more times than not, I wanted to slap her and tell her to suck it up. Megan is an immature bitch that hasn't mentally graduated from high school.
And please someone teach Anne to walk in high heels instead of shlumping around.
Great recap, looking for more.
10 of 19 | Posted by skies | Posted on October 30, 2008 7:17 PM
Whoa I just watched the youtube preview of this show and it has the most inappropriate voiceover guy! Like from a Rob Schneider comedy or something, I kept waiting for him to say "This summer, get ready for the ride of a lifetime..."
cheers for the recap :D
11 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 30, 2008 8:29 PM
Skies, I noticed that too, when Anne exited her ride. She walked like a man wearing his wife's heels for the first time.
Loved the recap, MandaMo! Looking forward to the rest of the series!
12 of 19 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 31, 2008 10:37 AM
From the very beginning when Anne first came out of the limo and then when she was walking down the hall, she looked like she was wearing high heels for the first time! I thought it was just me, but I'm glad to see that other people noticed.
I like Danielle too but she really needs to be a bit more confident about her abilities (if not her looks). Chances are the others don't view her as a threat so that may be to her advantage.
13 of 19 | Posted by murphena | Posted on October 31, 2008 12:20 PM
ummmm so this is craaazy...i went to college with dyshaun--i GRADUATED with him!!!!
crazy right? okay now back to read the actual recap but holy fuck.
14 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 3, 2008 11:50 AM
okay now that i have read the recap, i have to agree and say dyshaun was definitely the g.s. in college who was always hanging around the pretty, bitchy girls because it made him feel special. or maybe because he wished he were a pretty, bitchy girl. not sure.
haha now i HAVE to watch this show. that was a fantastic recap. def had me rolling. loved the screengrabs, too! xoxox
15 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 3, 2008 12:27 PM
Nooo! Are you serious, aujew?! LOVE. IT.
16 of 19 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on November 4, 2008 10:45 AM
mandamo, totally and completely serious. in a graduating class of 480, so you can imagine i know what i'm talking about given it was a tiny mostly white school with lots of theater dorks (i was an english major, hahaha). can't even begin to describe how weird it is to see him on tv. hahaha i await your recaps with breath that is bated.
17 of 19 | Posted by aujew | Posted on November 4, 2008 4:35 PM
I just finally got around to watching (you piqued my interest in this bitchfest), and you're right. Megan. Must. Go. She's possibly the most loathsome person on reality tv right now, which is really saying something.
18 of 19 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on November 8, 2008 5:07 PM
UGH! Megan is the meanest person! She is rude, snotty, and just a downright ugly person. From the very first episode she has done nothing but pretend she's better than everyone. And...umm...can someone get her Proactive and fix her hair?
19 of 19 | Posted by ann81 | Posted on November 12, 2008 10:27 PM