Every other television series has a "clips" episode, so why shouldn't Stylista? Well, for one, it was already so painful the first time that re-living certain scenes actually may cause itching, unexplained swelling of the head or neck (including face, lips, tongue or throat), wheezing, difficulty breathing or swallowing, fainting spells or decreased amount of urine produced. And there really isn't enough "Never Before Seen" footage peppered in to cause me to keep my pulse.
We climb into a very evil, Anne Slowey-narrated time machine and propel back to the beginning of the Stylista era as 11 aspiring trendsetters are given the opportunity of a lifetime! This unique opportunity allows them to perform the once-in-a-lifetime tasks of making coffee for a shrew and buying thank-you gifts for the shrews lush of a friend. But, Anne! That sounds too good to be true! Please tell us more! And so we begin...
Our evil time machine takes us back to week one when the Stylistas all met for the first time in the "Elle" offices. We meet Megan again and hear about her mysterious chunk of money. Seriously, any bets on where this money came from? Did she befriend some poor, former Gay Sidekick, take out a very large life insurance policy and then kick him down the stairs?
Oh and then there's Hate. Back when I used to feel sorry for her. Hate tells us about her zero fashion background, and her boobs are shoved in our face AGAIN. We relive the coffee and breakfast challenge. And we see the NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE of Megan sitting down while everyone stood and getting scolding by Brett. Sitting just isn't stylish. A stylista must always stand. A stylista must wear an elaborate gown, white makeup and their hair in a front knot and then perform a fan dance at parties.
As if our evil time machine weren't evil enough, we are made to relive the breakfast challenge. But at least we get a swift reminder of Joey Mac's early Joey McIntire clothes. He really had "the right stuff," didn't he? Lookin' so "hangin' tough" and all?
We see our aspiring trendsetters move into their loft, and all their personalities clash with Hate's boobs. In a NEVER BEFORE SEEN scene, we get to see Hate tell off Gay Sidekick during the first night in the loft. She says that he can talk about her personality and talent, etc. but not about her appearance. She's not talking about his banana, so private parts should be off limits. GS nods to her face and then laughs when she walks away. He tells everyone that he delights in how worked up she gets, saying he can see her heart beating through her silicone. Zing!
Arnaldo tries to diffuse all the drama by reciting a poem that he wrote. Who is Arnaldo, you ask?
And now I will type out his poem, verbatim, in all its mediocre glory:
To sing.
To sing inside a song.
To twirl in the melody of love's fantasy.
If I write you in, envelope myself in this song.
Rescue me.
Hologram.
Out of my dreams.
Drink solid liquids.
Become free.
Be real.
And come.
Rescue me.
Arnaldo tells us that when you have a gift, responsibility comes along with that gift to share it with the people. Oh Arnaldo. I really wouldn't share that with anyone if I were you. Maybe that should be filed under the category "Keep To Yourself." But while we're talking about it, I especially loved the way you inserted the word "hologram" in a willy nilly spot in the middle. It reminded me of the kind of poem that an angsty junior high boy would write for Miley Cyrus because the intense connection he imagines having her is just too much to not express. Oh, and the "drink solid liquids" part just grossed me out. Whenever I think of solids and liquids, the next word I automatically think is "gas." But we've spent entirely too much time on this, so let's move on, shall we?
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Comments (10)
Actually this clip show was helpful for me (partly because I didn't see the first episode).
I learned that:
--Dyshaun is a true cunt, and not merely a minion to the evil Megan, and I do hope he meets with many misfortunes in his life. Other than just being dwarfishly short.
--Megan is just another spoiled flat=chested rich kid (probably related to one of the producers) whose parents' money bought her an inflated sense of her own worth. There was some throwaway line from her to the effect that she didn't want the others to know she's rich? She's certainly not shy about showing the others that she has not taste, no charm, no grace and no class. Although I like it that her pimple seems to be taking over in a Total Recall kind of way.
--Kate's eagerness to call everyone out during the judging really is only self-defense and is anyway entirely justified.
If the abuse she's taken from these shitheads is even only a fraction of what the editing makes it out to be, then I'm surprised she isn't spitting into the food while they're not looking.
The rest of this cast is just unremarkable. Joanna is the most unsexy woman to appear on one of these shows ever. And Ashli just seems like she's in over her head.
This is just another reality show that ultimately rewards bad behavior for the sake of 'good' television.
1 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 2, 2008 10:45 PM
I agree with Itchy. I think Kate is usually justified in bitching at the others. That girl is taking a LOT of shit from everyone else. Everyone who doesn't like her should picture this in your mind: Picture the person who makes your life a living hell. Picture the one who constantly makes fun of you or criticizes everything you do or say. The person with whom you cannot win. Now multiply that person by 5 or 6. Now you live and work and play EVERY DAY with those 5 or 6 people. Think you would throw a couple of tantrums? I bet you would.
I think her instincts have been pretty good most of the time. I think she is on the point more often than any of the other folks. I'd like to see her win. Ashlie is probably my second choice. Megan and GS can go eff themselves.
2 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 3, 2008 3:42 AM
Yeah, the Clips episode was boring. The recap was funny though! Why do we need these recap shows?! Do they get enough ratings to justify advertising costs?
3 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 3, 2008 10:13 AM
Remember though, Kate said that she doesn't work well in groups, so I don't think it is completely one-sided. I just don't like the way she acts during the presentations and she would have been out that time she cried had I been in charge. There's no crying in fashion!
Itchy, it seems that having a flat chest is the second-worst thing a woman can do as far as you are concerned, next to being rich. Hey, it's all good; just remember that Kate probably had a flat chest before she had 'em done.
4 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 3, 2008 10:37 PM
Hey, Pixie, no not at all. I've never been attracted to a woman because of her breasts and actually prefer smaller to larger if I were to make a choice. Although I don't believe I've ever 'chosen' a woman because of her tits.
I was kind of disappointed to learn that Kate's were fake, but it makes sense now, it's why her body isn't so well proportioned. She'd look much better without them, definitely much sexier. (Kate may be pretty, but she's not sexy...here in France, where small is the norm, they know how to rock it, tits or none).
My cut at Megan is more to the point that her 'beef' with Kate from the get-go probably stemmed from her own lack of beef...
I don't mind rich women either. What I don't like are spoiled rich bitches (male and female) who think they are somehow privileged because their parents (or grandparents) came into a lot of money.
That, plus a huge gaping zit on the forehead...well, tits wouldn't help that bitch anyway.
5 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 3, 2008 10:50 PM
I don't get all this Kate love. She has meltdowns when things don't go her way. She's a beast to the few people who have tried to be nice to her. She may have some intuition when it comes to trends but that doesn't mean that she gets to be a shit heel to those around her.
Granted, all of the remaining contestants are annoying on some level. But Kate takes it to a whole other level.
6 of 10 | Posted by the girl | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:03 AM
Oh, Kate's difficult but if I had been in her situation I would have knocked that black, gay bitch down on the ground and kicked him in the nuts until he passed out. Then I would have started kicking him in the head.
It's obvious that the gay black bitch has never held a real job. If he had -- he would know that his behavior is inappropriate for the workplace. He is a workplace lawsuit waiting to happen! Don't pick him ELLE. He IS abusive.
7 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on December 4, 2008 12:07 PM
Well, technically, his offensive stuff occurred in their apartment, not the workplace. Of course, since they are required to live there, it would probably be considered part of the workplace in a suit.
Which of these bitches DOES know how to behave in the workplace? If you count the apartment as part of their workplace. Sitting around piling the hate on one person (deserved or not), while that person is present, is hardly in the great tradition of American office politics. You're supposed to be sweet as sugar to their face and make them think you are their ally, then stab them in the back. Come on, people, it's worked for hundreds of years! lol
Kate's big mistake was telling Gay Sidekick that he could say anything he wanted about her work, her experience, and her personality, but no remarks about her body. Now it's open season on her. She should have said, "The next time I hear you talkin' about me, ho, is the last time you talk about anybody!"
Still, crying and blaming everbody else for your problems is not appropriate behavior in the workplace, either. If I were Slowey, I just wouldn't want to have Kate around. Unless she figures she can shape her up, boot camp style.
8 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 4, 2008 2:27 PM
I always wonder how much of the footage the 'boss' on this type of show gets to see, and when.
9 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 4, 2008 3:33 PM
I just read on another site that Kate could give as good as she got and supposedly was really nasty to Dyshaun, even going after him for being gay. Though to be fair, when someone calls you the name of a sexually transmitted disease, that pretty much means alls-fair as far as I'm concerned. If he'd have called me Chlamydia, I'd have probably called him HIV+, which is hardly tasteful. Maybe Herpes or Genital Wart, that would be less offensive.
Anyhow, they supposedly were giving Kate the "victim edit" or some such.
10 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 8:21 PM