Argh! Stylista! We've all wanted to love you! Pitched to us as the tv version of "The Devil Wears Prada," we thought this would be so much fun. But now we're in our second to last episode, and oh how you've tested us! Don't you realize that annoying characters don't actually make good tv? Annoying characters just make us annoyed!
So we are officially down to our Final Four: Megan, Gay Sidekick, Ashlie and Weird Toupee Hair Johanna. Sigh. Come on, everyone. We can do this. Only one more episode left after this one. Let's hold hands and just pull on through. Take a pain killer if you need it. I will try my best to be your cheerleader and also your shoulder to cry on.
We are back in the Stylista loft in Manhattan, and I'm wondering what they'll do now that Hate is gone. Whereas they used to sit at the dining room table, having their bi-daily gab session about our boobed wonder, what shall they do with themselves now?
Well I guess now all there is to discuss are silly things like goals and ideas. Johanna leads the discussion and opens up a bit about herself. She says that the fashion industry is a hard one to break into with her resume, but this show is a free foot in the door. She's worried that if she loses, she'll go back to her job forever. And, honestly, throughout this episode, the way she talks about her former life and career, you'd think that she'd just broken free out of one of Kathie Lee Gifford's sweat shops. It's Chinese Linguistness, girl. Not tying tiny knots in carpet until your fingers bleed. Get a little perspective, mmkay?
To get on the show, Johanna tells us about her famed fashion blog. The purpose of it was to show insight into the fashion industry but also build up a body of writing. Ohhhhh BLOGS. BLOGGERS. One person gets discovered from a blog and lands a book deal and now everyone sees it as a short cut to fame and fortune. Blah.
Megan sniffs around and determines that there must be idealism in the room, so she must stomp it out. She says that Johanna is in for a rude awakening because the fashion world is more than just loving clothes - it's a business. Then she tells us that she was like Johanna when she was 15. But when you start working in the industry, you realize it's not a fun hobby but a job. Ashlie agrees. It's funny because I swear the screen says that Megan is 22, but she acts as though she has decades worth of wise experience. Is her life recorded in dog years? Or maybe she's aging backwards and now looks young but is technically 80. She IS Benjamin Button.
Well all that ridiculous fun is cut short when Malina calls. She tells them to get ready and meet her at Elite Modeling as soon as possible. So they head straight there. Their assistant task is to cast a replacement model for designer Zac Posen, one of America's most successful, young designers. Ashlie gets so excited at the utterance of his name that her whole face practically turns inside out. They have 30 models to choose from and will put them in the same dress. Whose ever model Zac chooses will win.
Okay, now whereas I do enjoy Zac Posen, I am not a big fan of the dress. It looks yellowed and antiquey -- like something you would find in your grandma's boarded up attic, smelling of must and old people scent. Or maybe that dog from last week has peed on it. We all know how much he enjoys making "Jackson Pollocks."
Gay Sidekick says that he needs someone with a darker skin tone, so he makes a valiant promise to find someone who is "not pale." Megan thinks that she needs a shapelier model to fill the dress out because it doesn't have any structure. And so the models arrive. GS picks this girl who looks SO familiar to me:
Ashlie chooses a girl who also looks familiar to me...the full, brunette hair...the cute face...the big lips...
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Comments (10)
It was pretty dumb for Ash not to get it after her pointed critique, but 90 min for a layout is so ridonk, when they likely spend weeks in meetings settling on those layouts!!!
I also can't believe they didn't listen to Hate . . sigh, well, I can't root for anyone, so may the best bitch win~!
1 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 17, 2008 4:26 PM
Yeah... who really cares who wins at this point? No matter which, I will be disappointed. One is a snore and the other two are what I like to call Oxygen Thieves.
2 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 17, 2008 4:46 PM
Anne Slowey looks like the poor man's Madonna.
And yeah, the "not pale" model was on PR...I think her name is Danyelle or something?
3 of 10 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on December 17, 2008 5:12 PM
Just...why? Why should I care anymore? I can choose between two completely loathsome douchebags, or one uptight boring girl with bad hair. Thanks, CW.
4 of 10 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on December 17, 2008 5:32 PM
Rubinia: I was thinking the exact same thing about Ann Slowey - except I was thinking "cheap knockoff Madonna". But the essence is the same :)
I've also been thinking for the past two weeks that Johanna is going to win. Her "out-of-place-ness" is on par with Suzanne who won "I Want to Work for Diddy" (I still can't believe that). Both are intelligent chicks trying out for a job they are unqualified for, in an industry they don't seem comfortable in.
I will say that the producers did a great job tricking us into thinking Johanna was going home this week. Like MandaMo mentioned, it had all the earmarks: Crying phone call "I want it so bad!", tons of screen time, the whole, "my whole life depends on this" comment. Usually, all of these are the kisses of death....
5 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 17, 2008 9:07 PM
Yea that model was on Project Runway a few yeara ago. She was Andre's model/muse for awhile. Until he got cut for the Sod dress. She's super cute.
By the way, Ashley got shafted. I mean wtf?
6 of 10 | Posted by pixiegal262 | Posted on December 18, 2008 1:33 AM
"Cheap knockoff Madonna?" No way, girl. Anne Slowey is dressed MUCH better than Madonna these days. Madonna is so concerned with dressing like an 18 year old that she has become a cheap knockoff of herself! :p
7 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 18, 2008 4:27 AM
Snootchy Bootches: LOL! Love it!
8 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 18, 2008 10:10 AM
I hope they all lose.
Wouldn't that be so cool? If on the final Anne Slowhand says: "Sorry, you all suck."
'Cause they do.
9 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 18, 2008 2:56 PM
Well, I have already seen the finale, and what can I say but "meh". Saw it coming from this particular episode you are recapping. Oh, the crying. Anyway, after seeing these sorry excuses for breathing - not sure they are human - beings (oxygen thieves, indeed) parading their hatefulness for weeks, I can say that this was such a horrendous waste of a show. It could have been very interesting if only they had taken a page out of Project Runway or Top Chef instead of Flavor of Love or Rock of Love. You know, cast mature (in attitude, not necessarily in age) professionals who will do one another a good turn and win fair and square, instead of egomaniacal morons who will make anyone who watches them feel dirty (and not the good kind of dirrty!)
10 of 10 | Posted by Mo | Posted on December 18, 2008 4:54 PM