Come on, you had to know that's what I was going to title this, didn't you?
Big Up to Billy Ocean, by the way! Carribean Queen is a modern day Beethoven's Fifth.
Previously: Stacy got slapped in the face with a side of pork. (The music editors somehow make this occur to the beat of the background music, which is awesome.) Boo was really glad his family was eating well. They're all eating well! Alex tried to be a ninja, but Cassandra threw a bunch of smoke bombs all over the place and then murdered his entire family before he could enjoy his morning French press coffee. Dreamz listened to a suggestion from Alex to vote out Yau-man, and since his internal CPU processor can only handle one idea at a time, he became all obsessed with getting Yau-man out of the game like he was Forest Whitaker from The Shield and Yau-man was Vic Mackey. But Cassandra and Earl fixed him good, causing him to Error 404; they took advantage of the brief silence to vote out Alex, which was awesome and satisfying. Look how smart he his! SNUFF.
It's Day 34 at Bula Bula; we begin in the woods, where a bear is lumbering towards the camera, clearing away brush with his lumbering paws. (Dwight Schrute: "Bears can climb trees faster than they can run! Jim, tell him!") Boo tells us that he's not on his way to the stream, where he will catch fish using only his claws, but creating a back path to the water well so that he can hear when people are talking about him because they'll never suspect that he's hiding "behind the thicket". Thanks there for the terminology, Br'er Rabbit. He laughs to himself over how clever his is for this as he clears away more brush. Did anybody else get a vision of his head emerging slowly from the grass, Boo with a smirk on his face, shifty-eyes all over the place like right before you catch the criminal in Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? There will only be a "FLOZ" hat floating slightly above the shrubbery, beneath it a sinister shadow. Watch out, Boo will steal the nose off of the Sphinx!
By the way, I checked on the whole "FLOZ" thing, and apparently it's the name of the bar Boo owns at home. CBS says he's a construction worker, which confuses me, but with his cooking and stuff from earlier, I think we can assume that he's actually a restaurateur. Oh, and "FLOZ" is a play on "fl oz" as in "fluid ounces" like in a beer or bottle. Look at Boo, bringing the clever! Okay, random aside over.
The best part is that while Boo is busy working so that he can listen in while people talk about him, the others are back at camp...talking about him. Ha! Thanks, editors. They all discuss how much they need Boo not to win immunity so that they can vote him off. Yau-man tells us that there are a lot more sneaky plans and side discussions than usual, which means that he will have to be vigilant. At this, the Maracas of Foreshadowing take us into the credits.
The credits are long form! Boy, I do not miss Anthony.
Still Day 34 at Bula Bula; a majestic humpback whale shoots a jet of water from his blowhole. Hey, I missed the chance to call Alex a blowhole! That just makes me sad. Anyway, we get right down to business today; Stacy goes to fetch the Reward Challenge clue, which is an ax. It indicates that this week's reward is a car. Everyone gets super excited as Dreamz tells us that he's the only one out of all six of them that doesn't have a car. He never even got his license, because it's stupid to have a license when you don't have anything to drive! I suspect that no one's ever put the idea in his head to go try to get one, so he's never bothered. He's been busy whitewashing fences and whatnot.
Reward Challenge! Probst is all "And then there were six." with his Lisi hat on. Shut up, Lisi hat. Today's challenge is, in fact, for a car; it's a 2008 Ford F-350. (Motto: "The F-350: For when the hole in the ozone layer just isn't big enough.") Also, it makes your penis look huge! The decal on the side literally says "Power Stroke". I totally want it. Let's haul some equipment!
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Comments (23)
How dare you make fun of me. Just because I go on-line after LOST to discuss my scientific theories and anagram solving, doesn't mean you have to make fun of me in your recap. I'm not gonna talk to you anymore....so there!!!1
As for your recap, cudos for getting it up so quick. It was great. Just like this year's Survivor, your recaps, in the beginning, were long and boring. I couldn't get through all 13 pages. But just like Survivor, you picked up momentum and ran with it. You became a really GOOD recapper. I began to look forward to reading them. I look forward to the finale and your final recap.
1 of 23 | Posted by chooch850
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Posted on May 11, 2007 5:26 PM
You hit the nail on the head with how everyone was yelling at their tv for him to use that darn idol b/c I know I sure was!
I was yelling like a crazy woman about to have a heartattack if he didn't use it! rofl...
I just hope he's safe the next few times... come on Yau-man! Don't let me down!
2 of 23 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on May 11, 2007 5:42 PM
Schoonie, everyone knows an F350 doesn't make your penis larger - it is a HUMMER that gives you a bigger peepee!!!
I feel so bad for Dreamz' spawn. You know that kid is going to school with his shoes on the wrong feet, his pants on backwards, and carrying a can of Cheez Whiz for lunch. Poor thing doesn't stand a chance.
Have I mentioned how happy I am that I have you guys to remind me that I'm not the only dork who screams at her TV? The roommie thought it a bit odd...
3 of 23 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 11, 2007 6:56 PM
When Dreamz asked that kid in the school if he'd ever been to America, I started cracking up. And then he said that he had a lot in common with the kids, and I realized that he really does.
4 of 23 | Posted by Merick
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Posted on May 11, 2007 7:15 PM
Awesome episode, awesome recap!!
Can't wait for Sunday.
5 of 23 | Posted by PuffMatty
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Posted on May 11, 2007 9:00 PM
Chooch, your mom is long and boring!
Kidding, I love you. Thanks for the compliment; I appreciate that you think I've grown as a recapper. If you go back and look at the old recap though, they're just as long as these are! The repaging system made it 13 at one point, but now the one that was 13 is only 8, too. It's like that optical illusion with the big and tiny lines or whatever.
And isn't 8 one of the Lost numbers? And 13 plus one is 14, which is also one of the Lost numbers! Someone call Carlton Cuse! I'm an Other!
6 of 23 | Posted by schoonie
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Posted on May 11, 2007 11:23 PM
I was yelling at my tv too...for Yau NOT to use the idol. HATE.
7 of 23 | Posted by insertnamehere
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Posted on May 12, 2007 12:10 AM
Schoonie,
Hats off to another great re-cap! Yau-Man,Earl > Casandra,Dreamz,Stacy . Boo is an idiot.
8 of 23 | Posted by Rusty_nail
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Posted on May 12, 2007 3:01 AM
ewwww
I hate yau man! He is so gross and annying, hes like a little hobet or something. Can't stand him. And if he hadnt used the idol hed be gone. Damn
9 of 23 | Posted by MyNamesTucker
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Posted on May 12, 2007 5:39 AM
Schoonie,
I was so sad when B-side left and I crawled away from TVGasm for a while until my heart could heal. Your recaps are what has drawn me back into the fold. This recap had me HOWLING! You are a true TV connoiseur what with the references to The Amazing Race and Lost. Your screenshot captions are just as funny as the recaps (which ain't always the case). And I am happy that someone who loves and respects Survivor is recapping it as well. This season of Survivor has rocked in a lot of ways and for me one of the rockingest parts is reading your recap each week. (I actually love that they are so long because it means you can pack in all that extra funny!)
So thank you for the many, many laughs over the past several months, Schoonie. You are as good if not better than the legendary B-side. So much so that I am going to stop comparing you to him from now on.
Bravo!!!
10 of 23 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on May 12, 2007 5:49 AM
I'd like to add that I'm also firmly on the Schoonie bandwagon (even though he likes Yau :P). You seem to be a bigger fan of this show than anyone I've ever met, and that makes your recaps that much better. KUDOS
11 of 23 | Posted by insertnamehere
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Posted on May 12, 2007 11:21 AM
OMG, Schoonie, best recap ever. You always make me laugh and this time I was laughing out loud. Heart!
12 of 23 | Posted by LonnaSaur
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Posted on May 12, 2007 6:41 PM
I was torn about Yau using the idol. Now I'm just worried about Cassandra. Schoonie, I loved the pic of the jury: I never noticed that Rocky has the same wanky eye as Paris Hilton.
Sunday will be awesom!
13 of 23 | Posted by geewits
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:38 AM
"A nation, from the couch: 'PLAY IT! PLAY IT! GOD, PLAY IT!'"
I thought I heard an echo!
14 of 23 | Posted by mareneli
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Posted on May 13, 2007 6:33 AM
I have a question. When Yau-man gave the car to Dreamz, did he also pass on the Survivor Car Curse? Hmm. I guess we'll find out soon enough.
15 of 23 | Posted by joyfulchicken
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Posted on May 13, 2007 10:37 AM
Joyful Chicken -- I totally wondered about the dreaded car curse as well...I am totally for Yau to go all the way. He's always a step ahead of the rest and he just plain rocks!
Bravo Schoonie, bravo on the recap - love the references to Mirna & Schmirna. You are a freaking riot and I can NOT wait for the finale recap.
16 of 23 | Posted by tvjunkie
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Posted on May 13, 2007 6:08 PM
Hey Schoonie!
Great title! But now I can`t seem to stop sing that damn song!
17 of 23 | Posted by hardlyworking
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Posted on May 14, 2007 6:29 AM
Schoonie,
PLEASE, pretty please...for all that is good and righteous in the world...you MUST do the Amazing Race recap next season. Awesomeness was not so awesome, and TAR deserves to be recapped by someone whose words are like the sweet nectar of the Gods. Anyone agree!? ANYONE!?!?!?
18 of 23 | Posted by TheStink1325
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Posted on May 14, 2007 9:14 AM
Schoonie, Please do the "Heroes" recap!!! Pretty, Pretty Please!!!!???!!! I LOVE your "Survivor" recaps, and the new guy doing "Heroes" just does not get it. PLEASE?.... [with cherries on top?]
19 of 23 | Posted by goldeeloxx
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Posted on May 14, 2007 11:30 AM
Ha! I would not ever recap Heroes, because my recaps would say only this: "Shut up, Mohinder."
20 of 23 | Posted by schoonie
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:03 PM
Definitely one of the greatest seasons for me. I can't honestly say it is the BEST, but since I've started watching Survivor, Fiji is one of only FOUR entire competitions that I've actually watched the full season (Australia/Pearl Islands/All-Stars being the other three). I almost stopped watching before said mark of masterpiece made itself known, but I'm glad I didn't.
I'd have loved to have read this before today so I could speculate, but as it is, I couldn't and I've already watched the finale. Can't wait for the recap of that. :)
21 of 23 | Posted by jennae
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:05 PM
You're right. That picture of the jury makes Michelle look like a fairy tale character who charms the animals of the forest with her beauty and pure heart, so that they become her protectors, only instead of lions and grizzly bears, it's bitches and asswipes.
22 of 23 | Posted by cm65
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Posted on May 14, 2007 2:18 PM
Great job! I too was worried I had woke up my children while yelling at Yau to play that damn idol. I'm glad Earl won! Sorry, i'm a little late in my posting and reading!
23 of 23 | Posted by elewallen
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Posted on May 17, 2007 4:21 PM