In the final scene before Tribal Council, Yau eyes the other castaways suspiciously and mulls the afternoon over in his head. As he exchanges glances with the other castaways and silently assesses the situation, the music builds to a brilliant crescendo in the background; it's an amazingly well crafted and scored scene, if you're into that kind of thing. By the end, you're about to jump out of your chair. The music cuts off abruptly, and Yau-man shuffles across camp to where Earl is sitting. "I have bad vibes." he says to Earl. And then the screen goes dark; it's like the end of an episode of Lost.
Well, sort of like the end of an episode of Lost, except after it's over, you don't go on message boards to find what others think, only to have to read a bunch of stupid condescending theories from people who are pretending to be smart, referencing Pavlov's Dog or Charles Dickens or deciphering anagrams that don't exist or whatever the fuck and jacking off the contents of their brains onto the internet until your eyes LITERALLY ROLL OUT OF YOUR HEAD because it's all so dumb. Or is that just me?
Anyway, Tribal Council! Jeff brings in the jury; Alex has washed his hair, and possibly also cut it. More importantly, he has also removed his lime green tank top, which has undoubtedly become so dirty that the various organisms on it have come together to form a collective consciousness, a consciousness which is currently busy hitchhiking its way to Wichita to fulfill its childhood aspirations of becoming a country line dancer. Probst recaps the Yau-man/Dreamz Deal of F4 Death for the jury. Dreamz tells Probst that he's a "great man of [his] word" which causes three-quarters of the jury to laugh uproariously. Word, jury! Also, he sort of wasn't lying to you when he said those things. As I have said, he didn't know himself. SO terrifying. He says that he's a man of his word, and he actually BELIEVES IT. Without having to rationalize at all. That is some Karl Rove shit right there. Probst brings up the subject of the hidden immunity idol. He asks Boo whether it worries him. Boo, sporting the immunity necklace: "It doesn't matter to me right now, Jeff." Bam! Jeff just got served.
Jeff asks Stacy how she thinks the vote is going to go this evening. Stacy tells him that she thinks that their alliance (meaning all six of them) are going to start playing dirty, and that it's not going to be a direct vote, but probably split a little. Yau-man's head shoots around all "Say what? Homey does not play that, Madame." And all of a sudden, his worst fears are confirmed.
Jeff announces that it's time to vote. Earl and Boo vote. Yau-man votes for Stacy, apologizing and wishing her luck. Cassandra and Stacy vote. Dreamz votes for Yau-man, apologizing profusely but chalking it up to part of the game. Jeff goes to get the votes. When he returns, he asks if anyone would like to play the hidden immunity idol. A nation, from the couch: "PLAY IT! PLAY IT! GOD, PLAY IT!" What seems like hours pass. No one exhales. Yau-man ponders his fate, wondering what to do. The other five players look his way, waiting for an action.
Finally, right before I go into labor, Yau-man gets up and hands Probst the idol. Fist pumps occur. Shouts are heard from over the horizon. Dreamz and Cassandra immediately lose their shit. Seriously, you can hear the internal explosions.
Jeff takes the idol and tells the others that any votes against Yau-man will not be counting this evening. Jeff reads the votes. The first one is for Stacy. Dreamz buries his head in his hands, defeated, AGAIN. The second vote is for Yau-man. It does not count. The next vote is for Stacy. The next vote is also for Yau; since there is more than one, Yau-man busts out in his full on "Screw you, Edgardo" smile, because he knows that he just foiled a major plot. Jeff tells Stacy that the most she can hope for is a tie with another, non Yau-man person. If the next vote is for Yau-man, she'll be going home because she'll have two out of a possible three votes. The next one? Is for Yau-man, and Stacy is defeated. Jeff snuffs her torch, and everyone but Dreamz waves goodbye to her, because he is too busy shitting his pants. Man, how many times has he been thwarted this season? He's becoming the Wile E. Coyote of this bitch.
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Comments (23)
How dare you make fun of me. Just because I go on-line after LOST to discuss my scientific theories and anagram solving, doesn't mean you have to make fun of me in your recap. I'm not gonna talk to you anymore....so there!!!1
As for your recap, cudos for getting it up so quick. It was great. Just like this year's Survivor, your recaps, in the beginning, were long and boring. I couldn't get through all 13 pages. But just like Survivor, you picked up momentum and ran with it. You became a really GOOD recapper. I began to look forward to reading them. I look forward to the finale and your final recap.
1 of 23 | Posted by chooch850
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Posted on May 11, 2007 5:26 PM
You hit the nail on the head with how everyone was yelling at their tv for him to use that darn idol b/c I know I sure was!
I was yelling like a crazy woman about to have a heartattack if he didn't use it! rofl...
I just hope he's safe the next few times... come on Yau-man! Don't let me down!
2 of 23 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on May 11, 2007 5:42 PM
Schoonie, everyone knows an F350 doesn't make your penis larger - it is a HUMMER that gives you a bigger peepee!!!
I feel so bad for Dreamz' spawn. You know that kid is going to school with his shoes on the wrong feet, his pants on backwards, and carrying a can of Cheez Whiz for lunch. Poor thing doesn't stand a chance.
Have I mentioned how happy I am that I have you guys to remind me that I'm not the only dork who screams at her TV? The roommie thought it a bit odd...
3 of 23 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 11, 2007 6:56 PM
When Dreamz asked that kid in the school if he'd ever been to America, I started cracking up. And then he said that he had a lot in common with the kids, and I realized that he really does.
4 of 23 | Posted by Merick
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Posted on May 11, 2007 7:15 PM
Awesome episode, awesome recap!!
Can't wait for Sunday.
5 of 23 | Posted by PuffMatty
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Posted on May 11, 2007 9:00 PM
Chooch, your mom is long and boring!
Kidding, I love you. Thanks for the compliment; I appreciate that you think I've grown as a recapper. If you go back and look at the old recap though, they're just as long as these are! The repaging system made it 13 at one point, but now the one that was 13 is only 8, too. It's like that optical illusion with the big and tiny lines or whatever.
And isn't 8 one of the Lost numbers? And 13 plus one is 14, which is also one of the Lost numbers! Someone call Carlton Cuse! I'm an Other!
6 of 23 | Posted by schoonie
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Posted on May 11, 2007 11:23 PM
I was yelling at my tv too...for Yau NOT to use the idol. HATE.
7 of 23 | Posted by insertnamehere
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Posted on May 12, 2007 12:10 AM
Schoonie,
Hats off to another great re-cap! Yau-Man,Earl > Casandra,Dreamz,Stacy . Boo is an idiot.
8 of 23 | Posted by Rusty_nail
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Posted on May 12, 2007 3:01 AM
ewwww
I hate yau man! He is so gross and annying, hes like a little hobet or something. Can't stand him. And if he hadnt used the idol hed be gone. Damn
9 of 23 | Posted by MyNamesTucker
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Posted on May 12, 2007 5:39 AM
Schoonie,
I was so sad when B-side left and I crawled away from TVGasm for a while until my heart could heal. Your recaps are what has drawn me back into the fold. This recap had me HOWLING! You are a true TV connoiseur what with the references to The Amazing Race and Lost. Your screenshot captions are just as funny as the recaps (which ain't always the case). And I am happy that someone who loves and respects Survivor is recapping it as well. This season of Survivor has rocked in a lot of ways and for me one of the rockingest parts is reading your recap each week. (I actually love that they are so long because it means you can pack in all that extra funny!)
So thank you for the many, many laughs over the past several months, Schoonie. You are as good if not better than the legendary B-side. So much so that I am going to stop comparing you to him from now on.
Bravo!!!
10 of 23 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on May 12, 2007 5:49 AM
I'd like to add that I'm also firmly on the Schoonie bandwagon (even though he likes Yau :P). You seem to be a bigger fan of this show than anyone I've ever met, and that makes your recaps that much better. KUDOS
11 of 23 | Posted by insertnamehere
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Posted on May 12, 2007 11:21 AM
OMG, Schoonie, best recap ever. You always make me laugh and this time I was laughing out loud. Heart!
12 of 23 | Posted by LonnaSaur
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Posted on May 12, 2007 6:41 PM
I was torn about Yau using the idol. Now I'm just worried about Cassandra. Schoonie, I loved the pic of the jury: I never noticed that Rocky has the same wanky eye as Paris Hilton.
Sunday will be awesom!
13 of 23 | Posted by geewits
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:38 AM
"A nation, from the couch: 'PLAY IT! PLAY IT! GOD, PLAY IT!'"
I thought I heard an echo!
14 of 23 | Posted by mareneli
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Posted on May 13, 2007 6:33 AM
I have a question. When Yau-man gave the car to Dreamz, did he also pass on the Survivor Car Curse? Hmm. I guess we'll find out soon enough.
15 of 23 | Posted by joyfulchicken
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Posted on May 13, 2007 10:37 AM
Joyful Chicken -- I totally wondered about the dreaded car curse as well...I am totally for Yau to go all the way. He's always a step ahead of the rest and he just plain rocks!
Bravo Schoonie, bravo on the recap - love the references to Mirna & Schmirna. You are a freaking riot and I can NOT wait for the finale recap.
16 of 23 | Posted by tvjunkie
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Posted on May 13, 2007 6:08 PM
Hey Schoonie!
Great title! But now I can`t seem to stop sing that damn song!
17 of 23 | Posted by hardlyworking
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Posted on May 14, 2007 6:29 AM
Schoonie,
PLEASE, pretty please...for all that is good and righteous in the world...you MUST do the Amazing Race recap next season. Awesomeness was not so awesome, and TAR deserves to be recapped by someone whose words are like the sweet nectar of the Gods. Anyone agree!? ANYONE!?!?!?
18 of 23 | Posted by TheStink1325
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Posted on May 14, 2007 9:14 AM
Schoonie, Please do the "Heroes" recap!!! Pretty, Pretty Please!!!!???!!! I LOVE your "Survivor" recaps, and the new guy doing "Heroes" just does not get it. PLEASE?.... [with cherries on top?]
19 of 23 | Posted by goldeeloxx
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Posted on May 14, 2007 11:30 AM
Ha! I would not ever recap Heroes, because my recaps would say only this: "Shut up, Mohinder."
20 of 23 | Posted by schoonie
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:03 PM
Definitely one of the greatest seasons for me. I can't honestly say it is the BEST, but since I've started watching Survivor, Fiji is one of only FOUR entire competitions that I've actually watched the full season (Australia/Pearl Islands/All-Stars being the other three). I almost stopped watching before said mark of masterpiece made itself known, but I'm glad I didn't.
I'd have loved to have read this before today so I could speculate, but as it is, I couldn't and I've already watched the finale. Can't wait for the recap of that. :)
21 of 23 | Posted by jennae
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:05 PM
You're right. That picture of the jury makes Michelle look like a fairy tale character who charms the animals of the forest with her beauty and pure heart, so that they become her protectors, only instead of lions and grizzly bears, it's bitches and asswipes.
22 of 23 | Posted by cm65
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Posted on May 14, 2007 2:18 PM
Great job! I too was worried I had woke up my children while yelling at Yau to play that damn idol. I'm glad Earl won! Sorry, i'm a little late in my posting and reading!
23 of 23 | Posted by elewallen
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Posted on May 17, 2007 4:21 PM