One thing I forgot to mention: stupid Lisi gave her hat to Ed once she got voted out. What the hell is that? Hate.

Lisi is such a loser. Seriously, how can you not wake up when three people are digging right beside your fat ass? Oh, right, she was just pretending to be asleep. My bad.

I miss the readable comments. 8 pages, more than double the length.

Aside from that, what I read about Yao in the intro I agree with. Past that, I can't comment because I don't read it OR see your new adds every page.

I'll read 3 pages, maybe 4 at most. And I hope for a Print This Page option on Page 1 to avoid all the adds.

(Site owners; as more and more web users learn my trick, they'll learn to not even notice ads, but they will notice design that is not user friendly.

TVgasm used to be one of my favorite sites. I only visit 1 or 2 times a week lately. When the "View all pages" option went away, I stopped being a regular.

Schooniez - another great recap for another really solid episode! I've always enjoyed your Survivor recaps, but I think they are even getting better and better each week.

I am so glad you "smelled" something again....it's been too long, man.

I fell in love with Earl all over again when he was doing the dance. He was freakin' awesome.

And yeah, I never would've thought it....but I now think Dreamz rocks. He pretty much abused Lisi, and how can you not like someone who does that?

Great recap of a smokin' hot episode! I said "Schoonie's going crazy right now!" after the vote was read. Each episode gets better. I can't wait til Thursday!

Dreamz - what a cross examination!! As you might guess from my name, I'm a lawyer. Dreamz could school every lawyer I know on how to take down a witness. I was amazed after watching last week. It's like he's been gathering information and waiting to pounce on her. And, BAM, he got her. Put me on Team Dreamz, too!

Thanks Schoonie for allowing me to relive this most awesome of episodes. And for the Buddy Dreamz screencap. And for making fun of Lisi. And for mentioning, just once more, the faceplant.

Now I know that Lisi was only pretending to be asleep while they dug for the idol. Can someone please clue me in as to why she then got up and dug for it herself after she OBVIOUSLY knew they had already found it?

Oh, and Schoonie, I always thought your letter to Lisi would read:

Dear Lisi,

I hate you.

Schoonie.

What I loved best about Lisi's story arc (er, downward spiral) is that her edit clearly demonstrates that everyone hated her, from the guy who drives the boat back and forth from Exile Island all the way up to Probst and Mark Burnett. All of the shots of her armpit hair, her fat ass larding around the camp, her general hideousness and bitchy hostility to Dreamz and Cassandra--basically, everything that came out of her mouth was a great, big WTF?!?. I can only imagine how the editors must have felt at the end, culling together scene after scene after scene of Lisi being unbelievably toxic and/or clueless, and then falling flat on her face to boot. She deserves some sort of special recognition for being the most worthless, unredeemable, unlikable contestant in Survivor history.

As has been mentioned here before, I thought it would take a lot to get me to not roll my eyes at everything Dreamz says or does, but he has flipped my opinion around entirely, largely thanks to Lisi.

When Dreamz made his stupid speech about snakes in the grass before Moto's first trip to tribal council, I never could have guessed that he'd eventually work his way around to having a fairly strong position at the merge, which I predict will come next week. I'm both eager and leery about how the dueling idols may or may not come into play. Earl and Yau have agreed to 'share' the idol (however that works), but once he reaches the merge, Yau shouldn't really need it so much, given that, even after he has pretty much ruled the whole game, the Gold's Gym crew still seem to think he's too 'old and weak' to be much of a threat. The three stud-boys should be the most vulnerable from the New Moto alliance perspective, but Boo will flip back with the boys if he's given the chance, which makes the Dreamz-Cassandra alliance even more important. And where will Stacy fit in with Lisi gone? Will Alex and Edgardo toss her aside? Alex seems fairly judicious so some of his remarks about women were probably calculated, but if the rumors are true, we know Edgardo has a strange double-standard on the subject of loyalty between men and women. Will Stacy wise up and throw in with Earl, Yau, Michelle, and hopefully Cassandra and Dreamz? Is Stacy less of an insufferable bitch without Lisi around to bring out her inner sorority sister? Will Boo stay with the New Moto alliance and count on having a better chance in individual immunities against a less athletic alliance?

Schoonie, Lisi gave us a fantastic episode, but I'm still worried that, with an immunity idol in evil hands, the merge could start out with a turn against the people we don't hate and we might end up with a final 4 of buffed up, shallow, chauvinistic apes who'll give us a yawn-inducing finale. My hope is that Earl, Yau, and Michelle's demonstrated 'strategery' (sorry, couldn't resist a Bushism) and the boys' apparent overconfidence will turn the game in favor of the PWDS (People Who Don't Suck) alliance.

Even with a mega-loser like Lisi, it's always a little sad when a clueless blabbermouth who has provided us all with moment after head-slapping moment of ridiculousness finally sees her torch snuffed, and will no longer be around to be the butt of all of the jokes. Schoonie, please promise you'll give us at least one Lisi-face plant reference per recap for the duration.

So, here's the thing, Jack: I think Yau-man and Earl are fine. Here's why:

If you map out the people and their alliances, it's probably divided into three groups, like this:

Yau-man/Earl/Michelle
Alex/Edgar/Stacy/Boo/Mookie
Dreamz/Cassandra

You know Cassandra is not going to want to vote with the Alex/Edgar alliance, because she is way too smart to put herself on the outside of that. She's going to assess and decide that she needs to go with Yau-man, Earl, and Michelle, which means that Dreamz is going to go along with her. I think we can pretty reasonably assume this, given Dreamz and Cassandra's prior feelings towards the other people.

So, we can now assume that it's going to look like 5-5, and if Dreamz and Cassandra can pull off the ruse and say that they'll stay with Alex and Edgar (to vote of Earl, most likely), then Alex and Edgar will feel safe and their idol will go unused. Earl can then go and use his idol to break the tie and send whomever they'd like home. This will give them a 5-4 advantage, and then all they have to do is smoke out the other idol, and they'll be set. I think there's a pretty good chance that we could see the cool people make it to the end.

Oh, and it's a final five this year again, with a final three voting structure. I read that in a press release.

Hey Schoonie -

I've given you a hard time, but I must say the recaps are getting better and better each week - keep it up.

Loved the Lisa Turtle reference. Ha.

Schoonie,

Great recap of an awesome episode.

Love,
Angie

P.S. Yau Man still rocks!

Random thoughts...

"Paula is like, "Monkey dishwasher Chevy Impala palm tree.""

OMG...Peed myself at work...thank you for that...

Yau Man is my hero...Mookie is a prick, and when Mookie mocks him and constantly gets it thrown back in his face...high comedy...

Stacey and Michelle = my survivor asian twin fantasy...

I think I need more sleep...

All I could think of when Yau Man throwing the spear was Lamar in Revenge of the Nerds.

Schoonie-

I, too, hate the many-paged recaps... I don't read nearly as many TVGasm recaps anymore because of it.

HOWEVER, your recap was SO funny & so clever that I had to keep going! Thanks for the great entertainment :)

Schoonie, great recap of one of one of the most satisfying Survivor episodes ever. What a contemptible, worthless hag Lisi is!

Who would have thought a few weeks ago that I'd be a Dreamz fan? What I love about him is that here is a guy who knows what real hardship is, and he knows that "Survivor" isn't it. While spoiled, self-entitled brats like Lisi who've never missed a meal in their lives whine about how rough they have it, Dreamz is enjoying every minute of the chance of a lifetime. He was masterful at tribal. Lawyergal (#7), I'm a litigator too and I agree he couldn't have handled it any better.

JD (#14) - LMAO at that. Good one!

BTW, speaking of self-entitled whiners, enough already with the people bitching about having to click their mouse a few extra times. Yes, I miss the old days and the original recappers too, but I'm still getting a lot of laughs and great recaps here from the likes of Schoonie, Screampillar, Flipit, et al, completely free of charge. So I have to press my index finger down an eighth of an inch a few more times. Big friggin deal. Get over it already! Do you write letters to ABC to complain that you have to keep fast forwarding through commercials when you watch "Lost" on your DVR? This is America and making money is not a sin last time I checked.

I'm glad you mentioned the guys not cleaning the paint off their faces. It must be the mother in me, but it distracted me the rest of the episode.

Also....with Lisi's hat - that was a bit pathetic. It's her attempt to have her tribemates remember her and keep her spirit alive - as if she expects one of them to wear the hat in her honor or something. PaaaaThhhhheeeeeetic. With a big ole P...gotta use two hands for that though.
I hope they put it on the jury bench for her next week or let it accidentally fall in to the fire.

Especially because Edgardo's head is gigantic. Seriously, did you see him with the hat? He looked like a bobblehead.

I thought no season could be better than last season but this one is quickly proving me wrong. I don't even know where to begin. I have been on the Earl/Yau-Man train since the beginning. I do not think it is physically possible for me to love them any more. And I, like so many others, have now jumped on the Dreamz train. I think that was the best tribal council EVER! And I also thought of you Schooniez when she got the boot.

And speaking of you, Schooniez... Your recaps get better every week and I so look forward to them. Keep up the great work. And I have to concur with jack and the Lisi face plant reference at least once a recap from here on out. It will NEVER get old.

Schoonie,
This recap was one of the best ever I've read on TVgasm, and Im a long time reader. Keep it up.

Schoonie, you're like fine wine...you age well.

Great episode and now my liking for Earl is reinforced. He took the meke seriously and imbued that feeling to his teammates. He's the real deal and I'm officially throwing down with him to win it all. He reminds me of last season. He's hones, true, informative, sharing and principled. You go, Earl!

Schoonie- this recap was so fantastic and funny, and I can't believe how great this episode was!

Nony Mouse (#3) - you are an idiot. stop your complaining about having to click your mouse a few extra times for this free, funny, hi-lariously sophisticated writing :) JasonR (#17) - as schoonie would say - word.

Earl and Yau Man are so great - as good as Ozzy and the guy that won last year. My highlights: Earl leading that dance, Yau man's spear-throwing and arrow-shooting, and that pompous lisi getting voted out (yea Dreamz for use of the "soliloquy/shaniqua card!"). I'm 8 1/2 mths pregnant these days and beginning to go slightly delirious but these recaps make me feel much better :)

Thanks for the compliments, guys. It's really cool to know that I can bring people enjoyment and at the same time be part of something as cool as TVGasm, and I'm honored to have all of you looking forward to it each week.

The reason why I love the Lisi faceplant so much is because, if you think about it, Lisi is a walking, talking faceplant. If the action of taking a faceplant grew arms and legs and assumed human form, it would look like Lisi. Everything she says, does, or is involved in becomes a metaphorical faceplant in some form or fashion, and so that one time she fell becomes a microcosm for everything that happens involving her. And that is so, so beautiful and poetic and perfect to me, ha.

As far as pageviews are concerned, even though we as readers are not technically paying monetarily for the content on the site, we are the customers and this site is the product, and so feedback is a necessary component to improving what TVGasm brings to the table. However, putting your thoughts in a comment is both ineffective and dilutes the message; if you look at the top of the page, there's a little tab that says 'contact' and the people on the other end of those e-mail addresses would be happy to have your feedback.

However, complaining about the pageviews does not constitute feedback. That's something that's the cost of doing business. Deal with it, or get around it with your fancy technical web magicks or what have you, but stop talking about it, already. This is a website which is designed to make money, it is not a Montessori school for the television inclined. If you are not happy with the changes, feel free to tell someone, but these comments are for discussing the show and things related to the show, not posting your manifesto re: the pageviews on the site and hoping that it will become some sort of petition against the powers that be, starting a revolution against the capitalist television website and we can all pass around hand-written, crumpled copies of it in dark alleys with hushed voices so that in a few years, we can commission a statue in your honor to place in the town square and when you die, mourners can come see your body and lay a single rose on your inert form. It's also not for starting petty arguments with other posters who do that. It's a waste of time, it's not fun, and we'd all like to get back to making fun of Lisi, et al.

I don't want this to turn into the crap that goes on over at RW and The Hills, because that is tiring and pointless. I realize that I'm not in charge and that you can type whatever you want here, but that doesn't mean that you have to type whatever you want here. So, let's all hang out and have a good time mocking the people who choose to put themselves in front of us for our enjoyment and discussing/having logical arguments about different aspects of the show, so that when people faceplant, we can clasp hands and laugh at them in unison. Cool?

you said it, schoonie. I also wanted to praise your screen-cap of Dreamz having his 'Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat' moment in the voting booth (with the thumbs-up standing in for Eddie/Mr. Wheat's 'o-k' sign). My Survivor peeps and I did the 'rewind/pause' on that one about eight times and agreed that we'd probably be seeing it again in this re-cap.

i agree w/ your analysis of how the game will break down in the merge, but i just get antsy at this stage of the game, where there seems to be a clear line between those who suck vs. those who don't, and one little slip could send us down the suck-hole for the rest of the season. i call it the 'skupin burning faceplant' effect, as i first felt this sensation all those years ago during Survivor: Australia. For those who don't recall, that season consisted of a pretty clear PWS vs. PWDS team breakdown: Kucha (PWDS) had Rodger the kindly farmer; Mike Skupin, the weekend-warrior dad from Michigan who was slaughtering wild boars Lord of the Flies-style; Jeff Varner, the anti-Hatch cool, out gay guy; Nick, Survivor's first Ivy League brother; and Elisabeth Filarski, who had yet to become the arch-conservative dingbat of Barbara Walters' coffee klatsch and butt of Rosie O. hostility and passive-aggressiveness and was then just a cute college girl with a sweet smile and a dad-crush on Rodger. On the other side was Ogakor (PWS--mostly, anyway), who had Kimmie the vegetarian who blew the food eating challenge by refusing to consume a worm of some sort due to her love of all animals (you just know that bitch eats shrimp and chicken); Keith, the socially inept chef who couldn't cook rice and was hated by everyone; Amber, who was already a hate-worthy little sycophant long before she got on All-Stars (largely because Colleen from season 1 turned down the offer) and became the better half of the ultimate reality TV-whore couple; and, last but not least, Jerri Manthey, who remains to this day the only person to get booed off the stage at a Survivor finale. Ogakor had the likable Colby and eventual winner Tina, but they were still the tribe of whiny, mean, bickering assholes nobody wanted to win.

Kucha was on the verge of entering the merge with a numbers advantage and a cohesive team of mostly nice people who got along well together, didn't loaf or pander for attention, and folded in nicely as a team with Skupin as the vocal leader and Rodger more quietly setting the tone of humility and decency, while over at the Ogakor camp, Colby and Tina spent their days rolling their eyes and making gag-faces at the latest drama being foisted by Jerri and Keith.

Then, Skupin face-planted in the fire and came up with flesh melting off his bones, and in but a flash, the tide was turned. Colby shrewdly exploited the old rule that, in the event of a tie, the person with the most previous votes cast against them loses, and thenceforth, Kucha was systematically eliminated, with a few pauses to get rid of Jerri and her ass-kissing cypher Amber once the numbers advantage was securely established.

Tina was a fairly likable winner and Colby's noble/boneheaded choice to take her to the final 2 made for some good TV, but the bad guys won the day, and ever since then, when I think my peeps are solid, I get this feeling that somebody's going to pull a Skupin and metaphorically fall face first into the fire. Maybe since Lisi has literally fallen flat on her face, the Fijian face-plant god is sated, and the PWDS will prevail.

The problem is, when the person you are relying on to turn the game in a certain direction is Dreamz (who, let's remember, despite his recent cleverness, is still a weird dude who could easily do something completely backwards and stupid), it's never a great idea to get comfortable.

Dude, I've met Rodger! How has this not come up? I used to live in Lexington, Kentucky, and Rodger is from Northern KY. I was on a trip to Kings Island with some college friends and we stopped for gas, and freaking Rodger just walked into the gas station. Yes, I talked to him extensively. Yes, I probably looked crazy.

Schoonie, you are hilarious. I love your recaps. I almost forgot about 'smelling' someone later and I'm glad you refreshed my memory. I love Yau Man...he rules.

Between Jack and Schoonie it would appear we have here for our benefit the nation's two preeminent "Survivor" historians.

Outback was a pretty good season. Rodger seemed like a cool guy, and I remember the whole friendship between him and Elizabeth was very sweet. Other things I remember were Elizabeth's hair falling out in clumps and people being SERIOUSLY malnourished. That was real "Survivor", when there weren't luxury houses with bathrooms and reward feasts every other day. The thing I remember most about Tina is how after 39 days of starvation and with all her bodyfat gone, her breast implants looked like beached jellyfish.

I really need to stop reading your recaps at work - queue insane laughter. Yau-manz! Dreamz! Earlz! I smell a magnificent show-down!

That was breathtaking - and just for old times sake: Awwwww!

Now I have to be a sheister since I'm a music snob. Despite my decade long crush of Mr. Walburg, this still embarrasses me: Good Vibrations was actually done by Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch.

Do you recap anything else, Schoonie? I do believe you're my new favorite.

So glad that red haired fat assed cow troll has been put out to pasture. She was a total loser, one of the biggest in survivor history.

KH
Lisi sucks.

Awesome episode and awesome recap! My favorite things about this episode:

1. Lisi looking like the clueless idiot she is during her confessionals.
2. Dreamz making her look like an even bigger idiot (no small feat) at Tribal Council.
3. The way Dreamz declared "Jeff, I'm ready to vote!!"
4. The big grin and thumbs-up from Dreamz while casting his vote.
Oh, and I can't forget..
5. Watching Earl shake his booty and kick some serious ass during the meke dance challenge. I think I love him.

My dream final 3 would be Earl, Yau Man, and Dreamz. (I could handle Earl, Yau Man, and Michelle too, though Michelle would essentially be Becky 2.0.)

P.S. Jack-- I'm pretty sure crazy Kimmie was actually part of the less sucky tribe (Kucha) on season 2 because I remember her arguing with finger-wagging Alicia.

Damn! I actually had Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch written, and I erased it because I went "No, that was C and C Music Factory" in my head. But I actually meant "Everybody Dance Now" anyway, and that actually is C and C, so it was a crazy cross-pollenation in my head.

And Survivor is the only thing I recap right now, yes. Once it's over, I'll probably try and pick up something in the summer, though, because I love recapping. It's so much fun!

Schoonie- I think you should definitely recap Big Brother.

Oh man, what I would not give...

Schoonie- Well do what you can to get that recap! I think you would be the best for it!

Ha! Given that it's the most popular show on the site, it's probably out of my hands, but I definitely appreciate the vote of confidence! Either way, I'm having a blast doing this show, and looking forward to next week.

Schoonie, awesome recap thank you so much!

And I don't mind the ads and such. If I was paying to read the recaps, maybe I'd have a right to bitch about that. It's free so I don't.

Jack~ you hit the nail on the head about how everyone there mustof also had the love for Lisi like we do. She just has that effect on people.

And those straw hats gross me out. They look like they are scratchy and stinky.

As awesome as Dreamz was this episode, I still can't give my full respect to a grown ass man whose name is "Dreamz." Sorry. But he gained major points at TC, absolutely. That was awesome!

The Hero in this episode has to be Yau-Man. I was so hoping for a screen cap of Alex and Edguardo when this little old man nearly hit the bulls eye and they were going, WTF...

Jack, as someone already mentioned, Kimmie was on the same tribe as Jeff Varner, Elisabeth, Nick (who actually turned out to be a douche bag by the end because he mentally gave up), and whomever else you mentioned.

As I recall, that team had won chickens at a rewards challenge, and Kimmie did not want to eat chicken due to her vegetarianism, the team overruled her and killed the chickens anyway, the finger-wagging of Alicia became reality-history, and Kimmie was voted out on Day 15, way before the merge where Mike Skupin fell into the fire.

Schoonie, is there any truth to the rumor of another All-Star Survivor? If so, who is going to be cast?

There has been discussion of another All-Star season; Probst said something in an interview. He also mentioned a possible cold weather Survivor in that same interview. Neither one is set in stone or planned as of yet, but my guess is that we'll probably see both in the next couple of years.

A cold weather Survivor?! I always figured they kept it in the heat so the audience can see the bods. Very very interesting.