Moto returns to the luxury camp to find their additional rewards, including their couch. It would have been hilarious if they had just started complaining about the quality of the stuff they got. “What the fuck, the couch doesn’t fold out? Get Probst on the line, this is a travesty. Are these cups from Pottery Barn? Gross. And what’s the number for room service? I’ve been waiting for my danish for forty-five minutes. Also I was told that there would be a midget butler. Fetch him!” The couch is white, which seems like a poor design choice, given that it’s going to be so full of gross stains by the time all of this is over with that it might as well be upholstered in Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress.
As Moto toasts their victory with their new mugs, we zoom over to Exile Island, where Sylvia is being dropped off. Exile Island looks much larger than normal this year, since it’s usually a pretty tiny island. Judging from the shots we get, this thing could easily be a square kilometer or so, and it’s pretty full of greenery and trees. At the top of a hill sits a giant tower, which is going to serve as this year’s Giant Skull Hut of Doom/Wrecked Pirate Ship home base for the exiled castaways. Turns out Probst wasn’t lying about the sea snakes, as Sylvia spies a couple of them right when she arrives. I wouldn’t have believed him either, its cool Sylvia. He’s kind of a drama queen. Sylvia climbs the tower to fetch her first clue (written in old school Survivor rhyming verse, when was the last time we saw that?) which tells her that the idol is not actually on the island, but back at camp. She tells us that she’s going to have to figure out a way to go look for it without everyone wondering why the hell she’s wandering around the island like a crazy lady. My solution: make them watch Driven. Rocky will be mesmerized, and the rest will fall asleep halfway through, and you’ll have plenty of time to find the idol.
Soon Ravu is paddling up to their new camp, which looks pretty crappy compared to the other one. Plans begin for them to build their shelter, and they’re trying to maintain a good outlook on things despite the lack of a midget butler. Well, everyone except Erica, who should have smuggled some of the other camp’s luxuries out in her giant hair. She tells us that she’s pissed because, well…because no one else is pissed that they lost all that great stuff. Dude, you might not have all the luxuries, but they have to deal with Dreamz. I would consider that a fair trade.
Talk turns to tonight’s vote, and Rocky approaches Erica to figure out a plan. Here are his exact words: “We’ve gotta figure out a plan. You smell me?” I am going to start saying that everywhere and anywhere I can. Rocky figures the two of them and Jessica can figure something out, and then get two others to go along with them to make a majority. He approaches Earl to pitch a plan to vote out Rita, based on the fact that she is the weakest female in the tribe. Jessica tells us that she’s happy to have Rocky having her back, because she was kind of the one responsible for the loss, what with working on the puzzle and all.
Cut to Mookie and Michelle telling Earl that they’re thinking about voting off Jessica because of the puzzle. Earl is all, “Well, good point.” And then the game is on. While Rita sells Yau-man on the Jessica boot, Mookie and Anthony get to work on Earl by telling him that Rita is simply a stronger competitor, and it looks like the decision is made. Erica doesn’t seem to want to go along with it, though. She’s telling Rocky later how close the three of them are, and how she simply refuses to write Jessica’s name down. This does not bode well for her chances down the line, this stubbornness. She’s going to need to be a bit more flexible is she wants to make the final three, you smell me?
Earl tells us how nervous he is to go to the first tribal council, and how really it could be anyone that goes home. Then he does this completely awesome thing where he’s like “There are a lot of actors around here, a lot of poker faces. And this is my poker face,” and then he completely deadpans the camera for probably five seconds. It’s great, and definitely the funniest thing in a pretty quality episode.
« Recap: Ugly Betty: Finally, A Walter Free World!! | Main | Recap: Greys Anatomy: Meredith's Fallen and She Can't Get Up! »
Comments (38)
I'm not going to lie. I enjoyed this episode a lot, but your recap was about 100 times better than the actual episode. I laughed out loud several times. Great job!!
1 of 38 | Posted by Keekster
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 1:53 PM
Schoonie, I'm really offended by your feeling it's ok to make fun of the homeless.
Just kidding! Great recap! Funny as hell. Welcome!
I agree it looks like a promising season. Seems like a pretty smart group overall, and unlike last season it seems like this season's crew are actually fans of the show and understand how things work (other than our pal Dreamz).
Interesting how this show can continue to run twice a year and not wear out its welcome like "The Apprentice." I guess the difference is that Trump can only be tolerated in much lower doses than Probst, and that other than the odd Pontiac Aztek or Reebok or Febreeze family moment, the show doesn't beat you over the head with product placement like Apprentice.
2 of 38 | Posted by JasonR
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 1:54 PM
Very funny recap. A little long, but I can handle that if the jokes are funny. And indeed they were. I was laughing out loud at the Helen Keller comment.
Keep up the good work, and please "smell things" even more in your upcoming recaps.
3 of 38 | Posted by LeslieAnne25
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:09 PM
Thanks for the kudos, guys. Given the rabid fan base for B-Side's recaps, I was a little terrified, so I'm glad you guys approve. And word on the length, too; so much happened though, and I didn't want to miss anything. Anyway, I look forward to writing more recaps, hopefully! I'm sure my competition will be stiff.
4 of 38 | Posted by schoonie
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:12 PM
Very funny recap, Schoonie!
This was one of the best first episodes of Survivor I can recall out of the last few seasons.
5 of 38 | Posted by mom_to_travis
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:23 PM
I'm not going to lie...I was pretty sad when I started to read this recap and saw "Guest Columnist" instead of "B-Side".
But this recap was freakin' awesome. Great job.
6 of 38 | Posted by aholic
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:24 PM
great recap. very detailed and funny. thanks.
rocky totally voted for mookie to screw with him. loved mookie's reaction to the vote. should make things interesting when they get back to camp.
sc
7 of 38 | Posted by saltycookies
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:27 PM
Outstanding recap, Shoonie! I'm going to say it. It was better than(dare I say?) B-side's. Funny and just freaking awesome. Looking forward to many more.
8 of 38 | Posted by prettyinpink
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:35 PM
Very good recap. I like your sense of humor, and the show is off to a good start. It was a little lengthy though.
9 of 38 | Posted by soflat
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 2:45 PM
This recap was freakin' hilarious - great job, Schoonie!
I heard the familar Baston twang out of Rocky's mouth and immediately thought "Boston Rob, Part Deux - blech!" but hopefully he's shiftier than he looks.
Yau-man rocks! After he tapped open the box that the big guys with the rocks couldn't open, I'm rooting for him to go all the way.
BTW - the length was ok for me, Schoonie! I was able to procrastinate on work for just that much longer due to the length :)
10 of 38 | Posted by Mushy
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 3:20 PM
Great recap schoonie, I guess you didn't want to go with B-side's normal mention of the gratutitous crab shot - although when we saw it I said "That will be in the recap!" It was a great first show. Now I want MORE!
11 of 38 | Posted by geewits
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 3:25 PM
I liked this recap, very entertaining! Good job!
I love Yaoman, he's awesome. I hope he goes far. This looks like it is going to be an interesting season!
12 of 38 | Posted by mangos
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 3:45 PM
Outstanding recap, Schoonie. I haven't bothered to read all of the submissions in the forums, but you have already proven yourself to be a worthy successor to B-Side. Very funny - you smell me?
Oh yeah, and Dreamz is an absolute tool.
13 of 38 | Posted by youngbob
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 4:17 PM
Next time, make it a little longer.
/sarcasm
14 of 38 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 4:23 PM
Anytime I see the words "Guest Columnist" I get a little nervous but I was really impressed with this review. Great job!
I was fine with the length. Sure it was longer than usual but it held my interest the entire time.
Hope to smell you again soon! (I hope someone doesn't read that out of context because it just doesn't sound right...)
15 of 38 | Posted by 626
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 4:53 PM
you have big shoes to fill but it was a highly entertaining recap schoonie and I commend you on it.
how did you know about the "twist" with the individ idols only being allowed to be played before the votes are read? Did they say that, b/c if so I missed it.
16 of 38 | Posted by zoobabe
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 5:00 PM
I read some interviews with Probst to do a little pregame research, which is where I found the new idol rule.
17 of 38 | Posted by schoonie
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 5:26 PM
Very nice recap! The line about people misspelling Boo's name B-O-U-G-H at tribal council really cracked me up.
18 of 38 | Posted by angiemarie
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 5:35 PM
great recap, i didn't get to see the episode but it sounds like i missed a good one!
i hope Rocky and Dreamz make it to the merge so we can watch them fight it out in future episodez
19 of 38 | Posted by cris
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 7:43 PM
okay i admit to being a die-hard-bside-recaps-survivor fan so i was a little sad to see "guest columnist"...BUT this recap was fab. good jokes and detail and i liked the length.
schoonie...you have my vote...ya smell me?
20 of 38 | Posted by juxtapoeser
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 7:49 PM
Excellent recap, Schoonie. B-Side, if he were still alive, would be proud.
Looks like most of you enjoyed the first episode. I'm not sure why, but I didn't. Maybe it's the cast--most of them seem too normal and boring. Yao Ming is awesome though. I hope he wins.
Shameless plug: I'll still be doing Survivor screenshots and chicken commentary on my site. Sorry.... Future plugs will be a bit more subtle, I promise :-P
21 of 38 | Posted by joyfulchicken
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 8:27 PM
Okay, so I just got the news a little while ago, but apparently I win! So, you'll be seeing me every week from now on. Next week's recap? I'm going for fifteen pages. Kidding. But looking forward to writing here!
22 of 38 | Posted by schoonie
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 9:00 PM
B-Sides dead? Dude.
Schoonie - that recap was so good! Usually people's first few are pretty shaky, but you were hilarious and observant without being overhanded. Well played.
My favorite was Jeff P not wanting to yell Poor Man's Boston Rob, struggling to paddle! For the rest of the night, I'm going to use Probst speak. Should be fun while I watch 24.
23 of 38 | Posted by dagnytaggart
|
Posted on February 12, 2007 9:01 PM
Watching those guys trying to open that wooden crate reminded me of the scene in "Zoolander" of Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller trying to "retreive" the info from the computer.
24 of 38 | Posted by realitybred55
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 6:33 AM
They told you that you won? Well, congratulations I guess, but that hardly seems fair. I was supposed to be the other finalist and I sent my recap before the deadline, twice in fact, and received a message saying there was a delay because the recipient server didn't respond. Every attempt I have made to contact B-side or the TVgasm staff since then has gone unanswered. I'm not sure how its my fault that there was a problem with their server.
Good recap though, I'm just a little disappointed that I didn't get a fair shot at it.
25 of 38 | Posted by gaj2w
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 9:11 AM
Let them know; he just told me the other guy didn't send it in. I'd rather have it be fair, of course!
26 of 38 | Posted by schoonie
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 9:48 AM
Yeah man, I hear you, but that's the problem...I've been trying to contact them for days and nobody's responding back. I've now tried J-Unit, B-Side, and the staff address. I don't know if they ever got my recap, or any of the other emails for that matter. I've still got everything in my "sent mail" folder, so I can show them that I did in fact send it on time.
Whatever though, if I lost I lost. Sounds like the decision has already been made. Yours was my favorite of the other 4 articles in the first round anyway, so good luck the rest of the season!
27 of 38 | Posted by gaj2w
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 10:13 AM
Great recap Schoonie. This was a pretty good first episode with better things to come.
One thing you didn't mention. When Rocky and Jessica made the agreement to tell each other if they knew they were going to get voted out. But it seemed pretty clear he didn't warn her. It didn't even look like he and/or Erica tried to campaign for her. The first Survivor alliance of the season is already dead.
28 of 38 | Posted by Babs
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 10:54 AM
I don't know who these commenters are, but I didn't laugh once reading this.
29 of 38 | Posted by jenny10girl
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 3:58 PM
Cool, I'll put more 'Your Mom' jokes in the next one.
30 of 38 | Posted by schoonie
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 6:16 PM
Fantastic recap!
B-Who?
31 of 38 | Posted by Zharak
|
Posted on February 13, 2007 9:42 PM
Don't worry jenny10girl, when I can't understand wit and sarcasm, I don't laugh either.
32 of 38 | Posted by LeslieAnne25
|
Posted on February 14, 2007 8:21 AM
Schoonie, had a few moments of inappropriate bussing out in laughter in my office (loved the Yao Ming/Yau-Man confusion). I'll definitely look forward to "smelling" you this season.
I think that Sylvia should figure out that there are two immunity idols since neither she nor the producers would know which camp the first Exiled person would have come from!
Also find that these are a bunch of boring people so far. Half of them didn't even get confessional time!
33 of 38 | Posted by BaskEtcAse
|
Posted on February 14, 2007 8:49 AM
Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised by this recap too. Sigh of relief. I don't know why people complain about the length of recaps...the more the better in my opinion. Why else do I come here except to waste time, you know?
Also, I had completely forgotten that Rocky said "You smell me?" -- so funny.
34 of 38 | Posted by fycin
|
Posted on February 14, 2007 8:54 AM
LeslieAnne25 - Um...ok...thanks for that bit of 'wit and sarcasm' there...
35 of 38 | Posted by jenny10girl
|
Posted on February 14, 2007 10:32 AM
Hey guys. Here's the deal with the contest. I told Schoonie he had won, but that's only because I hadn't received the other submission. Turns out my email had been screwy, and Gary had tried to send in his recap, but it had bounced back.
Anyway, we're still working on our server issues, but in the meantime, what we're going to do is have Gary recap this coming episode of Survivor, and then everyone will vote via the comments on which recap they liked best.
Good luck to everyone!
36 of 38 | Posted by B-Side
|
Posted on February 14, 2007 5:47 PM
This recap was absolutely hilarious! I actually enjoyed the length. I read the recaps at work when I need something to do so I like when they take a little time to read.
37 of 38 | Posted by dmbislove
|
Posted on February 16, 2007 8:55 AM
Schoonie!!
That was hilarious, I was laughing from start to finish, you smell me?
Good luck! :)
38 of 38 | Posted by iroxy
|
Posted on February 16, 2007 1:45 PM