First of all , congrats to you Schoonie for winning the contest! Great recap!
I was really happy for Ravu when they finally got fire. That must have sucked going so long without it....
God, Papa Smurf wiped out so freakin' bad on that slip n'slide thing, no wonder he's in horrendous pain! And why was everyone trying to RUN on the stupid thing? You would think they would have learned after seeing Papa fall like a ton of bricks. And I hated Lisi too for her full-on bitchy laugh at the Yau-man / Dreamz match-up. HATE HER!
I kinda thought Sylvia got a bum rap too. I was kinda hoping she found the immunity idol, but it wasn't meant to be. I hope Ravu kicks some butt in the next challenges, I am starting to get sick of cocky Moto. Looks like Papa Smurf is not doing any better in the previews of the next episode...poor guy!

Congratulations, but does this mean we'll have these really loong recaps every week? Seriously, it's only an hour long show.

Congrats on the win! I am looking forward to your recaps, I like them a lot.

One thing, though - how could you not make fun of Sylvia for her performance in the slip-n-slide challenge? The way she was lying on the ground, stroking her arms like she was swimming, and not moving an INCH....you have to admin that was pretty damn funny. So I did not smell you on leaving that part out.

Actually, next week I am going to be writing in iambic pentameter, so it's going to be really, REALLY long. Stock up on fluids!

congrats schoonie! gary made a decent run at the recap portion of the challenge, but totally misplayed the social game on the messge board. what a whiny turd. if i ever ran into gary in real life and he was laying there dying of thirst, i would not give him a drink of water. i would let the vultures take him and do whatever they want.

in any case, good job!

"As she agrees to vote for Anthony, she’s digging a hole with one hand to look for the idol out of the line of Mookie’s vision. My question is, why the hell wouldn’t you just balls out look for it if you knew you were probably getting voted out? If you didn’t find it, you’d cause a giant ruckus at camp while they were looking for it after you left, and if you did you wouldn’t be going home and could somehow leverage it, probably. It could mean the inclusion in the camp she’s been looking for, and on the other hand it would be an explosive thing to do if she’s leaving. Where’s the downside? Also, she could just lie and say she’s creating holes for a shelter foundation or something, given that they’re still sleeping on palm leaves on the ground on day NINE. "

my point EXACTLY! I would have been digging the shit out of that sand! Who knows what's gonna happen week to week? Save yourself if you can!

I hated Lisi laughing at Yau Man too. Bitch!

congrats on the win schoonie- you definitely are a true fan of this show!

Right on, Schoonie, I really love your recaps. You are the Yau-man of my heart.

Soflat - seriously, if you don't want to read a long recap, don't read it! Who the hell cares how long they are???

I am glad you are happy to be the survivor recapper...try and remember how happy you are when some asshat carps about some trivial shit like the fact that Survivor is on Thursday night and today is Monday and geez could you write faster or something.

hb asshat

Hello, Schoonie. Welcome to the TVGasm family. We'll show you a lot of stuff. We'll even walk you to our Big Brother shrine. I wonder how I can be a recapper on TVGasm. Right now, I'm just doing recaps for my own blog.

I hope this season gets better. One tribe's bad luck is a bad thing to me. In my opinion, this made Palau and Cook Islands the worst seasons ever.

Oh, yeah, and your screencap caption saying "I will defeat all Asian challengerz! Unless there is a spelling bee involving plurals!”? I laughed so hard.

#9- you too can be a recapper on the Gasm. Just pick a show not already being covered and submit a sample recap to B-side or J-Unit for their approval. I should know- I did it! :)

Schoonie, this was even better than your debut. Your analysis of strategy is dead on and your knowledge of the show is obvious. BTW I loved your diatribe about pity parties at the end of your recap, and anyone who read last week's comment flare-up knows you're not really just talking about Anthony. Well done.

P.S. your screencaps were hilarious. The Sylvia one from tribal had me lol.
-JR

Ha! Nice parallelism, (English majors like me love that kind of shit) but it was unintentional. Gary is actually a pretty cool guy to talk to via e-mail. If I had wanted to make fun of him, there was plenty of opportunity for any "Gary took a pretty hard fall during the challenge" jokes I could have made. Hee!

Sylvia was crazy not to find the idol. Who cares if people saw her digging or not? If I were in her shoes I would have tore the place up looking for the idol. At one point in this episode she was talking about how she's the oldest woman, the weakest and with the least skills. At first I felt she was being too hard on herself but after not finding the idol I've got to agree with her. She sucks!

Schoonie,
I too thought you were pointing out last weeks message board fiasco, both with the "friendly competition" at the immunity challenge, and the Anthony pitty party at the end. In any case, great job on your second recap. Seeing the women fall on that tarp made me actually yell "what are you doing...dive on your stomach" after having seen many a drunken slip n' slide myself in college.

On a side note, I read some posts on your Urban SCHrawl board, and lauhed my ass off. Reading about planning to do nothing on a weekend and then doing the complete opposite brought me back to college instantly.

I thought it was ridiculous for Mookie to be angry at Anthony when Michelle basically did the same thing. She stood there with one fish eye in her mouth and then spit it out when she lost. Earl didn't win his challenge either and blamed it on lack of water so why didn't Mookie go after him as well?

Also, his name is Mookie and I can't take anyone who has a name like that seriously. He seems like he's spent a lifetime trying to act overly badass to compensate for his name. You know, like that one frat in college that essentially pranced around wearing signs saying "We're straight" but found distinct pleasure in their homoerotic hazing rituals.

What is with Rita? I want to like her but she's not making it easy.

And I too noticed Jeff's not going along with "Dreamz." Could it be a race thing? Oh yeah, I went there.

Congratulations Schoonie. I look forward to more of your very late, very long, but very funny recaps.

Yay! A food challenge! I love food challenges. I'm just slightly disappointed that nobody threw up.

Do peanut worms taste like peanuts?

Pig snouts look like hairy donuts. Mmm... donuts.

I think I'm hungry now.

1. Congrats on your win.

B. I could do without the "Last week on survivor" part of the recap. It's redundant. If I want to remember last week's episode, I'll read last week's recap.

3. How could you NOT mention Sylvia's run on the slide thing? That was the funniest, most frustrating, yell-at-your-tv moment of the whole episode! Dropped the ball on that one.

D. I think I'm done. Thank you and Goodnight.

"Something I noticed: Probst has no problem calling James “Rocky”, or calling Kenward “Boo”, or even calling Gary “Papa Smurf”, but he will NOT call “Dreamz” anything but Dre. That is awesome, because when Probst thinks your nickname is dumb, that should tell you something about your life choices up to this point."

huh-larious. nice work, schoonie. great to have a smart survivor lover with a good sense of humor filling the big shoes of the original tvgasm boys. granted, probst is, IMO, the ultimate arbiter of taste and cool, from nicknames to tribal neck pendants to that vintage 2001 molded cowboy hat--the rugged hipster equivalent to the trucker cap.

so far, i like the cast, and i have faith in probst and burnett. but putting one tribe in the lap of luxury while the other struggles for basic substistence . . . eh. i don't care about the lack of fairness (we learned a long time ago that the only hard rule of survivor is to make good tv), but no amount of frustration or determination is going to enable a bunch of people who can barely stand up or see straight to beat a group that is well-fed, -hydrated, and -rested. watching koror skunk oolong in palau was fun, because koror earned their advantage through superior teamwork and effort, while oolong floundered because they were idiots who couldn't get their shit together. moto is winning because they got one lucky break, and ravu is floundering because they are starving and dehydrated. kinda boring.

thank god we've got rocky and his mouth to keep things interesting, and michelle and rita for some excellent anorexic eye-candy.

as for sylvia and the idol: i read in an interview that she dug for nearly three hours, and told the others she was digging up ginger root. don't be surprised if earl ends up finding it next week, since he and sylvia were the only ones who knew the idol is not on exile island and probably figured that digging up ginger root wouldn't be a high priority for someone who knew she'd likely be chowing down later that night at the loser lodge.

as for anthony: he made the fatal error of going against the group last week, trying to save erica. with earl on exile, he should have known it was useless to try to protect her, but anthony wanted to protect his ally, and i wouldn't be surprised if he was also reluctant to vote against a sister, given all of the 'race traitor' shit nate took for voting out stephannie and rebecca last season. anthony is a bit of a whiner, but he can hardly be blamed for losing the food challenge, which was pretty much over by the time he came up to the plate. his main mistake was contradicting mookie over erica, and mookie is one of the more aggressive finger-pointers we've seen in the game for quite a while. give him a reason, and he will lead the charge to oust you.

i was really pissed that all of the hype about gary's breathing problems turned out to have no effect. i hope they are not teasing us again with the possibility that he will leave the game. spare us your craven manipulations, burnett!

"B. I could do without the "Last week on survivor" part of the recap. It's redundant. If I want to remember last week's episode, I'll read last week's recap."

Yeah, but I didn't get to write last week's recap! So, eat it. From now on it will probably be shorter because I'll be writing all of them and won't be backing up. Also I wanted to illustrate the whole 'Romber Rule' thing, because it will come up again, guaranteed.

And also, thank you everyone for all of the propers you are giving me. I'm really looking forward to doing this. Holler!

Really? You guys didn't laugh at the Dreamz/Yau Man match up? I thought it was funny...and probably laughed bitchily before Lisi did.

I was looking forward to this recap because I was really hoping to see a certain screenshot. At the food eating challenge, when DREAMZ opened his mouth for Probst and he stuck out his super long, skinny, pink tongue!!! Seriously, that was a crazy long tongue, people! It should be remembered!

"I knew some stupid bitch was going to be wearing the same dress as me. Worst prom ever!"

Bwaaaahahahahahaha! Too funny!!

Congrats on winning the gig, schoonie- you are fantastic. For the record, I like the long, detailed recaps, including the "last week on..." bits. I would even ask you to recap the "next week" bits. I'm overseas for work, so I am missing all my favorite shows and addicted to the recaps. Reading yours makes me feel like I haven't missed anything, so thanks!

yay schoonie!
i'm excited for your recaps.

"don't be surprised if earl ends up finding it next week, since he and sylvia were the only ones who knew the idol is not on exile island and probably figured that digging up ginger root wouldn't be a high priority for someone who knew she'd likely be chowing down later that night at the loser lodge."
Actually Sylvia revealed on Survivor Live that she told Mookie and Rita where the idol is.

That's...dumb. She should have told the whole f'ing tribe once her torch was snuffed. Cause mass hysteria!

She should have told the whole f'ing tribe once her torch was snuffed. Cause mass hysteria!

Omg that would have been the greatest thing ever! Seriously, can you imagine the chaos once the tribe got back to camp? I'll have to remember that if I ever go on the show heh.

Congratulations, but does this mean we'll have these really loong recaps every week? Seriously, it's only an hour long show. Posted by: soflat | February 26, 2007 1:18 PM(#2 of 26)

This person is just an asshole.

I really like your recaps and am happy you won in such a fair way, giving everyone a chance was stand up B-Side.

And soflat,....whoever you are.... if you wanted short and sweet recaps you could have entered the writing contest and tried your hand at it... in that you didn't I am going to assume you should be greatful you can read... but there are other web sites that will give you what you want.... go find one....

and in her famous words United We Stand, and we are united, sucks for you!

Love the long recap, love the previously on Survivor and love your humor. And Sylvia on the Slip'nSlide was the funniest thing ever.

Hate Lisi too. Nasty woman, anyone see her video "Tighty Whitetys". She's gross.