I wonder if the sailboat was leftover from that awful Pirate Master reality show...Gotta get their money's worth somehow.

How much of Foa Foa's horrible performance in challenges is because of who Russell has decided to vote off? Hmm, a flaw in his master plan? Treating members of your own tribe as your enemies can have some drawbacks.

I tried so hard to like Shambo, and even Dave, cuz they were the 'offbeats' and I love a good underdog..but seriously? Seriously??! Shambo thinking she was picked as Chief because of he "skills"??!! Oh dear lord...

Also, Dave seems to be coming off as somewhat of a pretentious douche. But hey, they do keep winning so...I'm super confused about who to like this season.

I, too, really wanted to like Liz. But she was such a lousy game player that I'm glad she was voted off. She was the only who stood a chance of getting the leprechaun off my screen quickly, if only because she saw through his douchebaggery. But she did nothing about it. Loser.

I have to say, though, that the more they show what a Coach-worthy clown Lil' Russell is, the more I'm enjoying him. And even if he hasn't given himself a nickname (yet), "Russell Seed" is good enough to qualify him for the Reality Television Douche-Iidiot Hall of Fame.

Jaison was practically begging to be kicked off. What a huge disappointment he turned out to be, eh, casting department? And he was a top level athlete? Guess this is what happens when they stop taking steroids.

I suppose it's fitting that they brought the Pirate Master boat onto this season.

I like how the Dreadlocks Blonde is turning out to be a nasty bitch. Maybe she'll have the moves to go with that and pull off a surprise.

That stuff about "OMG I hate him..." was pretty funny.

I like Liz and I would have reacted exactly like her during the campfire sequence and that's why SexyBack Russell is smarter than Liz and smarter than me. I wouldn't have even thought about the "valid" point he made. After he said it I thought, "He's right. Liz needs to THINK."

Shambo is turning into Joan Crawford in QUEEN BEE. Suddenly, the sun is circling Shambo.

Those four boys on the winning team are in trouble, I suspect. They are WAY to confident.

My mother always said not to kick somebody when they're down but Jaison SO begs to be kicked. He is, like, the biggest crybaby EVER. Maybe, if his mother was there on the island she could do things for him and he wouldn't behave like such a beaten down little bitch.

I want SEXYBACK Russell to win unless he says something anti-gay at which point he will be dead to me.
Till then keep walking around shirtless, Russell. GRRRRRRRR. He's so sexy. I just want to pet him.

I thought the exact same thing about the sail boat...CBS must have had it sitting in the prop department just waiting to use it again.

What is the deal with former Olympic athletes and Survivor? There have been 3 so far and all of them have sucked at challenges and have been the biggest whiners of the tribe.

I'm glad to see the merge coming. I would love it if they somehow blind-sided Russell and voted him out.

As always, GREAT recap!

Schoonie - if you wear a mullet in 2009 and call yourself "shambo" you really aren't going to pick up on the idea of being someone's pawn. So of course she thinks that they wanted her leadership skills. You gotta love her for it!

And although Russell's a jerk, at least he's playing the game and not giving up *cough*Jaison*cough*.

I have to say I hate HATE HATE Dave and his faux-Jesusy hair. Why is it the balding guys always seem to think growing what's left out to insane lengths gives the impression of coolness and virility? All it does is give your opponent something to swing you around by in a fight.

love, J-Mo :)

As long as they don't have Jaison try to dunk a ball...we already had one black olympic athleate fail at that...and since we have kept up racial sterotypes on this show, I would hate for this one to be blown again...

Oh, wait, sorry, thought this was the amazing race...this show doesn't deal with race...

They are going to make russel lose the million? You mean the tribe he has set out from the start to sabotague (sp?)??? WTF did he think was going to happen when he made it so his tribe was weak and off their game? Douchekaloid...

J-Mo, I (heart) you!

You wrote two sentences and made me spit all over the monitor from trying not to laugh. I needed that today. You're the best!

I'm sorry, but Russell is the only interesting person on this whole season, and although you seem to be focusing on impressions from the first episode, he is one of the few people trying to play the game AND he's been smart enough to not draw attention to himself.

And, if you think that the producers/interviewers don't deliberately try to provoke the "I'm so great I'm going to win" bravado in the confessionals, then you are dreaming. That's how they manufacture "drama".

And PS - the pirate ship from that reality show (whether this is the same one or not) was NOT built for TV, it is normally used by somebody for something else... sorry, that's a little vague, but whatever.

Schoonie, you make the most drear day brighter with your recaps! Then again, Shambo and Remaining Russell are the gifts that keep on giving (Unfortunately, I keep forgetting the rest of the cast, save Dave and Jaison and Dreadfully Departed Russell; these people are like cardboard, bland and boring. Russ' chrome dome and Shambo's mullet have more personality. Guh.)

One thing to quibble on: You said “Probst asks her if she is surprised, she says ‘not so much’ … utterly incapable she is of reading other people.” I don’t think she’s incapable of reading people so much as suffering the side effects of Over-AquaNet Exposure. Much like my darling Gov’nur GoodHair here in Texas, I think Shambo is walking around with a tiny little ozone hole over her head sapping her brain dry like so many polar ice caps. She doesn’t realize it because all her hair appears to be hiding the brain drippage, but it’s there, I’m sure, somewhere under that nest. Something about her reminds me of a clueless version of Mad Max in Thunderdome. Too bad there’s no Tina, though, I guess Remaining Russell is close enough. No offense to Mr Dangerous, I really wouldn’t want to see him in sexy chain mail like La Tina.

And, to draw another Bushian analogy, I wonder if she will be able to see Probst’s soul a la Dubya vis-à-vis Putin? But no, if she could feel his disdain for them all, that mullet would fry up (more) on her head.

Dave Cheney grates on my nerves and has too much hair; don’t disrespect Gallagher. I got to see him when I was twelve and got covered in all sorts of food. Was very fun, much more fun than Dave’s impression Jack Sparrow/V-president Cheney behind the wheel of the ship.

And Laura is a tool. She should have been happy to go to FF for the reward. After all, a woman’s place is making sure her men are well-fed right? How can she argue with Shambo’s decision. Twit.

I still can’t tell any of Galu apart, except Shambo the Mullet, Dave Cheney of the Pony Tail, and Russell Dreadfully Departed. This season seems to be dragging on. Why are there so many danged people? And Russell appears to be the only one trying to play the game.

J-Mo: lol, good Lord, I just had an image of Dave Cheney and Remaining Russell in a cage fight-to-the-death, with RR swinging DC around by his tail. Oh, that would be so cool! "You know the law: Two men enter, one man leaves." Russell would say in his best Tina Turner voice having slayed the Cheney by flinging him by the ponytail to his doom, and then CONK, a flying fox could drop a coconut on both his head so he can join the cool 100 that bite it each year in coconut-related accidents. Flying fox wins. (I don’t know how they can have a near-death-by-exhaustion on this show this season and still have it be so boring. Shambo and Russell are having to invent all the drama.)

I find it funny that Jaison was a water polo player and can barely handle a challenge that requires him to tread water.

I liked how Russell told the visiting tribe member not to bother looking for the immunity idol because the one guy who got kicked off earlier had it and took it with him.

Everyone else is just bland. Russell and Shambo are the only reasons to watch.

Ok this one had me rolling:
Ponder that shit for a moment and tell me how it is even remotely possible without some sort of lobotomy involved. (in reference to Shambo accepting her leadership roll)

WTF with Mick? How can anyone be that boring? He's tall, great bod, a doctor so smart? yeah? But where's his personality? I want to like him but it's like playing with a Ken doll. You try to make it fun but you know it's not really all "there". Shambo and Russell should totally hook-up. Their off spring would look like Gallagher.
How about Probst's blind side reference? "You guys are really becoming the masters of the blind side!" There was only a manufactured blind side, producer's making us think Jaison was in jeopardy to try to quell the boredom factor.
And everybody back off my man Jaison! I think he pulled that boat out all on his own and that's why he was so tired. Athletes usually require a lot of calories to sustain their bodies, that's why the fake boobed anorexic bitches always look the same day 39 as day 1, they never eat anyway. Hate Laura now with her archaic "woman in her place" comment. I hope Jaison gets his legs back and somehow does well in the upcoming individual challenges. Now we will see if Russell really has some strategy skills or not. Oh yeah Dave's the real tool!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Laura...who successfully embodies two of my favorite television pet-peeves: product placement and Jeebus-prattle (which is just another form of product placement anyway, why do these idiots insist on selling their god? The poor guy must have an asshole a mile wide by now).

So who else thinks she had a deal going in to promote both McHarley and McStarbucks?

Well, okay, I realize that people have become accepting of product placement, considering how eager people are to wear advertisements all over their clothing.

But still. I always wonder what goes through someone's head when they choose to become a walking billboard. Are they proud of themselves? Does it make them feel more complete?

To make matters worse, she's an idiot AND a throwback.

Why am I so bitter?

Because once again I found myself enjoying the lil' bastard's gameplay. And that just pisses me off.

I hope she gets reamed.

Dave looks like a long-haired Kevin Spacey, which is fitting cuz the characters he usually plays are completely annoying.

This was a short recap, Schoonie, but a funny one! You had me at the second sentence. :)

I have to defend my man Jaison. He is a BIG guy and he needs calories to sustain him. They have been wet to the bone for days with little rest and little food. Him going down to 300 calories a day is not the same as Natalie going down to that small amount. He is not going to perform as well as he would in normal circumstances. This morning I accidently put coffee creamer into the coffee machine instead of coffee. (true story) This is what happens to my brain JUST lacking caffeine. Could you imagine how you would be lacking caffeine, protein, dairy, etc. A diet of coconut and rice does not a healthy body and mind make.

Shambo... poor thing just doesn't get it does she? I feel sorry for her because she will probably watch the show and not understand what was happening. It makes me wonder what sort of leader she was in the marines. I've seen some of those leaders during my husband's career in the Army. There was a woman who would just put something in her desk if she didn't know what to do with it. And she was a Staff Sergeant (E7). She was eventually transferred to the Pentagon where her job was basically to prepare coffee and conference rooms for big meetings. The things they found in her desk explained a lot of fuck ups that had happened including a big one that had affected my husband. But anyway, back to Shambo. Did anyone notice that after she was voted as Chief her voice changed? Seriously, for the rest of the episode no matter when she spoke it was like this benevolant zen sort of voice. Weird.

And at first, I was with the rest of you guys on the stupidity of making her chief. But then as I thought about it, it kind of makes sense if you understand Shambo's mentality. Pre-Chiefdom, she would definitely have sided with Fuka Fuka once the merge happened. However, now that the Galu tribe is her responsibility, she will feel that she needs to protect them. This move may keep her from being the swing vote. Pretty smart, Dave, even though you are an enormous gaping asshole.

Anyway, thanks for another awesome recap Schoonie!

PS.. And WTF Icemeyer? If you wont at least die the agonizing death of a hot poker up the anus, at least you could be consistant with your bullshit spam! It was tall people dating and now it is cougar dating. What next? Tall cougar dating? You could call it giraffe dating, maybe. Loser.

Yay! Another Jaison fan Snootchy! You are so right about Shambo's voice. I had noticed it when it happened and then forgot. I too agree making her chief was a brilliant move. Last week the other tribe members said Shambo married rich and drives around in a Corvette. Maybe she has some smarts?

SOAPBOXX & SNOOCH:

The difference between your man (CryBaby Jaison) and my man (SexyBack Russell) is -I don't have to defend my man. SexyBack Russell can defend himself. Last time I checked your man, Jaison, was in the fetal position SHIVERING while my man had GONE OFF TO CONQUER THE OTHER TEAM. My man is going to do to that OTHER team what he did to his own team!

(P.S. I'm sure Jaison is a very nice man. He just seems like a "momma's boy" to me.)

soapboxx and Snootchy Bootches- you guys cracked me up. I loved reading your comments. Very valid points all around (esp Dave being the enormous gaping asshole") And Schoonie, great recap, thank you!

Mr Dangerous- Russell has umpteen more body fat than any of them out there. He is not going to be as affected as everyone else in the cold. You don't see that? You just see the sexy?? ;P

Ah, love (or lust) is blind...

Thanks Schoonie and all for the cap and comments! I was really bummed when Liz got offed, so much so, that the next day I forgot and still thought it was Jaisey . . . oh well . . . so now that it's merge that means strong ones get cut. Does it also mean no team leaders? Lil R oughta be in danger this week . . . but he'll find some way to finagle out of it--I doubt he can convince anyone that Jaisey is a bigger threat. I actually liked J in the beginning, and he's a super handsome man, but pussy, pusssy!!! He makes me ache with the lameness.

mrsc:

1) I just see sexy.

2) According to the Russell photo collage on my wall -- uh, he's lost weight since the start of the show. He's looking very svelte nowadays. At the merge, he almost looks like a Male European SuperModel.

Except for his Troll Doll / Cabbage Patch Creature face.

Sorry Mr. D., but I can only lust for him from the neck down.

love, J-Mo :)

Schoonie, love the Gabon comparison, although IMHO, Crystal was likable, just uncoordinated. She proved her likability at the reunion show by joking about herself, knowing how bad she looked in challenges. She was a sport about it, so that earned points in my book! Also, Laura looks vaguely like Corinne (the most heinous Survivor bitch EVER!)

@ Mr. Dangerous... actively weakening your own team and then complaining that the team is weak is a bit hypocritical and kind of stupid on your man's part. Now your man is going into the merge as a target and do you really believe Jesus Freak Laura has enough pull to convince the Fantastic Four not to vote him off? Let's be clear: Russell has had the most strategy this season, but his strategy has consisted of targeting WOMEN! (Marisa, Betsy, Ashley, now Liz.) It's not as if he went after Ben, or Jaison, who basically begged to be voted off. Liz really wanted to be there and played the game (badly, yes) but she would have been more loyal post-merge considering FF numbers were needed to keep them from being decimated one after the other.

Slutty:

If you're insinuating that SexyBack is a misogynist ---well, OF COURSE HE IS. That was obvious in episode 1. I hope you're not coming to that conclusion this late in the game.

I'm also hoping this merge is a replay of last season where the "winning" team ate their own and allowed JT and Smitten to make it to the end.

If Russell can make it through tonight's episode he has a pretty good chance of making it to the final 5.

Uh, J-Mo, are you looking at my man? Like Aretha says, "You need to THINK."

@ Mr. D, all I'm saying is that your man's actions of decimating his own team has caused him to go into the merge in a negative position. He is now going to have to rely on his social skills since he is going to be a target. What social skills does he actually have? Yelling and bullying women does not count! Can you honestly see him going up to Monica or Jesus Freak Laura and begging for a vote? No! He has boxed himself in and, ironically, that last woman on FF has the best chance of lasting post-merge. Why keep Mick, Jaison, or Russell? That would be suicide, nor do they have the intelligence or respect of the other castaways like the guy who won last season.

I think they're called Christians not "Jesus Freaks."

I can't predict the future so I don't know how the merge will play out for Russell. All I can say is he's smarter than all of the other castaways and I would put my money on him rather than someone else. Will he win? Chances are "No." Do I want him to? "Yes." Do I want to kiss him on the cheek? YES!