Marcus and Charlie head off to discuss how annoying Ace is, deciding that their best strategy is probably to let him dig his own grave. Charlie gives the first of many gushing interviews in which he tells us that he felt a connection with Marcus from the first time he looked into his "big beautiful eyes". Marcus tells us that he's pretty sure Charlie is attracted to him, which is flattering and all, but not "really the way he rolls". Don't tell that to Single White Female over there. He's already stolen the key to your apartment and copied it.
On Night 1, an elephant invades Camp Fang. Understandably, this causes the tribe to freak a little, since they could realistically be stepped on while they sleep. Gillian is probably just hoping that they poop all over the place. Randy goes out to pee or something actually bumps his head trying to get back into the shelter in the dark. It's bad enough that medical comes to take a look at him. He actually needs stitches, so we get our first medical night-vision gross out of the season. Once he's all wrapped up in the morning he's actually fine, except that he looks like he just had a lobotomy.
On the same morning, Michelle is already bitching about how cold it is. Not the best way to make friends, there. While the rest of the tribe tries to make fire with a bone, Michelle laments the fact that she's stuck with a bunch of idiots while all the "smart, beautiful people are over on the other tribe". Man, she is high maintenance! They're trying to make fire, just chill for a second. Snack on some poo to pass the time or something.
Over at Kota, we're fast forwarding to Day 3, where they're receiving their first treemail. The message indicates that the winning tribe will also get fire, so there's extra incentive to win. Ace tells us that he wants the tribe to be "really in sync" for the next challenge, so he leads an impromptu yoga session with some tribe members. Paloma sits in the hut and watches this happen, laughing at the absurdity of doing yoga in your underwear in the middle of the jungle. Anyone who can identify and enjoy the irony of bringing some yuppie bullshit with you to a primeval place is certainly someone I can get behind.
Immunity Challenge! Six people will be tethered together and have to run an obstacle course. There are puzzle pieces buried in a hole at the far end of the course, and those must be brought back to the star, where the remaining three people solve the puzzle, which will win your tribe both immunity and a flint for fire. Fang manages to stay in it until the part where there is digging, at which point Kota completely smokes them. By the time Kota has finished their puzzle, Fang is still about 100 yards from even bringing the puzzle pieces back. And thus, Fang will be attending the first of what will likely be many Tribal Councils.
Back at camp, Fang tries to convince themselves that they didn't get smoked. This is a lie, but whatever allows you to sleep at night, I guess. Talk begins about who should leave. Matty advocates for Michelle on the basis that she is both negative and a pain in the ass. Randy tells us that he would prefer Gillian to go home, which cues another delusional rant from her about how awesome their tribe is as Randy sits on the sidelines and rolls his eyes. Word, peanut gallery. Ken and Michelle want Gillian to go also, even though Ken seems to have a read on the fact that Michelle is probably the likely evictee. When he tells her this, she seems unaffected, telling him that it's hard for her to pretend to like people that she really can't stand. Besides Gillian, I don't get what's so bad about any of these people yet. I mean, it's not like they're Big Brother contestants or anything.
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Comments (17)
Thanks Schoon! This line cracked me up:
And that is the story of how the guy who had a lobotomy in the first episode is the best at reading people.
I also loved the photo caption:
Come on, I know curling medalists who would do better at this than you.
This may annoy you, but I have picked Ace before I even saw the first episode to win the whole thing. I like to read the bios and make wacky decisions based on not so much.
Charlie's Crazy Crush is kinda creepy. And can someone please tell Dan to lose the tie? Seeing a tie at tribal council on a dirty nasty shirt is disconcerting. Like you, I was SO GLAD to see Gillian ousted. She was making my brain hurt. The first girl out wasn't too horrible, but she was already so skinny, she probably would have died in two weeks.
Thanks for the recap!
1 of 17 | Posted by geewits | Posted on September 28, 2008 2:49 AM
Hilarious! You really know your Survivor. I enjoyed all the little mentions to previous seasons throughout the recap. Aside from that, I really hope that this season shapes up to be a good one.
PS - Yes, Charlie may be a little creepy, but I find him hilarious. Deal! :)
2 of 17 | Posted by squeedunk | Posted on September 28, 2008 5:26 AM
I really hate it when one of the tribes is so obviously outgunned right at the get-go...takes all the fun out of it. Also because I inevitably feel compelled to root for the underdog, and so far this crew just doesn't have me feeling all rooty-tooty.
This is the first time watching Survivor in real-time, usually I just collect all the episodes and watch them when the season's already done. But I've become such a recap-addict that I can't help myself...Go get 'em Schoon!
Right now I like Bowtie Bob...he seems crafty enough.
3 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 28, 2008 10:44 AM
I'm with Itchy. I'm rooting for Bowtie.
I'm still so shocked that they got rid of that bitchy girl first before Gillian. She seemed more than capable. just nuts.
was reading dlisted earlier and it has a post of Marcus running with something something peeking out that CBS didnt' get to censor. LOL.
Looking forward to this season and the accompanying recaps. =D
4 of 17 | Posted by chibby | Posted on September 28, 2008 11:39 AM
I've been reading your recaps for a long time and was finally compelled to leave a comment about the "I'm a lemur!" caption. I laughed helplessly for 5 minutes and eventually had to scroll the page down past the picture in order to read on beause every time I look at it, the giggles started over again. Thanks!
5 of 17 | Posted by Mojo | Posted on September 28, 2008 11:57 AM
I don’t think you will ever top “Encyclopedia Pooptanica”, but I look forward to seeing you try LOL
I’m certain Charlie is very excited about being designated Marcus’s “inner layer.” But I agree…Charlie’s insta-crush creeps me out.
I wonder how Lemur Boy will feel when he’s sees the video for himself.
I like seeing the tie at, Tribal, though. Lends the proceedings an air of…oh, who am I kidding. Never mind.
One last thing…according to “Sugar’s” resume’, she apparently was on “Gilmore Girls.”
6 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 28, 2008 12:04 PM
This caption had me laughing out loud: "Operation: Medulla Oblongata was a complete success". :-)
It must just be something about guys named Dan on reality shows this go round. They all rock! ;-)
7 of 17 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on September 28, 2008 1:03 PM
Schoonie - it's THONG not FONG! :-)
8 of 17 | Posted by krut | Posted on September 28, 2008 2:56 PM
The Lemur comment with the photo of Randy made me laugh out loud. THAT WAS FUNNY.
Charlie really needs to take it down a notch regarding Marcus cause Marcus isn't that handsome. Charlie needs to get some eye glasses when he gets back to Manhattan.
On the other hand, that Dan...D-A-D-D-Y. I want to be Dan's inner layer.
PMS girl and the old lady - I'm not missing either one of them.
I'm on team RANDY at this point only because of his CBS bio. How can I not like somebody so angry and bitter?
9 of 17 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 29, 2008 7:44 AM
Can't believe you didn't mention how completely obnoxious, even by Gillian standards, Gillian was during the first immunity challenge when even Probst told her to give it a rest with the fanatical cheering. Good thing Randy had that lobotomy or he might have killed her with his bare hands right there.
10 of 17 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 29, 2008 7:52 AM
I just wanted to say... I've never seen "kumquat" spelled the dirty way before... I liiiiike it! *giggle*
I have never watched this show (I know, it's shocking, especially for us gays because of Richard Hatch and all, but really he's not a reason to watch anything but prison rape these days) but thank you for helping me follow the episode, that was super-kind of you.
Great work, and I love you for giving me my new favorite fruit... the cumquat... *giggle*
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 29, 2008 9:17 AM
OMG, here I was thinking "The Renegades" was a dorky name for an alliance and then comes "The Onion Alliance".
Still chuckling,
Mrs C
12 of 17 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 29, 2008 9:43 AM
Both spellings are correct! Wikipedia says so, and we all know Wikipedia is never wrong.
13 of 17 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:18 AM
First, let me say right off the bat - Crystal, SHUT UP. All of your "its on like Donkey Kong" sayings are making you look like a total idiot cause you aint done a DAYUM thang.
Second - I HEART Ken. The way he tripped over his own feet while walking with Skinny Girl, and him dropping the writing pen - hilarious. Ken for the win!
14 of 17 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on September 29, 2008 1:17 PM
LOL lexxi !!! I can't remember anyone ever dropping the pen before either unless they edited that out. Which they really shouldn't do. Cause if I were ever on Survivor, that'd be me, praying up there, "oh please don't let me do something stoopid like drop the pen!"
15 of 17 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 29, 2008 1:49 PM
schoonie, Yes, I checked it there, too, and that's how I learned my new "word of the day"... I had just never seen it spelled that way before, which is why I love it all the more now, and you for bringing it to my semi-addled attention... Trust! It's a positive comment!
love, J-Mo :)
Now I want to go see "Harold and Cumar go to White Castle"...
16 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:09 PM
Sorry, didn't mean to get all defensive! I have a spelling fetish.
17 of 17 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:34 PM