Back at Kota, Marcus and Charlie are bringing the girls out into the woods to forge an alliance. They decide that bringing Bob in as a temporary fifth to create a majority is the best bet, since they all like the guy a little and he's useful to have around. Marcus continues to use the word "layer" repeatedly in reference to this alliance, so you can tell that this onion thing is really his plan. Survivor contestants really should pattern their strategies after vegetables more often. If only Cirie had come up with a Cumquat Initiative last season, things would have turned out much differently.

Early in the morning on Day 5, Gillian's snoring wakes GC up, so he goes about doing some chores. Of course, Gillian starts to complain about this. No one else is allowed to be annoying but her! As she tells us, there was lots of the "slushy slushy slushy" while she was trying to sleep. That is apparently onomatopoeia for a washing machine. It is also onomatopoeia for the sound of my blinding rage reaching its breaking point.

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When I put that curse on her, I didn't know it was going to give her duck hands, I swear!

Soon everyone is awake and talking, which simply will not do because Gillian is trying to sleep. How dare a majority of you inconvenience one person? That's just rude. Gillian scolds the entire crew for getting up and talking, singling out GC in the process. When he blames her and her sleep apnea for waking him up, she gets all defensive and GC gets all indignant. This causes GC to immediately resign as the leader of the tribe, because he's one of those people who quits to show other people what they're missing without him there. Yes, I'm sure this whole tribe will crumble because you've quit.

Randy then delivers the saddest news of the episode, which is that GC apparently stands for "Golden Child". I simply cannot name the myriad ways in which that is unfortunate. Randy then tells us that GC's resignation was "the best leadership call he's made". GC tries to appoint a new leader right then, singling out Dan. Dan equivocates by stating that his "management style" isn't good for the tribe. My "management style" with these people would be to bludgeon them into silence with nearby objects.

Random, but you know why Gillian bothers me so much? It's because she reminds me of Scout.

Immunity challenge! The Fang tribe enters wearing warpaint made from charcoal.

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"I'm a lemur!"

Unity! Jeff explains today's challenge, which is to push a boulder across a course. There are two keys along the course, which you use to unlock a gate right before the end. First tribe to unlock the gate and push their boulder to the end of the course wins immunity and some fishing equipment. They also get to send someone from the losing tribe to Exile Island.

As the challenge begins, Gillian's continued uselessness means that she ends up running alongside the boulder while everyone else pushes. Fang and Kota are actually neck in neck throughout the challenge, but when both tribes reach the gate, Kota is quicker to pass through (there are more keys than locks, so there's an element of luck), and Fang never recovers, meaning that they'll be going to another Tribal Council. At the end of the challenge, Jeff actually compliments them for staying in it all the way through. It's always nice when daddy approves!

Back at camp, Kota celebrates another win. Marcus even does the Soulja Boy dance, which would have been passé on the freaking China season. Besides, everyone knows Yah Trick Yah is where it's at.

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Comments (17)

geewits:

Thanks Schoon! This line cracked me up:
And that is the story of how the guy who had a lobotomy in the first episode is the best at reading people.

I also loved the photo caption:
Come on, I know curling medalists who would do better at this than you.

This may annoy you, but I have picked Ace before I even saw the first episode to win the whole thing. I like to read the bios and make wacky decisions based on not so much.

Charlie's Crazy Crush is kinda creepy. And can someone please tell Dan to lose the tie? Seeing a tie at tribal council on a dirty nasty shirt is disconcerting. Like you, I was SO GLAD to see Gillian ousted. She was making my brain hurt. The first girl out wasn't too horrible, but she was already so skinny, she probably would have died in two weeks.

Thanks for the recap!

squeedunk:

Hilarious! You really know your Survivor. I enjoyed all the little mentions to previous seasons throughout the recap. Aside from that, I really hope that this season shapes up to be a good one.

PS - Yes, Charlie may be a little creepy, but I find him hilarious. Deal! :)

itchy:

I really hate it when one of the tribes is so obviously outgunned right at the get-go...takes all the fun out of it. Also because I inevitably feel compelled to root for the underdog, and so far this crew just doesn't have me feeling all rooty-tooty.

This is the first time watching Survivor in real-time, usually I just collect all the episodes and watch them when the season's already done. But I've become such a recap-addict that I can't help myself...Go get 'em Schoon!

Right now I like Bowtie Bob...he seems crafty enough.

chibby:

I'm with Itchy. I'm rooting for Bowtie.

I'm still so shocked that they got rid of that bitchy girl first before Gillian. She seemed more than capable. just nuts.

was reading dlisted earlier and it has a post of Marcus running with something something peeking out that CBS didnt' get to censor. LOL.

Looking forward to this season and the accompanying recaps. =D

Mojo:

I've been reading your recaps for a long time and was finally compelled to leave a comment about the "I'm a lemur!" caption. I laughed helplessly for 5 minutes and eventually had to scroll the page down past the picture in order to read on beause every time I look at it, the giggles started over again. Thanks!

cattyfan:

I don’t think you will ever top “Encyclopedia Pooptanica”, but I look forward to seeing you try LOL

I’m certain Charlie is very excited about being designated Marcus’s “inner layer.” But I agree…Charlie’s insta-crush creeps me out.

I wonder how Lemur Boy will feel when he’s sees the video for himself.

I like seeing the tie at, Tribal, though. Lends the proceedings an air of…oh, who am I kidding. Never mind.

One last thing…according to “Sugar’s” resume’, she apparently was on “Gilmore Girls.”

JustJesse:

This caption had me laughing out loud: "Operation: Medulla Oblongata was a complete success". :-)

It must just be something about guys named Dan on reality shows this go round. They all rock! ;-)

krut:

Schoonie - it's THONG not FONG! :-)

Mr Dangerous:

The Lemur comment with the photo of Randy made me laugh out loud. THAT WAS FUNNY.

Charlie really needs to take it down a notch regarding Marcus cause Marcus isn't that handsome. Charlie needs to get some eye glasses when he gets back to Manhattan.

On the other hand, that Dan...D-A-D-D-Y. I want to be Dan's inner layer.

PMS girl and the old lady - I'm not missing either one of them.

I'm on team RANDY at this point only because of his CBS bio. How can I not like somebody so angry and bitter?

DP Hooker:

Can't believe you didn't mention how completely obnoxious, even by Gillian standards, Gillian was during the first immunity challenge when even Probst told her to give it a rest with the fanatical cheering. Good thing Randy had that lobotomy or he might have killed her with his bare hands right there.

J-Mo:

I just wanted to say... I've never seen "kumquat" spelled the dirty way before... I liiiiike it! *giggle*

I have never watched this show (I know, it's shocking, especially for us gays because of Richard Hatch and all, but really he's not a reason to watch anything but prison rape these days) but thank you for helping me follow the episode, that was super-kind of you.

Great work, and I love you for giving me my new favorite fruit... the cumquat... *giggle*

love, J-Mo :)

mrsc:

OMG, here I was thinking "The Renegades" was a dorky name for an alliance and then comes "The Onion Alliance".

Still chuckling,
Mrs C

schoonie:

Both spellings are correct! Wikipedia says so, and we all know Wikipedia is never wrong.

lexxi1129:

First, let me say right off the bat - Crystal, SHUT UP. All of your "its on like Donkey Kong" sayings are making you look like a total idiot cause you aint done a DAYUM thang.

Second - I HEART Ken. The way he tripped over his own feet while walking with Skinny Girl, and him dropping the writing pen - hilarious. Ken for the win!

mrsc:

LOL lexxi !!! I can't remember anyone ever dropping the pen before either unless they edited that out. Which they really shouldn't do. Cause if I were ever on Survivor, that'd be me, praying up there, "oh please don't let me do something stoopid like drop the pen!"

J-Mo:

schoonie, Yes, I checked it there, too, and that's how I learned my new "word of the day"... I had just never seen it spelled that way before, which is why I love it all the more now, and you for bringing it to my semi-addled attention... Trust! It's a positive comment!

love, J-Mo :)

Now I want to go see "Harold and Cumar go to White Castle"...

schoonie:

Sorry, didn't mean to get all defensive! I have a spelling fetish.

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